function conky_quote()
random_txt = {"You're tearing me apart, Lisa!"
,"AUGH YEAH FOLKS"
,"THIS IS A VIOLATION OF ETHNIC STANDERS!"
,"Very Boring, One-Horse Town"
,"Wait until my mom and my doctor see this."
,"Today we are learning about owls"
,"Mm, yeah."
,"They know Clyde Cash!"
,"HATERS TO THE LEFT"
,"Listen Hitler, I'm tired of your white-knighting!"
,"restaurants in India serve soy and veggie; cow worship; women there wear robes."
,"And look how it came out, shaped like a girl."
,"DON'T MAKE ME ASSUME MY ULTIMATE FORM!"
,"MY SOUL HURTS!"
,"FIRED FROM LIFE!!!"
,"SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL."
,"John? I'll be ready, John."
,"ENJOY THE SPAGHETTI"
,"He's fat! I'm thin!"
,"Frustration is blind"
,"Those who attempt to troll or mock will be banned"
,"oppressive and mean; employing the same censorship tactics as North Korea to continue in their efforts to kick autistics."
,"Here's uh, the first person shooter. It's got graphics in source code. God said they're dancing. Anyways, so uh, there's a potted plant."
,"you guys that most people would consider you're a set of neckbeard douche-bros, right?"
,"Where a post about Mighty Wings spawns an 11 page topic about fast food, what Mighty Wings taste like, and Chris' definition of spicy."
,"That's one way to make friends in highschool: Negotiation!"
,"above and beyond normal punishment"
,"Um, who borrowed a pair of my panties withoot asking, crapped in them and returned them? I might still wear them if it was someone cool."
,"Condensating bitches."
,"Christian is a cool guy and a great friend, and he needs your support and guidance. Don't abandon him."
,"Disclaimer - not a wizard, I just prefer their company."
,"brouhaha"
,"What if Chris bought a pint of tard cum?"
,"What if Chris had two pairs of pants?"
,"At my local comic book store there's a sign on it reminding its visitors to take showers."
,"Do the math."
,"What's wrong with being subhuman?"
,"HEH! YOU CAN PUT ME DOWN. YOU CAN SNAG MY MEDAL. BUT YOU CAN NEVER TAKE OR DESTROY MY HEART, MY SOULD, OR MY POWERS!"
,"It was a very uncomfortable ride home that day."
,"Hey Null! STOP BEING A DICK!"
,"He's broken the laws of physics by how pathetic he is."
,"The stupid bitch can't even set the house on fire. She cant even do that right."
,"If I caught this house on fire I'd probably raise the property values."
,"I think I just killed Chris Chandler, gamers, I'm sorry!"
,"They gave me a dose for schizophrenia, but I'm not schizo."
,"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-EEEEEEEEEEEE"
,"Dear leader's justice is so swift."
,"all feminist sleeper agents"
,"Excuse me, Marine coming through!"
,"This isn't autism, this is a way of life."
,"I have a real fleshlight I got free off Craigslist"
,"You have to be borderline exceptional to post on the CWCki forums"
,"I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to put a stop to CYBERBULLYING, and there are cyberbullies on here. It is your duty to have them banned."
,"Im sure you would be comfortable with Sodomy if you gave it a try"
,"M'lady."
,"Yeah I truecrypt all my Chris content and only go to the CWCki via tor"
,"how can i take a cwiki forum down?"
,"lost my virginity at 22 to a tranny like a normal person"
,"I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast"
,"WORLD-WIDE OPEN SECRET, SOLELY MR. DEC HAROLDS THE ONLY TRUE GOD IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!"
,"WORLD-WIDE DEADLY COMMUNIST GANGSTER COMPUTER GOD"
,"What the hell is a <em>LAWL</em> cow?"
,"Here I was just minding my own business enjoying my 2nd amendment rights, and you fuckers had to flip out on me."
,"You all can kiss my Vagina of my soul!"
,"Before I left I was working on a story about a fluffy pony who assassinates Kim Jong-Un."
,"Banned from chat."
,"Sayonora, assholes."
,"I'm the kind of guy who walks around my college campus, discussing grisly crime scene details into an RCA handheld voice recorder."
,"Should a portion break, put it back together with KrazyGlue."
,"Is this what you fuckers do? Mock others for eccentricities?"
,"Online comment threads are like an abusive relationship. You keep going back hoping they'll change, but you just end up getting hurt again."
,"There are sticky, lint like objects in the area of my groin, and near the perineum. They smell like death. In fact, that is what my groin smells like, even after applying Gold Bond and Lotrimin and taking a long bath."
,"Light tell gaia to please help stop the spread of ebola in Africa"
,"ever-thinning hairline that is receding"
,"Normally we would use lemons but this time we will use a stick"
,"listen, null. trolling and calling someone a wrong pronoun are different things."
,"trolling doesn't really hurt lolcows. they get angry but they pick up the pieces from their anger. the wrong pronouns are basically telling trans that their identity is not valid."
,"not using the proper pronouns should be illegal, actually. maybe you'd give a shit if it was."
,"I'm pretty positive that I'm asexual or at least sex-repulsed, and have been with my lovely boyfriend for going on 5 years now. He's supportive of my sexuality."
,"Has anyone tried calling the jail yet?"
,"You're not supposed to get a boner about 9/11!"
,"Also, there is no 'elephant in the room', because elephants are said to never forget."
,"CORPSE THTERES A CORPSE ON MY DASH"
,"Elliot Rodger was right."
,"I have begged my mother and my therapist to sleep with me out of desperation."
,"A HIGHLY armored and/or dangerous vehicle of HATE!!"
,"I may be numb over these SJW's, but there are times that I really feel sorry for being born as a male b/c of them."
,"I AM SPEAKING, AND I HAVE SPOKEN!!!"
,"Fucking faggot made me and my girlfriend break up"
,"I once spell-checked my friend's scat fanfiction."
,"Oh, My Gosh! What the hell has been screwing your mind up? Weed? Basement Loneliness? WTFH is Wrong with You?!"
,"Sonic's world would be real, I would be living on Mobius, which is Sonic's planet, I would be about 12 again, no-one would ever age, I would be friends with Sonic, Tails and the others."
,"YOU PUT ME ON A SINKING SHIP."
,"this place is fucking weird"
,"if nigge.rs was available we'd totally be nigge.rs tomorrow and nobody would have any say in it"
,"DO NOT ENGAGE IN COMBAT WITH THE RACE WAR VAN"
,"They themselves know of their many crimes. Don't hold back on these people they are monsters."
,"Coming on this forum may have been a mistake."
,"Let me be clear: the site is a wretched hive of scum and villainy, if you excuse the Star Wars reference."
,"I’m convinced a lot of the members are bona fide psychopaths looking for easy prey. If you want my advice, stay the hell away."
,"YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR LACK OF RECALL AND CORRECTIONS!!!"
,"Hand given"
,"So what you're saying is this: you participated on a board that had the purpose of making fun of people for their eccentricities, and now you're upset because the people on the board made fun of your eccentricities."
,"It shouldn't surprise anyone that those forums are full of trolls and a recent study shows that those that engage in trolling and cyberbullying share traits of the Dark Triad."
,"@Null, just nuke me you gutless motherfucker!"
,"I asked my mother to have sex with me during that horrible year of 2011 out of pure desperation, twice, and once in 2012...Which she should have done. The fact that she didn't shows just how much she cares about me and my frustration. In any normal country she'd be killed for that alone."
,"I'm running out of vaginas."
,"im going to preface this by saying i like the idea of fucking dogs."
,"So THAT is how you get into a relationship with a lesbian!! You became one!!"
,"#BetaAsFuck #PeterCoffinWasRight"
,"There was no reason in Hell for you to post on Kiwifarms. Nothing good could come of it."
,"Its amazing you all laugh at furries and accept gays. Both are deviations from the norm. Apparently tolerance is arbitrary."
,"I googled it and found hentai."
,"Cyberbullying and harassment. bullies and makes fun of people with mental illness "
,"It is a hate site to attack specific people"
,"Possible ratings manipulation. Harassment website"
,"I may have to start taking things even more seriously despite it being at max level."
,"Wizards might recollect how the normods not only suggested granting him amnesty, from a rightful exile, but donning him with the attire of the archmage."
,"It's been said multiple times I'm only allowed on this site because I provide you the lulz that you so desperately crave."
,"There is literally no hope for you kiwi whores scum of the earth, there is no saving you and you can only be dealth with in the most violent way imaginable."
,"I pray for a brave individual like Elliot Rodger to take up arms and annihilate every single one of you fuckers and every single person who shares your dead end dna."
,"They won't see the link between forehead and power and what this means."
,"srry cant hear you over the sound of my cool gender"
,"I won't respond to questions about KiwiFarms. KF is a terrorist website."
,"i don't generally think of horses as being sexual-looking, but that could be just me"
,"please dleye those posts"
,"Stop realising personal info on kiwifar and tell your friends to back off,I will no hesitate to involve the police!"
,"igor, never go to kiwifarms.net it's worse than 4chan"
,"So if you kill yourself, don't come crying to me."}
tableSize = 0
for _ in pairs(random_txt) do tableSize = tableSize + 1 end
quoteIndex = math.random(0,(tableSize - 1))
return random_txt[quoteIndex]
end