Might as well spork this as a very merry unbirthday present for you guys:
One Year Closer to Death said:
Happy birthday to me! I'm an old fart of forty-three. So how better to celebrate than with this?...
Getting treatment for your cluster B personality disorders and intentional delusions to take the blame off yourself would be a wonderful present for yourself honestly.
Ancient Delusion said:
Yesterday was not just my birthday, but the 22nd anniversary of my first article for The Herald, a piece about a big upcoming ag conference. So, I guess we should also celebrate the birthday of my newspaper career, dead at the all-too-brief age of six months by strangulation at the hands of a spiteful little
glorified copy boy.
I wonder if his first "article" was as poorly attributed, off topic, inappropriate, embarrassing, and piss poor as his other ones? Because we do have a couple of his on hands, and Jonny spent more time trying and failing to land jokes than reporting on the product. The Ross Perot article comes to mind, as well as the one where he reveals to all who read it he pees in jars.
Either way, Jonny again chooses to lie to himself by ignoring how he did things like act like a spazz in public, curse out photographers dozens of times simply for taking photos of the room he's in, chew peanuts behind people in an autistic way to get attention, and last but not least regularly intruding on conversations. Remember he did this for years at the college, and months in the paper whenever he chose to darken their doorstep. Also remember these subhuman and savage behaviors were ones he could fully control while in class. Take the L you fucking baby; the boot was on you.
No Artistic Talent said:
All I ever really wanted to do was draw some funny little cartoons for the school newspaper.
The problem is you only write and create for yourself. Only you like the stuff you make, as evidenced by minimal sales on everything you've produced.
Acted Like a Lunatic said:
If I hadn't gotten so caught up in that oh-so-addicting lifestyle
Translation: If only I didn't act like a complete and raging spazz outside of class.
Lying to Himself to Stave off Suicide said:
if I hadn't been so swayed by the fawning, if insincere, attention, and wild, lavish gifts that lifestyle entailed ...
Translation: I am choosing to believe the used bottles, the pennied in door, and the scummy poster of Pam were gifts, and not the trash and silent rebukes for my shitty behavior they were. I have commented especially that I never got over a dollar, and try desperately to sell it as luxury. I also confuse looks of annoyance with adoration due to face blindness. Lastly, I am trying to argue that a mildly unpleasant lodging for the average human was luxurious due to living in a hovel all my life.
Too Autistic to Understand Social Mores said:
if someone had warned me beforehand about the world of intrigue, overreaching ambitions, secret resentments boiling just below the surface, petty little jealousies, and vicious gossip and backstabbing that I was about to enter...
Translation: Like the quote title implies; I confuse basic social niceties with shit from a spy thriller movie due to my utter inability to understand human beings.
Chooses to Fail and Live On Dole said:
I really think I would have been a lot better off today.
Not with your fucked biochemistry Jonny. Normal humans don't try and murder people or autistically hold grudges longer than people have lived.
Hilarious Lie said:
That's why he's never bothered to use the Bach degree to write in online periodicals or journals. Or why he's never bothered to do any marginal change in life that he actually does have the means for.
DarkSydePhil said:
That's why Jonny currently lives in an apartment due to being too lazy and stupid to fix the mold problem that his house likely got torn down for.
PITY ME FOR MY OWN IDIOCY said:
I just never realized what it was I had gotten into, or what was soon to come.
Jonny also never realized that with minimal effort he could unfuck his life. Even with a crowd of people telling him how.
Cannot Take the Blame said:
Nothing that happened was my fault.
This is the core reason your life is shit. You cannot accept that you are at fault for most of your problems and thus refuse to fix them or do anything about them. This is also why I believe you'll die alone on the streets, starving to death due to being too stupid to figure out how to manage your tugboat.
No One Told Me said:
I was simply in way over my head and couldn't see it 'til it was too late.
Translation: I believed college was like Revenge of the Nerds and all the stuff Uncle TV told me and unleashed my inner monstrous tard in public for years on end, being really fucking lucky that I was not ejected sooner for this reprehensible behavior.
The Worst Birthday said:
Oh, well. Celebrated my big day by walking the dogs, sketching a couple pages, walking the dogs again, then on to a quick shower and sitting down to a big spaghetti dinner... washed down, of course, with a grape soda, the perfect (non-alcoholic) beverage to compliment an Italian meal.
I wonder if Jonny slammed his face into the meal, groaning and grunting as the noodles are horked down with a desperate unholy hunger? That's just the mental image I get whenever Jonny boy talks about how he eats. I'll chime in that it's a lame move to go for storebrand grape when Wal-Mart has Grapette for like 88 cents per 2 liter though Jonny. Better tasting too. Though I guess I should applaud you for it since it means you have one less piss jug for when you go utter couch potato.
More Vegetable than Gray Matter said:
Capped off a pretty good day by finishing the last four episodes of Riverdale (Jughead is my spirit animal) and beginning my binge of Gotham(is that black gal, Fish, trying to channel memories of a leather-clad Eartha Kitt circa 1968?) Next marathon-watch: iZombie. I never even knew they renewed the show for two more seasons. I've missed so many episodes; so lost, must catch up.
And naturally Thumb Bumbo ends his run by mindlessly watching what Uncle TV shows him. I reckon someone finally showed him how to Netflix and how it's cheaper and less annoying than TV.
