Let's Sperg Let's Sperg: Final Fantasy 2 - Infuriating JRPG Autism

[AngeloTheWizard]

We're not fully starting yet-consider this a bit of a prologue. A prelude. If you don't care about history/mechanics, feel free to scroll down to where the pictures start.

Final Fantasy 2 is not a bad game. In fact, it's really pretty good. But, it takes so many departures from its predecessor, and from the usual JRPG mechanics in general, that it feels completely alien. Basically, it's too polished to be bad, too strange to be meh, and too infuriating to be good-yes, I can be petty. The game did move units, but has the dishonorable mark of being the least purchased of all Final Fantasy games (at least, of the first 10, and we're talking main games here, no spin offs).

So, if the game did sell-and it sold fairly well, and received rave reviews, why didn't it come to America? To put it simply, time is a bitch. A translation was underway and a beta version did exist at one point, however, that point was also the release of the SNES. Square ultimately axed the effort to translate FF2, instead focusing efforts on releasing FF4 to the international market (though, as you may know, 4 was renamed to 2 to avoid confusion, since we'd be asking where the two in between went). A fan translation did exist prior to Origins, the version I'm using, but the fan translation is unrelated to the prototype mentioned above.

Reviews were initially favorable, but eventually cooled as time went on. The choice to get rid of levels was praised as innovative, but even the most forgiving of reviewers had to admit it resulted in a sloppy mess due to poor execution. The slope can be seen in the three reviews given to FF2 from the same magazine (Famitsu)-a 35/40 for the initial Famicon release, a milder 30/40 for the Wonderswan release, and then a 27/40 for the Origins release. I remember reading one review of the PSP re-release that noted that while FF2 was a wonderful bonus add-on with FF1 in the Origins and Dawn of Souls releases, when it's on its own, it just doesn't hold up.

So what's the bad parts? Basically, the mechanics are a janky mess that hurts to look at. Every character has stats, per usual, but increasing these stats requires you to use them. For some, this is easy-level Strength by whacking things, level Intelligence by casting Black Magic, and so on. This extends, however, to HP and MP, meaning you have to deliberately get your ass beat to increase your HP (though, if you die, there's no stat gains for you). Weapon skills and magic can also be leveled up this way, resulting in more accurate attacks (and more hits) and stronger magic. The big Achilles Heel, however, is that leveling certain stats can decrease others (Strength lowers Intelligence, Intelligence lowers Endurance, and Spirit lowers Strength. So, your big fighter can't use black magic well, your black mage will get demolished by status effects, and your white mage won't hit as hard).

All of that, however, can be forgiven...because the story is really fucking good. Major character deaths started here, and the game isn't afraid to start throwing them at you as soon as you press start. Hell, the game kicks off by killing all your heroes and then resurrecting them, and your first major objective has you meeting with a dying prince who then dies more or less in your arms. It gets pretty damn heavy pretty damn fast, and no one on either side is safe from the Reaper man.

Many of the series staples got started here: Cid makes his first appearance as a former knight that builds an airship, Chocobos can be found in a certain place on the map, and many of our enemies-minions and bosses alike-have evolved past the 2nd edition of the Monster Manual, resulting in us getting some very unique foes.

We close today's history lesson with the opening cinematic of FF2's Origins release, in glorious FMV. Enjoy, and I'll see you soon, Kiwis.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Let's do this.

Since the heroes have names this time around, I won't be naming them. At least this time around, I won't be using class and name interchangeably-since there are no classes!

Come on guys, there's only 6 dudes, clearly you can take 'em on! Hell, you killed a few in the openi-

...OH.

Black Knights are end-game enemies. And we have less HP then what our heroes in FF1 started with. We're in a spot of trouble.

Don't worry. It's supposed to end like this. (Also I apparently got a shot in between Maria being upright and going into her "dead" pose, hence the weird shadowy outline)

Damnit guys, we only get one free ressurection and y'all had to blow it on the first fight!

Mindu, the white mage looking dude on the right, confirms that we'll be fine. This line is custom made to make you wonder which one of our party won't be around and possibly imagine that they're dead...

They drop some exposition, and then leave. Firion wakes up, calls out, and also leaves, leading to...

The revelation that our characters have dialogue this time around! Turns out Leon, the fourth guy, is nowhere to be found.

We meet Princess Hilda, and our application to the rebel forces is rejected because we suck. However, we are allowed to stay in Altair as long as we know the special secret code word, and we are finally allowed full control of our characters (seriously, my whole contribution so far has been pressing X to advance dialogue).

Oh yeah, I forgot about this. FF2 has a lot of weird sub-systems, one of which being the Keyword system. In chats with important NPCs or certain objects, the Keyword system will pop up. We can ask about various keywords, Memorize new ones (which are highlighted in Red and accompanied by an ear-splitting ping), and present Key Items (which is how we use them on objects in the world, instead of cracking open the inventory and selecting them. A bit more elegant).

Asking Hilda about the Wild Rose reveals it to be the city of Fynn's crest, and that is the city Hilda and her father used to rule before the empire came falling. Hell, our party used to live there too. Captives are being taken to Fynn, so perhaps Leon is there?...he isn't, but go with it.

Now, it's time to shop. We have limited gil, and things aren't as cheap as they were back in FF1, so we must be a bit more conservative. The best thing to do is grab leather gloves for everyone and a shield for Gus-the weapons on offer aren't better then what we have, and the hats are too expensive at 80 gil, for now. Finally, we can grab a Cure Scroll.

Magic is different in this one. Instead of teaching spells directly, they come in Scroll form (or Tome, depending on the version). Using one as an item from the menu teaches it as a spell, and everyone can learn 16 spells-though, spells can be deleted to make room for new ones. Right now, we want Cure. The current stat lines have everyone with a Spirit (the stat that controls White Magic) at 10, but since Spirit saps Strength if it's used to much, Gus (with a Strength of 15) is a bad choice. Firion is the better pick, as Maria starts with 15 Intelligence and should get to work on Black Magic when we get a chance. Still, give it to whoever you want, and with no gil left, head on out to grind...

First off, do yourself a favor: Move Maria from the back line to the front line with the Formation command in the menu. FF2 has some weird notions about a front and back, which you may recall from Final Fantasy 7. It was a lot softer there-here in 2, enemies can only attack your front line until all your front liners are dead, unless they have a "ranged" attack (such as an Arrows skill or magic). On the other side, you can only hit the first two rows of enemies unless you have magic, not even bows (which can attack from the back row) can go beyond this.

Anyway, Maria on the front line means she'll be hit a few times and build up her HP. It's good for her. Suffering builds character.

So, get to grinding. I will. I'll see you next time, when we're ready to get out of the damn house...

 

[Fareal]

Maaaaarrrriiiiiaaaaaaa

I'm in love with a girl named Mariaaaaaaaa

Fellow FFRK players know why.

Also, Leila.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Maaaaarrrriiiiiaaaaaaa

I'm in love with a girl named Mariaaaaaaaa

Fellow FFRK players know why.

Also, Leila.

A couple quick updates, actually, including a bit about Maria. First off, FF2 hates it if you go anywhere except where you're supposed to. Even going south to enjoy the lovely view of the ocean will get you mobbed by fuckers that are WAY above you in power level.

Secondly, HP increases are hard to come by, as most enemies are either inaccurate as hell at this stage, or will actually flee. So, the best way to increase HP is to teach a random black magic spell to Maria...and have her throw it at the PARTY. Targeting is a lot looser in FF2, meaning you can throw a spell at a single target or the entire side, both good guys and enemies. This is useful, as it means you can target undead with Cure for cheap kills...or hit yourself with black magic to ruthlessly exploit the HP and MP gain system. It's basically magical insurance fraud.

Also, Inns function based on how much HP and MP you're missing, meaning it's wise to Cure up to full HP as 1 MP equals a whole lot more HP, but 1 MP only equals 1 gil in terms of staying at an inn. So the best way to grind it to literally blow yourself up, heal up, head to the inn, get a cheap sleep, and do it all over again.

FF2 isn't cutting you any slack, so don't feel bad. You're not going to last long if you don't abuse this.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Alright, time to get out of the house.

Because I like doing this bonus content stuff, cause I'm totally ripping off the Dark Id's style, let's start with the town theme:

And the Overworld theme while I'm at it.

We need to head north to get to Fynn. There's an old man in the throne room of the rebel hideout that expresses shock and disbelief whenever we plan on doing something, but helpfully provides directions. A nice way to remind the player what the fuck they were supposed to be doing.

There's a nice little river to follow north, but make sure you stay going north and stay on the right side of the river. I went on the left side once. Got mixed up, ran into super powered undead.

Gatrea doesn't offer much, but we can get Leather armor for Maria if we have some extra gil in our pockets. This place is mostly just a rest stop until Fynn, mostly because there's a long walk around a lake to get to Fynn.

Head north around the lake, staying close to it so nothing too dangerous appears. Despite the upbeat music, Fynn should be treated as a dungeon-monsters still appear (the same ones from outside, thankfully), and well...

The town is also swarming with Imperial soldiers, some of whom are blocking the shops and others are walking around. Do NOT talk to them, or you get this:

In this example, the Captain went first, and killed Firion in one shot. They do upwards of 500 damage, meaning they are quite awful. And even if you kill them (which you can do later), they don't go away on the map.

Basically, this game punishes you for every single instinct you have as an RPG player (explore, experiment, and talk to everyone).

One quick reload from the game given save-state maker called the Memo File...

We're headed for the town pub, which requires us to slip around north and hug the wall to the east until we reach it. Don't talk to imperials, mind the random encounters, and head in. The pub is thankfully devoid of encounters...

...But it is fucking CRAWLING with Imperial scum. Imagine if the Mos Eisley Cantina was filled with Stormtroopers and you're young Luke Skywalker without a Ben Kenobi to help you. That's about the level of fucked we're at.

Tell the barkeep the secret code word of Wild Rose, however, and he tells you there's a secret room in the back he's been treating a wounded soldier in. How nice of him.

Talk to this guy and tell him the code word as well. Even he's shocked that we're rebels. We're not going to get a break for a while, trust me on this one.

Knight: "I am Scott, prince of Kas'ion."

Gus: "What that? Snack mix?"

Firion: "Gus! Be respectful."

Firion: "Prince Scott? We were told you died in combat!"

Scott: "I am indeed Prince Scott. My strength is slowly fading...Please, take a message to my brother Gordon. Tell him he has all the qualities to be a leader, but he must regain confidence in himself."

Scott: "Basically, he's a cowardly little shit and needs to not be."

Maria: "We met him in Altair. That's not an unfair assessment."

Scott: "To King Fynn, tell him that the kingdom's fall was because of Count Borghen, who now serves the Empire."

Scott: "And if you meet Count Borghen, feel free to kick his teeth in."

Scott: "And to Princess Hilda...My love will be with her, always."

*Scott shakes his head*

Scott: "No, do not tell her that. I am a dying man. She should find another love."

Firion: "Are you sure, Prince? I mean, I know Cure..."

Scott: "Buddy, even if you had it at level 2 from all that grinding, it's not enough to heal HP Damage due to Plot."

Firion: "Fuck. This is going to repeat, isn't it?"

Scott: "Many times."

Maria: "Your Highness, do you happen to know Leon? He is my brother."

Scott: "I am sorry, but I don't."

Scott: "Oh, how tired I am...Please let me rest now..."

Scott dies in front of us, having given us our first key item: The Ring.

With it, we can see the world map by pressing Circle and Select. You can choose whether you want a globe or a flat map in the options, flat is probably better, but at least the globe is cool.

With our first major plot death witnessed, it's time to make our return to Altair, bearing grim news and messages for one and all.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

It's time for more mechanics bitching as we return to Altair, this time, in the form of items. We have a maximum inventory space of 63, with the 64th slot being our trash bin to delete items permanently. That wouldn't be so bad, if it wasn't for the fact that Key Items share in our 63 slot inventory, and a few of them never go the fuck away.

This, while annoying, is manageable. But, what makes it a massive kick in the dick is the fact that characters can't use items in the inventory unless they're "equipped", and each character only has two slots for item equips. These items can be extra weapons as well, for switching when situations demand it, or curative items. They can also be magic scrolls to uncork a level 8 version of the spell on a target, which is cool too. That said, these item limitations are one extra pain in the ass to deal with, and may be the most unwelcome one.

Anyway, I was going back to Altair before I started bitching. Again.

Bets on when Gordon gets a sudden burst of bravery, it's going to fuck us over. Any takers?

For some reason, we can't talk to the King until we show the ring to Hilda. Well, we CAN talk to the king, but the Keyword menu doesn't pop up.

A quick chat about Scott later, and well, we're full fledged rebels now, it seems. We're tasked with finding the Mythril Mine that the Empire has discovered and getting some from them-the Empire's gear blows the rebels out of the water because it's all Mythril. We're out to even up the playing field.

Oh, and Mindu is tasked with coming with us.

Mindu's spellbook is fucking sweet. It's got a ton of great spells, some which may not even see any use whatsoever, but damn is it good. That said, his physical attacks are as strong as Firion's, and his only weapon is a staff. It's highly recommended that you get him a shield immediately, even if his HP is godly, because shields are great.

Anyway, the Canoe is also great. Unlike FF1's Canoe, there are no enemies to encounter when we canoe. That means we get to paddle our way across lakes and rivers with absolutely nothing interfering, making the Canoe safer if we happen to be wounded or such.

To get to the Mines, we need to head east across the giant lake just north of Altair.

This leads us to the port town of Paloom, a hive of scum and villainy. And minor gear upgrades! The enemies around Paloom are somewhat stronger and coming at us in larger groups, so now's a good time to get grinding for more HP.

We can also get the spells Blink, Shell, and Shield(early Protect) here, but this leads to my next bit of mechanic bitching: Buff spells can miss. Read that again. BUFF SPELLS CAN MISS. Things that are fucking important to every single boss fight in the entire fucking series are now subject to RNG, because fuck you for playing this game, you cunt. The RNG can be mitigated by a higher Magic rating and higher level magic (as in, the spell's been leveled up), but good luck actually getting Shell off when you really need it. Offensive magic hits every time, as does Cure and Life (thank God), but buffs can miss.

So yeah, this is a great game.

Anyway, we can take a ferry to the next town. Well, we need to take the ferry, which is 32 gil. A steal for no encounters on the way.

Poft is relatively similar to Paloom, and also has a pub not unlike Fynn. Unlike Fynn, however, we can talk to the people in here without getting murderfucked.

We also meet Cid, who offers us a ride on the Airship provided we pay him. There's only four places he'll take us, but at least it's an option, and quite useful too.

From Poft, head north to the snowy mountains, then head west until you reach the snowy little town of Salamand.

Look at that, towns have weather! We're here to talk to a man named Josef, and ask him where the mines are.

He is titanically unhelpful and tells us to save the people working in Semitt Falls before he'll help us. Well, he's actually being VERY helpful, because that's where the mines are, and he's sending us there in a roundabout way. He has a reason to be unhelpful, as his daughter's been kidnapped and is currently held captive in those same caves, hence why he's being a dick to us.

But, with the legwork done and our actual objective in sight, we can get to actual work now. Hooray!

Next time: The Mines!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Welcome back Kiwis.

The spell shop here in Salamand is great, but expensive at 1500 a Tome. We have Life, Faze (shreds target's MP), Banish (Warp 1, but can also be aimed at enemies) and Warp (Warp 2 from FF1, can also be aimed at enemies, and also imposes a heavy HP/MP cost when used). We'll get Warp in a bit and Mindu has it anyway. Pick up Life for Firion, that's really all you need for now. Banish can be useful for Maria (it's considered Black Magic!), but not required.

Also, certain dungeons tell your Warp magic to fuck off. Keep that in mind.

Anyway, the best thing to do is go back to Altair and pick up a copy of the Ice spell for Maria. There's a boss in the Mines that's weak to it, and while he is optional, he also gets you that Warp spell I talked about. So head back to Altair while having Mindu beat the shit out of people to get everyone's HP about 100, because triple digits are nice and even your squishy mage needs some health.

Okay, now it's time to go to the Mines, aka Semitt Falls which is what every wiki calls this place because a ton of other games have Mythril Mines too.

The Mines are not a nice place. Imperial Soldiers-just Soldiers, thankfully-lurk, and the monsters inside are much stronger then those outside. You'll want to conserve your MP while you're in here, White or Black Mages alike.

Make note of this rock. It will be important later.

Now, unlike FF1, where I could give general directions for each floor because the floors were fairly simple, the same cannot be said for FF2's dungeons. I'll do what I can, but there's a lot of tricks, traps, twists, and turns. And they are all painful.

That said, Floor 1 is less painful. The way down is in the southwest, but there's extra chests to the northwest and southeast, providing a total of 210 gil. You can even do what I did, and use the extra gil to get extra gear back in Salamand!

The second floor is partially flooded. I don't know if it does anything, besides looking cool.

At the end of the floor, you come to four doors. There is one correct one. Every other door leads to this:

An empty room with the encounter rate jacked up so high it's possible to run into an encounter with every step. The door you want is on the left, unless you feel like getting murderfucked today, or you're me and you had to take this screencap to show you all the pain.

Worse, in later dungeons, these rooms start having treasure in them. Meaning you then need to get destroyed by random encounters to get the good shit.

The third floor is nothing new, except that you may now start running into Green Slimes. These guys are weak to magic (especially Fire and Ice), but take next to no damage from physical attacks, even if Gus smashes them. Is it worth the effort to kill them? Absolutely fucking not, the abyssmal amount of gil you get is not worth the MP.

Like with floor 2, there's another set of doors. This time, you go to the northwest and go in the left-most door. Simple, right?

Not quite when you see what's in here. The slaves, Josef's daughter, and Pavel, a master thief we met back in Altair. Pavel has some significant parts to play in this plot, and this is the first.

Pavel reveals that Borghen, the same one that betrayed the King of Fynn, is the one who took Josef's daughter and forced him to do what he said, or else, Molly was gonna die. Pavel himself was here to rob the place, but he got caught. He asks us to run distraction so he can lead everyone out, which of course we'll do because we're nice like that.

On Floor 4, we find a Fire Scroll, rounding out Maria's offensive options. There's also a bridge that turns into a four way split, head north and you'll eventually reach the stair case to floor 5.

On Floor 5, you can head North and take the door on the left to find the boss, or, head across the bridge and walk all the way around (ignore the door on this path) to find the Warp Scroll and the optional boss:

The Spiketoise!

This guy has incredible physical defense, but crap magical defense, and a weakness to Ice. You can literally just have Maria blast him with Ice and call that game over. Especially if it's level 2, or even 3 like mine was at the time. He only has 140 HP, so hit hard with magic and walk away.

Teach Warp to Firion, and have him start casting it against every enemy unless you're trying to level his buff spells. This is because Warp is actually a decent "Kill" spell, and not many enemies are flat out immune to it, meaning you can waltz through encounters if you level it up high enough. Most people will never do this, but it's so diabolical, it has to appear in a Kiwi playthrough. The biggest problem is it misses a lot, but that's why you level it.

Anyway, regardless of grabbing Warp or not, head on over to the boss fight:

The Sergeant. These guys show up later as regular enemies, but are enough of a threat now they constitute a serious fight. Start with some buffs, Shield and Blink is recommended, while Maria throws her best magic at him and Gus does what he can to hurt him (his defense is pretty high, so even Gus will have trouble).

While doing all this, enjoy the music:

Once he's dead, grab the mythril from the chest and Warp out, concluding our stay in the mines.

Next Time: Getting Mythril gear and Life Scrolls!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

This will probably be a slim update, though I've promised I'll get one out a day except for Sundays, I may have to slip a bit if I plan on grinding effectively. Anyway.

Get Life from Salamand for Firion. Shell too (from Paloom or Poft), if you didn't already, and start practicing it. Blink and Shield are more important, but there are a few bosses that are more magic based and you should have a strong Shell ready. Shell is notable in that it practically never misses, it's just weaker then most, and is what the other buff spells SHOULD HAVE FUCKING BEEN!

If we return to Altair and talk to Princess Hilda, we can learn the keyword "Dreadnaught". It's basically a Death Star to make up for all the man power lost in the battle of Fynn. Or, if you prefer your metaphors a bit more 40k-y, a flying Baneblade. If we show her the Mythril, we're told to take it to the weapon shop and show it to Tobul.

You likely haven't been in the weapon shop, because it's shit. But there's a guy pacing back and forth in there. That's Tobul.

Tobul will be our Torbjorn for this adventure.

There is now a newfag in all the weapon and armor shops of the town's we've visited, selling mythril gear (Slight correction: Only Altair seems to have mythril armor, Altair Paloom and Poft have weapons and Salamand doesn't get anything). And that shit is expensive, to the point where grinding out for it all would probably result in several stat ups.

So obviously, we're going to grind the shit out of this.

Cecil, you're not supposed to show up until FF4! Stop trying to get cameos!

The Dark Knight in question has been recalled to Palamecia, the seat of the empire, and Borghen left in charge. The Dreadnought needs to be smashed, or at least delayed while everyone figures out what the fuck to do.

Balsk, the town where the Dreadnought is being built, is straight east of Poft. Meaning at least we have a general idea of where to go. But first, we better get some mythril.

Next time: Dungeons and Dreadnoughts! Wait, that sounds like a way better premise then 4th Edition...

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Forgive me, Kiwis, for I did grind. How much did I grind?

Each of those axes is 2000 gil. But that's not all. Maria also got a Mythril Bow for 1000 gil, and Firion has a Mythril Sword for 1,800. Factor in the Mythril Helms and a shield for Firion, and I think the total comes to well over 9,000 gil. Insert old meme here.

I think it's time to take on the Dreadnought.

Bafsk is to the east of Poft, around the mountains. You can even see the Dreadnought as you approach!

Ain't that cool?

Bafsk sells Fear, Basuna, Esuna, and Silence. Esuna cures the permanent status effects, while Basuna deals with temporary stuff (status effects in FF2 have been split into permanent that last after the fight's over, and temporary that go away on their own and at the end of combat). Of the spells on offer, Esuna is the best, but in another dick move, it has to be leveled before it can deal with anything stronger then blindness and poison.

So, like every other spell Firion gets, gotta spray it everywhere to level it to anything usable.

Because being a General is totally not a high position to start with. This is Borghen, and one of the Imperial Soldiers calls him a General, so I'm calling him one. And yes, we can talk to the soldiers without being jumped.

The armor shop also has some nice gear. The Silver Mail on display is as strong as Mythril, but weighs less-weight is a bit of an invisible stat, I'm not sure what it affects, but, less weight is probably good. At the very least, it's cheaper.

There's a "soldier" in the southwest corner that we can talk to with the Keyword system. He's a spy for our side, and he'll open the way to a secret underground path to the Dreadnought. Smashing!

The cave is a pretty short jaunt, however, it's one of those dungeons that doesn't allow you to use Warp. If you open up your menu and can't use Warp, odds are, some plot stuff happens in this dungeon.

A couple floors later and...wait...that's not right.

That is the Dark Knight. This is a trap.

...OH.

Knight: "You fools thought I'd leave without finishing my duty? Give up. You stand no chance against the Emperor. I will leave you to decide your fate. Good bye, for now."

Oh this fucking cunt.

We rush outside to see this:

The Dreadnought launching. So uh...mission failure. How fucked are we?

Heading back into the cave and heading to a room to the right of the 'exit', we can enter a little room with a Pass. This is a key item, and very helpful later, so grab it. There's also a teleporter that takes you to the entrance of Bafsk.

Let's head back to base.

Yeah, Poft exploded and lots of the NPCs are now dead. We see similar scenes in Paloom, Altair, and Galtea. We failed pretty hardcore...

ON YOUR RETURN TO ALTAIR, RIP EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF GEAR OFF OF MINDU

This is why.

Mindu departs from our party to take care of the wounded, including the King. He will never return to our party, so take his shit!

If we return to Mindu in the King's room and ask him about the Airship (Cid's Airship), he tells us the Airship and the Dreadnought work on the same principles. That's not much to go on, but at least we have someone to chat up about possible weaknesses.

Asking Cid about the Airship has him tell you it runs on Sunfire. Asking Hilda about the Sunfire (yes, this bit does have you running all over the place) will have her tell you that it's the symbol of Castle Kas'ion, and it's basically magic super fire. No ordinary torch can carry it, so you need something good. Talking to the King about the Sunfire allows you to learn about the Goddess's Bell, an item needed to unseal the gates of Castle Kas'ion because Scott is dead and Gordon (the other Prince of Kas'ion and the only prick that can open it) is missing.

Asking Hilda again about the Goddess Bell tells you the bell is in a cave deep in the snowlands, and Josef can help. We won't be a party of three for very long.

With major plot developments happening, we move on to a new adventure. Next time: Josef, being directly useful instead of indirectly!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

At least he's honest now.

Talk to Josef about the Goddess's Bell, and he'll tell you about his Snowcraft and join the party.

As you can see from his higher Unarmed mastery, Josef is our @Jaimas of this game, and will be punching lots. His magic sucks, but that's okay. If you have the money, feel free to upgrade his armor. Alternatively, don't, because he won't be with us long.

So, remember that blue rock I told you about way back in Semitt Falls? Go there.

See the part of the wall Josef is facing? Look at that, press A/X. Not the blue rock, which is your first instinct. The wall. Go inside and grab the Snowcraft.

Yay Snowcraft.

Pressing X and O a bunch of times together (or holding one down and pressing the other) starts a memory game. I like this a lot more then the 15 Puzzle, and did it quite a bit to collect some nice items. Once we get the Frog spell, if we get it to level 16, the game changes to their Frog icons and instead subs in way better gear, like Genji Gear.

Now to break it over its knee: This game runs on a 32 game rotation. So if you play 32 games and happen to have a screencapper or at least some paper handy, because the image of all the people revealed doesn't go away until you push X...well, you can see where this is going. Want to make more gil then god, get tons of elixirs and Phoenix Downs? Break this game.

Yes. I am that autistic. Hit me with the rainbow colored pieces!

So, when you're done breaking the game (and take it from me, you only need to get a few rounds of "beating the best time", or just 0 errors to get a ton of gil and sweet items), continue on to the Snow Cave.

The Snow Cave, like the Bafsk Sewers, denies Warping. Oh dear.

The Snow Cave is pretty straightforward but splits a bit on the third floor-heading to the Northeast allows you to go back up to 2F, but in a side area with a few tasty treats, like a Mythril Mace. One can also find the Ancient Sword here. Both these chests have battles attached to them, but nothing as dangerous as the Spiketoise.

There's also a few doors, so let me save you some trouble: NO DOORS. They lead to nothing good in this dungeon. Except on the fifth floor, the door in the southeast leads you onward, but, we'll get there.

Don't be afraid to use a lot of Fire Magic in the Cave, as it turns out, you pick up items that double for the boss's weakness in this cave, so Maria can go nuts with the Fire. Or, if you wanna save them and use Maria's powerful Magic for the boss, that's cool too. It's just good that you get options this time.

So, that door I mentioned on the fifth floor leads to...

Uhh...what the fuck?!

WHAT?!

So yeah...just, ask the fucking beaver about the Goddess's Bell. It'll point you in the right direction. Moving the fuck on from this bit of insanity (seriously, who was smoking what for this bit?)

So, completely turning this dungeon on its head, this guy is weak to Ice, not Fire. In this dungeon, you pick up a Notus, the early version of Antarctic Wind (or if you're playing Dawn of Souls, well, you just get an Arctic Wind), and an Ice Scroll which can be used to pull an Ice 8 if you didn't need to use it to teach to Maria. Two and two equals get fucked.

Taking the bell behind the Adamantoise opens up the wall, allowing you to return to 1F immediately. Sweet.

Not sweet.

Borghen: "The emperor will not tolerate any failure..."

Maria: "What failure? You won, didn't you? You have the Dreadnought going, right?"

Josef: "I think he wants to kill us because of the whole thing at Semitt Falls.

Maria: "Oh, yeah, that was kind of a fuckup on your part, wasn't it, Borgy?"

Borghen: "He will punish me for sure. I can't go back to the empire now, you're coming to the underworld with me!"

Josef: "Nah, you're going first, bitch! This is for kidnapping my daughter!"

This guy isn't fit to suck the Adamantoise's dick. He has barely half the HP, a fraction of the defense, and doesn't even get the 2-Hits that the turtle got. Smash this fucker hard, and be satisfied that you get to rekt this cunt.

Oh fuck you.

He drops a boulder on us, and well, this happens.

Josef figures the boulder is coming too fast, and tells us to run for it. Meaning he sacrifices himself, holding the boulder as long as possible, so that our heroes can continue on.

Sorry @Jaimas

Sigh Til next time, Kiwis...here's hoping it's less depressing.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I lied. It's just as depressing because of a certain character joining.

My time in the memory matching game got me nearly 200,000 gil, 4 elixirs, and 4 Phoenix Downs. While wonderful, we've got no use for them until after we destroy the Dreadnought because there's not a lot to buy with all of our shit until we get to later towns. So, Castle Kas'ion then. Cid can take us there for 400 gil, but we're walking because fuck you.

Before you go, grind your Shell spell up to at least level 4 (getting any higher is close to impossible without grinding out against Adamantoises found in Kas'ion). The boss of Kas'ion is magically inclined, with powerful Level 8 spells, so you'll want a beefy Shell to protect yourself.

Kas'ion is southeast of Bafsk, inside a ring of mountains. You can enter from the northeast of this ring.

The Sunfire can be found on the first level, but we have nothing to carry it with. So, we head in further (Mindu mentions Egil's Torch, the only Torch that can hold Sunfire, created so the brazier the Sunfire burns in can be purified), since we only have Mindu's bit about the Torch as a lead.

Ring the bell at the door beyond by using it from the Keyword menu, and...who the fuck is this?

This is Gordon. We met him in Altair. He has been MIA, and if we had had him, we could have skipped the Snow Cave. However, he came here first and realized the monsters here were too much for him. Of course, heading back to Altair or maybe coming to Salamand was out of the fucking question. To top it off, he doesn't even know this castle all that well.

Basically, if this motherfucker had waited five fucking minutes after the Dreadnought hit, we wouldn't have needed to get the Goddess's Bell, and Josef would still be alive. Josef's death is on this prick's hands. And to top it off, he joins us, because well, why not kick you in the dick after revealing that we could have skipped that entire part of the plot?

And he's not that bad, which mitigates the pain a bit. He's got solid stat numbers, but shit HP. If you kept the Mythril Spear and Shield from the Snow Cave, you can slap them on him-and the Silver Plate if you didn't give it to Josef and then forgot to take it off before his death. Like I did.

By the way, music!

You can find a Cure Scroll if you head south after passing through Gordon's room. Give it to him, and if you get any lucky drops from an Orge Mage, you can pass them to him after filling out Maria's spellbook and let him play Red Mage.

You can find a gold shield on the third floor, but you have to fight a bunch of Wererats to claim it. No big deal.

The fourth floor is when things get weird. There's doors that lead to high encounter rooms, but some of them have extra treasure inside.

This door on the fourth floor, in the northeast and next to a similar door, leads to a treasure room. It has a sweet Werebuster Mace in it, which would be great if Mindu was still here. There's also an extra Mythril Axe and Sword if you haven't upgraded Gus and Firion.

Just like the Snow Cave, stairs are your ways around the floors. Ignore doors, unless I say otherwise.

On the 5th floor, a door in the Northeast leads you to a few status recovery items, including a Mallet for Mini which has yet to be introduced (if you're not grinding so hard you can sequence break, like I have been). The chest in the center contains Golden Armor, which is nice. It also contains a bunch of Mines, monsters of the Bomb family, which is not nice. A good fire spell will tear 'em apart, though.

In the southwest is a staircase that takes you to a door. Go through this door, to find the boss, the Shrieker (or "Red Soul" as it's also known).

Throw up Shell quickly, which is what I'm doing in this image. It throws out level 8 spells, which are powerful, but not insanely so, and can be cut down with Shell. It also only has enough MP to do 4 of these powerful spells, meaning your first priority is to survive. if Firion is good enough with swords, he can attempt to smack the Shrieker with Curse, to make it much weaker. If not, just smash it with Physical Attacks-it absorbs all magic, healing even if you try to hit it with status effect spells.

Play it right, and like me, you may not even need to cast Cure.

Once it's dead, the chest behind it contains Egil's Torch, the only way to carry Sunfire. Grab it, Warp out, and get the Sunfire.

Once you're back outside after the Sunfire grab...

That is Cid's Airship in the process of being captured by the Dreadnought. By the way, if you went back to Altair after getting the Goddess's Bell, Hilda would have told you that she was planning on meeting you at Kas'ion after getting the Sunfire.

So...this sucks. Time to leg it back to Altair and see about actually finding the damn Dreadnought...

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Well that was fucking easy!

But I get ahead of myself. South of Kas'ion is the introduction of a series staple:

CHOCOBOS!

Talk to the Chocobo, and you can then get a ride. Head back to Altair, using the chocobo or not, and talk to the guy in the throne room to learn where the Dreadnought is. With target sighted, we head to Fynn. Why?

To make the Captains our bitches.

With the Ancient Sword, we can Curse Captains and make them a lot weaker. If you got a Blind Scroll from the Orge Mages in Kas'ion, you can blind them too. Or, you can just buff up and keep yourself healed, and blast the Captain with at least a level 4 Black Magic spell. You can only really do this if you're insane enough to have grinded this hard, but if you have, you can pick up Gold Mails and Flame Bows from the Captains, which will make Maria an absolute beast in battle. If you're really lucky, you can get a Toad Scroll too. Plus, Gus and Firion can break 1,000 HP with enough fights, which is awesome, and your spells can be buffed all the way to level 6 or 7 if you're really autistic.

And as we've proven already, I am.

The Dreadnought is a long walk Northwest of Fynn, so after you're done with the Captain slaughter, head on up. Maybe grab a Cottage with your ill-gotten gains so you can heal up when you get there.

This guard blocks our path. He responds to two things, the Pass item or the Wild Rose keyword. The Pass allows us to walk right in, while the Wild Rose keyword makes us fight him. Unlike other Captains (which this guy is), killing him removes him from the map.

So, be a fucking man and kill him. Don't talk to anyone else though-only this guy will disappear.

There's a small room to the east if you head down the stairs, and you can slide in a secret passage to grab a Crescent. It's like the Ancient Sword, but inflicts Sleep instead. By the way, this is probably a good time to mention that any treasures you don't get before the end of this dungeon will be lost forever, because you are going to blow this place the fuck up, Micheal Bay style.

You can find the princess and Cid if you go into the door in the northeast of the first area. Talk to Cid, and he'll take the princess to the Airship. Head back to the original area and head to the southeast, then head through the Dreadnought. The place is mostly straightforward, thankfully.

There's a Hill Gigas waiting in a treasure chest, guarding an Ice Shield. Treat it as a boss and you'll be fine.

Eventually, we come to the engine. Throw the Sunfire in and the Dark Knight shows up to yell at us. Maria recognizes his voice and wonders aloud if the Dark Knight is Leon.

Spoiler Warning: He fucking is.

The party heads out and catches Cid's Airship, and lucky for us, we get dropped off outside Altair.

But first, explosion. Yay.

 

[Sable]

I'm glad you remembered the matching game, but I had no idea you could level Frog to make it better.

Your autism is stronger than mine!

...now I'm gonna play some FF2.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

ANY GEAR ON GORDON WILL BE LOST FOR A WHILE. TAKE EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO TAKE OFF HIM.

Hilda isn't in the throne room, and many people are saying the King's condition has worsened. Gordon will be leaving for a while, but will eventually rejoin. If he's wearing anything hard to get, like, say, a suit of Gold Mail, take it away, otherwise leave him be or you'll just have to re-equip him later.

King: "I wish to leave you my final words."

Gordon gets complimented, and the King wants him to command the army now. Well, to be fair, getting him up to 660 HP probably does wonders for a man's confidence.

Mindu is asked to unseal the Ultima Scroll, thus starting the grand FF tradition of some ultimate spell that'll save everything. Unlike other super spells, we get to use this one!

As for us, we're told to go to Deist and implore the Dragoons for help. In this game, they're actually dragon riders, which is pretty cool.

After we all get our marching orders, the King asks us to take care of Hilda, and then he dies.

We can talk to Gordon in the throne room afterwords to learn the Dragoons keyword. Asking him about that allows us to learn Wind Drakes as well. Asking him about Wind Drakes has him tell us to go to Paloom and search for a ride.

Awfully convenient. A free ride to Deist? Maria correctly identifies this as a trap, but Firion is unconcerned.

Who would have guessed that the girl leveling her intelligence this entire game might be smart enough to call this?

These guys aren't as wimpy as the ones from FF1, but still pretty weak. They have as much HP as the soldiers you've been killing since going to Semitt Falls, and they'll go down quick.

Instead of killing everyone, we'd rather have them join up with us. I mean, we do need a ship...Leila joins our party, and the ship is ours permanently.

Leila is pretty good. She comes with some solid weapon skills and a level 2 Bolt. She doesn't have gloves, I happened to have a spare in my bag and gave 'em to her. I advise you to forget about her bow, unless you happen to have a spare Flame bow, but it's probably better to give her a pair of Mythril Swords or the Main Gauche from the Dreadnought along with a good sword and let her melee her way out of things.

The ship can dock literally anywhere. You just walk off the ship onto land. Which is a grand improvement over the FF1 version.

Deist is to the south, but there is a small canal to pass through first. It's on a small island that looks sorta dragon shaped to the east of the snowfields, so use your World Map to help you find it.

That's not fair. Firion doesn't look at all like a Catholic Priest.

His mom apologizes, though, and tells us what's going on. There's only one Wind Drake left, and we can only talk to it if we have a Pendant. Where do we get one? In the cave to the north of the castle.

We're not quite done in Deist, though. There's plenty of treasure to be found, including a powerful sword called the "Wing Blade". And no encounters!

The green water is just that: Green water, and not acid. I know, I was surprised too. We're not spending long here, though-our objective is on the second floor and NOT five levels down and guarded by a massive living statue. It's on a corpse.

That was a bit dark.

Head east, go down the stairs, grab the Pendant and head out. Super Simple.

With this post getting a bit long, I'm going to cut it here. Next time: Wind Drakes and a second visit to the Cavern!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I'm glad you remembered the matching game, but I had no idea you could level Frog to make it better.

Your autism is stronger than mine!

...now I'm gonna play some FF2.

I came across it as I was looking up the memory game. I remembered that it existed from the old strategy guide I had, but I didn't know about the Frog spell. Reports conflict if it works on the PS1 or if it's only Dawn of Souls and later. We DO know the game wasn't on the NES, though.

To game it, you really have to A: Know about the 32 rotation and B: Be willing to put the controller down and let the timer run up for a while before coming back to do the game and get the "beat the best time" reward.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Alright kids. I don't have much of an update today, but: Do you want to break progression over your knee with a sickening crunch? You do, trust me. How do we do that?

Well, remember all the Gil we got from the matching game? Now that we have the ship, nothing is stopping us from heading to Mysidia, the town of mages, aside from really powerful enemies. With some luck and powerful spells (Fire 5, for instance), we can cleave our way to the town. We can then buy the spell Swap, which switches HP and MP with our target. Teach them to everyone, even Gus, but not your fourth party member, that's just a waste of gil (though, if you really wanna, go ahead).

Head back to one of the low level areas, I prefer Poft, and find yourself a large group of the weak enemies. Cast Swap on all of them. It might take a couple tries, but you'll be able to swap and go from your max HP and MP down to 6 HP and 0 MP. The game considers you to have lost all of that HP and MP by taking damage/casting spells, and will almost guarantee getting an HP and MP boost AS WELL AS an Endurance and Magic boost! Do this as many times as you like, or as many times as your funds for staying at Inns will hold out, and enjoy your new insane maximum HP. The walkthrough I have recommends being at 2,000+ HP by the final boss, now you know how to get there before we even get Gordon back.

You can also pick up Orgekillers which are great for killing Giant enemies and are some of the best axes in the game. Gus currently has 160+ Attack thanks to them plus a couple pieces of Titan armor. Enjoy!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Welcome back, Kiwis. The holiday weekend was a bit of an uproar for me, did some stuff with family and all, but we're back to the Autism.

The last Wind Drake is decidedly less impressive then Bahamut. He's been poisoned, and no level of Esuna would help. Asking him about Wind Drakes gets him to present us with his final wish.

It is the last egg, so, it's kind of important.

The Deist Cavern is fucked up past the first level. It's hard to figure out where to go, so, seriously, just get a map. There's a bridge that will break if you try it, repeatedly, which makes no sense. If you went to Mysidia like I did, you won't find much that you don't already have (Like Knight's Armor), but if you didn't go there, you can pick up a few nice things. The Hill Gigases can also drop Titan Helms and Gloves, which increase Strength when equipped. You will find a selection of Mythril gear, and if those are upgrades for you, you have dun fucked up.

A few treasure chests are guarded, but one is guarded by an Adamantoise (which you've already killed) and another is guarded by a bunch of Screamers that will cast Cure 6 on your party. How sweet of them.

While exploring this dungeon, I learned something about Banish. It warps you up a number of levels equal to the spell level. Making it far superior to Warp in every way.

Chimera is a dungeon boss all the way up in FF14 and he's annoying as fuck, forcing the party to constantly relocate to deal with his AoE attacks. Here, he's just as annoying with AoE...and there can be up to 4 of him.

Fuck my life.

The Chimeras are tough physically, but weak to magical attacks. Nothing in particular, just, low Magic Defense. Have Firion buff up, Maria casts spells, Gus smashes, and Leila hopefully DOESN'T DIE, and you'll be fine. Shell is good, the Blazes are pretty powerful and protecting against it is good.

Once their dead, step up to the spring and "talk" to it to put the Dragon Egg in it.

If you return to Deist Castle, the Wind Drake has disappeared. The humans are sad for this, and we now have to report back to Altair.

WARNING: ANYTHING EQUIPPED TO LEILA WILL BE LOST FOR A GOOD LONG WHILE AFTER THIS SEGMENT!

Wat? Let's uh, let's go check the princess's room...

Normally, this might be an exciting thing. But this is a Japanese game and royalty never shows affection, so this is obviously a big fucking trap.

Our allies rush in to help us, and we have an unexpected boss battle!

The usual spells here: Blink and Shield. Blink is more important as her attacks can inflict Sleep, which sucks. Aside from that, lay on the pain and you'll come out on top. She just has a lot of HP.

This guy busts in as soon as Gus wonders where the real Hilda is. Convenient timing, but I'll take it. Palamecia is South of Kas'ion Castle, in the middle of a large desert, so that's where we're going next.

Gordon returns to the party, in the same state as when he left. So, onward, to the next adventure! (And I save because I haven't in a long time!)

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Marhaban, Kiwis.

It's probably best to leave the Ship where it is-which in my case, is far west of Altair. Most of our business won't involve it for a while. I should also note: You can technically get to Palamecia by going north from Fynn, long past the Dreadnought fuel station. It's up to you if you approach from the south with a long walk, or head to Kas'ion and grab a Chocobo. Either way, it's where you need to go.

Looks like a pretty good place for a final dungeon. We're not going into the castle proper, just the Arena nearby.

Enter the Arena and head straight up. The Emperor is sitting there! But when you try to go talk to him, the doors suddenly close and the battle with the Behemoth begins!

The Behemoth isn't as tricky as the Lamia Queen. It hits hard, but a good Blink spell will stop it in its tracks. Throw some Shield on if you want extra defense. Hit it with your hardest attacks, and you'll be good.

Once the fight is over, the party automatically walks up to the Emperor...who then addresses Firion by name.

Oh shit!

The Emperor either teleports away or was an illusion the whole time. I lean towards illusion, as he doesn't teleport away later when we're kicking his ass. Anyway, we get thrown into the dungeons for this one. And yeah, no Warping or Banishing-that would just be too easy.

Trying to open the door results in Pavel saving us and breaking us out. It's his payback for saving us from the mines.

This floor is full of doors. One of them has a few items in there. The door to the far northeast leads up, while the door in the image below is the one with the items. A treasure chest to the east contains an Antidote-and is the only monster guarded chest here. Irony, that.

The door in the hallway Firion is. That one.

The next floor up...has Hilda! Whee!

Before you open up the door, take whatever you want off of Gordon. I can't quite remember if he ever rejoins after this point, so, yeah:

!!!REMOVE EVERYTHING FROM GORDON BEFORE YOU GO SAVE HILDA!!!

Thank god that the main floor of the Arena has no encounters.

On our return to Altair, we get told that the Rebel force is out to reclaim Fynn. Alright, time to kick some ass!

Heading north and talking to Gordon in the camp just west of Gatrea has him tell us to infiltrate Castle Fynn and kill the commander. Well, we've killed worse, right?

Leila immediately rejoins us. Welcome aboard, darling!

It's best to just rush up the stairs and kill the boss. Once he's dead, Fynn opens up and all the monsters in Castle Fynn (except guarded treasure chests) are banished away. We just killed a beast the size of a fucking oil rig, we can handle this.

Gottos is pretty tough, but like us, he takes some time to buff up. He uses Bacchus Wine to strengthen and Haste to quicken. Counter with Defensive buffs, you'll need 'em. And as always, Smash.

Once he's dead, Hilda and Gordon immediately fill the thrones. You, on the other hand, should immediately start looting the castle.

Which I'll be doing. See ya next time!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Of course, a loot spree can't go without a main objective popping up.

The forgotten til now Keyword system pops up again. Memorize and Ask about Mysidia to learn about the Masks, ask about the Masks to learn the spell that opens the door to the castle basement.

Yup, we're not done cleaning out the castle.

The secret door is in the northeast of the throne room. Then we head on downstairs, and into the basement.

The basement is confusing, filled with doors, and all the usual stuff. Until we get to the bottom floor, do not use any doors. There's not even some neat loot in there. Most of the loot in the regular dungeon is shit too. You get a knife and some clothes! Just what I always wanted!

On the other hand, YES! HOLY FUCK YES! The Blood Sword has crap stats, but the damage it does heals the user, and it gets a massive boost against bosses. There's only two in the game. You want both. Never, ever, EVER sell this thing.

On the final floor, head to the northeast through the shit water, and take the second door from the right. That'll take you to the chest with the White Mask. Behind that chest is a teleporter out of here.

So we have one mask, but we're told we need two. So, we'll get the other one next time.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Should you head to Mysidia, you'll be told about the Black Mask and that it's on a Tropical Island in the middle of the ocean. It's northwest of Deist, and is the middle of fucking nowhere.

The Tropical Island is pretty cool. I like the design, at least.

The first floor is relatively straightforward, but the map splits on the second floor. Taking the stairs in the northwest eventually leads to the Indigenous Village. Let's go there first.

The village is filled with masked individuals that taunt us over never finding the black mask. Well we'll see about that, won't we?

Heading back to the second floor, the stairs in the center lead to the third floor, which then leads up north to the fourth floor stairs. From there, it branches out, but if you want to get to the boss and leave, head to the northeast of the fourth floor. If you want more loot, explore around a bit.

Once you're ready, head to that staircase and head to the door in the middle of the fifth floor. You'll enter the room with the Black mask, and the Boss: Gigan Rhino!

The Gigan Rhino fight is a retread of the Chimera fight, so up to four can appear. They don't have any AoE abilities, so Blinking and Shielding is enough to see you through. In a group, they're a danger. Alone, this one is less effective then the Behemoth.

Grab the mask after the fight, and head north to another convenient teleporter. Next stop: The Mysidia Cave and the Crystal Rod!