🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

I wish I had a Semper Fidelis rating to give to you brave souls.

It's sad to see communities steam rolled and wooed into submission by someone like Mr. Sweet.

On the other hand, it's very odd indeed to see something called the USASPatriot board posting a giant sign reading "Achtung! Unbefugten ist der Eintritt verboten!" Show the ultraconservative welfare leech and his taxpayer-funded college degree and his Steam Tugboat Autism Spectrum the door and all problems are solved. Freedom isn't free.

That looks like a good find, Dr M! Is it possible that you could take an archive.is copy of the page? Moronika seems to reject Tor connections, and my regular IP range also seems to have been banned because of "spamming accounts"...

Happy to oblige.

Here you go: https://archive.is/3h3Xs

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

So now his "ex" is a "wee Irish rose" from California? Pray tell, which of the women he stalked in his quest for "Ashleigh" was a redhead who got terrible sunburn? Also, when did he go to California?

I also love how he's so literal about a terrible short where a horse gives birth in a bed and he comments on how unsanitary that would be. But we're the ones who don't understand humor, I guess.

Also, did he share this tidbit before?

Weren't Jerry and Julia quite young? I'd heard they were barely out of their teens...and I've got a brother myself who married when he and his gal were just teenagers. She dropped a calf only a few months after the wedding, which made a few of the old-kraut Lutherans in my church look down their noses at us. They were together a few years, then they split, and she took the kid...and he's already on wife two though he's barely 25.

 

[John Titor]

For those who are archiving Mr. Sweet's life on the Internet, here's another site I don't think has been mentioned yet: All of Mr. Sweet's Posts from Moronika.

Most simply involve him sperging about the Three Stooges, with only one obscene detour into pubic hair and -- as you would expect -- somewhat lengthier discourses on farting.

But Post No. 12 is worth a look. It includes this gem: "I am a witer [sic] and artist; I deal daily with ignorant people . . ." That's right, other people are ignorant. But he is a "witer." Which reminded me of this.

Mr. Sweet then goes on a nice rant about how he is not -- you guessed it -- a racist (or a wacist). In this illiterate jeremiad, our "witer" also misspells propaganda and menthol, uses we as the object of a preposition, routinely puts punctuation marks outside of quotation marks and uses bigot and homophobe (instead of bigoted and homophobic) as adjectives. You have to wonder if Arkansas State doesn't have a special program that distributes bachelor's degrees in English to people like Mr. Sweet, something along the lines of a participation diploma designed to briefly raise the self-esteem of the gormless eejits and bring fleeting smiles to their MoonPie faces.

Hiding behind war crimes and pretending to care about "true racists", classy. And again with the fucking TV ratings.

Also, the Princess Peach comment stuck out to me because he doesn't strike me as a gamer for multiple reasons. I should point out that his ED page that hasn't been updated in a while said he had a Gamespot blog account. Maybe it doesn't mean anything and he was just piggybacking off their blogging tools.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

So now his "ex" is a "wee Irish rose" from California? Pray tell, which of the women he stalked in his quest for "Ashleigh" was a redhead who got terrible sunburn? Also, when did he go to California?

I also love how he's so literal about a terrible short where a horse gives birth in a bed and he comments on how unsanitary that would be. But we're the ones who don't understand humor, I guess.

Also, did he share this tidbit before?

Weren't Jerry and Julia quite young? I'd heard they were barely out of their teens...and I've got a brother myself who married when he and his gal were just teenagers. She dropped a calf only a few months after the wedding, which made a few of the old-kraut Lutherans in my church look down their noses at us. They were together a few years, then they split, and she took the kid...and he's already on wife two though he's barely 25.

The idea that Mr. Sweet attends an old-school German-Lutheran church is unbelievable. I have forebears who were German Lutherans. If they were confronted by a fellow congregant who was an able-bodied, college-educated, full-grown man who sat around the house all day farting and belching and peeing in bottles so he wouldn't miss a single precious moment of watching children's cartoons on TV, all while leeching off of his elderly mother, they would have killed him with pitchforks while screaming, "Rast macht Rost! Arbeit macht das Leben süß!" and other Teutonic bromides about the joys of work.

 

[Le Bateleur]

So now his "ex" is a "wee Irish rose" from California?

I'm pretty sure that she's the long-distance online girlfriend he met on a Daria messageboard. Brief recap of Jon's gal-pals, to the best of my knowledge and recollection:

Online girlfriend from the Daria messageboard. They don't ever seem to have met IRL, but they did collaborate on some fanfics together. He reveals her screen-name somewhere. My guess is that she's the Californian redhead.

Japanese exchange student. Sweet's dining companion at ASU. She would eat salad while Sweet would eat steak, apparently. Sweet remembers her being very thin, graceful, Asian. Jon was either too awkward to pursue a romantic relationship with her or did not realise that Japanese women were attractive to him until after their acquaintance ended. In one AJM post he pretended they were romantically involved, but explicitly contradicted this in other posts.

Ashlaaaaay Bainks. Called Jon up on the magical college dorm chinaphone in 1997. Had phone sex sessions with him over a period of five months. Almost certainly a troll. Possibly underage - 15 or so. Met him IRL for less than five minutes, ditched him upon beholding his attire. Looked like a young Alicia Silverstone according to Sweet, although this may be caused by a combination of wishful thinking and autistic faceblindness. Incompetently stalked/harassed online and IRL by Sweet since 1998 - he may very well have the wrong person due to Ashlaay giving him a fake name.

Girl who wasn't Ashlaay (GWWA). Apparently became involved with Sweet in late 1997/early 1998 after his breakup with Ashlaay. Was not as exciting or sexually provocative as Ashlaay (likely due to being a real woman and not a trollsona designed to mess with horny, naive young men). Possibly considered by Sweet to have been a present from God to compensate for losing both Ashlaay and his job as a newspaperman. Dumped by Sweet when Ashlaay started calling him again. Allegedly remains in occasional friendly contact with Sweet despite being married with two children. Sweet claims she sent him a photograph of her genitals.

Young Family Friend. Daughter of a friend of Sweet's mother. When aged 16 or 17 it was somehow suggested that she might be a suitable match for Sweet, who at the time was aged ~28. He was willing to wait until she attained majority, but in the interim the arrangement fell through.

Also, the Princess Peach comment stuck out to me because he doesn't strike me as a gamer for multiple reasons. I should point out that his ED page that hasn't been updated in a while said he had a Gamespot blog account. Maybe it doesn't mean anything and he was just piggybacking off their blogging tools.

I'm pretty sure he primarily knows about Mario through the 90s cartoon series. Also, isn't he conflating Princess Peach and Princess Daisy? As far as I remember Peach was always blonde and Daisy was always auburn.

 

[John Titor]

I'm pretty sure he primarily knows about Mario through the 90s cartoon series. Also, isn't he conflating Princess Peach and Princess Daisy? As far as I remember Peach was always blonde and Daisy was always auburn.

The original Mario cartoons had her hair as brown. If you follow the Tom Preston thread, Tom also had the same obsession with her hair color (alongside Link's) because he thinks the cartoons are canon.

 

[MrsFrizzle]

I've got a brother myself who married when he and his gal were just teenagers. She dropped a calf only a few months after the wedding, which made a few of the old-kraut Lutherans in my church look down their noses at us. They were together a few years, then they split, and she took the kid...and he's already on wife two though he's barely 25.

This is the brother who works as an EMT, not the brother who has had substance abuse issues. EMT brother seems to have his act together, and frequently posts on his daughter's social media (and vice-versa).

 

[Meowthkip]

Playing catch-up on a bunch of threads again. This is what I get for going on a nice visit out of state.

Anyway, with this fixation on sex in closets and the WC, I wonder if Sweet actually did that, or if he wanted to do that and proposed doing that to Ashleigh while mentioning his deceased dad in an attempt to score some pity sex? I'm guessing the latter.

>implying Sweets has ever known the touch of a woman

He would make a great /pol/ tripfag

I would pay money to see Sweetums on /pol/.

Pitching in for the "new forums that wouldn't immediately ban sweet," I'd like to recommend Sluthate. They don't seem to ban anyone and he'd get a little bit of complaining about ashleigh and how she's supposedly a feminist hero in before anyone figured out what was happening.
Edit: I still can't believe he got an entire forum shut down. The only other person i'm aware of with that distinction is Eliot Rodger. Another good reason for him to go to Sluthate I guess.

I think as soon as Sweets posted a photo he'd be called a subhuman 1/10 cuck.

In Sweet's profile, it says he's from "a squashed gob of dung on the Missouri Bootheel." I interpret that as living in an area of AR that's just south of that part of MO - and that he doesn't like where he lives.

Also, he likes doo-doo a lot.

Why has someone not attempted to pull a Christine on Sweets?

edit: meant Catherine

I prefer Christine.

Spoiler

He could've possibly gotten a job as a reviewer honestly. The ones that write their reviews do exist on the web, and honestly you can get paid pretty well at times for your writings. It just highlights how he has ignored every opportunity he had available in favor of wrecking his life with terrible ideas and autistic revenge plots.

I could see him being a prominent reviewer like, 10 years ago on the internet, but I think these days he'd be pretty much left in the dust by people who can do what he does but a million times better. Less competition back in the day, I guess.

There's a story called "Ear-Phonies" in there, the second half of the ish. It's got a running gag where a gang of blacks--the same ones on the cover, in fact--keeps showing up to beat this poor white kid up. It's a very funny, very surreal joke, but there's some truth to it. That's me when I was a kid. I mean, it's actually my brother Benjamin and Billy depicted there, but, eh, you see what I mean. That's my world. That's my childhood.

If you have to tell me it's funny, then it's probably not funny, Sweets.

I grew up on Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees myself. Slasher flicks. Buckets of blood. Man, I love that stuff.

I guess that's appropriate. He looks like he would fit right in with the family from The Hills Have Eyes. Maybe he could be the most horrifying unmasked Jason yet.

First: Can anyone track down more of Mr. Sweet's blogger.com posts? He seems to have been a member for many years.

Second: Back in 2009 on this site right here, Mr. Sweet -- posting under his childishly idiotic nom de plume Haggis McCrablice -- stumbled upon a fellow cartoonist who shares Mr. Sweet's problem of being unfairly accused of racism because, like Mr. Sweet, he simply draws black people as they actually appear. As you can see from the following image, with the most definitely not racist title "Horrible Mother Monkey," he is about as far from being a racist as it is possible to be.

[GALLERY=media, 325][/GALLERY]

Surprisingly, it took Mr. Sweet until the second paragraph of his reply to turn the topic from politically correct depictions of black people to college seniors having sex with 15-year-old townies.

Here you go:
____________________________

Original Poster said...

"I created something that was indeed intended NOT to be politically correct....Here's comic I drew up in which all 10 of [The Censor Monkeys] participate. In fact, someone found one of my monkeys so politically incorrect that he literally wanted to find me and kill me."

Haggis McCrablice replied...

No doubt he was a guilty white liberal, whom we know of course are absolute bastians [sic] of tolerance. Why, when they want to kill you it's only because they love you...but if we say anything critical about them we're hateful racist Nazis.

Dave, old boy, one of these paragons of love told me that my house and town should be burned down and my family, friends, and neighbors killed because of my work. This came after an image from my series appeared on a leftist website (without my permission, may I add). http://www.freewebs.com/smokingcatcomicsandcollectibles/14-00.jpg
Remember, these are the same sort of people who consider a dictator and brutal killer like Fidel Castro a genius and have no problem with 15-year-old girls propositioning random men for sex on a college campus, but a fairly truthful ink-and-paint depiction of black people [emphasis unnecessarily added, along with the comment "Christ have mercy!"] by a conservative white man utterly frosts them.

Incidentally, a racist is simply anyone who believes another race or group inferior to his own. I think the left throws around this word far too much, ignorant of its meaning, and won't accept that prejudice doesn't exist in a vaccuum; [sic] rather, some groups deserve to be screamed at for not better policing its more loud and unpleasant members. [emphasis added]
____________________________

Based on that last sentence, I think it's about time some lazy-ass white folks get up off their melanin-deficient butts and start policing Mr. Sweet.

I really wish lazy cartoonists would stop using John K's terrible social opinions to justify their racism. Guy's a great cartoonist and his work influenced me a lot but he is not somebody you should turn to for opinions on race relations.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

>implying Sweets has ever known the touch of a woman

Maybe Sweet just heard of a romp in the bathroom that someone else did and thought "by golly, that's what college hanky-panky is all about!"

 

[MrsFrizzle]

Sweet's brother B. has black friends on social media now, so somehow he escaped Sweet's crazy racism even if he did get into fights with black kids when younger.

 

[John Titor]

Maybe Sweet just heard of a romp in the bathroom that someone else did and thought "by golly, that's what college hanky-panky is all about!"

That or another movie.

Sweet's brother B. has black friends on social media now, so somehow he escaped Sweet's crazy racism even if he did get into fights with black kids when younger.

I do wonder if Jon has or had a Facebook since I think he mentioned Facebook before and even stalked one of his arch-enemies there.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

stalked one of his arch-enemies there

According to Sweet, "it wasn't stalking; it was using [his] journalism training to gather information about someone [he] was with."

 

[Picklechu]

I would honestly love to see Sweetums try and run for office. Seeing regular people react to him and his ideas would be priceless, not to mention what would happen to him in a debate or an interview. The media would love him.

 

[Meowthkip]

I would honestly love to see Sweetums try and run for office. Seeing regular people react to him and his ideas would be priceless, not to mention what would happen to him in a debate or an interview. The media would love him.

It's a shame Stephen Colbert doesn't do the Report anymore, he'd have a field day with Sweets.

 

[DrJonesHat]

He would quickly discover that his beloved conservatives hate everything about him.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

I would honestly love to see Sweetums try and run for office. Seeing regular people react to him and his ideas would be priceless, not to mention what would happen to him in a debate or an interview. The media would love him.

You all know full well that Mr. Sweet can't speak because the Liberals decided it was necessary to silence his beautiful "instrument" by afflicting him with a case of laryngitis so bad that it earns him the only "small government stipend" in the U.S. for that disorder and makes him ashamed to speak. (If they added a little bonus to his welfare check, maybe they could get him to end his childishly pathetic attempts to write and draw. It's worth looking into.)

How can he run for office as a True Conservative when he is unable to vocalize the reasoning behind his truly liberating, consummately patriotic and fully-endorsed-by-the-Founders-and-the-Constitution plans to: lower the age of consent to nine; legalize murdering blood relatives with metal pipes; decriminalize stalking; expand welfare to all victims of laryngitis; and create a Boy Scout merit badge for making terroristic threats?

 

[sonichuis44]

He would quickly discover that his beloved conservatives hate everything about him.

Well obviously. Most of them are RINOs and marshmallow moderates. I bet they don't even listen to Glenn Beck!

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

He would quickly discover that his beloved conservatives hate everything about him.

Yeah, but that's only in public. In private, I bet Dennis Hastert and Josh Duggar, to name only two, share Mr. Sweet's conservative views on lowering the age of consent to something in the high single digits, not to mention ensuring that all vehicles have large, escape-proof trunks and that every home has a soundproof basement.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

And right here on the appropriately named "Bewildering Stories" website we have yet another of Mr. Sweet's online biographical blurbs. How many of these damned things are out there?

As usual, there are details that contradict what he has posted about himself elsewhere. This time, he specifically states that he spent three years at ASU, where he "majored in psychology." We know that's not true; he has a B.A. in English from ASU. It also indicates that he didn't spend enough time at Mississippi County Community College to get even an associate's degree in psychology, much less the B.S. he elsewhere claims from that school -- which doesn't grant bachelor's degrees.

In this bio, he continues to flaunt his substandard command of Edited American English. I like this badly flawed statement in particular: "At ASU he [referring to himself, as always, in third person] wrote a historical fiction for his creative writing class . . ." You can write historical fiction; you can write science fiction; but you can't write a historical fiction or a science fiction. This next statement, on the other hand, would be sad if written by a person with even a shred of simple human decency: "The conservative ex-journalist . . . is a famous [notorious is probably the word he's groping for] figure around his community, often seen collecting aluminum cans on the highway . . ." Is the stalking, harassing, carnal-knowledge-of-a-minor-conspiring, terroristic-threat-making, wannabee skull crusher looking for sympathy?

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

And here's another of Mr. Sweet's run-ins with the administrators of Wikipedia, this time on http://wpedia.goo.ne.jp/.

If you'll scroll down, you'll find him being taken to task for his typical use of the site to promote his crappy work and to host his images and copyrighted work lifted from other locations, to which he hotlinks from other sites.

I'll continue to bang the drum about Mr. Bad Boy of College Journalism's inability to get even the simplest of facts correct. Note this section from the site linked: "'Fartknocker' is a term of derision which originated with Beavis and Butt-Head. [sic] Its meaning is uncertain, but it has been variously defined as a homosexual, an excessively flatulent person, and the sound a fart makes when it strikes a wooden chair seat, similar to someone knocking on a door."

It's meaning is not "uncertain." It means "a contemptible person" or "a fall so impressive that it knocks a fart from the person involved." None of the meanings he cites are correct. (He lifted them from his fellow morons on Urban Dictionary.) And the word did not originate with Beavis and Butt-head. A quick Google search finds the word in print as far back as 1952, 10 years before the show's creator was born.

The section where he whines about "Windows 6" not being compatible with his Yahoo mail in 2011 is pure Sweetness. Windows Six was Vista, and was fully supported in 2011 and has extended support until April 2017. (In other words, it still works "just fine.") By "Windows 6" he almost certainly means IE 6, which was so riddled with security problems that companies like Google (and probably Yahoo) started dropping support in 2009. The fact that this world-famous science fiction writer who spends his every waking minute on the Internet doesn't know the difference between an operating system and a browser is . . . well, I guess it's not really surprising at all.