💼 Careercow Kurt Eichenwald / Roy Rogers / Andrew McDonald - Litigious Failed Journalist, Epileptic Sped, Trump Derangement Incarnate, Hentai Weeaboo Racist, Sexist, Suspected Pedo, Living Centrist Democrat Meme

[Jigglyjogglers]

Captain Kirk never said, "Beam me up, Scotty!" Human memory is kind of trash.

He did say several close variants, which all run together, likely because putting the "Beam me up" part first lets you know that a Star Trek reference is coming from the outset, whereas starting it with "Scotty" (since he did at least once say 'Scotty, beam me up') is very mildly more ambiguous.

The difference between "Beam me up, Scotty" and these rape allegations is that one is an example of human memory tweaking existing events, and the other bears all the hallmarks of inventing something in your mind nearly wholesale and then obsessing on it. The specific phrase 'Beam me up, Scotty' may never have been spoken, but there are enough variants of something close, and enough fairly dead-on parodies where Kirk does say specifically that, that it's understandable that people misremember it. It's sort of the difference between, say, recounting your sexual assault and getting the order of two things mixed up (whether he opened his pants first or yanked off yours first), and the ridiculously broad generalizations and massive inconsistencies in stories like Ford's and Eichenwald's ("uh, it was in a, uh, or maybe we were in the, uh, well maybe it doesn't matter where it happened, but he was wearing, uh, I mean his hair was, uh, well none of that matters but I'm sure it was him").

 

[FriendlyNeighborhoodDaddy]

What horrible thing will "have happened" to Kurt the next time he wants to insert himself into a national conversation? Next terror attack, will he reveal he was a hostage of the PLO? Next school shooting, did he once prevent a massacre at his kid's school by psychically disarming an active shooter? The sky is the limit when you have a malleable memory and little to no ethics.

 

[A Big Bumbling Black Man]

My guess is that if Trump nominates a female Justice next, Kurt will suddenly remember that his elementary school teacher had sex with him.

 

[Jigglyjogglers]

My guess is that there will be another big media blitz child disappearance/presumed kidnapping, and Eichenwald will suddenly decide to divulge the time when he was secretly kidnapped and held for ransom some ambiguous time in his twenties.

 

[MG 620]

Don't forget that Kurt Eichenwald also has a very selective memory, and claims his nearly constant seizures robbed him of his memory to the point he completely forgot paying a child pornographer to set up a child pornography website and produce new child pornography.

But he totally completely remembers every detail of this one convenient thing.

Yeah right, Kurt.

Please don't seizure shame!!!

 

[FriendlyNeighborhoodDaddy]

"I wasn't fired by Newsweek, I left because of their criminality! Only now can I reveal it though!"

Once again, history changes to suit Kurt's warped self-image as a noble do-gooder.

 

[Rumpled Foreskin]

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"I wasn't fired by Newsweek, I left because of their criminality! Only now can I reveal it though!"

Once again, history changes to suit Kurt's warped self-image as a noble do-gooder.

“Now that they’re facing a lawsuit, and don’t have the time to directly respond to this, I TOLD YOU THEY WERE CRIMINALS REEEEEE!”
What a fucking idiotic pussy.

 

[Jigglyjogglers]

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"I wasn't fired by Newsweek, I left because of their criminality! Only now can I reveal it though!"

Once again, history changes to suit Kurt's warped self-image as a noble do-gooder.

I wonder if his seizures made him forget that he made tweets specifically saying that he hadn't been informed he was no longer employed with Newsweek until after the fact?

 

[AnOminous]

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"I wasn't fired by Newsweek, I left because of their criminality! Only now can I reveal it though!"

Once again, history changes to suit Kurt's warped self-image as a noble do-gooder.

"I was totally exposing this crime I completely knew about all along. I was yelling about it. . .well, whispering about it, to all kinds of people. . .well, whispering it into a paper bag. . .in a closet. . .or at least thinking about doing it!"

I wonder if his seizures made him forget that he made tweets specifically saying that he hadn't been informed he was no longer employed with Newsweek until after the fact?

Apparently, his seizures made him forget tweeting that, and we all also have seizures, because nobody seems to remember all this decrying Newsweek's criminality that this jackass just made up in response to this news story.

 

[Karl der Grosse]

No, Kurt. Most people who left Newsweek did so because they were either fired or didn't have their contracts renewed because Newsweek couldn't make payroll or pay their columnists. The only people left were a bare-bones editorial and production staff and a bare-bones journalism staff. All of these remaining staff had one thing in common. No, not being the best or the brightest, but rather being the cheapest.

 

[Oh Shit I'm Sorry]

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"I wasn't fired by Newsweek, I left because of their criminality! Only now can I reveal it though!"

Once again, history changes to suit Kurt's warped self-image as a noble do-gooder.

Newsweek: "You're fired, Kurt"

Newsweek 2 years later: "Take our name out of your bio Kurt you haven't worked for us for years"

Kurt 2 years after that: "Y-you can't fire me I-I quit"

I know that when I ebin pwn a company by quitting I make sure to keep them listed in my social media bio for years afterwards because that's something people do.

This is like a real life version of the jerkstore episode of Seinfeld only now George is 100 times more retarded.

 

[Rekkington]

Newsweek: "You're fired, Kurt"

Newsweek 2 years later: "Take our name out of your bio Kurt you haven't worked for us for years"

Kurt 2 years after that: "Y-you can't fire me I-I quit"

I know that when I ebin pwn a company by quitting I make sure to keep them listed in my social media bio for years afterwards because that's something people do.

This is like a real life version of the jerkstore episode of Seinfeld only now George is 100 times more exceptional.

I just keep coming back to his family, mainly because he has featured them so prominently. What must it be like to live with this man? Imagine being his kids during the tentacle porn debacle, now the rape thing, now this "I wasn't fired I quit and couldn't talk about it until now" shit. The things his wife must endure.

 

[Karl der Grosse]

I don't think his wife and his wife's sons cared so much about the "getting fired" thing as they did about the "childhoods filled with gay rape" thing. Because Kurt was Gay Raping them.

 

[Mrs Paul]

She's probably only with him for the $$$$$ at this point. Either that or she's as much of a dumbass as he is.

I wonder if his seizures made him forget that he made tweets specifically saying that he hadn't been informed he was no longer employed with Newsweek until after the fact?

*snort*

One interesting thing: some anti-convulsants CAN fuck with your memory. Not to the point that you forget something like setting up a child porn sting or whatever. But they can definitely make you more forgetful. So I'm surprised he hasn't used THAT excuse.


Seizures usually only make you forget the actual seizure and period right after. I can BELIEVE he has epilepsy, but a LOT of what he claims doesn't pass the sniff test. I mean, I know my experience isn't universal, but I don't think I've ever talked to anyone with an experience like his either.

*shrugs*

 

[Stock Image Photographer]

She's probably only with him for the $$$$$ at this point. Either that or she's as much of a dumbass as he is.

I'm going to say that she either pities him or he has blackmail on her. A doctor of internal medicine doesn't stay with a journalist with no job prospects for money.

 

[CatParty]

 

[Solzhenitsyn]

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Imagine taking anything Kanye West says seriously
The man could out-shitpost this entire website

 

[A Big Bumbling Black Man]

Kurt, listen buddy, Kanye never said he "got superpowers from a hat", he said the hat made him FEEL like Superman. FEEL, Kurt. That's not a delusion. Delusional is thinking anyone believes an epileptic seizure wiped out your memory of paying a child porn site to make more child porn. Learn the difference.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

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That's rich coming from a guy who said he nearly died because of a picture.

The only reason why he has so many retweets is that he mentioned West and he knows it. No one gives a shit what he has to say.

How's his job hunting going by the way? Has anyone been dumb enough to hire his ass? Or is his wife still supporting him?

 

[Jigglyjogglers]

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Kurt Eichenwald, the world's foremost long-rang psychiatrist, capable of diagnosing someone's mental illnesses and medical history of samesaid without ever having been in a room with them.

I wonder if he was also one of those long-range gynecologists when people were spinning conspiracy theories about Sarah Palin's kids? Which were totally totally not the same as all that horrid bigoted "Birther" crap about Obama, of course.