🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Le Bateleur]

I had this odd idea awhile back - a "lolcow academy" for certain "people of interest". It looks like a college or high school with 90s technology, where they can seemingly live out their apparent fantasies of being perpetually stuck back in the "good old school days" and back in the 90s.

Spoiler

In reality, it's a cleverly disguised therapy program which tries to at least educate them on how to get along with others, as well as getting over any pasts that never were.

I don't think it would really work though. It's probably just as feasible as Iconoclast's "bookstore-slash-loveshy dorm" (as Shadow Fox put it).

I think it could work. Reminds me of the village in the Netherlands for dementia patients, where everything is like it was when the patients were younger.

 

[MarineTrainedTard]

"Return of the Mack", "Freshmen", "I'll Be Missing You", and "Hypnotize" are pretty legit. Listening to them with an bitter delusional middle-aged retarded nest of hideous facial hair in his shack is not.

 

[Holdek]

Does he think Old School was a documentary?

Also, serious mission of mercy stuff: it would be kind to tell him that low-income people can get help for getting new eyeglasses from their local Lions Club.

It's been mentioned here. Of course, if his glasses break and he walks into the middle of traffic and causes an accident, it'll be all "No one told me about the Lions Club!"

If so, he really does think he hasn't aged since college. And that there's nothing wrong with trying to get girls to come over to run down abandoned buildings for sex. And that it's totally not creepy at all.

He knows he's aged, he just underestimates how much of a problem that would be. He's written that he plans to lose weight and buy a wig, and then he'll look pretty much like he did half-past 18 years ago (seriously).

Which brings me to another point: he's going to "move on" whether he likes it or not, in some sense. He's going to age. His environment will change. The only thing different is that he's not trying to adapt, which hurts no one but him. Time stops for no man, and unless he invents a time machine, he's going on the ride like the rest of us.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

He's written that he plans to lose weight and buy a wig, and then he'll look pretty much like he did half-past 18 years ago.

I recall that - hence why I'm convinced he still thinks he at least hasn't really aged physically.

He's going to age. The world around him will change.

I can picture it now - a rest home in 2050: Iconoclast is mumbling stuff about "Herald", "TV ratings", "Dale", and "Ashleigh" over and over, while the other old folks around him try to ignore him by turning their attention to their holographic transparent smartphones. Later on, his last words are something about finally going back to "half past 1997", as he carries his old grudges to the grave.

I hope that he can eventually let go of his old grudges, and realize that it's not going to be 1997 again, or something like this may happen to him (even if it turns out to be less exaggerated).

 

[Ti-99/4A]

I'm sure Sweetums agrees with this guy 100%
Too bad he lacks the self awareness to realize he'd be left to wither and die along with the rest of them.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Time stops for no man, and unless he invents a time machine, he's going on the ride like the rest of us.

To be fair, nobody would have to tell Sweets about flux capacitors. He'd just have to whack his head on the bathroom sink.

 

[Bound2]

More chatbox sperging

Holdek: Frankly I don't think there's a sustainable market of guys who want to live in half-past 1997, or young girls who would be attracted to such a place.
Dr. Belch: Maybe, maybe not. But what would your buddy Tori's business model be like, I wonder? Penny his clients into their rooms late at night and then set the hall carpet on fire?
Dr. Belch: Have a girl call them up asking to meet for sex at an abandoned house and, when he comes over, have four thugs with baseball bats and tire irons inside waiting to beat and rob him? Oh, yeah, that'll show them their old life was just a lie, all right.
Dr. Belch: At least I'd be offering them some hope. Okay, forget the apartments, how about just a website? No credit card necessary, no lengthy questionnaires or fancy algorithms, we just hook our clients up with one of our random girls and see what happens.
Dr. Belch: I mean, you dismiss it as a glorified brothel and "prison" now, but this was the progressive model in 1997. Then, you people were all over it. Why the total 180?

He's talking about ToroidalBoat's idea of a lolcow academy and completely misunderstanding it. It shouldn't surprise me that he misses the point so hard but I just ... shake my head. Lolcow academy? Must be a way to rob them! There is no other possible explanation!

Well, except for the one that ToroidalBoat offered. And the addition Absinthe added in the very next post. Iconoclast, how can you be a writer when you have such poor reading comprehension?

 

[Adamska]

Wow... rather than become a landlord (a viable option and one I sadly would've encouraged him to do), Thumbelina just wants to make an escort service that he himself would abuse regularly due to autism and the desperation borne of "want woman"...

I... I need to sit down a bit. I'm not mad, just...

 

[ToroidalBoat]

More chatbox sperging

>Tori
I see I've joined the ranks of "Johnny Titknocker" and "Holly Berry" with a nickname of my own.

But yeah, how he misconstrued an idle idea of mine that I really didn't take seriously of therapists helping certain people turned into some kind of violent criminal enterprise is kind of surprising. And he references stuff from his own personal experiences (with violent twists) that I wasn't even thinking of when I typed that idea out - like phone relationships and pennies in the door.

I also see he lumps us together as "progressives". I consider myself a moderate, personally. I don't think the majority of Kiwi Farmers are actual progressives.

 

[Treenbeen]

More chatbox sperging



He's talking about ToroidalBoat's idea of a lolcow academy and completely misunderstanding it. It shouldn't surprise me that he misses the point so hard but I just ... shake my head. Lolcow academy? Must be a way to rob them! There is no other possible explanation!

Well, except for the one that ToroidalBoat offered. And the addition Absinthe added in the very next post. Iconoclast, how can you be a writer when you have such poor reading comprehension?

Woah... forget the apartments... that means... all you have is girls for sex... soooo you have a prostitution ring... yikes.

 

[Shadow Fox]

Oh my god, he's literally invoking that "I'm gonna start my own [whatever] with blackjack and hookers" gag from Futurama.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

gag from Futurama

I was just thinking that myself. "I'll start my own internet forums! [you know the rest]"

 

[Bound2]

Continued

Holdek: The two "models" are completely different. Re-read the thread again to understand why this is unworkable.
Holdek: You'd need to come up with a reason why young women would want to go to your half-past 1997 compound.
Holdek: Whereas with a university, there are young, cool guys they can meet.
Holdek: This is basic-level social dynamics.
Treenbeen: The key part you keep missing is that it's not 1997 anymore.
Dr. Belch: Tell that to the people who are looking to vote for Hillary in 2016.
HSMOF: Stop trying to hide behind others. Besides, if you can't see that Toroidal was joking, your head problems are more severe than previously estimated.
HSMOF: This is not about Hillary voters, people in 1997, or anyone else but you. Stop trying to dodge.
Dr. Belch: I don't think he was... actually, his suggestion isn't far off from the apartment housing they have for addicts. They help them to get clean and offer them small rewards for good behavior, like day passes or visits from loved ones.
Dr. Belch: But how do you propose to cure an "addiction" to the past? Okay, so my joke was taking it to the extreme, but how do you plan to show me my old life wasn't as good as I thought it was? Do I get to sit down and talk to my ex, or my former employers
Dr. Belch: in a therapy setting and have them tell me what I was really like back then? Suppose I don't want to hear it and decide living the lie was better?
Dr. Belch: Or maybe the penny thing was a genuine show of affection from fans that happened to resemble a stupid prank? When did using pennies to jam a door lock become a thing? Was it before Jan 1997? You just can't accept that I was happy. Why?
Dr. Belch: Is your life that empty that you have to belittle everyone else's joy to make yourself feel big, Holly? HSMOF? Hmmm?

tl;dr: Iconoclast dodges points, prefers to keep delusions rather than question anything, wants to know why everyone is so mean

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Thanks for putting this up, Bounce. Often when I try to read updates, the thread shoots to the end, for some reason, and I miss stuff. I appreciate it.

 

[John Titor]

Assuming Iconoclast was immortal, just how long could he not let this newspaper thing and other issues go?

Also, what's a summary of what happened at Iconoclast's time at the store? All I know is that Iconclast tried to run a store (where supposedly unruly people were customers) with some other guy who "skipped town" when it failed. Also, apparently the other guy borrowed money a lot which Iconoclast attributes to financial problems on his end.



I wonder why Iconoclast doesn't just come here and tell "Johnny Titknocker" (still making up "insulting" nicknames, I see) himself? Also, Iconoclast apparently didn't see the "at least" part before the 10 part.

(This thread probably needs a FAQ in the OP like the Nick Bate thread.)

Doesn't change the fact that he could have been a positive (using that word loosely) influence on his younger brother during half-past 1997. Where the hell was he and why did things go sour between them?

Imagine bragging about people giving you pennies. That's unbelievably sad.

Congratulations, you are post number half-past 1997!

"Hypnotize" is the only one of those I've listened to recently. It's a good song.



Hey now. College aged women are the ones who are on Tumblr posting "reblog if you're a true 90's kid!" and whatnot.

Emphasis on kid.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

I know I'm pissing in the wind, but how exactly would the "perpetually 1997" apartments work?
Would you provide a 1997 college buffet? Would the rent be based on social security disability payments? How would you convince any girl to enter what is sure to be a very creepy place let alone have sex with anyone there? Would you require these very likely to be prostitutes to dress as if they lived in 1997? Besides your comic what would the bookstore sell? Would you allow books published after 1997? How would these businesses support themselves? You didn't even complete your English or journalism degree, how do you think you will manage your own business? Don't you think it would be better to get an actual job first? Maybe move out from your mom's house?

 

[Holdek]

They seem to have taken down the shoutbox.

Jon, just come here if you want to discuss.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Well, I'll be dinged! They did shut it down!

Y'know, honestly, I wish the usapatriot folks well. I hope I didn't cause any discomfort over there (except, perhaps, for Jon), and I don't think anyone else here did either. Who knows, maybe they just took it down for maintenance or something.

 

[Bound2]

Chatbox went down yesterday. I missed Jon's reply to HSMOF before it was nuked but I don't remember him saying anything anything interesting. Just implied the nudie mags and sports bottle proved he did have fans and that he was happy then and it shouldn't be questioned, just accepted.

And yeah, Sweetie's probably not coming back

Never. Besides not letting me edit posts, you've done nothing but attack, insult, and misrepresent me there for over 100 pages, then you come here and poison our waters. We were tolerant of your presence, but you took advantage, and now many here feel upset, afraid and alienated. I gave you two chances. You don't get a third.

Jon Sweet: Decision maker of Brony Studios!

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

"...but you took advantage, and now many here feel upset, afraid and alienated."

"many here"? Huh. Um, we (Treenbeen, Holdeck, and myself) talked to exactly ... lessee, get out my slide rule ... divide by pi ... carry the zero ... Ah, here we go. ONE. ONE [1] PERSON. A. UNO. SINGLE (likely for the rest of his life). That would be Jon. And if that's the case, that Jon is the single person on the board feeling upset, afraid, and alienated, well, it's no surprise. That's how cowardly crybabies behave. Serves him right.