Let's Sperg Let's Sperg: Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition - The Adventures of Alabamy Tranny

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alex_theman said:
press :1:
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You wander around the bar for a while, the smell of freshly roasted mutton nauseating to your totes vegan senses. You make a mental note to complain to the bartender about what a horrible person he is for serving meat. Several of the waitresses and patrons either bump into you or damn near trip over you, and while the ones who apologize say it's due to your shorter stature you're pretty sure they're trying to cover up their racism AND their ableism.

Do we approach the half-elves or the barkeeper first?
 
(Sorry for taking so long. Wound up going on a Sims binge and now I'm waiting for FE Fates Conquest to get here.)

alex_theman said:
half elves to be token
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When you get closer, you see that one of them is a nervous red-headed (probably cis) man and the other, standing beside him, is a scowling blonde woman. Imoen stares in disbelief as you remove your 3d100 dice from your tunic pocket. (Do tunics even have pockets?) You roll, and the dice make a muffled clattering sound as they roll on the sawdust-covered wooden floor.

The dice have decided.

After that autistic display, you return them to the safety of your pocket and approach the woman. She greets you and looks you over, if only briefly. You look familiar, she tells you, though it's not in your looks. She deduces that you must be Gorion's child.

You can tell that from looking at me? you ask.

No, she says, you're just the only person who came over to talk to them. She then introduces herself as Jaheira and the man as her husband Khalid. (Knew he was cis.) Despite the glare you cast his way, he greets you civilly.

Jaheira notes that you're not travelling with Gorion and immediately presumes the worst. She and Khalid both are sorry for your loss. Finally, some sympathy points. It is after this that the two offer to travel with you, although you are also given the option to not take them with you. They could help you get settled, find your lot in life. Of course, it comes with a catch: Jaheira insists that whatever you choose, you should go to Nashkel. Something about trouble in the mines. Didn't you hear about that from those guys you totally didn't kill and leave on the side of the road? Anyway, she suggests speaking to the mayor - Berrun Ghastkill - about the troubles.

Imoen is ecstatic. Traveling with real, seasoned adventurers and not shifty crazy people! She proceeds to annoy Jaheira by calling her "Auntie J" and insists that she's more like your guardian than your friend, seeing as she's looking out for you. Hey! Who's the older sister here?

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:1:.

These people have been fully willing to give me asspats, and that's what I need more than anything, support.
 
Sammy said:
:1:.

These people have been fully willing to give me asspats, and that's what I need more than anything, support.
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Imoen shouts with joy that Auntie Jaheira and Uncle Khalid are joining her on your journey! Jaheira stress sighs, possibly already rethinking her decision to join with you. What's done is done, however, and you must be on your way.

We could find out more information, or possibly try thieving in this place. There's gotta be some loot in a place like this, right?
Of course, we don't have to. We could just mosey on out the door.
 
Lets loot the place. This inn and its patrons haven't offered any reparations for us nearly getting killed at its doorstep by the Patriarchy, so we'll just exercise our rights and take it ourselves.
 
Sammy said:
Lets loot the place. This inn and its patrons haven't offered any reparations for us nearly getting killed at its doorstep by the Patriarchy, so we'll just exercise our rights and take it ourselves.
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A-lootin' we will go!

You inform your two newest party members that you want to go upstairs to check out the rooms. Gotta make sure it's a decent place to stay the night, don't you? You motion for Imoen to follow you, because she's too slow to take a vague hint. Jaheira and Khalid can't possibly be suspicious with an excuse like that!

Just before departing for treasure in the floors above, your new party members notice your belt.

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You scour the second and third floor for treasures, and it is in this search that you realize you're possibly the unluckiest thief ever; not a single one of your lockpicks succeeded in opening the locked chests and drawers. You did manage to find some much-needed arrows in an unsecured drawer, though, so it wasn't a total bust.

In one of the rooms you intended to burgle, there is a nobleman standing there. The moment you walk into the room, he snaps at you.

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Normally I'd say 3, but non-magical-curse-belt-induced sex changes are expensive operations, and if these pants are as fabulous as he says, we might be able to sell them for some fast cash. :2:.

After the fact bonus, we can lie and boast in the next town over how we stole absolutely everything from a rich cis nobleman, including his pants.

((OOC: Slightly confused, Did Jahira cast Remove Curse on the belt or anything, or did she just order us to remove the cursed garment bound to our flesh by stygian forces best not handled by sane mortals without really thinking through how we would go about doing that?))
 
Sammy said:
Normally I'd say 3, but non-magical-curse-belt-induced sex changes are expensive operations, and if these pants are as fabulous as he says, we might be able to sell them for some fast cash. :2:.

After the fact bonus, we can lie and boast in the next town over how we stole absolutely everything from a rich cis nobleman, including his pants.

((OOC: Slightly confused, Did Jahira cast Remove Curse on the belt or anything, or did she just order us to remove the cursed garment bound to our flesh by stygian forces best not handled by sane mortals without really thinking through how we would go about doing that?))
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((The latter. Due to a mod, party members react to you putting on the cursed belt of genderbending.))

While it's triggering to act like a servant, those pantaloons are pretty snazzy... Right away, good sir, you tell him.

Service with a smile? It's about time those innkeepers sent somebody with good sense, he compliments. (At least, you think it was a compliment.)

You take the pantaloons and leave the room, and that will likely be the last you'll ever see of the snooty nobleman.

On the way back to the first floor, you bump into a dwarven woman on the stairs. She stares at you intently before declaring that you're carrying a belt that belongs to her. The ogre you killed took it from her, or so she claims. Some kind of belt fetish.

How do you know that, you ask her. You don't even have your pack open for her to see.

Trust her, she tells you, she knows. It's some kind of super sense NPCs have.

Because she's blocking your path, you remove the belt. Sure enough, her name - Unshey, she claims - is embroidered into it. Somehow. She implores that you hand it over.

No way, finders keepers.

She'll give you 70 gold for it.

Since you need the gold, and there's no way to decline, you accept the offer and give her the belt. You now have 231 gold.

With that distraction out of the way, you approach the counter at long last. The owner is a fellow gnome, cleaning a dirty mug. To no one in particular, he sighs about the slow business his inn has been having lately. When he notices your approach, he welcomes you - granted that you behave yourself.

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What should we be placing priority on?
 
Go back and kill the dwarven woman and get your girdle back. She forced you to accept a trade. That's literally rape.
 
raymond said:
Go back and kill the dwarven woman and get your girdle back. She forced you to accept a trade. That's literally rape.
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If you insist.

You tell Bentley to wait a moment while you go take care of some business. Jaheira and Khalid are suspicious this time, so they follow you to the second floor.

You march to the dwarven woman's room and demand she returns 'your' girdle. You found it, you reiterate to her. It's yours by right.

Unshey refuses. She paid quite the price for this girdle, and no flatfoot is going to take the girdle of a seasoned hero.

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You prove her wrong and take back the girdle. You also took from her corpse her coin purse (25 gold), a quarterstaff, and a book. Your entire party disapproves, and you get the feeling that you're not particularly liked right now.
 
Can we check what the book contains?
 
ActualKiwi said:
Can we check what the book contains?
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If a self-proclaimed adventurer had this on her, then it must be something good. You open the book.

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Turns out it's just a history book, and on some patriarchy no less. Not an exciting read, and trying to educate yourself with it immediately induces a tantrum in you. You flail and kick, screaming about oppression and the patriarchy. Imoen, Jaheira, and Khalid wait until you've finished.
 
How about we go order some drinks with our ill-gotten gold?
 
IceGray said:
If you're still in a hysterical fit, run out of the room as far as you can go.
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ActualKiwi said:
How about we go order some drinks with our ill-gotten gold?
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You sprint out of the room and towards the stairs, every sentence out of your mouth an incoherent word vomit. In your triggered state, you stumble down the stairs and get a splinter stuck in your finger. It's the worst pain you've ever felt in your entire life.

You're crying even more than before now, even as Imoen makes sure you're okay. You need some magic juice to make the pain go away.

You now have a very important decision to make...

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Oh, and you also need to buy shit. But booze is infinitely more important.
 
Damn that evermead sounds like some fine suppage, at that price. But Elminster's choice..the geek inside me wants some of that. And it's cheap.
 
ActualKiwi said:
Damn that evermead sounds like some fine suppage, at that price. But Elminster's choice..the geek inside me wants some of that. And it's cheap.
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You manage to order a pint of Elminster's Choice Beer despite your blubbering and immediately gulp it down. You get a smokey aftertaste, and to be frank you're not certain if this is just a ploy or if Elminster's tastes are merely something you can't comprehend.

Your finger still hurts - probably because you refused to get it removed for pity points - so maybe more booze wouldn't hurt. You might learn something. Or just get drunk.

Of course, you could just get straight to business. You have 255 gold. That's plenty of spending money for both a room and supplies, with a decent likelihood of having extra leftover for some more drinks.
 
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