🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Holdek]

Really? Is it white now?

Just this part:

SAVED YOUR URINE IN JARS IN YOUR DORM ROOM. THE SAME DORM ROOM YOU SHARED WITH A ROOMMATE!

 

[Holdek]

The Master of Comedy wrote in his fag "joke": "Hee hee hee!! My word! You Americans and your ruddy vulgar ignorance of British idioms!"

So, Jonathan M. Sweet, who has a B.A. in English and is a former graduate student in English, thinks that the word fag as a synonym for cigarette is an idiom. By definition, an idiom is a phrase, not a single word, that has a set meaning that differs from the literal one. "Kick the bucket" is an idiom. Fag is what a Harvard English professor would call "a word." So, Sweet routinely mangles idiom in his pathetic fiction, and in his pathetic comic he reveals that he doesn't even know the difference between an idiom and a word.

It's almost impossible to understand how someone with his feeble command of the language could get into grad school in English, even at Arkansas State, where the graduate program exists almost exclusively to hand out advanced degrees to public school teachers with dubious academic credentials so they can get a small bump in pay back at Cletus Tallywhacker Middle School in Bug Tussle, Ark.

EDIT: Sorry for the DP. I'd forgotten that this thread doesn't race along at the speed of the Shaner Express.

Damn, I thought "idiom" could be a single word, too. Then again, I don't have a degree in English.

How often does Sweet actually say "nobody told me?" At the moment, I can recall only one instance where he literally said it (I can't recall the context it was said in at the moment), and one where it may have been implied (the Thunderbird thing).

Many times.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

You might miss it what with the pedo glasses and pubes haphazardly glued to his face stealing focus, but what the fuck is going on with his teeth? The underbite from nightmares.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

Damn, I thought "idiom" could be a single word, too. Then again, I don't have a degree in English.

Many people are understandably thrown off by statements like, "He speaks idiomatic English." This technically means that someone speaks English so well that they understand the language's idioms. They know the non-literal meanings of phrases like "bite the bullet" or "hit the nail on the head" or "miss the boat." Of course, a knowledge of idiomatic English must also include a solid knowledge of the vocabulary of the language. What Sweet should have written is "ignorance of British diction" or "ignorance of British English."

Anyone with a degree in English should know this. But not our Sweetums.

 

[Francis York Morgan]

And once again, we have arrived at the question of how did Sweet get an English degree when he fails so miserably at everything? As unlikely as it sounds, is it possible that his professors could see that the 'tism had rocked him hard and were taking it easy on him? It wouldn't be the first time that someone gave Sweet more than he deserved out of pity.

 

[Holdek]

What Sweet should have written is "ignorance of British diction" or "ignorance of British English."

Or even just "slang," right? "Fag" is a slang word for "cigarette?"

And once again, we have arrived at the question of how did Sweet get an English degree when he fails so miserably at everything? As unlikely as it sounds, is it possible that his professors could see that the 'tism had rocked him hard and were taking it easy on him? It wouldn't be the first time that someone gave Sweet more than he deserved out of pity.

He seems to have a decent, perhaps even above average, (compared to the general population) verbal acuity. To me he seems like Rainman but instead of being an idiot savant he's an "idiot above average" and it's verbal instead of mathematics. I don't know what the minimum GPA is to graduate ASU, but I imagine it can't be that challenging to just get by. He probably wouldn't have made it in grad school though even if he hadn't been expelled.

Just remember that Chris has a college degree too (albeit an associate's), yet .

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

And once again, we have arrived at the question of how did Sweet get an English degree when he fails so miserably at everything? As unlikely as it sounds, is it possible that his professors could see that the 'tism had rocked him hard and were taking it easy on him? It wouldn't be the first time that someone gave Sweet more than he deserved out of pity.

I sure as hell wouldn't want to face even the remote possibility of having him back in my class if he didn't get a grade high enough to pass (aka not have to take it again; a C- isn't an F but one has to get at least a C in our freshman English class in order not to have to repeat it). It's not that I'd fear his mother showing up at the university, like some "helicopter parents" do (named that because they hover over their precious darlings), or phoning the provost over Shitleigh's failure (which a real set of parents actually did when their kid failed), or any of that. (This is like showing up in the mayor's office, or maybe even the governor's, to complain about a parking ticket. It's a no-no.)

No, I think that with a piss-smelling guy who was at Creep Factor 10, I'd just have one finger on the button to call Campus Security at all times, which makes it really hard to lecture effectively when you're wondering, "Is this the day Purple Pants, Button Hat, Webelos Badge Guy finally snaps?" I'm sure he displayed creep-ass behavior in class, as well as what he did out of it -- at a college as small as ASU, I would certainly know the paper's faculty advisor, for example, and students aren't shy about telling me the failings of their fellow students (to my horror, I discovered that the brilliant sperg in one class was suffering relationship abuse, and suggested counseling about 47 times until he told me she was moving to a different dorm anyway and they would pass like ships in the night thereafter). I feel certain I would have heard about his hilarious comedy routines or his hilarious single-leaf-at-a-time salad routine by semester's end.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I'm sure he displayed creep-ass behavior in class[...]

From what I've heard, Sweet behaved himself in class, but there could've been something that made it that way after undesirable behavior happened.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

Or even just "slang," right? "Fag" is a slang word for "cigarette?"

I wouldn't object to calling it slang, although it's been in widespread use in Britain since long before the First World War. Maybe "colloquialism" would be more accurate.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

How often does Sweet actually say "nobody told me?" At the moment, I can recall only one instance where he literally said it (I can't recall the context it was said in at the moment), and one where it may have been implied (the Thunderbird thing).

"Nobody told me X" is kind of like Sweet's "Luke, I am your father". Except that Sweet has literally said it. Speaking for myself, it seems that in many instances where Jon is complaining about someone doing him wrong, whether he uses the prefix phrase or not, the intent is essentially the same: Sweet is whining like a toddler (my apologies to actual toddlers) about the fact that no one had given him the cheat codes to life, and is trying to paint the cruel irresponsibility of others for his dysfunctional lot in life.


Here are some examples of him literally saying “Nobody” or “No one told me,” and of other statements where it’s implied, that I've cribbed from his various blogs and this very thread:

No one told me about these file sharing programs before. If I'd parted company from my former alma mater on better terms, maybe I'd have gotten some actual assistance instead of "Nuh nuh nuh! You is bad! You a'most destroyded our paper. I's hate yee-oo. I's hate yee-oo!"

[This is a perfect example of the outright statement of being uninformed by anyone with the necessary information as to what to do. Jon soils himself in two ways here. First, he complains about not being told about programs that he could have easily found himself by looking up different methods of storage online. From there, he goes straight into blaming ASU for his troubles. Oh, not for teaching him how to use file-sharing programs, of course, but for not getting assistance. This bitter sense of entitlement denied shows up again and again in a number of his posts.]

My family never even told me he was getting out that day.

[This was in reference to his brother showing up and taking the computer.]

No one warned me not to get too greedy. I lost everything.

[Uh, no. No. Everyone warned Jon about getting “too greedy”. Popeye, Bugs Bunny, Mr. Rogers, Cookie Monster, and virtually every other cartoon and children’s show character warned about greed. Of course, in this instance, Jon got ‘greedy’ over fanmail and gifts that were not gifts by any reasonable definition. To which I say, hey, as long as he’s admitting that he’s been a butthole, even if he’s inaccurate, it’s still an admission.]

I wandered the hospital for eight hours. Eight...freaking...hours. I couldn't find a phone or anyone there to help me.

[The infamous hospital story, just as filled with indignant, entitled butthurt as it is baffling.]

My ex's dad was a lawyer--I could have sued that rag I worked for into oblivion. Or, he could have gotten me a job at his firm, or perhaps loaned me the cash to keep my business going after my partner skipped town. But noooooooooooooooo. I didn't know the rules, and I lost out on the best thing I ever had. I had no one in my corner when I was starting out. That's why I have devoted my work to helping young men not make the same life-rending mistakes I did in college.

[This is an example of the Unspoken NTM. Jon states that no one was in his corner, that someone could have helped him, but did not volunteer to, as if he was owed such a benefit.]

Dr. Christan Troy : Also your site is impossible to navigate. Between the broken links and the shitty mouse images it's like 1999 decided to die there.

That's not my fault, is it? I don't control my own money right now, so I can't really afford some fancy candy-ass webhost, can I? I take care of what little I am allowed to have. I'll fix the broken links, just be patient.

[Again, another unspoken indictment of society in general not doing things for Jon. The "broken links and shitty mouse images" are directly under Jon's control, here he's merely trying to deflect blame by hiding under 'innocent' ignorance of what he's doing. Incidentally, I haven't been to the Smoking Cat website recently. Are the links fixed? It seems to me that Dr. Troy has been remarkably patient.]

JMS: I actually did put together a trade paperback a couple of years ago. Here it is. I'm planning a second for later this year or early next.

Ariel: [formerly Chimpy?] How much is shipping to Australia?

JMS: You'd have to ask Mr. Tucker, Chimpy. He handles the business end.

[While this could be written off as a simple "I don't know," there are two things to keep in mind. 1. This is a question that is focused directly on the single product that Jon has produced as an independent artist. Knowing the state of the sales of his comic would be of the utmost importance if he were serious about what he was doing. 2. Once again, Jon is making it clear that, no matter how important the issue, it’s always the responsibility of someone else to know something about it, and that they would (and often should) be the ones to share the information. Jon doesn’t know about the ‘business end’ of his work, because nobody told him.]

If the colors are too bright for some of you, I did a few issues in black and white. Here's one. Funny, I always thought colors were supposed to be bright, but then, remember, I had no formal art training.

John Titor said: People were talking about your technical skills.

JMS: No, they aren't. They're yammering on with laundry lists of complaints about the colors being too bright, or they don't like the position of the speech bubbles, or they can't follow the plot (maybe that says something more about their ability to think being defective than any weakness on my part). I never had any formal training. I taught myself to draw largely from memory and what I saw on TV, like Kricfalusi. I don't use model sheets, either,

WWWWolf said: If your composition is totally out of whack and it only serves to make the comic harder to read, people are looking for other... causes on why you're doing it. Like laziness and incompetence.

Or, here's another thought: failing eyesight. I need new glasses desperately, and my depth perception is slightly out of whack. This might explain to some degree my eccentric panel structure (and why I crash into doorjambs so much). That page Fyre posts uses negative space to create an effect ...fine, sure, it's good, but not my style. I like bright colors and wild cartoonish poses. Somebody compared my art to Snuffy Smith? Okay, I downloaded a few of those cartoons--not bad. They do quite a lot with limited animation, actually. Sometimes my text runs on a bit long--big deal. I never had any formal training in ass-THE-tics and compuh-SI-shun. Blah-blah-blah-yibbeddy-yibbeddy-blah. I usu. emulate what I see in the commercial comics, so if you want to pin it on someone, blame them.

[These may seem a little abstract, but you have to remember the point of why Jon keeps up with the whole NTM shtick: He's ignorant, incompetent, and clearly slow or resistant to learning new concepts. What's more, Jon has no real agency in the world. If his brother comes home from jail and takes the computer he was working on, then it is gone, end of story. Similarly, if there are people on a website who can properly point out how crappy his artwork is from an aesthetic standpoint, he's stuck without an answer - his work sucks because it's not good enough by conventional standards, and stinks too much to be successfully unconventional.

However, if there’s one thing Jon cannot tolerate, it is accepting responsibility. It has to be someone else’s fault that he doesn’t understand something as basic as composition. He can’t draw because he can’t get his head around what he calls a “laundry list of complaints,” better known as STUFF YOU KNOW WHEN YOU’RE AN ARTIST. Thus, "I was self-taught", a statement which could be used to brag about the quality of his work, takes on a more defensive meaning. Another way of looking at it in context would be, "I was not taught by anyone willing to teach me how to draw in an aesthetically pleasing fashion," or, more simply: "Nobody told me."]

atomik fyre said: Well, why aren't you on your way to ANY of this yet? Get back into shape. It will be good for you no matter what! Just doing that alone will work wonders. Also, you should've seen a doctor a long time ago about your laryngitis and have a treatment plan worked out for it.

JMS: They tell me I need an "insurance card". I don't even know what that means, to be honest.

[Well, gee, Jon, why don’t you know what an insurance card is? Could it possibly be because nobody told you about this thing that you could easily find out about yourself?]

 

[Le Bateleur]

Fridays after Friday time again. It's short and Sweet Bro this time, basically informing us that six new editions of The Belch Dimension have been uploaded to dA. He also shows off what appear to be either rudimentary PhotoShop skillz, or an impressive knack for dressing a starfish as Dr Robotnik:

He also informs us that he's drinking watermelon-flavoured bottled water and eating cornbread, which makes me wonder whether his racism has become so pervasive that even his dietary choices are dog-whistle provocations. I guess we'll have to wait til next Friday Saturday to see if he's enjoying some fried chicken and grape soda.

Spoiler

For the benefit of Mr. Sweet, this was a joke. I don't really wonder this.

Here are the six newly-uploaded Belch Dimension comics:

http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/025-May-2007-443465506 (https://archive.is/Gfpvb)
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/026-Jun-2007-443472210 (https://archive.is/1nBkj)
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/027-Jul-2007-443473738 (https://archive.is/hkfy4)
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/028-Aug-2007-443475687 (https://archive.is/yKLGv)
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/029-Sep-2007-460723938 (https://archive.is/Bz1Ee)
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/030-Oct-2007-460725000 (https://archive.is/2HdWg)

I can't get the PDFs while I'm behind seven proxies, unfortunately.

 

[MrsFrizzle]

"my ex's dad was a lawyer"---if he means "Ashleigh" then no, he wasn't*. Nor would most people count "Ashleigh" as an ex.

*he's a Baptist, too, not Catholic

 

[DrJonesHat]

One thing I'm confused about, Sweet stalked some completely random people due to his defective reasoning processes in his quest to find Ashleigh again right?

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Fridays after Friday time again. It's short and Sweet Bro this time, basically informing us that six new editions of The Belch Dimension have been uploaded to dA. He also shows off what appear to be either rudimentary PhotoShop skillz, or an impressive knack for dressing a starfish as Dr Robotnik:

He also informs us that he's drinking watermelon-flavoured bottled water and eating cornbread, which makes me wonder whether his racism has become so pervasive that even his dietary choices are dog-whistle provocations. I guess we'll have to wait til next Friday Saturday to see if he's enjoying some fried chicken and grape soda.

Spoiler

For the benefit of Mr. Sweet, this was a joke. I don't really wonder this.

Here are the six newly-uploaded Belch Dimension comics:

http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/025-May-2007-443465506 (https://archive.is/Gfpvb)
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/026-Jun-2007-443472210 (https://archive.is/1nBkj)
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/027-Jul-2007-443473738 (https://archive.is/hkfy4)
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/028-Aug-2007-443475687 (https://archive.is/yKLGv)
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/029-Sep-2007-460723938 (https://archive.is/Bz1Ee)
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/030-Oct-2007-460725000 (https://archive.is/2HdWg)

I can't get the PDFs while I'm behind seven proxies, unfortunately.

"Six new issues (May-Oct 2007, #25-30)of The Belch Dimension are officially available for download here at deviantArt! "

You know, a great way to save space on your hard drive is to express your dog's glands on a piece of paper and just read that instead. It's better written, better looking, and not as disgusting.

 

[Sanae Kochiya]

Unfortunately, the Belch Dimension isn't loading very well for me. I blame shitty hotel wi-fi.

I'll say this, though. Between the humorous autistic adventures of the mayor of CWCville and his way past cool Electric Hedgehog Pokemon son and the racist, incoherent ramblings of some stick figure with a cape blaming everything on DEM LIBERALS, why did the less humorous and more annoying of the two have to be the one that's still being written?

 

[ToroidalBoat]

why did the less humorous and more annoying of the two have to be the one that's still being written?

>something about life being unfair sometimes

(maybe that says something more about their ability to think being defective than any weakness on my part)

There's that mistaken thinking that "all critics are automatically dumb just because they're critics" again.

 

[melty]

Well, I've been trying to read one of the new comics and it's actually pretty comprehensible. I was shocked too, but the plot actually makes sense. It's still stupid, but it logically follows. I think @Dr. Merkwurdichliebe might have something to say about the German doctor's "accent" (sorry for tagging you again...)

The panels aren't nearly as cluttered as usual. The first plot is ripped straight from 90s cartoons and involves a potion being spilled on a female dog, causing her to beef up and aggressively attack a black man which I optimistically assume is meant to be a twist on his usual set up where black people randomly attack other characters. She's cured when she and the male dog break into a dog food plant and accidentally bust open a fire hydrant which contains a cure, for some reason. Idk, I'm pretty drunk right now and not really paying all that much attention here.
The next chapter is also far less cluttered than usual, but brings back that good ol' Sweetian racism. The plot revolves around a black character who suddenly has to give an important speech tomorrow, but can't CENSORED get CENSORED over his CENSORED cussing CENSORED problem!
I don't really have anything else to say about this - I think it speaks for itself:

Next they do a "Rorschacht (sic) test," which doesn't really make sense but whatever. Finally, they devise a solution for Larry; every time he cusses, he puts a quarter in a jar. After one hour he's burnt through his entire savings of $585.50 and is able to give the speech. The cussing habit transfers to Jon and the other dude. Wah wah.
Positive things about this chapter:
-Black character accomplishes something (giving an important speech)
-Clean panels
-Text is readable
Negatives:
-Racist "parody"
-That 40 bottle just straight up looks like a dick
The third chapter is boring as shit so I didn't really read it.
I thought the very professional "PDF created with DeskPDF PDF Writer" and the date tags at the bottom of every page were interesting though (see first image with the german guy). So he wrote this in 2007-2008 and he's just now getting around to uploading it? ..what? How lazy can you be? What else do you have to do all day?

 

[Le Bateleur]

I thought the very professional "PDF created with DeskPDF PDF Writer" and the date tags at the bottom of every page were interesting though (see first image with the german guy). So he wrote this in 2007-2008 and he's just now getting around to uploading it? ..what? How lazy can you be? What else do you have to do all day?

I think 2008 was about the time that Sweet Bro's geriatric web browser finally stopped being interoperable with the modern world.

Up to this point, Sweet had transferred files between computers by emailing them to himself on his Hotmail account. He seemed inordinately proud of this, referring to it as a "backdoor" and probably thinking he was clever for having figured out this practice.

Once he was unable to access Hotmail with what was likely IE3 or something, his reaction was to complain about progressives keeping him down again. Somewhere on AJM he expresses his hope that Microsoft lost a lot of customers when they decided to close the Hotmail backdoor and end support for antiquated browsers.

This started the great CD burner saga - a CD burner being, in Sweet's rigid mind, the only alternative to the Hotmail backdoor that Steve Ballmer had no doubt personally nailed shut. (If someone had suggested he try Chrome, I expect he'd reply that he wasn't a Latino looking for hubcabs for his lowrider.) Of course the only place in the entire continental United States that Sweet could find a CD burner and a team of IT technicians who would tell him everything he needed to know was AS(S)U, from where Sweet is banned for his terroristic threats.

Now, a mere seven years later, Jon is finally once again in possession of a technological solution that will let him take files from one PC to another. I do wonder how he managed it. Then again, he does seem to be able to master some technological tools once he gets past his utter lack of initiative. His website is truly a relic - one of the irritating graphical effects is called "Netscape main animation function" - but he's managed to build the thing and keep it updated.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

Oh my. Sweetums, that's a bit racist.

I'm still amazed that this comes from a man in his thirties. The racism is at a level and features such stereotypes that I'd easily expect it from someone at least in their sixties.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

"Some say it is their friendship... their love for one another, and respect for their leader."

Jon has gone out of his way to show us that, clearly, this is a work of total fiction.