💀 Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[WonderWino]

Let's see what ol' boy has been up to today.
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Yes beautiful woman. He'd like to take you out to dinner. Won't you go out to dinner with him, beautiful woman?
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I somehow don't think they'd want that.
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Lucas tacitly admitting he blames Myrna. LOL
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I'm glad he's sneaking food pantry items into the Mallon Place bedroom.
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Unfortunately the zoomer baes don't care m
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He's posting ironic lefty memes, yet he's absolutely serious. LOL.
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That's the problem, Lucas. It shouldn't be time for a piece of fried chicken. Plus how do you always manage to post pictures of yourself that make you look like a stereotypical hobo?
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And then what, Lucas?
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Lucas and his logical arguments because bigots or something agai.ln
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LOL. Lucas witnesses someone tell him you can't arbitrarily categorize people into groups by immediately responding with an irrelevant stat that applies to his abritrary categories.
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I feel a spring-autumn telomeric equinox coming.
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Oh boy. Little do they know
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What happened to the Walmart job, Lucas?
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Shaming the zoomer bae hasn't worked yet,but maybe this time?
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Oh boy. Hopefully Lucas responds to it
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Then explain why they aren't open to you, Lucas?

Lucas sure is adamant that 'its legal' is a defense against everything, including how predatory and creepy his behavior is. Slavery was legal too lucas, that doesn't mean it was ethical, moral, appropriate or the right thing to do now does it lucas? He knows this because he keeps getting told it, he just ignores it and repeats himself because he thinks that if he ever gets busted again doing something predatory and creepy that he can just say its totally legal and it'll be accepted as fine. Lucas absolutely wants a power imbalance with an 18 year old because he wants to be able to dominate her and have full control over everything she does - especially when it comes to criticizing him and looking up shit he doesn't want her to know about. Like, say, his past behavior

The more he tries to convince people he's not a predator the more predatory he makes himself sound

I'm glad he's sneaking food pantry items into the Mallon Place bedroom

Its worth mentioning that there isn't a nursing home in north america that doesn't have an explicit rule about not bringing food into your room. Specifically cause that shit could end up in there making a mess or some senior could leave it somewhere and end up attracting roaches and such. Staff aren't going to be too happy with lucas over that kind of behavior, especially considering this is lucas and he will leave trash and a mess for somebody else to clean up. I also don't doubt this is all shit he got at the food bank. You know, food he isn't even supposed to have in the first place. Nothing like bragging about how you took food away from local families who need it for christmas huh lucas. Some family and kids in an already bad situation who were going to have a shit christmas are now going to have an even worse one because of you

I'd add that I hope you're proud of yourself for that but I don't doubt for a second that he literally is and sees it as a fuck you to christians for not giving him what he wants and for having a family and kids when he doesn't

Also, lets not forget that the picture he posted clearly shows he put those triscuits DIRECTLY ONTO THE FLOOR when he took that pic. Jesus fucking christ, what is it with lucas and putting food on the ground all the time? Even when he has tables he does this. Have you ever seen the floor of a fucking nursing home before? Its as unsanity as it gets. They are never washed properly and constantly have piss, shit, spilled food and god knows what else on them and he's putting food he intends to eat directly on that floor

Its not like this is the first time he's done this either, its an ingrained habit with him. He eats puts food directly on the street, sidewalk, even the bed at the motel 6 when he had a table a few feet away literally in the picture. and lets not forget the time he picked a random stick off the ground and used it as a spoon to eat clam chowder. Remember when skeletor had him do that chip challenge and had to tell lucas not to put the chip on the fucking skeevy looking pavement even when there was a box he could put it on instead and even went back and tried to put it back on the ground when skeletor pointed this out? and then of course he puked it all up. So great place to put food - straight onto ground lucas puked all over a few feet from

Yeah that'll really impress zoomer baes lucas, showing you are so stupid that you eat food, including steaks and clam chowder, with your bare hands and sticks, straight off of filthy floors and streets and don't use proper cutlery even when you have access to them, like with the steaks and eating that ramen with fucking pencils that klick so artfully used for his intro to every wern video

EDIT:


He's talking like a predator again

 

[Stinkyboy]

Loved the comment about "They're talking about lowering the age to 14"
That's EXACTLY what he'd love
Straight up pedo

 

[HackerX]

Well, Lucas. Do you ever sit back and wonder why you don't have one?

I suspect he's on the devil's lettuce. Stereotypical schizofrenic rantings

ROFL. Jeffrey Epstein has been open of the top topics in public discourse for years now. Also, 40 year old women are "legal aged women", Lucas. Why don't you want to date them?

The TikTok zoomers are getting to him.

If only Lucas knew how out of his element he really is. On the flip side, he's too much of a retard to really understand any of it anyways.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Loved the comment about "They're talking about lowering the age to 14"
That's EXACTLY what he'd love
Straight up pedo

If he's thinking of what I think he's thinking of, some states have considered lowering the age of marriage - NOT age of consent (i.e. a 14 or 15y/o can legally enter a marriage contract).

There are still plenty of issues with that, obviously starting off with the idea of teenagers getting married in the first place, but to Lucas who thinks wife = rape slave its all the same.

 

[WonderWino]

It always comes down to making things about food or fucking with lucas


He 'ran the calculations' for this. aka he googled it. and he thinks this is a normal thing to post that doesn't make him sound insane and that totally won't make the zoomer baes think he's a creep

 

[Stinkyboy]

Now he wants to fuck dogs. He keeps getting worse.

 

[HackerX]

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It always comes down to making things about food or fucking with lucas

You gotta wonder if his therapist has to filter their conversations through a lens of food to get anywhere. It's the only topic Lucas seems to be able to expand upon after his initial moo.

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He 'ran the calculations' for this. aka he googled it. and he thinks this is a normal thing to post that doesn't make him sound insane and that totally won't make the zoomer baes think he's a creep

Just plain weird. He's a comedian afterall.

More schizofrenic food mooing.

I guess there goes the monthly tardbucks. Spent on gas station weed.

Did Lucas finally find the cheat code to talk to women???

No shit they can't tell you. You've watched this exact thing for decades without changing one thought. Truly a riddle.

 

[WonderWino]

Just plain weird. He's a comedian afterall.

He's getting dangerously close to jim lahey levels of shitisms and shit obsession:

Lucas must have been talking about the whispering winds of shit

More schizofrenic food mooing.

This coming from the guy who claims not to be pathologically obsessed with food

Did Lucas finally find the cheat code to talk to women???

So.... how long before he goes full retard with these claims and starts putting some high pitched binaural beats into his videos to try to get them to have more of an effect on women I wonder

No shit they can't tell you. You've watched this exact thing for decades without changing one thought. Truly a riddle.

Proving yet again how even the simplest, most blatantly obvious answer is right in front of him yet entirely evades his understanding, despite literally years of obsessing over it and trying to get others to explain it to him and studying it to the best of his abilities. The best part is that what drives him nuts the most is that everybody else always seems to understand and flat out tells him what isn't going to work, and that is practically a form of unfathomable magic to him. Something he simply cannot crack the code on no matter how hard he tries. Yet he's too narcissistic and stupid to even consider that the answer is he really is just too stupid to understand anything just like people have kept telling him. No, not lucas. He's a great thinker. One of the greatest minds of gen x. Myrna said so after all, told him he's plenty good and not to listen to anybody else. Its everybody else that can't understand his genius you see. Everybody else who distracts him and tries to confuse him and lead him away from the truth

 

[Stinkyboy]

That's funny. I called him a douchebag, and now he's using it in his psychotic screeds.

 

[HackerX]

So.... how long before he goes full retard with these claims and starts putting some high pitched binaural beats into his videos to try to get them to have more of an effect on women I wonder

It wouldn't shock me one bit in the least if Lucas starts playing some zoomer attracting frequency in the background of his videos without acknowledging what they weird humming sound is. He's the master manipulator afterall, so he'd 100% believe he finally found the magic phrase (or vibration in this case) and make it extremely fucking obvious what he's doing. It's not that hard to imagine Lucas posting a vid of him silently and creepily staring into the camera while the sound plays since he's already done that multiple times sans magic zoomer bae frequency.

Then also it's only a matter of time until Lucas discovers the whole tranny hypno thing. There's so many possible outcomes. Lucas might think he accidentally turned himself gay (even though there's already so much history regarding that). He might try to use it on the flatbill Chads to then them into women to either remove the competition or expand the dating pool, depending on how he interprets it (who the hell knows). Or, and sadly most likely, he'll just reference it in his normal mooings and come off as a schizofrenic retard. Either way, I'm excited for the potential of that arc!

Proving yet again how even the simplest, most blatantly obvious answer is right in front of him yet entirely evades his understanding, despite literally years of obsessing over it and trying to get others to explain it to him and studying it to the best of his abilities.

He's basically some derivative of Drew Barrymore from 50 First Dates except the time span of what he remembers varies between 5 minutes and 46 years.

The best part is that what drives him nuts the most is that everybody else always seems to understand and flat out tells him what isn't going to work, and that is practically a form of unfathomable magic to him. Something he simply cannot crack the code on no matter how hard he tries. Yet he's too narcissistic and stupid to even consider that the answer is he really is just too stupid to understand anything just like people have kept telling him. No, not lucas. He's a great thinker. One of the greatest minds of gen x. Myrna said so after all, told him he's plenty good and not to listen to anybody else. Its everybody else that can't understand his genius you see. Everybody else who distracts him and tries to confuse him and lead him away from the truth

Watching him attempt to understand himself, other people, life, and the world in general is easily his fundamental lolcowness. Not only doesn't he genuinely understand pretty much everything, he's absolutely convinced he's the only one that does understand any of it. What's crazy is that trait could be useful in many other aspects of life because it enables to see things that others don't see and it's kinda a mandatory skill for true innovation. Where Lucas goes the opposite direction with positively utilizing that type of thinking for his benefit, is well.... multiple things.

- Lucas is just way tooooo much of a retard. For whatever reason he thinks poorly parroting random science shit he either understands extremely poorly, or doesn't understand at all, makes him appear smart. Even worse, it makes him think he's smart.

- Lucas's absolutely inability to adapt or adjust his conclusion(s). Again, it could be useful if he had the slightest bit of intelligence or understanding of something to challenge generally accepted thoughts/ideas, but he can't budge a fucking inch. It'd be one thing if he was ever within a million miles of being on the right track, but he's not nor ever has been. Lucas is just right and everything else is wrong because he says so over and over and over and over and over.

- Now my favorite part that is fairly inline with the previous bullet, as well as the thread's general sentiment since it started. His thought process, rationale, and generally how he performs logic. (If/when he does because most of the time he doesn't even make an attempt.) It's super fucking funny that Lucas, who moos so much about science, logic, and rationale, has a thought process that is a definitive inverse of the scientific method. I'm not sure how it's remotely possible for Lucas to see any sort of relative progress on anything by thinking through things the way he does. The scientific method is effectively you trying to prove your conclusion is wrong, which opens you up to new or alternative thinking. With Lucas's scientific method (aka Lucas Logic©, you there's no way you can prove anything wrong. Reality and evidence be damned. It's the conservative theist bigots hoarding all the socialist atheist zoomer baes. The same zoomer bae who simultaneously exist in vast quantities, but are also ageist, weightist, ableist, classist bigots. Lucas's mind operates at some quantum level in that if X is possible, X somehow exists in reality and corresponds to everything he believes even though there's nothing but common sense and reality that dictate otherwise.

That's all what makes Lucas so interesting IMO. He see the world so much differently than everyone else, but he never learned the skills that would help him deal with it. Instead he buckled down and convinced himself reality is supposed to bend to his will, which has genuinely made him a special type of miserable. The type of miserable who can complain about identical things with identical reasoning using identical words over decades without ever remotely approaching the idea to change one fucking thing.

Edit: Some good ol' Tikky Tokky

Dear God, it's happening. Zoomer baes, are you hurtin' for a squirtin' yet?

Lol, I'm not even sure what's going on here.

I think you're gonna need to do more than note this to find a zoomer bae, Lucas.

 

[Stinkyboy]

What the actual fuck?
He's made no sense for years, but this is some next level nonsense.

 

[WonderWino]

Dear God, it's happening. Zoomer baes, are you hurtin' for a squirtin' yet?

He posts shit like that publicly and then wonders why everybody freaks out and calls him creepy. Thats so creepy and rapey its unreal. Its also incredibly predatory as it shows that lucas would absolutely manipulate a teen girl to deliberately affect her thought process to make her more accepting of letting him fuck her with these sounds if that were actually possible. Theres no difference in intent between that and getting her drunk off her ass or high to take advantage of her. Its an incredibly bad and predatory look for him. Lucas clearly didn't stop and consider how 'she won't date me so i'll use my magic sounds to make her willing to date me' actually sounds

Lol, I'm not even sure what's going on here

The tranny stuff is clearly somebody fucking with lucas and the 'male gen z fear of some zoomer bae cheating on him with somebody for money' is clearly lucas lying and inserting his own fear in there

I think you're gonna need to do more than note this to find a zoomer bae, Lucas.

Lucas isn't chubby, he's morbidly obese to the point he has bad beetus and failing kidneys to the point of dialysis being necessary. He has to be well over 300lb at this point

This whole sound thing deserves to backfire on lucas real bad. I wonder how he'd react if some catfish zoomer bae pretended to go along with it for awhile after he kept sending her videos with said sound, only to do a sudden 180 and start making public accusations of grooming and manipulation against him and claiming he kept sending creepy pedo videos to her to hypnotize and manipulate her into doing what he wanted, then pointing to these kinds of posts as proof he admitted it publicly

You just know he'd wig right the fuck out even more than he did with the autistic with the childlike mind he got busted trying to groom. That would be a real bad look for him. I'd also love seeing myrnas reaction to finding out about a stunt like that on lucas's part

Not to mention all anybody at mallon place has to do to shut him up is tell the staff they caught him using the telescope he got to look at little girls that were walking past his window and he'd lose that thing real quick and be scared shitless at being confronted about it. He's lucky nobody at mallon place knows his history or intentions

 

[HackerX]

Thats so creepy and rapey its unreal. Its also incredibly predatory as it shows that lucas would absolutely manipulate a teen girl to deliberately affect her thought process to make her more accepting of letting him fuck her with these sounds if that were actually possible. Theres no difference in intent between that and getting her drunk off her ass or high to take advantage of her. Its an incredibly bad and predatory look for him. Lucas clearly didn't stop and consider how 'she won't date me so i'll use my magic sounds to make her willing to date me' actually sounds

Thank the Lord Almighty that Lucas is as retarded as he is. He's got the motive and he's got the opportunity, but by God he does not have the capability without at least 50 hyperspecific aspects and scenarios all lining up at once.

This whole sound thing deserves to backfire on lucas real bad. I wonder how he'd react if some catfish zoomer bae pretended to go along with it for awhile after he kept sending her videos with said sound, only to do a sudden 180 and start making public accusations of grooming and manipulation against him and claiming he kept sending creepy pedo videos to her to hypnotize and manipulate her into doing what he wanted, then pointing to these kinds of posts as proof he admitted it publicly

All it'd take is a catfish being committed and putting in the tiniest modicum of effort. FFS, it's game over if they have the slightest bit of investment. Moving to Spokane and the one-way trip to LA are shining examples of the lengths he'll go once he bites the hook.

You just know he'd wig right the fuck out even more than he did with the autistic with the childlike mind he got busted trying to groom. That would be a real bad look for him.

And yet, one week later and he wouldn't have learned a damn thing. His reaction to shit like this is so bizarre in general. Instead of getting off the Internet, or simply ignoring the drama he gets himself into, he fights it by creating a story (where pictures are typically provided that prove he's lying) and invents some tarded justification that contradicts everything about him.

For example, the autistic girl catfish where he was caught clearly trying to exploit her sexually. He went on and on and on about her trying to groom him or some dumb, utterly retarded shit like that, and she has the mind of a child. Yet her having the mind of child somehow isn't a real thing and it couldn't/wouldn't play any role in her sexual escapades.

Batshit insane gigatarded stuff in general. I 100000% believe Lucas couldn't wrap his head around what "mind of a child" meant, which is perplexing since he was trying to use it as an excuse to defend himself. It's just way too much of an abstract concept for him to understand, which is hilariously ironic considering he has the mind of a child. Then let's fast forward to today and he's back to mooing that the singular requirement for sex is a government-mandated number which he doesn't even fucking care about beyond Facebook mooing, as evidenced by his history.

I'd also love seeing myrnas reaction to finding out about a stunt like that on lucas's part

I'm visualizing a fake, empty smile as she immediately tries to move on to another topic. Just like Lucas will never own anything he's done, she'd never own anything her sons done. At least she'll have a valid reason for it when the dementia takes her mind away from her. Then she'll unironically finally be able to understand Lucas.

Not to mention all anybody at mallon place has to do to shut him up is tell the staff they caught him using the telescope he got to look at little girls that were walking past his window and he'd lose that thing real quick and be scared shitless at being confronted about it.

TBF, has he mentioned the telescope lately????

He's lucky nobody at mallon place knows his history or intentions

I refuse to believe no one there doesn't know about him. Given, these people are miserable employees at a miserable workplace and don't view a message board about Internet retards, but curiosity has to occasionally get the best of them. People Google coworkers/bosses/etc names at normal workplace, but it'd be so tempting when you have a built-in pool of retards to pick from. Plus you have to imagine Lucas occasionally rants about the Starbucks incident to other people, so staff has surely heard him talk about it.

Nothing too interesting on Facebook. Just him polishing off the weed he has left from his monthly tarbucks, his normal schizofrenic science, and the most plain memes imaginable.

 

[WonderWino]

That post about oxygen when dinosaurs were around is flat out looney. No lucas, you would not die because there was 9% more oxygen saturation in the atmosphere. People spend extended periods in hyperbaric oxygen chambers all the fucking time and they are pretty much pure oxygen environments. You would not explode from any static in that era either, thats absurd, if it were true nothing would have survived. You think static didn't exist for dinosaurs lucas? Nor would you need a fucking space suit to walk around. and the idea of exploding into a puff of carbon monoxide is just bizarre. Lucas has some really weird ideas about how oxygen and carbon work. He's never taken a chemistry class in his fucking life, not that he'd ever be able to pass one or understand it in the slightest.

He thinks this stuff makes him sound intelligent when it just proves he's a fucking loon who has no idea what he is talking about and even when he does read something he repeats it nonsensically

and that shit doesn't compare to the incoherent gibberish he's saying about everything else there. Jesus fucking christ. If this is his idea of 'science' I can't imagine what his biology teacher at SCC must have thought of him

Also, after coming across this its clear lucas hasn't changed a bit in the last decade:

 

[HackerX]

Also, after coming across this its clear lucas hasn't changed a bit in the last decade:

WDYM?

- Millennials are now Zoomers

- 26 is now 24 (How his requirements became more strict after almost 10 years with no success is beyond me)

- He doesn't walk downtown anymore

- He used to have a Valley Girl accent, LOL

A lot has changed!

I wonder if he holds anything against Susanne for any of the reasons he's convinced zoomer baes definitely couldn't hold anything against him. Essentially grooming and taking advantage of someone younger, which he says can't happen because they're 18! Lucas has mooed being fine with all that (mostly so he could validate his lustful pursuits), but it'd be right up his alley to hold it as a grudge and project like it was never a factor that bothered him.

 

[WonderWino]

WDYM?

- Millennials are now Zoomers

- 26 is now 24 (How his requirements became more strict after almost 10 years with no success is beyond me)

- He doesn't walk downtown anymore

- He used to have a Valley Girl accent, LOL

A lot has changed!

I wonder if he holds anything against Susanne for any of the reasons he's convinced zoomer baes definitely couldn't hold anything against him. Essentially grooming and taking advantage of someone younger, which he says can't happen because they're 18! Lucas has mooed being fine with all that (mostly so he could validate his lustful pursuits), but it'd be right up his alley to hold it as a grudge and project like it was never a factor that bothered him.

Come on now, he walks up and down the hallways of mallon place all day like a dementia patient, muttering to himself and making himself angry until he can't hold back and has to post something stupid

He traded his valley girl accent for a valley girl IQ, and valley girl tits. But hey at least lucas's are all natural

He definitely still has alot of resentment toward suzanne. He blames her for his ending up in jail and getting all those convictions that people can look up and can be pointed to whenever he claims he isn't a violent psycho. As bad as lucas's memory can be he never forgets when he thinks somebody wronged him in a big way. In his mind he did nothing wrong and she overreacted instead of forgiving him and mooooving on like he expects everyone to do. Plus I suspect that he's always had something of a fear that one day suzanne is going to show up like cyril did and tell her version of events and it won't look good for him at all. He knows that if theres one person who can out his lies and say a bunch of shit he can't really refute given the whole conviction and arrest record its her

I suspect that her story, if it ever somehow gets told, will be a very interesting one and one that would make lucas get very, very angry and defensive about

and he's trying to be a deep thinker again



Yeah that didn't happen. By his own admission he avoids hookers like the plague and the only people he smoked up with were isik and a couple troons he farted out of the motel room. Plus any hooker would take one look at lucas and avoid him like the fucking plague


He thinks this is something to brag about. That looks awful

 

[HackerX]

He thinks this is something to brag about. That looks awful

I'm curious how Lucas would if people started a comment chain with images of their food. There's a few ways to play it out.

1) People posting normal food, but with the added caveat of zoomers (both men and female) in the background as friends/family. The latter would greatly upset Lucas since he'd immediately assume it's a pre-orgy meal.

2) People posting 'fancy' food. It's highly likely these images would upset Lucas since someone has something that he doesn't. Quadruple bonus points if there's an attractive, dressed up zoomer bae with a flatbill couple.

3) People posting literal dogshit and claiming it's some sort of rare foreign cuisine. I have no doubt Lucas would bite and immediately compliment the dish. Ofc, there's always bonus points if there's women and men in the picture since Lucas's tard rage can't handle two unrelated (well, unrelated to normal humans) topics going on in his defective brain at once.

I believe Lucas would generally ignore it all since the he only cares about himself and what's going on in his head, but he does occasionally make an attempt to converse. Now that conversation typically doesn't extend beyond "What?", "Hi, my name is Lucas.", and bigot mooing, but food is the one surefire way to garner an initial interest.

 

[Dumbledore's Onlyfans]

Lucas is a retard, Gotye had a bunch of hits, but most of them weren't well-known outside of Australia. Once Someone That I Used To Know became an international hit, the artist-formerly-known-as-Gotye rebranded himself to escape the notoriety and the shit-tier memes about the song like the one Lucas just made. Wouter de Backer (Gotye) did not care for the notoriety of fame or demands for another "Someone", so he now works on passion projects, music preservation, and plays under the band name "The Basics".

If you'd like to hear a good Gotye song, try "Heart's A Mess" or "Coming Back", which are both bangers imho.

 

[HackerX]

Lucas is a retard, Gotye had a bunch of hits, but most of them weren't well-known outside of Australia. Once Someone That I Used To Know became an international hit, the artist-formerly-known-as-Gotye rebranded himself to escape the notoriety and the shit-tier memes about the song like the one Lucas just made. Wouter de Backer (Gotye) did not care for the notoriety of fame or demands for another "Someone", so he now works on passion projects, music preservation, and plays under the band name "The Basics".

If you'd like to hear a good Gotye song, try "Heart's A Mess" or "Coming Back", which are both bangers imho.

You're putting infinitely more thought into it than Lucas did. He simply saw someone post it in one of his socialist atheist Facebook groups, and figured he would give it ye ol' college try in the hopes of it snagging a zoomer bae. Now why would he think a zoomer bae, or arguably even a millennial bae, know anything about Gotye, much less that they're a musical artist? Hell, I doubt his fractured neurons were aware before he posted it, or 10 seconds after posting it. Point being, who the hell knows. He's a retard.

 

[Dumbledore's Onlyfans]

You're putting infinitely more thought into it than Lucas did. He simply saw someone post it in one of his socialist atheist Facebook groups, and figured he would give it ye ol' college try in the hopes of it snagging a zoomer bae. Now why would he think a zoomer bae, or arguably even a millennial bae, know anything about Gotye, much less that they're a musical artist? Hell, I doubt his fractured neurons were aware before he posted it, or 10 seconds after posting it. Point being, who the hell knows. He's a retard.

Please forgive my autism

I had been a Gotye fan since a kind Australian introduced me to his work in roughly 2008, and was dismayed when he ran away due to shit-tier "jokes" like the one Werner just made 10 years too late. Someone That I Used To Know wasn't even that good compared to his other discography, and now I notice that The Basics haven't posted anything to their YouTube channel in 5 years. It really irritated me.

I think you're right about Lucas "borrowing" the joke from X. We're probably lucky he hasn't found a "Truly Tasteless Jokes" book from the 1980s in a thrift shop and started posting Grandpa jokes from that.