KAYS COOKING

[Itspinklava]

Vlogamas Day 18

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNH5L_KiIus

Good morning guise, and welcome ot anothah vlog

And 'ere you see Curleh on his first wok of the deh

Ahnd this is Lee's breakfast

Raht gahs, so Kay's present 'as joost turned oop. Lee is slightleh annoyed that it came a deh earleh since it was supposed to arrive Friday.

But Lee also thinks that it's also nahce to get gifts earleh

Ahnd this is Lee's tea

Raht so Lee doesn't kno when yesterdeh's vlog will be ooploaded. He is having issues with his editing equiment.

The editing equipment isn't oopenin oop.

He keeps clicking on it, and he's restarted his laptop lahke 4 times. If you gahs kno what the problem is, let Lee kno

Rahnt so this is the laptop off

Lee has turned it on... it takes awhahle to load oop

Rahnt so mehbeh it's going to werk this tahme. Lee doosen't kno what's wrong, he ack'shully doosen't 'ave a clue

Finally after God knows how many times, it looks lahke it's going to werk

Raht so Lee is out on Curleh's naht wok

Lee doesn't kno why he's telling us this, he shows the same thing every deh. You alreadeh kno he's going to show Curleh in the next clip.

Rahnt so 'ere is Curleh on his naht wok. You can see him a lot more clearly on Lee's new phone

Raht, now it is time to end the vlog. Lee isn't going to spend a lot oov time rambling. He's joost going to end the videoh.

 

[Shartavius]

 

[Itspinklava]

Vlogmas Day 19

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cT08xaJdz1I

Good morning guise, and welcome to anuthuh vlog

Ahnd this is Lee's breakfast (I asked a friend approximately how big that bap would be and they said 8 inches. Lee's gunt is enormous)

Lee is 'aving ooploadin' problems again. He's calling it an "equipment mishap" but he did manage to get the vlog ooploaded.

He managed to get it opehn, but now it's joost not respondin. So Lee doosen't ackshully kno whut to dew.

Ahnd this is Lee's dinnoh

Raht so a lot of you have been askin Lee to show the decorashuns in the hoose, Lee is only willing to show the decorated paht uv the house

Raht so we've got them lahts theyuh

Ahnd these are the lahts by the window

They've also got a Merry Christmas

It's slanting. Lee didn't notice that until joost now

Ahnd there ah sum lahts over there as well

Ahnd there are Christmas cahds oop as well

Ahnd theyuhs the lahts on the kitchen doh

Rahnt, and thaht's oll the lahts in the living room

Ahnd these are the lahts at the bottom of teh staihs

If anyone is interested in the santa lahts, they ah batt'ry powered

Ahnd opposite them ah these lahts as well. They're lit'rally opposite

Ahnd these are the lahts going oopstaihs

And theyuh is a candalabra in the window... obviousleh not a real one

Ahnd these lahts as well that Lee 'as already shown oos that go awl the way around

Lee 'opes you enjoyed thaht, even though he's already shown oos

Obviousleh ahs you cahn see, Lee is oot on Curleh's naht wok

Ahnd theyuh you see Curleh on his naht wok

Raht guise, now is the tahme to end anothuh vlog.

 

[Shartavius]

It's fascinating to see how the rotting Hoylands decorate by throwing tangles of LED noise at the walls, over paintings, across doorways, and into window blinds in the manner of circus orangutans handed decorations.

 

[Cr1ms0n_&_C10v3r]

Vlogmas Day 19
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cT08xaJdz1I

I hate how he avoided giving us an actual house tour by just showing the lights again. I can't tell if he's doing this on purpose to avoid showing more of the house or is just that dim, but we actually wanted a full on tour of every nook and cranny and patch of mildew. Imagine the bathroom!

It's fascinating to see how the rotting Hoylands decorate by throwing tangles of LED noise at the walls, over paintings, across doorways, and into window blinds in the manner of circus orangutans handed decorations.

I said to someone I was showing these vlogs that this is likely because the bright flashing lights keep them stimulated and entertained for hours since they never go out or do anything, this is as exciting as life gets in this microcosm of Sheffield.

 

[Itspinklava]

Vlogmas Day 20]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPol5pPZDwA

Opploadin after 3am todeh!

Good mornin' guise

Ahnd this is Lee's breakfast (again)

Raht guise, so Lee is just getting ready to record the Christmas edition of the Uncensored podcast. If you want to know wot it's about, you're going to 'ave to watch the videoh

Raht so joost to let you kno, Lee is done with the Uncensored podcast Christmas episode. He knows that he mentioned a couple of dehs ago that he was going to record it, but for "certain reasons" he couldn't until now. Ahnd joost so everyone knows, it's not necessarily always going to be the same pee-poh in the episode.

Obviousleh whoever is availaboh to film to come on the channoh he will have on the podcast. He hopes pee-poh won't be won't be confused if different pee-poh are on the podcast.

Raht guise, so Lee has juoost finished editing the Uncensored podcast ahnd it is rendering now. Lee will let us kno when it's finished, probably the same time as this videoh (3am?)

Ahnd this is Lee's tea

Raht guise, so Lee has a question. Lee 'as been reading comments ahnd he's seen a couple ahsking him to rate his top 5 favorite Christmas songs, or his top 5 favorite Christmas movies. Would you guise lahke for Lee to make those lists into separate videos or to include it in the Christmas vlogs?

Raht so joost let 'im know, because sometimes Lee makes his reviews ahnd they are they're own videohs ahnd Lee isn't sure wot pee-poh want to see

Obviousleh ahs you cahn see, Lee is out on Curleh's naht wok

Ahnd theyuh you see Curleh on 'is naht wok

Raht, so it is now time to end this videoh. Lee cahn't believe he is still doing these vlogs He thought he would have quit by now. Obviiousleh Lee asked a quesion earlier in the videoh and he hopes pee-poh leave a comment letting 'im kno wot he should do ahnd he will catch you in tomorrow's vlog

 

[Itspinklava]

Vlogmas Day 21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn8MDVWD6T0

Good morning guise

Raht so Lee is 'aving sooch a bahd time with the Uncensored Podcast ooploadin.

He doosen't kno wot's ackshully happened, but when he dragged it ovah, it lit'rally wouldn't do it

He downloaded some othuh programs, and they didn't werk, but then the old desktop did werk, so Lee doosn't know

Raht so joost to let you guise kno, the Uncensored Podcast Christmas episode is now ooploadin ahnd it's a long videoh. Let Lee kno if you give it a watch by leaving a comment

Rahnt so Lee is out on his naht wok with Curleh

It's vereh misteh. Lee is still ooploadin' the Uncensored Podcast and has no idea when it will be done. He's joost going to leave it until it's done

Ahnd as you cahn see, there's Curleh on 'is naht wok


Lee must be in a real state over the Uncensored Podcast. We had no footage of his breakfast or dinnoh, and no goodnight. Lee didn't have any music over his outro either. No fumbs oop for Lee from me!

 

[Cherry Milk]

These updates are making my Christmas Thank you

 

[Itspinklava]

Vlogmas Day 22

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=421zLLW5Ke0

Alright Kay fans, you're in for a treat!

Good morning guise, and welcome to another vlog

Awraht guise, so a lot of you 'ave been sayin' to add more stuff to the vlogs. Someone suggested a top 5 Christmas songs list. Obviousleh Lee cahn't 'ave songs in the videoh, so here it goes

Numbah one is Slehde. Merreh Christmas bah Slehde

'Is second one is Missle-toe by Joostin Biebah

Then Oll I Want Fo Christmas Is You by Mariah Careh ahnd Joostin Beibah

Ooom, whoa, wot's futh? Cliff Richa'd. Lee cahn't remembah the nehme oof the song. Tha one "we've lobbed on the fah, and pissed on tha tree"... (Kay says off camera) "Mistletoe" Yes! Mistletoe ahnd Wine

Ahnd the lahst one Lee will listen to, but he will get a bit annoyed with... WIzah'd. Wot's the song cowwed? (Kay off camera again) "Wish it Could Be Christmas EVery Day" Yeah, thah's Lee's top five!

Obviousleh 'is top five changes from year to year. Now Lee thought he'd get 'is mom's top five

Raht, so wot is you-ah top five Mom?

Obviousleh Sleyde is going to be... Merry Christmas Everyone

iiiiiiiiiit's Chreeeeeeestmas

Two will be Shaky Stevens, but he did 2. 'E did Blue Christmas originally by Elvis Presleh ahnd Merreh Christmas. Kay also lahkes the originoh, so she's going with Merreh Christmas.

Ahnd then they-ah Weezzaad, boot everehbody knows Wizzad. See my Baby J ahnd I Wish It Could Beh Christmas Evereh Deh

Then there were anothuh one Keh lahkes to see on the telly. It were Wombling merreh Christmas by The Wombles

Ahnd really, anehthin by Michael Buble, becuase 'e is Mistah Christmas

Pee-poh were also commenting ahnd ahskin wot Lee's top 5 favorite movies are, so he's joost going to tell us

Lee onleh 'as 4 movies: Home Alone one, Home Alone 2, Die Hard one ahnd two. Lee knos a lot of pee-poh dohn't think DIe Hard is a CHristmas movie or not, but it is because it's filmed around Christmas.

Go on then Keh, wot ah your favorite Christmas movies?

Marreh Poppins ahnd The Sound uv Music aren't Christmas movies, but they ah Christmas-y. The other ones ah the same ahs Lee: Home Alone 1 ahnd 2 ahnd Die Hard

Ahnd this is Lee's dinnoh: boiled potatos ahnd chicken Kiev

Ahnd they-uh you go Curleh

Raht guise, it has come that time to end this vlog. Lee cahn't believe that it's lit'rally 2 dehs til Christmas. Lee hopes everyone is ready for Christmas and he'll see us tomorrow

Spoiler: Lee & Kay's Favorite Christmas Songs

Lee's List

Kay's List

Bonus Kay content!

Kay mentioned that she's had a lot of hospital appointments lately


Ahnd this is our end produk:

Kay says it was nahce!

 

[Itspinklava]

The Uncensored Podcast Christmas Special ‘as lit’rally joost been ooploaded. The special guest is… Kay!

The topics they discuss are: William Rush’s death (and Rush being an organ donor), President Trump’s lawsuit against the BBC and the bias of the BBC, self-driving taxis in London, and teachers wanting a 4 day work week.

 

[Shartavius]

They're like if Todd McFarlane had to come up with designs for a mother and son duo Spawn would kill because they were possessed by the same legion of demons Christ had cast into a group of pigs.

 

[GotFriedBy]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZkOY86lUjo

AND FOR MY DINNAH I AM AVIN A 2 GREGGS SOSIJ ROLLS AND ZIGGEH'S PRESERVED LIVAH

 

[Itspinklava]

Vlogmas Day 23

https://youtu.be/7WkHmZIbSRo?si=VuNuWjdot2tiPIW0

Ahnd there you see Curleh on ‘is mornin’ wok

Ahnd for lunch, Lee is ‘aving a KFC wrahp (laying bare on his sweatpants)

Raht, Lee is waiting for ‘is tahxi, he’ll let Los kno where he’s goin’ latuh

(Taxi ride)

Raht, so Lee ‘as joost finished at the optometrists. He couldn’t film inside because it were propah packed. Not much ‘as changed (with his eyes?). Lee would show decorashuns outside, boot there ahn’t any.

(Taxi ride)

Raht, Lee ‘as joost got home and everything are dun. Christmas can come. Why is is so dahk?

Tha’s bettah. Lahke he was saying, Christmas Eve is tomorro, and everything is dun. Lee cahn’t believe how fahst it’s gone.

Ahs you guise cahn see, it’s going to take ages for today’s vlog to oopload. He ‘as no idea why as it’s an 8 minute videoh.

Ahnd here you see Curleh on ‘is naht wok.

Come away frum thaht geht!



(Merry Christmas Kiwis!)

 

[Itspinklava]

Vlogmas Day 24

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VID_hoJqiPA

Good morning guise, and welcome to your Christmas Eve vlog. To start Lee's Christmas Eve, there was a powah cut

Ev'ry one knows Lee 'as sleep apnea, and he was lit'rally asleep a minute (mintue?) ago. The powah cut shut 'is machine off, ahnd he woke oop in a panic.

Lee was 'avin a dream that he coudln't tok

Lee joost checked, and the powah off was reported ahnd they're sayin it will be bahck on aht 11 or half 11. The time now is 10:46.

Joost to let you guise kno, the powah is bahck on. Stoof lahke this does 'appen, raht?

Ahnd they-uh you see Curleh on 'is fuhrst wok of the deh. There's an alahm goin' off because the powah is bahck on

Ahnd for Lee's breakfast, he is 'avin a sosij ahnd behckon sandwich

Ahnd now it is time to tell what Lee got his mum for Christmas. He onleh got free pressies. Lee knows that's not a lot. but he couldn't think oof anythin' to get her

Obviousleh he got her a ground calenduh, he also got her a selection of galexeh... choc'lats, ahnd a selection of flowers poot togethah

Lee knows pee-poh are gonna 'ave a go at 'im for onleh buying free presents, but lahke, he's gone up to her on her birthdeh ahnd Christmas ahnd ahsked her what she wanted ahnd she went "no"

Curleh's treat

Raht, so Lee is out on Curleh's Christmas Eve naht wok

Ahnd they-uh you see Curleh on 'is Christmas Eve naht wok. Tech'nicleh it's joost a no-mah naht wok

Raht so now it's com tahme to end this Christmas Eve vlog. Now it is Christmas! Merreh Christmas ev'ryone! Obviousleh Lee will be vloggin' tomorro. Lee wants to thank everehbody for watchin' these vlogs ahnd Merreh Christmas, ahnd Lee will see you tomorro

 

[Bishounen Collector]

I just like seeing Curleh living his best life. What a blessing.

 

[Shartavius]

I just like seeing Curleh living his best life. What a blessing.

He's not. That dog deserves to run free - not strain to slowly tow SmartSchoolBoy9 around the block at night.

 

[Bishounen Collector]

Disagree, Curleh is getting more than the bare minimum. What does "Run free" even mean to you?

 

[Shartavius]

What does "Run free" even mean to you?

Run = move faster than Lee Hoyland (e.g., in the manner of a greyhound).

Free = allowed movement beyond being tethered to a retarded fat fuck covered in tumors via collar or harness (e.g., an existence independent of Lee Hoyland).

Example of a greyhound not owned by Lee Hoyland:

I'm happier for Ziggeh than Curleh; because Ziggeh found his escape from the Hoyland family in death. HEAH'S YO SUPPUH PAHL.

Spoiler: Vlogmas 25

That creatively bankrupt fat faggot said he would be taking a break from vlogs until 2026. My favorite sentiment ever conveyed about Lee Hoyland was said by Josh: "I hate fucking Lee, and he looks like he works at GameStop."

He'll never admit it, but the trousers, shirts, and moles he gets for Xmas are clearly a size larger each year.

 

[Itspinklava]

Vlogmas Day 25

https://youtu.be/SUDDPhQx3WQ?si=N5gsllHXmrSMKfnC

Good morning guise, and Merry Christmas! Lee ahnd Keh are out on this bloody freezing Christmas morning takin' Curleh out fo 'is mornin' wok

Ahnd they-uh you see Curleh on his mornin' Christmas wok

Well, fo the rest uv the vlog, Lee is going to 'ave to use 'is phone fo tha simpo fakt that he has sum issue with his camera thaht he cahn onleh film for 25 seconds and it shuhts oof.

You cahn see thaht it films, ahnd then it does thaht. Lee cahn't figure out what the problem is.

Rahnt, so Lee is goinf to go through the presents 'is mum's got 'im furst

So this one is Lynx Ahfricuh

Lee cahn't see wot this one is

Sum socks!

'Is next gift is trousuhs

Oh, we've got sum t-sherts

Ahnd sum moh trousuhs

Lee doosen't kno if this one is a hoodie oh trousuhs. Kay tells him off camera "it should be trousuhs"

Keh ulso got Lee this speshul secret Sahnta present

Oh wow!!!! Lee's favorite!!! Now befoh you go on sayin' it's not healtheh, Lee knos. It's pork rinds!

Oh, one uv each!


(pure delight)

Keh wrahpped it in a dog food box

Rahnt then, tahme fo Keh to unwrahp her gifts (nice wrapping job lol)

It's the ground calunduh!

Wot is this?

Would yew lahke sum scissohs? No!

It's a Galaxeh Selection box of choc'lets!

Tahme for the lahst one! Close your eyes!

"Oh for fuck's sake!"


They've been in Lee's bedroom for a few dehs and makin' it smell absoluteleh gorgeous

Keh were not expectin' aneh flowers! But we're going to 'ave to wrahp this opp because the batt'rey is flashin' (No Curleh presents this year???)

Ahnd this is Lee's Christmos dinnoh

Ahnd they-uh you cahn see Curleh on 'is naht Christmos Deh wok, if thaht mehks sense

Raht, so it 'as now cum tahme to end this vlog, ahnd end Vlogmas. Lee cahn't believe he realleh did 25 dehs. He cahn't believe he completed Vlogmas! He hopes you had a Merreh Christmos, he realleh doos. Lee will see us sometime in 2026, and leave a fumbs oop!


(And thank you Kiwis that watched this with me!)

 

[Shartavius]

That Chrissmass Dinnoh jumpscare in the last video was the first time in many years that I instinctively retched a little at the sight of Kay's cooking (I'd fancied myself desensitized). Though it all looks like antichrist afterbirth, what specifically did it for me was the obviously raw chicken covered in instant gravy that still had clumped granules of salt and pepper in it which appears to have the texture of sand.

Kay has grown so unbelievably fat lazy with her recipe videos that I'll be surprised if we get to see any of this being prepared. Come Tuesday, we're liable to only see her make "spud-tatehs wit...spud-tahehs (and a Diet Coke)" again.