kay, so I have a story to tell you guys. I live in a suburb in New York, a little outside of NYC. One day, while I was shopping, I saw JonTron in the store. Now, of course I'm a fan of his, so I go up and say hi. We talked for a while, about trivial shit, his show and whatnot, and how it's going. As we're talking, I notice that he has a buggy behind him, with only two things in it: jugs of tard cum (about 3 or 4) and a shit load of cornbread. I'm serious, this must've been, like, $150-200 worth of cornbread. I didn't ask him about it, and I'm glad I didn't after what happened later.
Now here is where it gets really weird. I was wearing my "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" hat as always, and Jon noticed it, and made some mild remark about it. Remembering some of the jokes about The Donald he had made on his show, but knowing of his support for Ron Paul from 0:38 on the Aquaman episode, I said something along the lines of "Yeah, he's got my support. I mean, anything's better than Shillary, right?" He got real serious, and said "Well, I like Trump's border policy, but he's just a Zio-Puppet like the rest of them. Ron Paul's repeated stolen elections have convinced me that white revolution is the only way to free America from the yoke of the ZOG." So I'm thinking like, holy shit, Jon's a fucking white nationalist, I thought he was just a mild libertarian. So we talk for a few more minutes, about normal shit, too; he acted like he never said anything odd. The conversation came to Starcade, and I asked him about the SS uniform he wore once, and where he got it. He said he "borrowed it from a friend," which was weird, as I had always assumed it was some stock costume that Disney or whoever produced Starcade gave to him.
So after a while, we split up, but met up again while checking out. The cashier was some fat Tumblr feminist looking cow, dyed hair, tattoos, piercings, the whole lot, and though he tried to hide it, I noticed Jon was visibly pissed off by this. After she checked him out, he just fucking stopped, and the store went dead silent. He just stared her down for like 30 seconds, but I swear it felt like 30 minutes. Eventually she broke down crying, and ran off crying. The manager came out, this real short dude with big glasses and black curly hair; his name tag read "Goldstein" or "Goldberg" or something like that. He went up to Jon angrily, but Jon gave him the same stare and the manager just kinda skulked away. As Jon went out, he gave something like 20 bucks to this young white guy running the cash register next to where the fat chick was.
So after I checked out with the aforementioned cashier (it didn't take that long, as I didn't get that much) I went outside, and then all of the sudden this young black guy shoved me down, and yelled something like "Racist-ass Trump cracker!" before walking away. Now, I didn't want to get into a fight, so I just started picking up my stuff and dusting myself off, when all of the sudden Jon runs up, grabs the black guy by the collar, whispers something into his ear, and throws him onto the concrete. The kid was bleeding from the mouth from the impact, but got up and ran away like fucking Usaine Bolt. After this, he asked me if I was alright and went to his car. At the time I didn't know which was his, but I saw another black guy next to a car with a Confederate flag flying out the back. Jon saw this too, and ran over to it while yelling some racial slurs. I saw that the young melanin enriched individual had a baseball bat, and I inferred that he had been trying to smash up Jon's windows. As Jon was running to the black guy, he started running from the car, so Jon pulled out a fucking gun (some magnum or other revolver) and shot him in the back twice. It didn't look like it killed him, because I could see him writhing around on the ground. After this, Jon packed his groceries into the side door of his car (a big minivan, by the way), got in the front, and drove away, running over the car's would-be assailant, finishing him off once and for all. The car's license plate read "1488KKK" and I swear to God I could see a woman through the glass in the back. She was a young blonde with bound hands and a duct taped mouth, and was banging on the back window, mascara-dyed tears streaming down her face. It seems that Jon had written on her in Sharpie; her forehead read "tard cum BITCH" while her cheeks proclaimed "CORN WHORE." The police showed up a few minutes later, but when I told them who had caused this chaos, they just looked disappointed and a little unnerved, and just cleaned up the body and drove away.
The day was pretty normal aside from that. I went home, painted my Warhammer figures, had some Neapolitan ice cream, and watched Drive for like the seventeenth fucking time.
