🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Shadow Fox]

Moar sexism from Jonnyboy in a 2013 thread on the Obama administration:

This is one of a dozen or so rather insulting ObamaCare ads tailored to target college students...looking at the almost insane grin on this girl's face I';m thinking she isn't even going to wait to get him to her place; these two are going to test-drive those new birth-control pills right there in the ladies' room of the restaurant or movie theater he's taking her out to...maybe sojourn to the broom closet or even the back seat of his cruddy little hybrid.

Now I know a thing or two about birth control; my ex was on the Pill. She was with seven guys before me, and likely countless more after. She's about thirty now, still hanging around at my old alma mater servicing legions of fratboys, and I guess she still looks good enough to pass herself off as a co-ed. So my question is, who is paying for her birth control now? Is she on her rich daddy the lawyer's insurance, or is it the American taxpayer? And she isn't going to be able to pass for 18 forever. When her face starts to go and her perky little yabboes start to sag in the next five years, and Daddy has cut her off because she's too old to ride on his health care train, will I also have to foot the bill for her reconstructive surgery as well? Because, hey, if I'm paying for her birth control, I'm thinking I should at least take a number, get in line and take a tumble, right? I at least want in sometime before her nips are dragging on the ground behind her when she walks.

Note how once again, Sweetie has to make the topic at hand All About Him. He's an angry neckbearded loveshy, yes, and he's going to tell you exactly why, by gadfrey! His ex was on the pill, and that dirty harlot felt obligated to have sex whenever and with whomever she wanted to, almost like she was a human being with autonomy!

Also note how derisively he refers to the notion of getting it on in a bathroom stall or broom closet when earlier in this thread he acted like that was the way his generation did things - none of this complicated """""dating"""""" nonsense that kids today put themselves through!

As has been observed previously, despite Sweet's insistence that he's paying for random women's free birth control, this is completely impossible given that he doesn't work and almost certainly hasn't sold enough books and comics to have to pay taxes.

And lest we forget that Sweets is really, really butthurt about Teh Collige Sistem:

Someone should tell this ditzy-titsy liberal feminist professor what's going on under her nose--they have successfully created a system that pretty much reduces the townie girls into a cadre of unpaid prostitutes, mindlessly servicing the needs of the campus' men--and the mustache brigade remains silent int the issue. To say nothing of how insular and sneering elitist it all is--you can't bring "outside" girls into the system, and only college men may apply (and even fewer of those eventually parlay these casual relationships into a full "real-world" paradigm).

Sweets seems to have conveniently forgotten (for the moment, at least) that those "unpaid prostitutes" are one of the "perks" of college life to which he feels so desperately entitled (along with CD burners and sumptuous 3x daily buffets).

 

[The I Scream Man]

Now I know a thing or two about birth control; my ex was on the Pill. She was with seven guys before me, and likely countless more after. She's about thirty now, still hanging around at my old alma mater servicing legions of fratboys, and I guess she still looks good enough to pass herself off as a co-ed. So my question is, who is paying for her birth control now? Is she on her rich daddy the lawyer's insurance, or is it the American taxpayer? And she isn't going to be able to pass for 18 forever. When her face starts to go and her perky little yabboes start to sag in the next five years, and Daddy has cut her off because she's too old to ride on his health care train, will I also have to foot the bill for her reconstructive surgery as well? Because, hey, if I'm paying for her birth control, I'm thinking I should at least take a number, get in line and take a tumble, right? I at least want in sometime before her nips are dragging on the ground behind her when she walks.

I feel like we have educated ourselves to the point where we know that most of this is lies. So lets just remove the supposed "facts" of the situation and concentrate on the opinion: namely, that Jon feels like he deserves to have sex with a woman, full stop, because none of that reasoning is at all believable or lives in fact. I mean, as @Shadow Fox pointed out, he doesn't even pay taxes, so he wouldn't be allowed to in the first place, to say nothing of what a heinous awful thing it is to want to literally treat a woman like cattle or some other form of property. What a hideous creature.

Someone should tell this ditzy-titsy liberal feminist professor what's going on under her nose--they have successfully created a system that pretty much reduces the townie girls into a cadre of unpaid prostitutes, mindlessly servicing the needs of the campus' men--and the mustache brigade remains silent int the issue. To say nothing of how insular and sneering elitist it all is--you can't bring "outside" girls into the system, and only college men may apply (and even fewer of those eventually parlay these casual relationships into a full "real-world" paradigm).

I think I can barely see what he's talking about but oh man, there's just so much wrong with all of this. Correct me if you think I'm not on the ball here guys, but I believe he's saying that because girls and guys get together on campus sometimes, that this is bad? Like I'm not sure what it is I'm supposed to be mad about, other than Sweetness being a goddamn retard.

 

[MarineTrainedTard]

You know, sometimes I feel a little bad for Sweet because he's obviously mentally impaired, but then he opens his mouth with unbelievably self-centered bullshit like that and all sympathy I might have is obliterated.

 

[Shadow Fox]

I think I can barely see what he's talking about but oh man, there's just so much wrong with all of this. Correct me if you think I'm not on the ball here guys, but I believe he's saying that because girls and guys get together on campus sometimes, that this is bad? Like I'm not sure what it is I'm supposed to be mad about, other than Sweetness being a goddamn exceptional individual.

At this point I don't think Sweetums himself is even sure. He's so mad about liberals, his brother, The Shop, AS(S)U, blacks, scary dogs, SNL, and/or not being allowed to have college perks without actually going to college that he's just spewing forth huge steaming gouts of the stew of impotent fury sloshing around in his head.

 

[Meowthkip]

At this point I don't think Sweetums himself is even sure. He's so mad about liberals, his brother, The Shop, AS(S)U, blacks, scary dogs, SNL, and/or not being allowed to have college perks without actually going to college that he's just spewing forth huge steaming gouts of the stew of impotent fury sloshing around in his head.

His head looks big enough that I bet you could hear it slosh.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I'm still curious what rank Iconoclast got in Boy Scouts. In order to get the highest rank, Eagle, you have to organize and participate in a service project for the community.

Also, I haven't really read through the thread - what's this business with the shop? Did that happen after the plagiarism incident?

 

[MrsFrizzle]

Wait, what ex? If he's talking about "Ashleigh", she was married and nowhere near Arkansas in 2013. Nor was she "rich", and her father was never a lawyer.

I can't figure out if he just makes shit up or if he's delusional as hell.

 

[Le Bateleur]

I've been looking through Sweet's contributions to the CWCki. It's enlightening. I'm not certain that he got his degree from ASU.

Notice in the first quote below that he talks about a "first abortive attempt at schooling" - suggesting his time at ASU was cut short. See also his reference to himself in the second quote as "a former psychology major". If he had a degree, wouldn't it be far more likely for him to have written "as a psychology graduate", or "holding a psychology degree"?

This would also tie in with his complaint, reproduced earlier in the thread, that he never received his college yearbook (complete with one of the only existing pictures of him wearing a favourite jacket) - why would he not have received a yearbook if he had completed his studies and graduated?

Could Sweet be less qualified than the man he mocks online: Christian Weston Chandler?

I funded my first abortive attempt at schooling with a grant and it took years to pay off. To say nothing of two failed small businesses, my idiot brother's growing drug habit, and my largely stagnating writing career leaving me with massive debt. I hate asking for handouts and I won't be in debt to the government. The problem isn't the money; I'm trying to clear my good name and get the flag lifted on my records at my old alma mater. I was threatened with arrest jsut for asking to visit and use a CD burner on campus for my latest book project. These are really sick people who need to be removed from power.

(Source, backup)

I mean, if Ryan Cash killed himself over a barely passable web-distributed comic, it would suggest he had some real demons. Sure, Chris isn't exactly Mr. Empathy, but to pin the boy's suicide on him and Sonichu seems a bit much. If it hadn't been this, it'd have been something else that set him off. I'm a former psychology major; I know these things. There are red flags to look out for. Had Ryan exhibited any unusual behavior prior to this? Had he sought counseling? Just curious.

Of course, if the whole Ryan thing is just an elaborate troll prank...well, brother, that's a whole new level of depravity right there, whomping up a story about a dead boy and then using it to guilt-trip some poor muddlehead with an already tenebrous grip on reality. --The Iconoclast 00:45, 2 June 2011 (PDT)

(Source, backup)

Spoiler: And for lulz here's the reply from the CWCkipedians

... I erased my original response to this before posting it. Instead, I'll just be as polite as I possibly can. "It is not for real. There is no real Ryan Cash, and to the best of all our knowledges, nobody has ever killed themselves over Sonichu. Nor has there ever been anything but one legitimate fan, and she did not kill herself. You may rest easy." That said... forgive me, but the diplomacy dyke holding back the arsehole within me groans under the weight of what I'm reading here. I would have thought that someone who "know(s) these things" and claimed authority over the world of the psychiatric would have been able to determine that the article is clearly the work of a troll. I'm 33% split between deleting this section for vandalism (obvious trolling), 33% convinced that the Internet has made you Autistic (and therefore worthy of pity), and 33% highly amused at the dichotomy of one claiming deep knowledge into the workings of the mind and simultaneously believing this hunk of cods-wallop may be true. --Ronichu 09:59, 2 June 2011 (PDT)

• HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, you're serious. Massive Dynamic 18:54, 4 June 2011 (PDT)

• I think it's sufficient to say that most of what happens with Chris is real in the same sense a reality show is "real." I think that as regards to how it should be addressed on the CWCki (to make this all on topic, given that this talk page is not a forum), the reality of Ryan Cash is irrelevant, it's the fact to how Chris reacted to the situation presented to him as real as what matters. --Champthom 23:17, 4 June 2011 (PDT)

 

[Shadow Fox]

Notice in the first quote below that he talks about a "first abortive attempt at schooling" - suggesting his time at ASU was cut short. See also his reference to himself in the second quote as "a former psychology major". If he had a degree, wouldn't it be far more likely for him to have written "as a psychology graduate", or "holding a psychology degree"?

Playing devil's advocate, he might have switched majors and studied psychology before getting his degree in something else (English, if he's to be believed). In that context, referring to himself as a "former psychology major" makes sense, I think.

That said...

I'm a former psychology major; I know these things.

 

[John Titor]

I've been looking through Sweet's contributions to the CWCki. It's enlightening. I'm not certain that he got his degree from ASU.

Notice in the first quote below that he talks about a "first abortive attempt at schooling" - suggesting his time at ASU was cut short. See also his reference to himself in the second quote as "a former psychology major". If he had a degree, wouldn't it be far more likely for him to have written "as a psychology graduate", or "holding a psychology degree"?

This would also tie in with his complaint, reproduced earlier in the thread, that he never received his college yearbook (complete with one of the only existing pictures of him wearing a favourite jacket) - why would he not have received a yearbook if he had completed his studies and graduated?

Could Sweet be less qualified than the man he mocks online: Christian Weston Chandler?


(Source, backup)


(Source, backup)

He said he got a degree but decided to go for Post-Grad studies. Too lazy to find quote.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Whabah, wait -

I funded my first abortive attempt at schooling with a grant and it took years to pay off.

Why would you have to pay off a grant?

 

[Henry Bemis]

Whabah, wait -



Why would you have to pay off a grant?

All the better to not have any namby-pamby librul money seeping into his bones.

 

[MarineTrainedTard]

Gonna go with "Sweet doesn't know what a grant is", or possibly he had to pay back the grant when he got kicked out of school (I fucking have no clue if he actually graduated or not at this point, TBQH).

 

[Francis York Morgan]

Whabah, wait -



Why would you have to pay off a grant?

The only case I can think of where you'd be required to pay off a federal grant would be if you dropped out of college. However, I think that's a pretty new thing so I guess it's safer to say Sweets doesn't understand how financial aid works and is talking out his ass (as usual).

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

English major? Oh my God. If true, that is horrifying.

He said in those talk-page excerpts that Chris has a "tenebrous" grip on reality. "Tenebrous" is a fancy word for "shadowy," like literal shadows. What he means is "tenuous," as in unsteady, barely there.

My money's on Sweets having gotten himself kicked out before managing to graduate. Hence no yearbook, and one more item in his heap of excuses not to have a job.

 

[WWWWolf]

I haven't needed to use a CD burner in over 10 years. Why doesn't he just use USB pen drives?

Or an external USB drive. I don't really trust USB flash drives for long term storage - I've run into several shitty drives that just straight up lost the information. CD-Rs from years ago are still readable. I do backups on external USB hard drives.

As I said, I'm in a little bit in the same boat as the Iconoclast in that my desktop PC is from 2005. (Running Debian 8 preview so it's still reasonably modern, tho. Would probably melt down if I tried running Windows.) I discovered that my DVD-R drive probably has a hardware failure somewhere - I can burn or rip or read one disc, eject it, close the tray, but after that, the drive just straight up refuses to do shit. Reboot clears it up, but who the fuck reboots Linux boxes? (Also, not fun if you've got tons of shit to burn)

[Edit: wtf, somehow lost this paragraph while editing] So I got an USB DVD-R drive. Which wasn't exaxtly a huge investment. 50€ on the nearest supermarket.

(Good investment, because the DVD-R drive on my laptop sucks, can't sometimes detect the disk has been changed. I can theoretically master an ISO image on the desktop, beam it over network, and burn it on the laptop. Just pain in the ass.)

"Tenebrous" is a fancy word for "shadowy," like literal shadows. What he means is "tenuous," as in unsteady, barely there.

Great. What this world really needs are more people who abuse thesauruses to appear more smart than they actually are.
"Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm anus-peptic, phrasmotic, even compunctious to have caused you such pericombobulation." - Blackadder

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

On a meta note I love that sweets brought the classic long posts out of @HSMOF. They've been greatly missed.

Hey, thanks, Doc! I really appreciate that. I just hope I'm not coming off as long-winded. I don't mean to write essays, but man - You could write a freaking book about Swee'pea.

Now I know a thing or two about birth control; my ex was on the Pill. She was with seven guys before me, and likely countless more after. She's about thirty now, still hanging around at my old alma mater servicing legions of fratboys, and I guess she still looks good enough to pass herself off as a co-ed. So my question is, who is paying for her birth control now? Is she on her rich daPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFTTTTT!!!

I feel like we have educated ourselves to the point where we know that most of this is lies.

Wait, what ex? If he's talking about "Ashleigh", she was married and nowhere near Arkansas in 2013. Nor was she "rich", and her father was never a lawyer.

I can't figure out if he just makes shit up or if he's delusional as hell.

Actually, I was curious to know what the general consensus was about Ashleigh around here. More and more, I find myself rather comfortably lodged in the "Never Existed" camp (it's pretty cool, they've got one of those water blob things). Sweet has presented absolutely nothing about Ashleigh that seems concrete. She calls him out of the blue for phone sex sessions, he sends her nudes (eugh!), they do this for about six months to a year (?), he meets her twice (but most likely once), and then that is supposed to be this uber-important relationship.

I'm not buying it. Everything about Jon's convictions concerning his beloved sounds completely specious. He called a guy who was supposed to be her father. The guy said he didn't have a daughter = High-society southern girls like to keep secrets, and her rich daddy is in on the conspiracy. It seems that Jon has made up a very detailed backstory from scant evidence for a woman who largely didn't exist to begin with.

My money's on Sweets having gotten himself kicked out before managing to graduate. Hence no yearbook, and one more item in his heap of excuses not to have a job.

And, if true, would be another example of how Christian Chandler has run circles around this guy.

 

[Francis York Morgan]

Actually, I was curious to know what the general consensus was about Ashleigh around here. More and more, I find myself rather comfortably lodged in the "Never Existed" camp (it's pretty cool, they've got one of those water blob things). Sweet has presented absolutely nothing about Ashleigh that seems concrete. She calls him out of the blue for phone sex sessions, he sends her nudes (eugh!), they do this for about six months to a year (?), he meets her twice (but most likely once), and then that is supposed to be this uber-important relationship.

I'm not buying it. Everything about Jon's convictions concerning his beloved sounds completely specious. He called a guy who was supposed to be her father. The guy said he didn't have a daughter = High-society southern girls like to keep secrets, and her rich daddy is in on the conspiracy. It seems that Jon has made up a very detailed backstory from scant evidence for a woman who largely didn't exist to begin with.

I'm also pretty confident that Ashleigh never existed. Too many inconsistencies and I think it's pretty obvious where he got the name "Ashleigh Banks" from since Sweets is terminally unimaginative.

 

[Handsome Pete]

Sweet has presented absolutely nothing about Ashleigh that seems concrete. She calls him out of the blue for phone sex sessions, he sends her nudes (eugh!), they do this for about six months to a year (?), he meets her twice (but most likely once), and then that is supposed to be this uber-important relationship.

And remember, this was the mid-90s. Sending nudes was a lot more complicated back then. The university may have had some early digital cameras sitting around, but they wouldn't have been great and I wouldn't trust Sweet to operate one. That implies he used film, and had to get those photos developed somewhere. Strangers would have seen them. Ponder that for a moment.

And then take comfort in the fact that the whole thing probably never happened.

 

[MrsFrizzle]

If he made the whole thing up, then I really pity the actual woman he has been talking smack about, sometimes using her real name, in various places on the Internet. For years and years.

But given that nothing about that woman really corresponds to what he says about "Ashleigh", it's an interesting theory for sure.