One of the things that saddens me the most about the boy is that, in his *very occasional* moments of clarity, he knows this.
He puts on a persona for the camera, everyone knows this. But I think that, every once in a while, Josh is able to look at himself in the mirror and see what he really is. He's obviously depressed but usually oblivious to his reality/way too drunk to care. But once in a while, he lets it slip through the cracks that he is just a vulnerable human being.
Just look at Porkney's stream after the second time the fucking goiter whore visited. He sounded so sad, like he knows that he must endure abuse from a BPD, ugly, saggy, busted teeth, and droopy vagina whore if he ever hopes to get any woman whatsoever. I quote: "She's not perfect, but I'm not perfect". And the reality of it is, he's right. No woman besides NAL will ever accept him. If not Jessica, only a desperate crackwhore will ever accept Josh. And he'll always be bled dry for his money/fame/house, it's impossible for a woman to ever fall in love with Josh for what he is, his accomplishments, or his personality.
I even empathize with him regarding aging. Ten years ago, the boy had a full head of hair, he was muscular, he had all of his teeth and he had *some* dreams, delusional as they were. But now he's 33. He ain't getting any better. And I think he knows this, and is feeling some sort of existential dread. His peak is gone forever. He will never be able to become the goth bad boy musician he always dreamt of, and again, I think he knows this on some level.
He backed himself into a corner. His behaviors led him down this path. It's his fucking fault, but I feel sad for him all the same. It's a modern tragedy toobz.
