LGBTQiwis

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FuckedUp said:
Yeah, not sure how long it'll be until I'm ready for a relationship anyway because I'm 20 and only starting to be attracted to people my age. Had zero feelings toward any of my classmates in middle/high school because they were too young, despite being the same age as me.
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I was actually super late-bloomer as well, I suspect it's a lot more common than we all think. I started figuring things out about myself like everyone else in my early teens, but was really unsure for years (I had no role models to look up to, didn't relate to the visible gays at all, etc). I didn't end up even kissing someone seriously until I was about 18.

You'll catch up.

Edit: also, it's funny but I think the "attracted to older" thing is also super common. I pretty much exclusively dated older for a long time -- and I was the one to initiate things each time, so there was no creepy old guy grooming me, thankfully. At some point as you get older, you'll likely end up more receptive to the idea of interacting with / dating / fucking younger-than-you guys for any number of reasons. Thus completing the gay circle of life.
 
yahooligan said:
Edit: also, it's funny but I think the "attracted to older" thing is also super common. I pretty much exclusively dated older for a long time -- and I was the one to initiate things each time, so there was no creepy old guy grooming me, thankfully. At some point as you get older, you'll likely end up more receptive to the idea of interacting with / dating / fucking younger-than-you guys for any number of reasons. Thus completing the gay circle of life.
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I actually wasn't planning on "dating older", I was just waiting until my mid 20's or so, so I'd be the same age as people I'm attracted to.
 
yahooligan said:
I was actually super late-bloomer as well, I suspect it's a lot more common than we all think.
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I wasn't out of the closet till I was 30.
literally waited till I was gay-dead before coming out. The absolute state of it.

e. I wasn't a virgin till I was 30 I just thought I should point that out
 
FuckedUp said:
I actually wasn't planning on "dating older", I was just waiting until my mid 20's or so, so I'd be the same age as people I'm attracted to.
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When people talk about dating older they mean people who are 40+. I don't see anything wrong with dating anyone around 5 years your age honestly i think most people will find that normal. I think as long as you aren't dating someone straight out of high school people wont even look twice.
 
@FuckedUp welcome to the bi club, pally. Not gay enough to be gay, not straight enough to be straight. In the liminal space where both gays and straights think we're a little weird. I'm proud of you, random internet stranger with a YouTube poop avatar, for coming to terms with your sexuality.
 
FuckedUp said:
Going to come out as bi for the first time on the farms of all places. Was only vaguely attracted to men when I was 12, but over adolescence I shifted up the kinsey scale. Haven't yet been in a relationship nor had sex, but when I do I'd rather it be with another guy.
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Chances are mate, you're flat out gay and are just slowly coming to terms with it. I was the same way for a long time (mostly out of denial due to my upbringing) and even had a girlfriend, but once that relationship ended it became abundantly clear to me that I prefer dicks 10 to 1. It gradually went from "I'm romantically into women but would prefer to have gay sex" to "...I'm just into men period."

Not to say you aren't bi, but it's something to keep in mind going forward. That last sentence of yours is just far too familiar to me on a personal level to not bring it up.
 
UntimelyDhelmise said:
Chances are mate, you're flat out gay and are just slowly coming to terms with it. I was the same way for a long time (mostly out of denial due to my upbringing) and even had a girlfriend, but once that relationship ended it became abundantly clear to me that I prefer dicks 10 to 1. It gradually went from "I'm romantically into women but would prefer to have gay sex" to "...I'm just into men period."

Not to say you aren't bi, but it's something to keep in mind going forward. That last sentence of yours is just far too familiar to me on a personal level to not bring it up.
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Actually not sure. When I was 12-14 I found women's bodies really hot, and men also pretty alright. Though what's likely a really, really relevant detail is that I always found vaginas gross. But I've also always been completely repulsed by femboys dressing/behaving the same as the women I found attractive.

Around the time I turned 15, men and women were about 50/50, and I really started noticing I had absolutely no desire for romance and started wondering what was wrong with me. Then one night when I was 16, I dreamed of me spooning a guy and suddenly woke up and simultaneously realized what love feels like and that I was definitely not on the straight path: I couldn't imagine it with a woman and experience that feeling. At this point I found myself fapping to men about 70% of the time.

By the time I turned 18 I was thinking about men like 90% of the time, only having romantic desires toward them. But I still find women sexually attractive up to actually having to fuck them, but that's all my imagination because I'm a virgin.
 
FuckedUp said:
Actually not sure. When I was 12-14 I found women's bodies really hot, and men also pretty alright. Though what's likely a really, really relevant detail is that I always found vaginas gross. But I've also always been completely repulsed by femboys dressing/behaving the same as the women I found attractive.

Around the time I turned 15, men and women were about 50/50, and I really started noticing I had absolutely no desire for romance and started wondering what was wrong with me. Then one night when I was 16, I dreamed of me spooning a guy and suddenly woke up and simultaneously realized what love feels like and that I was definitely not on the straight path: I couldn't imagine it with a woman and experience that feeling. At this point I found myself fapping to men about 70% of the time.

By the time I turned 18 I was thinking about men like 90% of the time, only having romantic desires toward them. But I still find women sexually attractive up to actually having to fuck them, but that's all my imagination because I'm a virgin.
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I still find myself looking at women in that way on the rare occasion, but it's so infrequent that I took one out of the Alphabet Book just this once and decided to coin it as being "straight curious."

Finding vaginas and femboys repulsive, fapping to men 90% of the time, preferring the idea of losing your virginity via gay sex, and especially having your first hint of romantic interest involve another guy as you describe sure sounds like predominately gay territory more than anything else. As far as I'm concerned showing a little physical interest in the opposite sex isn't an instant disqualification from being fully on team fags, but that's just me.
 
UntimelyDhelmise said:
I still find myself looking at women in that way on the rare occasion, but it's so infrequent that I took one out of the Alphabet Book just this once and decided to coin it as being "straight curious."

Finding vaginas and femboys repulsive, fapping to men 90% of the time, preferring the idea of losing your virginity via gay sex, and especially having your first hint of romantic interest involve another guy as you describe sure sounds like predominately gay territory more than anything else. As far as I'm concerned showing a little physical interest in the opposite sex isn't an instant disqualification from being fully on team fags, but that's just me.
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Thanks. Was initially thinking it was like that, but changed my mind to bisexual because it's not 100%. I'm not really nervous about coming out IRL, I've always just planned on posting a picture of me and my future boyfriend on Facebook and letting my friends and family figure it out. My family's leftist Bernie supporters, not fundies.
 
Honestly, Bisexuality is such a bizarre gray area when it comes to alphabet soup group.

One moment you think you're on the straight and narrow, then suddenly, Bam! You get your first gay wet dream and it changes your sexual perception forever.

How can someone be sure that their bi and not just think they have a minor curiousity in the other sexuality?
 
FuckedUp said:
Actually not sure. When I was 12-14 I found women's bodies really hot, and men also pretty alright. Though what's likely a really, really relevant detail is that I always found vaginas gross. But I've also always been completely repulsed by femboys dressing/behaving the same as the women I found attractive.

Around the time I turned 15, men and women were about 50/50, and I really started noticing I had absolutely no desire for romance and started wondering what was wrong with me. Then one night when I was 16, I dreamed of me spooning a guy and suddenly woke up and simultaneously realised what love feels like and that I was definitely not on the straight path: I couldn't imagine it with a woman and experience that feeling. At this point I found myself fapping to men about 70% of the time.

By the time I turned 18 I was thinking about men like 90% of the time, only having romantic desires toward them. But I still find women sexually attractive up to actually having to fuck them, but that's all my imagination because I'm a virgin.
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This is why I really like the term queer. Sexuality is ridiculously fluid and I feel like a lot of stress comes from trying to fit yourself into a specific category. Queer is just letting people know you're not straight, so you can get that awkward conversation out of the way and live your life, dating and fucking whoever you want.

Sexuality is weird and complicated and honestly, just have fun exploring, fuck and date and fantasise about who you want and don't stress too much about labels. Welcome to the community, regardless! :heart-full:
 
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mellifluous said:
This is why I really like the term queer. Sexuality is ridiculously fluid and as someone who came out as a lesbian and then had to come out as a bisexual a couple of years later, I feel like a lot of stress comes from trying to fit yourself into a specific category. Queer is just letting people know you're not straight, so you can get that awkward conversation out of the way and live your life, dating and fucking whoever you want.

I went from straight, to being sexually attracted to women but not men and romantically attracted to men but not women, to being romantically and sexually attracted to women once I left home and wasn't terrified of it getting me killed and just finding a guy cute on a rare occasion (which I'd heard echoed by a lot of lesbians, heteronormativity and all that, so I came out as a lesbian), to realising I could be sexually and romantically attracted to men, I just had to know them well before it manifested, it didn't happen often and I have a massive preference toward women (cue having to come out again as bisexual). I'm in a long-term relationship with a guy now, so as far as society (and some of the LGBTQ community) is concerned, I'm straight.

At the time, I felt really alone in it, but it happens a lot.

TL;DR: Sexuality is weird and complicated and honestly, just have fun exploring, fuck and date and fantasise about who you want and don't stress too much about labels. Welcome to the community, regardless! :heart-full:
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That sounds like bi but with extra steps. I mean, it literally is bi with extra steps, because sometimes it takes some extra steps to figure it out, but I don't really see how any of that makes the queer label mean anything. The term has sort of been coopted by the insufferable dangerhair type as a way to claim to not be straight even when they're straighter than an arrow. I guess in practical terms, though, it isn't a bad term to use when you're trying to get someone off your back on the topic of your dating life.
 
One time when I was 12 I actually googled if it's normal to find vaginas gross despite being attracted to women, and just found things like a forum thread with replies saying whoever says that is actually gay; one post was this exact meme:
dd5.png

I remember thinking to myself that was bullshit, how could just that aspect make me gay?...

mellifluous said:
Welcome to the community, regardless! :heart-full:
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Ew, fuck that. I remember reading this thread in spring of HS senior year and getting nervous until reading this post:
Marvin said:
A STEM identity means that your primary self identifying label is scientist, engineer, or mathematician. You're not LGBQ first, and then STEM second. You're STEM first and foremost.

There's that drive to make a lasting mark on the world. Sometimes literally. Like building a bridge or some record breaking dam. Or if you're a mathematician, producing some proof or new branch of mathematics that has your name stamped on it for centuries. (Shit like this.)

The people who insist on being an "LGBQ scientist", as opposed to being a scientist who's incidentally LGBQ, are going to have a lifelong distraction during the course of their career. I would imagine that's going to sap some of their energy.
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Just finished my sophomore year with a CS and Math double-major with a 3.7 GPA and near-perfect (was perfect until last semester) CS GPA. Last fall I took an upper-level CS course over a year early and not only aced it, but got the highest overall % in the class of >30 (which I know because scaled percentages were posted online and mine was 100). Took five summer classes, four of which were STEM, during an internship and got all A's; the following fall, I took six STEM courses ranging from moderately to notoriously difficult and got five A's and one B+. I've earned the reputation of "the smart one" in my social circle. I'm on track to graduate next spring.
Anyway, I'm doing extremely well in STEM and don't want anything to do with the LGBT community. Sexuality is the last reason I'd want to hang out with someone. I haven't come out IRL yet because I currently have no reason to and would essentially be saying "hey I'm a special snowflake please pity me and give me attention :(".

yahooligan said:
I think the new use of the word queer is fucking gay. Discuss.
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This. I cringe so hard whenever I hear it.
 
Banditotron said:
That sounds like bi but with extra steps. I mean, it literally is bi with extra steps, because sometimes it takes some extra steps to figure it out, but I don't really see how any of that makes the queer label mean anything. The term has sort of been coopted by the insufferable dangerhair type as a way to claim to not be straight even when they're straighter than an arrow. I guess in practical terms, though, it isn't a bad term to use when you're trying to get someone off your back on the topic of your dating life.
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Oh, I agree it's definitely used for that purpose a lot. I don't identify as queer, I identify as bisexual because I'm past that figuring it out stage, but I think it can be a useful term for when you're still figuring it out.

Before coming out, you're assumed to be straight, so it's hard to explore your sexuality and be yourself, even if you're okay with people knowing, because there's that dread around bringing someone of the same gender home or talking about how hot a celebrity of the same gender is and the reception you'll receive. Due to that, you feel the need to commit to some sort of label just so you can have it over and done with and people can know to expect that, even though you don't even know what you are yet. If you do commit to a label and then realise after figuring it out another is more suited to you, it not only means you have to come out again, a lot of people take it as an opportunity to doubt the validity of your sexuality because, "You changed your mind once!" I also think it contributes to people doubting the validity of bisexuality, since understandably, a lot of people will choose that label since it allows flexibility.

In an ideal world, you could just figure it out and not have to worry about that stuff, but in the meantime, queer is the best way I can think of basically saying, "I'm not straight, so let's get all of the awkwardness, bad reactions and whatnot out of the way so I can just live my life how I want and figure things out in my own time."

FuckedUp said:
Ew, fuck that. I remember reading this thread in spring of HS senior year and getting nervous until reading this post:

Just finished my sophomore year with a CS and Math double-major with a 3.7 GPA and near-perfect (was perfect until last semester) CS GPA. Last fall I took an upper-level CS course over a year early and not only aced it, but got the highest overall % in the class of >30 (which I know because scaled percentages were posted online and mine was 100). Took five summer classes, four of which were STEM, during an internship and got all A's; the following fall, I took six STEM courses ranging from moderately to notoriously difficult and got five A's and one B+. I've earned the reputation of "the smart one" in my social circle. I'm on track to graduate next spring.

Anyway, I'm doing extremely well in STEM and don't want anything to do with the LGBT community. Sexuality is the last reason I'd want to hang out with someone. I haven't come out IRL yet because I currently have no reason to and would essentially be saying "hey I'm a special snowflake please pity me and give me attention :(".
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Discrimination doesn't tend to happen in the workplace because you identify as an LGBTQ scientist, or whatever your profession may be, though. Discrimination happens because you're a scientist who happens to be LGBTQ, so that's what other people consider you to be and some people are ignorant dicks. Absolutely consider yourself a scientist first and foremost, in fact you'd be doing yourself and your hard work a disservice if you didn't, but a lot of people who experience discrimination in the workforce due to their sexuality don't experience it because they made it a central focus of their identity and profession (I've known people who didn't even come out to their colleagues, they just happened to see them out with their spouse). They experience it because others did that.

When someone says welcome to the community, they mean it as a heart-felt gesture because coming out is hard and a lot of people live in environments where it won't receive a positive reception and may even cause them to fear for their safety, so it's like: welcome to a community of people who understand what you've went through, what you're going through and what you will go through and just know you're not alone anymore. If you don't appreciate it, that's fine, but it's done out of kindness as opposed to some nefarious attempt to indoctrinate you.
 
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