💼 Careercow Jessa Crispin/thebookslut

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TheMonkeyMan

TheMonkeyMan

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Mar 27, 2015
EDIT: I'm sorry, everyone, I fucked up. Jessa Crispin is NOT the OKCupid user thebookslut. I think that Crispin is pretty pretentious but definitely not lolcow material, and I feel really bad about confusing them. The bookslut with the tumblr and the (now deleted) OKCupid account doesn't seem to have quite enough web presence to warrant a thread. I actually tweeted the profile to Crispin's twitter account a while back and she said that it looked like someone having a meltdown. I was prepared to just let the thread stay as is because it seemed dead but it got bumped up so I felt I just had to apologize.
 
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TheMonkeyMan said:
A while back, I was looking at women in other cities on OKCupid when one profile with the handle "thebookslut" jumped out at me. It had to be one of the most awful profiles I had ever seen. It went on forever and she seemed like the haughtiest, most judgmental person ever. Also, she seemed especially poor at compartmentalizing her online presence- her profile linked to her tumblr, which linked to an alternate tumblr which contained eight thousand bondage pictures. Christ.

A while later, I started following a relative on twitter, and I looked to see which accounts she was following. Not only was she following thebookslut's twitter account, but I was horrified to find out that thebookslut had over 40,000 twitter followers.

Here is her profile as it stands today. It is considerably longer than when I first discovered it. I quoted an earlier version in the "Horrors of Dating Sites" thread- those so inclined can pick over it for differences. Enjoy.
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So you got rejected?
 
I overall get the impression that she made that big profile looking for someone to completely ignore it and go after her anyways.
 
First, here's her Twitter for the curious.

Second, I copy-pasted that whole profile into Word to see how long it was.
It was 15 pages long and had exactly 10,475 words.

Third, this entire sentence.
I want to do my good deed for humanity by populating the world with cute, chubby, red-headed babies, buuuuuut the 9 months (actually 10 'cause 40 weeks = 10 months) of pregnancy and the hours/days of labor & delivery and the 18+ years (actually forever 'cause they'll always be your baby no matter how old they get) of selflessly caring 24/7/365 for every single physical, emotional, & mental need that a person could ever possibly have, often at the detriment/expense of your own needs (and you canNOT fuck this shit up because this isn't a Chia pet we're talking about here), and having the ultimate responsibility of KEEPING. ANOTHER. HUMAN. BEING. ALIVE makes me think I'll just stick to recycling, giving money & sandwiches to the homeless, and buying Girl Scout cookies.
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Fucking hell, her profile is a longer read than the Bible and the القرآن‎ combined. Forget the contents, the length alone is concerning.
 
So she wanted to guarantee that, for anyone who wasn't immediately turned off by the length of her profile, she included something in there that was off-putting to everybody. No wonder she's nearly 40 and still single.
 
She got someone to interview her for her own magazine.

Some highlights:


I had this thing about tasting my first black olive, it didn't make it in. It was rather a momentous event. I had run away to Ireland at 19, and was in a Spanish restaurant with a new friend. This was 1998. I had had black olives before, but they came out of a can. I grew up in Kansas, and everything came out of a can. There was this long list of foods I hated, or I thought I hated, because I hated them in canned or frozen form. And then I had run away from Kansas and everything it represented after never being anywhere ever, but I found myself on the West coast of Ireland, and there was this black olive on my plate and I thought oh gross, this is going to taste like dust and tin can and dead mouse but I put it in my mouth anyway, and it tasted only like salt and earth and hot sun and oh my god and here I was having a conversation with a much more sophisticated girl who definitely already knew black olives are magic and I had to sit there and pretend like my world was not rocked, like everything was definitely normal happening on my side of the table, but in reality I had this flash of, the world is so amazing and I just have no idea.
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It's a fucking olive.

Right. I don't know why I hate France and Paris.
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>:(

I'm just supposed to sit here and drink wine and contemplate beauty, is that really all you have for me to do here? No hard labor, no harsh conditions to survive? How boring.
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Ah yes, hard labour and harsh conditions, like flying from one European capital to the next on a whim so you can find literary inspiration. The struggle.

Yeah, the travel was almost all self-financed. Or, there was a book advance, a small one, that came in when I was about halfway done with the travel, and it covered some gaps for me. But the rest of it was paid for just with my work, which is very mobile. I review books for much of my writing career, and books can be mailed to wherever you are. I read tarot cards, and I do that over Skype from whatever time zone I'm in. I gave up my apartment to do the travel in the book, so there was suddenly all of this rent and utilities money I had access to. So it's not too hard to manage.
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Hard labour and harsh conditions to survive, indeed.
 
The Nameless One said:
So she wanted to guarantee that, for anyone who wasn't immediately turned off by the length of her profile, she included something in there that was off-putting to everybody. No wonder she's nearly 40 and still single.
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You have to give it to her, she managed to come up with one of the few dating site profiles that make a woman practically undatable.

varvarstvo said:
It's a fucking olive.
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Black olives also aren't even something that is made terrible by canning. Olives are usually preserved in something, often oil.
 
AnOminous said:
You have to give it to her, she managed to come up with one of the few dating site profiles that make a woman practically undatable.
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Ironically, her long winded manifesto has guaranteed that the ONLY people to send her messages will be guys who don't look at the profile and just say "hay gurl" or send a dick pic.
 
She seems to be rather... sensitive to criticism.

The first person I pitched was an agent who sat quietly as I talked through the idea and then said, “This is not a book. Why don’t you just write a memoir instead?” I locked myself in the bathroom and cried.
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There was a very long string of rejections, which were all along the same lines: this is too much, you’re doing too much, do less. And I respond weirdly to all of that. On the surface I start to think I should give up, but internally I get really entrenched. A “fuck-you” starts to build that becomes just 100 percent immovable.
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(Source)
 
If you're going to be that sensitive to criticism maybe you should try not to suck so badly.
 
With that list of Unacceptables she's pretty much excluded 99.9999% of all heterosexual men from eligibility.

That being said, anyone who spends that much time and energy delineating in excruciating detail the endless list of things she HATES, is probably too obnoxious, damaged and crazy for even friendship -- let alone a relationship.
 
I got curious and pasted her profile into word. It's 19 pages long, what the shit. Who would post something that long and self indulgent. I couldn't wright 19 pages about my self if you held a gun to my head.
 
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