Dagnabbit, I just realized there was a lot more to laugh at. Alright, let's go!
Johnny "Waterboy" Boucher said:
I didn't mind the work, but I didn't like how Dale kept promising to pay me a commission when the business picked up. I told the guy his weed whacker didn't work right because there might be water in the fuel line. He took offense.
Possibly because the guy might have been a gearhead? He might've known that simple little fact, and hell, tried it out by replacing the gasoline? Also with your mastery of words and your attitude towards people, you probably pissed him off via your voice and expressions.
John Thumb Terrified of Fucking Weed Whackers said:
Dr. Belch: Why, I don't know. I just remembered something
Dale himself told me about weed whackers--they won't run if there's even a small amount of water in the gas tank. I didn't say the guy put it there. I heard some unscrupulous gas stations in the area were watering down their stuff at the pumps. Pretty chintzy. The guy leaves in a huff and takes his business elsewhere.He made me nervous , anyhow, running that thing inside. Exhaust, poor ventilation indoors, sharp blades. Very dangerous
Hm... I think that the annoying the client by voice and expressions might not be far off. I mean holy shit, you didn't even get near the device to look at it didn't you you goddamn coward. The fucking thing wasn't even on most likely and you get a fucking panic attack over a device that is pretty damn safe to handle.
It's Never My Fault said:
Dr. Belch: I was polite and helpful. Somehow I wound up getting punished for it. Dale was already mad about my brother borrowing money, and probably over that kid with the stolen mower, too (which was his fault)...but he took it out on me. Maybe if he wasn't always off blowing our take on useless junk at auctions, we'd actually have
had profits to show. Who needs a bunch of junk like pocketknives and old lamps and cherubim mantle clocks? A candy counter or a shelf of new books by up-and-coming authors, now,
There's no fucking way you were helpful if you didn't even bother to look at the weed whacker. Also, you were likely not the manager if you failed to understand what the Beau was doing. Those sessions of "going off and collecting junk" was him collecting stock and inventory for the store. The shop you were working in was a fucking pawn shop, which seemed specialized towards mechanical devices. The fact you were suggesting candy bars and books, not part of the shop vision, shows how far out of the loop you were even then.
Johnny Sweets the Auditor said:
Dr. Belch: I knew how many we had in stock. My job was to keep inventory. I learned how to do spreadsheets that summer-- only useful skill I learned from the whole mess.
It was so useful that you probably never use it anymore. On top of that, the Beau was unequivocally the boss; what he says goes you imbecile.
Mr. Sweets on How he Sees Others said:
Dr. Belch: Whoever was hot on XLibris that week. That was my publisher in those days, before I went over to Ramble House. And, yes, I was going to sell my own books too, why not? If Dale wasn't such a close-minded fool, I'd have sold a lot more.
Ah, so your ideas were all around making yourself money; you were trying to exploit the store and make money off of the Beau. No wonder he left if this is the shit he had to deal with.
As a tip that you'll never learn; people don't like to be knowingly used. You can see them as opportunities, but it's always a good idea to treat them as people first.
How Dare My Tool Not Do What I Say said:
Dr. Belch: It was in the sense that the shop closed a week before my first book came out. I lost a valuable distribution arm.
I don't think I need to say anything here; this right here shows the world how he saw his "job" at that pawn shop/machine parts store. It's also pretty much how he sees people outside of himself.
Thumbface on The Truth said:
Dr. Belch: Leaving out a pointless detail here and there doesn't mean I'm lying. Knife. Underwear. A lot of screaming. When I try to mention every little thing, I invariably get that "duhh, tl.dr" blah-blah.
No, those changes in the detailing does indicate you're a lying sack of shit. People who tell the truth are usually consistent when they tell the truth; the story's details stay the same upon each retelling. A liar's story changes usually. Ergo, you're lying.
What's a Lie? said:
Dr. Belch: What are you going on about?? Dale didn't
lose his business, he
gave it up. There's a difference. I was left to helm a sinking ship for two weeks. Did I omit the bar in one telling of the story. I'm sorry. Why does that make it a lie?
Because it changes the story. This would be like recieving the story of the Three Little Pigs from the Big Bad Wolf,
which you can get as a nice kid's book.
Well this is Intriguing said:
Dr. Belch: I thought you were confusing the 1992 incident with the 2011 incident. And to be honest, I have tried to wallop my brother so many times for his horrible behavior I've lost track.
Hmm... this seems to indicate that your tales of a "scary abusive" brother is in fact a lie. Especially considering that you've been primarily arrested for these assaults and the fact you've now admitted to trying to beat the shit out of him on a lot of occasions. Methinks you are the abusive one in that house you bastard.
Jon Has the Mind of A Murderer said:
Dr. Belch: No, "deal with him" was simply shorthand for saying, "I went and got my own weapon, a large metal bar I had secreted under my bed the last time His Stupidness threatened me, and attempted to beat some sense into his thick, empty head". Nothing is omitted except the obligatory "duhh, tl.dr".
Ahh, the explanation designed to patch a hole in the web of lies. It doesn't matter that you know that "deal with him" means bludgeoning him with rebar; we didn't know that. By the by, this implies you were possibly going to commit homicide on him... you have the attitude for it.
But thank God He's Too Shit At It For it to Happen said:
Dr. Belch: You're just arguing semantics now. "Deal with him" is perfectly acceptable. If you know the story, as I'm sure many of your friends do (even if they never get details right) they know a metal bar was involved (that time). Would you prefer "Whip his a**"?
Not if you're the only one that knows what you're talking about. This is another viable example of why Sweets may have the 'tism.
Muh Rulez said:
Dr. Belch: He couldn't be talked to; threats of police action didn't work; I'm not allowed a cell phone.. I thought maybe rearranging his spine a bit with a metal bar would clean up his attitude. Instead of cowering on the ground and begging for mercy, as I expected (as per an earlier incident where I
dealt with him), he fought back and grabbed the bar. That's when neighbors and the cops became involved. I was not allowed a cell phone; His Stupidness would never permit it. He was too afraid I'd report his dirty little dealings to the cops.
So you aren't allowed to get a cellphone because your "scary" bro refuses to allow it, but we've proven that you've attempted to assault him multiple times, and in this case try to cripple/kill him. I do not buy that Jon, and neither does Treenbeen et al.
I Feel Like I'm Talking to a Psychopath said:
Dr. Belch: I was allowed to control my money in college. I had a lot more freedom there. I was in control; I was master of my own domain. Things changed and got weird when Dale left, and not due to any "cognitive difficulties", so kindly shut up about that.
Probably because you tried to kill your brother multiple times and grew more erratic and psychotic.
I Can't Win So said:
Dr. Belch: Yab yab yab yab yab yab yab yab
blah.
No comment on this spontaneous bout of retardation.
Fekul the Incompetent said:
Dr. Belch: I don't know how to use a cell phone, okay? I prefer a landline. And for a while, he pretty much
was. He kept taking more and more of my money, ran up my credit cards, made off with a whole shedful of my cans, all to support his habit.
And there's the possible truth of the matter; you are just too damn stupid to know how to use a cell. By the way, my granny knows how to use a smart phone, so this is fucking sad.
And why no use landline to call police on your bro for theft? Or oh I dunno, go to station?
You Liar said:
Dr. Belch: I tried to see things from your point of view, but my head won't fit that far up my butt.
Now come on Sweets, you're doing that already with your self delusion.
Fuck Being Mentally Sound said:
Dr. Belch: I won't seek help because I was taught it was a ploy by "
Leo Greer" (not his real name). I've mentioned that before.
Obviously a great idea. Oh wait, no. A person with problems should always try to find help and support. That's what people do.
Nice Strawmanning Thumbelina said:
Dr. Belch: Also, what difference would it make to seek help now? "Oh, you have Asperger's Syndrome. Here, come back to ASU. Al lis forgiven!" "Why, if I'd known you had Asperger's Syndrome, I'd never have lied to you and told you I was a rich lawyer's daughter and aspiring underwear model all those years ago! Forgive me?" And my family would probably just try to take away
more of my freedoms, which I barely have now.
It would've given you access to more welfare for one thing, and the access towards government programs and support groups. It'd also give you more leeway due to the nature of disabilities. Oh wait I forgot, those are evil liberal institutions that you shun but abuse any way. Ignore what I just said.
Dr. Belch: Okay, basically, after my problems w/ The Herald, I was sent to "Dr. Greer", who said my records were frozen and he'd lift the flag if I undergo a counseling session. I did as told. Then he tells me it was just a prelim and the real session would cost $500, and until I went the flag would remain in place. I was furious. I chose to walk away. This was the same man who had previously promised to question the copy editor about the SNL sketch, and then said it "wasn't necessary". So he'd lied to me before.
I think what happened here was they found deeper problems then what they were expecting, and wanted to do more to see what was precisely going on in your mind. Therapy usually works like that. Especially since your profile seems to indicate that you have the capacity for murder, and quite possibly rape as well. I don't blame the ASU staff for wanting you to get more treatment.
Johnny the Sociopath said:
Dr. Belch: The guy who filed the charge to begin with has never been questioned. He destroyed my life. Now he's off living it up with a nice job and a decent family while I'm broken, alone, and miserable. It won't be over until I ruin him.
This is clearly a healthy thought to hold towards a person who was just doing their job. Oh wait, no. It fucking isn't. This was why they wanted to have you go through more sessions Sweet!
Dr. Belch is more Incompetent than Dr. Evil said:
Dr. Belch: I've since contacted Greer, who has since taken a position with another school, about settling the whole ASU matter. He has yet to respond.
This plan will totally work! Just like all the other plans! Oh wait, they didn't work. Do you NOT SEE the common trend here Sweet-tooth?
Bloody Hell said:
Dr. Belch: No, I tried moving on, and I found it all a ploy. My happiness is firmly in the past. That's why I want to purchase that little shop in town, to reach out to the men of my generation who miss their old college life, or didn't have the brains or the money for school the first time around, who dream of a second chance. I can build a couple of apartments in the back, bring in some wild local girls from the community college, pump in the music and the TV shows we loved from half-past 1997, really live it up.
THAT'S A LIFE PLAN SWEETS! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND GOOD IN THIS WORLD FUCKING DO IT! YOU MAY SEE THIS AS STAYING IN THE PAST, BUT THIS IS TECHNICALLY MOVING FORWARD AND AN IMPROVEMENT!
InB4 he fucks it up with poor management and delusions... then he'll use this as why his life will forever suck.
A Glimmer of Hope? said:
Dr. Belch: The bookstore would be sort of the public face of it, but the college living apartment's really where the money's at.
Yes, an apartment can do damn well for itself... bookstores optimistic, but this is very viable damn it. Don't talk, fucking act Jon!
Urrghhh... said:
Dr. Belch: Well, I need something to compete with Amazon and other online booksellers, and let's face it, men like free tail. 3 minutes ago
*Facepalms*
Online Media isn't going away Jon. It would make sales of your book far easier if you just accepted it as a means of finances.
UGGGH! said:
Dr. Belch: They did at ASU, at least in my day. I should study their business model and find out what attracted all those women to the dorms. Obviously it wasn't personality or hygiene, unless a gal goes in for getting drunk and peeing in the stairwell.
Oh GODDAMN IT!
I need to leave and go to the store now, since the last session really got to me.
