Kiwitober 2021 - Inktober's autistic cousin - Thank you for a great one!

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Obvious Bait
14-obviousbait.gif
 
Day 14 - Obvious Bait
Lyrics:
Trans lives matter
everyone agrees with that
if you don't agree man do you even have feelin
how can you call yourself a true and honest live human being
I said black live matter
everyone agrees with that
if you don't agree how can you say that your human
get with the picture man or just get out the way of the movement

I open up the comment box and type out my reply
I flesh out my response and fill the captcha with a sigh
this faggot is an retard I will tell him all day
when I see I got a reply it's a meme with text that says

Dude you really got bait, bait, dude you got baited
by the most obvious bait
It was always your fate, fate, it was just fated
to always be this way
that you'd lose your mind int he comment section
while the big fat troll has a big fat erection
dude you really got baited
down in this thread right now
by that obvious bait

fat live matter
everyone agrees with that
if you don't agree are you infinfatphobic, go shop at Abercrombie like a zombie racist and blow me
I said that black live matter
thought it should be said again
and if you don't agree then you are a part of oppression
I am a social justice soldier so refer to me as a veteran

I open up the comment box cause how can I resist
and I type another comment not with fingers but my fist
this faggot is an retard I will tell him all day
when I see I got a reply it's a meme with text that says

Dude you really got bait, bait, dude you got baited
by the most obvious bait
It was always your fate, fate, it was just fated
to always be this way
that you'd lose your mind int he comment section
while the big fat troll has a big fat erection
dude you really got baited
down in this thread right now
by that obvious bait
Click to expand...
I have half of something for The Merge, I may double back on it if I have the time.
 
October 15 - Lolsuit

Frivolous lawsuit
Judges do not like them BUT
We are entertained.
 
October 16 - Non-sexual Fetish

Draw some little kids
And pretend it's innocent
But we know too much
 
Day 16: Non-Sexual Fetish

I want you to
borrow my
footsie pyjamas
without asking.

Just grab them
from under my
Isambard Kingdom Brunel
steampunk body pillow,
so when I look
and they are not there
I wonder who
has taken them,
and have to sleep
rolled-up in the
Princess Castle
Hopscotch Play Rug
that I like to leave
outside charity shops
as a donation
and then tearfully
beg for its return,
claiming that it was
given in error,
and that I have
self-diagnosed
spinal bifida.

Leave the pyjamas
unwashed
on my doorstep
stuffed inside
vintage milk bottles.

They contain
my DNA
and the DNA
of all my friends.

One day, scientists
will use them to
make clones of us,
but they won't know
whose DNA is whose,
as I will remove all
the exif data from it
so they will clone us
all as a single person

We will reproduce
asexually, under a
dome on the moon,
with a cat who looks
like Neil Gaiman, where
the artificial atmosphere
smells like the unused
bandages that my
great, great grandfather
brought back with him
from World War II,
combined with the faint
powdery aroma of
stale coco pops and the
sharp tang of the
strawberry-scented eraser
that I stole from a girl
at my school because,
whenever she changed
for gym, so would peel
off her socks and stuff
one inside the other
which I thought was
anime-tier levels of cute.

I would go the library
and ask them for any
new books that hadn't
been borrowed yet, then
I would draw the girl
with feathery wings
on the first blank page.

When the staff began
calling her the
'Angel of the Library'.
I wrote angrily
underneath each sketch:
“Actually it's the
braingel of the library,”
and I underlined the
word 'Braingel'
so that the nib of the
biro indented the page
but didn't quite
penetrate the paper,
and I signed
my name underneath

At the police station
I asked to be
interviewed in Latin.
I don't understand it.
I just like how
the words sound

Later I used
Photoshop Elements 2.0
to make my mugshot
look like a vintage ghost.

My name Jeff,
but please place
emphasis
on the first 'f';
also, pronounce the 'J'
as if it is lower case
and made out of
forest-green felt.

My pronouns are
Hezekiah, Kimble and Manhire
which is the name of the
law firm who defended me
in court on multiple
child molestation charges,
and who are now suing me
from bringing their name
into disrepute.

I am 47 years old, but I like
to tell people I am 61
so they compliment me
on how young I look and
ask me what my secret is.

I tell them; “Kilts.”
Then skip away whistling
some music from a
1938 radio play of
Alice in Wonderland.

I am looking for
companionship and cuddles.

I am a registered
and prolific
sex offender.
 
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