Is it hypothetically possible to rape Santa?

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Paranoia Machine
Bruh. He's some kind of omnipresent, magic grizzly bear of a man that commands a fleet of magical flying reindeer and an army of hyper-crafty elves. On top of that he keeps an active "naughty" list.
I'm almost certain that an encounter where anyone tries to rape Santa Clause on a good day will end with just an ass beating.

What I don't trust is the "naughty" list. Why would he name it something so deviant if not to strike some kind of sadistic fear!?
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Yes, but it's tricky because he only appears when you're sleeping, when you don't have the capacity to take any conscious action.

You have to lure him in and make sure he wakes you up, make him rape you first. I'd suggest sleeping naked with your ass in the air facing the chimney. Assuming the shock of his holly jolly lolly in your festive fanny wakes you up, you can attempt to turn the tables and counter-rape him.
 
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Considering that he can see you when you're sleeping, and knows when you're awake, imma say... no.
people-santa-shawn-palek.jpg
 
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Two suggestions:
  1. Locate his Polar Workshop and residence, troon out to disguise yourself as Mrs. Claus, ambush him when he returns
  2. Create a voodoo doll to gain control of him when he's at your house. I'm no witchdoctor so idk if you need only his likeness or it needs something like a lock of hair or whatever to empower it.
 
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Bruh. He's some kind of omnipresent, magic grizzly bear of a man that commands a fleet of magical flying reindeer and an army of hyper-crafty elves. On top of that he keeps an active "naughty" list.
I'm almost certain that an encounter where anyone tries to rape Santa Clause on a good day will end with just an ass beating.

What I don't trust is the "naughty" list. Why would he name it something so deviant if not to strike some kind of sadistic fear!?
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
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