Orbiter Kat Speculation - With guest appearances by her sister, Jenna

[Iron Hamster]

And she was never much of a looker to begin with. Sure she's okay in a three beers and all the hot ones have left for the night kind of way but to marry that? No. Dark Dave has some weird ideas on what a good looking woman looks like. Especially considering the only women he's been with are Leanna and his horse.

You forget the totally hot Latina bro..............................

 

[SauceRyuKen]

And she was never much of a looker to begin with. Sure she's okay in a three beers and all the hot ones have left for the night kind of way but to marry that? No. Dark Dave has some weird ideas on what a good looking woman looks like. Especially considering the only women he's been with are Leanna and his horse.

That and this other weird "Amazing if you're shopping for a beard" way. Phil is married so he's totally not gay and totally not an incel, bros. He gets "Sex on demand!", his words, and is definitely good at it and can get it up at will even through the haze of physical atrophy and constant boozing. Panda is unpersoned so her openness about being sexually unsatisfied doesn't exist.

You're really not gonna find that many women who are just the right mixture of unambitious, sex averse and hopeless enough to move to Washington for what is essentially a live-in maid job with a non-optional fake marriage for optics in the package. All of these things that make Fhet Khet a solid 3/10 make her ideal for Phil. She flinches at physical touch so you know he doesn't have to put it in, ever. She doesn't give much of a fuck about him, but loves the wakhando "I LOVE being HERE! With......... Phil." so she's not galloping into the sunset, and she's mostly okay with cooking and cleaning. Within reason for a woman this lazy and benzo'd out of course, she'll nuke your HungryMans and clean the obvious bits once a month I assume. The AWFFICE is still caked in dust and mired in filth and Jasper's shit sits comfortably in bags in the garage for up to a MONTH, so she's not precisely a neat freak, but hey.

Phil's had to talk up how much of a domestic goddess Kat is and it still sounds underwhelming as balls. She does shake n bake chicken, hungry mans, and Fred Meyer's prepackaged tv dinners like that often repeated delicious gumbo... But they're CUSTOM MADE, dude. Because she put some garlic salt on it or something, I guess. Cool. Custom made cakes, too! Except they're Betty Crocker and all she does is slap some Peanut Butter on top of it. Phil's felt the need to bring this up often to show how much effort Fhet Khet is making for the relationship. However, the creeper shot, total absence of Fhet Khet in his content and sustained radio silence paints a much, much different picture.

Spoiler: Participation vs Apathy in relationships and Phil x Fhet Khet

Having someone take care of things for you feels amazing. You walk to the kitchen and all the dishes are done? You come home from work and the table is set with food, and the glasses already have ice in them, and all you gotta do is sit down and eat? Oh boy. Few things convey love as fast and hard as this.

Conversely, apathetic partners most often feel like shit to be with. Sometimes you're not in the mood to cook and clean, but your partner expects you to. They won't even help, they'll just sit there and demand food. They'll ocasionally point out that the house is getting dirty, but you'll rarely if ever get to see them pick up a broom. Unclogging the toilet? That's your fucking business, buddy. Even if it's the lazy-ass partner who clogged it in the first place. Common in relationships where the settler-reacher dynamic is completely out of wack and a pudgy short dude is dating a solid 9, so he's just expected to do everything for the other party as a sort of payment. Yeah, kinda trashy to think this way, and I'm not saying everyone does, but some people do. Leading me to my next point:

Phil is a superficial motherfucker. When asked what he liked about Fhet Khet, before she was Fhet Khet, he said without missing a beat "First of all, HER LOOKS." Second, "She'll be a second income." Third, "She loves cooking and cleaning!" and later "I'm really lucky to be with her. She really has a rahcking bahdy and could be a swimsuit mahdel."

So he bigged her up like crazy only for everyone to be thoroughly underhwelmed at the stuttering, benzo'd out, 3/10 Possessed Potato. Then Phil got snippy at her and threw her under the bus multiple times, all of this after she peaced out of his streams for years. Most of the stories Phil tells of Fhet Khet make her sound like an absolute mong, like the time she put sour cream instead of Devonshire Cream on her Ihop toast and looked at him like a doe in headlights, or the other time she was staring dumbfounded at the garbage disposal choking on a bone.

Not just that, but Phil, the breadwinner and sugardaddy in this relationship, CLEARLY is the reacher. He's given up looking at pixel boobies for her, though apparently talking to female fans is all good. Fhet Khet's presence at the snort fort is a boon bestowed upon the Pigroach and he'd do well to not forget that.

In short, Phil is trying to talk Fhet Khet simultaneously up and down, as in, I make her life a lot better, but she makes my life a lot better because she puts in the work for me with all her CUSTOM MADE meals and cleaning and all the time we spend out and about. Mostly time spent eating at restaurants or doordashing food, but hey.

In reality, and in spite of what Phil would have us believe, Fhet Khet is a lazy blob who mooches off of Phil, much like she was with Subaruman per his recounting of the tale, bothers to ocasionally nuke some HungryMans for him and just plays vanilla Skyrim on normal most of the time. Look, if she was into him at all, she'd be on his streams or at least take some pictures with him for social media. It was always transactional and even for transactional relationships it's a pretty low effort one.

Yeah, Phil could just admit he's a closet queen or just ban discussion on his sexuality altogether, get a real, actual live-in maid and live his best life. Alternatively, if he's shopping for gold diggers he can do a lot better, younger, hotter, and much more sexually active than Michigan's Possessed Potato.

But nope, it had to be Fhet Khet. She really is perfect for him. So in a way, they really are made for one another and we just don't "get" their relationship.

Because like many things in Phil's life, from a normal person's perspective, it just doesn't make any sense.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

You forget the totally hot Latina bro..............................

Oh yeah, the totally hot Latina that nobody else ever saw or met. Just like his claim that he had the "party room" back in college or he's retelling a story about having the runs and puking at the same time just like in South Park.

Dave lies. A lot. While I doubt he was a virgin when he met Leanna I can say that he didn't date much. Dude doesn't know how to deal with women.

@SauceRyuKen Phil's had to talk up how much of a domestic goddess Kat is and it still sounds underwhelming as balls. She does shake n bake chicken, hungry mans, and Fred Meyer's prepackaged tv dinners like that often repeated delicious gumbo... But they're CUSTOM MADE, dude. Because she put some garlic salt on it or something, I guess. Cool. Custom made cakes, too! Except they're Betty Crocker and all she does is slap some Peanut Butter on top of it. Phil's felt the need to bring this up often to show how much effort Fhet Khet is making for the relationship. However, the creeper shot, total absence of Fhet Khet in his content and sustained radio silence paints a much, much different picture.

Yeah that made me laugh when he was building her up like that. And, to be fair, at first she seemed to be actually cooking. The one Christmas where he brought her in she supposedly made these mocha brownies or something and he was raving about the food she made. But as time went by and he'd show the food she made people noticed that it was all meat and starch. And not even good looking food either.

Spoiler: nauseating food

And he never posted the food she made again because he just got ripped to shreds in the comments. She's so... Midwest in her tastes. At least Leanna had veggies and tried to expand his horizons. Now if Khet isn't making crap food they're ordering out and he eats it online. And of course she no longer appears on stream because everybody is so mean to her. Although she kinda deserves that marrying the Pigroach and all.

 

[Kosher Dill]

And not even good looking food either.

In fairness, the food was probably fine because it came right out of a box and Phil probably handheld Kat through the instructions like his dents handhold him through "Sesame Street ABC".

 

[Big Al's Famous Pork]

Kat went from giving up the ass for couches to crash on to getting her own bedroom, allowance and Doordash. She doesn't even have to give up the ass anymore. This is probably why she is a walrus now.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

In fairness, the food was probably fine because it came right out of a box and Phil probably handheld Kat through the instructions like his dents handhold him through "Sesame Street ABC".

Some things did. Other things look like she just threw shit together and hoped it would work. Like the meatloaf with big honking pieces of onion.

But Dark Dave would always claim it was the best and the adding of garlic powder or some other ingredient made it custom and therefore was equal to home made.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

Kat went from giving up the ass for couches to crash on to getting her own bedroom, allowance and Doordash. She doesn't even have to give up the ass anymore. This is probably why she is a walrus now.

Phillypoops can’t lift a gallon of milk, do you think he has the strength to part the meat canyon that is Khet’s beaver?

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

More recently Phil has started talking about her work schedule again in the last ~month but huge grain of salt - he also claimed that early this year when we know she wasn't working, and one of her days off this month just happens to coincide with his Youtube payday.

Phil let it slip yesterday in his ranting that he has to pay for his entire family. So, Kat probably hasn't been working since the Cosmetics job.

 

[Iron Hamster]

Really doesn't matter. Any information is coming from a proven liar that has also stated that her money is her money. Pick your narrative.

 

[clothes in my closet]

Phil let it slip yesterday in his ranting that he has to pay for his entire family. So, Kat probably hasn't been working since the Cosmetics job.

Khet doesnt pay / has never paid for shit. Phil's words "Her money is her money"

 

[ReentryPhantom]

Khet doesnt pay / has never paid for shit. Phil's words "Her money is her money"

Her money is her money, and his money is THEIR money.-

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

Tons of makeup vs. no makeup, unflattering camera angle and 50 pounds

Phil be like “Mah swimsuit model wife”

 

[Iron Father]

My sides just shot into orbit.

 

[Kosher Dill]

All right, I've got to know, who is that really?

 

[Big Al's Famous Pork]

All right, I've got to know, who is that really?

Jamie Brewer.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Jamie Brewer.

I looked her up and the resemblance really is something else

 

[Iron Father]

It's literally Kat!

 

[Exceptional Chimp]

Don't mind me, I'm just over here dying. Kat got fat and turned into a Downie?

Let's just call our boy DownSyndromePhil!

 

[Iron Father]

DownFromTheSyndrome.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

DownFromTheSyndrome.

Downwiththegoutness
whooo who ahahahah ackackackack