🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Meowthkip]

Secondly, no, I never licked the glass of the window in my room. I don't know what dank, dark orifice you dug that piece of stupidity from, but, please put it back. It stinks.

LOL Sweetums doesn't know what a windowlicker is.

Lemme help you out, Sweetie.

 

[Trombonista]

Sweet has terrible taste in pizza.

 

[Adamska]

This perfectly encapulates my reaction to the latest idiocy from the Kiwi Fartknockers following my last blog, in which I mentioned how much business the kids at A-State used to give the local Papa John's (though I wonder if that'll change following the John Schnatter dust-up, and if the snowflakes will be throwing their business to a more ideologically-friendly eatery in future)?

Jonny has a bug up his ass, likely from how he was responsible for the hovel falling into rot to the point he had to leave. I mean, I'd consider letting a broken window that exposed the wooden structure of the house to stay broken and then only putting particle board as a non-bandage a big reason.

It was just so ridiculous I had to laugh at the absurd battery of mental gymnastics these dinguses have to put themselves through to attack me. You just mised your shot at the Olympics by six months, fellas. Good luck in 2020.

This was the saddest "witty" take-that joke I've ever read out of him, and that's a pretty low bar to limbo under.

Okay, first, I wasn't jealous that the other guys on the floor were having pizza; I was, if anything, a bit puzzled. I mean, the grub in the Woodlands was pretty good, I found. I was partial to their pasta bar (which, I admit, would go well with a pizza-- but as I said, I prefer Little Ceasar's), and have lauded their heavenly taco pie many a time. But I realize that not everyone digs cafeteria food; I can respect that. Hey, more for me, right?

Jonny Thumbface accidentally admits here that he operates like a starving ghoul at all times and thinks the best food is in reality the most food. He's the type of ogre that if you gave him five pounds of potted meat or five ounces of filet mignon for a meal, he'd grunt and slam his face into the potted meat like a rabid coyote every time.

On that note, quail was strictly a dish for special occasions at ASU. I only tried it once, and despite what these morons think, I know the difference between it and chicken. Quail is a smaller bird and the flesh has a more piquant flavor.

Wow, he's still mad over one of us taking the piss out of him over his ignorance. This was brought up months ago, and he still feels the need to rationalize and delude himself into thinking why eating something like this:

Was a massive perk and upgrade. We see this as cheap buffet food; he saw it as a kingly feast. This implies so many things about what he eats it's funny.

Secondly, no, I never licked the glass of the window in my room. I don't know what dank, dark orifice you dug that piece of stupidity from, but, please put it back. It stinks.

Sounds like you failed to get you were called retarded with the term to me, but hey, keep projecting your issues onto others man.

Thirdly, The Herald was a part-time job, you shit-wits. And even if those Scrooges had paid me any sort of regular salary, I wouldn't have needed to spend it on food.

Dunno about that Jonny; the college cafeterias I've eaten at required you to pay them some money for the food before you could gnaw on it with the desperation of a famine victim. Also, I seem to remember that in reality your not-job was more of a club designed to build a resume than it was a job. But hey, I work in reality and live in a home and you gibber in delusion in a motel.

All I'd have to do is mention Papa John's in my next newspaper article, and my readers would give me all the pizza I could eat.

The same ones you also also believed secretly hated you... and who we know pennied you out of your dormroom.

That is the beauty of the journalism lifestyle, boys. Writin' columns, gettin' goodies.

Not even going to touch on how you don't give a single fuck about the journalism, only the delusional "gimmies" that were them throwing trash at you. Just love how you don't give a fuck on the reporting and research side of things at all. You're only pissy about not getting trinkets.

As for the Yugo... well, hey, you progressive dick-licks loved it once. You wanted it before.

I never wanted a Yugo Jonny. I'm more of a SUV or truck man since I'm too tall for subcompacts and small cars to be easy for me to drive.

Like most of the ideas your three active brain cells manage to wheeze out about once a decade, you woke up, had an existential crisis of conscience or whatever, hastily turned your back on it, and ran like hell, and now try to deny you ever embraced such a peurile notion. It was a thing. Admit it. Own it... with pride, bitches. "A liberal guy and a liberal gal/ Buy a Yugo..."

And again you assume so much based on ignorance and doubling down on people pointing out how out of touch with humanity you are Jon. The term is so far out of use that until you muttered it, I only ever heard it out of George Carlin stand-ups... from the 90s.

 

[John Titor]

Actually, I had to double-take because I saw one at the gas station this week, but couldn't get a shot of it with my phone before it left.... so it's possible, but I doubt he even saw one or even KNOWS what one looks like.

Spergy time - Yugos back in the day actually sold fairly well for what they were (a license-copy of the Fiat 125) and were done in not by product quality, but, by gross Elon Musk level mismanagment at the company HQ, where Malcom Bricklin was in charge and he ran the operation into the ground with bad deals, overexpansion, and other assorted mistakes.

In actual surveys, consumers who bought them were pleased with them because they wanted a no-frills economy car, something no major car maker in the US was offering at the time, as with today, price creep and being overloaded with features you couldn't delete was driving up the cost to the point a lot of people couldn't afford even "economy" makes.

What really did them in was Asian "economy" marques like Hyundai entering the US at the same time and offering a "better" cheap car, and Ford finally perfecting the FWD midsize car with the Taurus.



Not that I think Sweet is cognizant of any of that , though.....

Do you perhaps know why that song linked associates Yugos with Liberal hippie types? Is it an actual stereotype? I thought people bought them because they were the super cheap option. To no one's surprise, he probably took it at face value because it was featured on Rush Limbaugh's show.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Sweet's "witty" comebacks reminds me of typical playground banter.

 

[DrJonesHat]

Sweet was probably on a meal plan. So was I, but our college had an actual pizza chain on campus you could use your meal plan at. Even some places off campus would accept it as it ensured a steady stream of loyal customers who were tired of cafeteria food.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

And I see Sweet hasn't changed one bit.

(since "change is bad?")

 

[DrJonesHat]

So, could we consider Sweet a universal constant like pi or the speed of light in a vacuum?

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

He didn't really imply that he was moving on his own, so he's presumably now a middle-aged man living in a tiny apartment with his elderly mother, rather than a rotting shack. Progress!

The Blytheville Horror writes so badly that it's frequently impossible to suss out exactly what he's trying to convey.

In this instance, I got the vague impression that he is living all by himself in some bucolic rathole not far from a convenience store and a couple of low-end fast-food joints. If so, it's a situation that can't last very long. Without a tard wrangler constantly riding herd, The Giant Brain will soon be involved in what he will characterize as shenanigans, a term that the district attorney will almost certainly avoid using in the indictment.

 

[Adamska]

The Blytheville Horror writes so badly that it's frequently impossible to suss out exactly what he's trying to convey.

In this instance, I got the vague impression that he is living all by himself in some bucolic rathole not far from a convenience store and a couple of low-end fast-food joints. If so, it's a situation that can't last very long. Without a tard wrangler constantly riding herd, The Giant Brain will soon be involved in what he will characterize as shenanigans, a term that the district attorney will almost certainly avoid using in the indictment.

I dunno; my prediction is more he gives his welfare check to some retarded scam or something equally stupid. There's a reason Ma never trusted him with money after his Druggie bro stole his pre-signed checks for weed and whatever else he took. Well that and him falling for scams online too around this time, autistically thinking they'd be ways for him to duck out of a 9-to-5.

I can see Jonny being stuck outside and homeless within months, all due to his broken mind being incapable of money management.

 

[Karl der Grosse]

I hope he's got a shitty efficiency in the ghetto and the Many Coons of Jigaboo Junction rob his ass and push him around every time he walks outside. It's exactly what he deserves, and he'll get no sympathy from anyone when it happens.

I do wonder how Momma's doing, though. I hope she's OK, hopefully in a nursing home or residential facility far away from the Mold Kingdom.

 

[AnOminous]

I hope he's got a shitty efficiency in the ghetto and the Many Coons of Jigaboo Junction rob his ass and push him around every time he walks outside.

And then the savages will disappear into the night that spawned them.

 

[Picklechu]

No, Sweets, "writing columns, getting goodies" is most emphatically not what journalism is about.

Yeah, when I've organized campaign events--Republican campaign events, mind you, since we're apparently all communists--with food, I usually offer anything left to any media guys or volunteers. Reporters have never once taken any, since it would constitute a conflict of interest.

Sweet has terrible taste in pizza.

Little Caesar's is basically prison food, so Sweetums enjoying it isn't surprising. He's an impoverished, maladjusted windowlicker, so more + cheap = good.

 

[Ruin]

I get the impression the mold shack was isolated in the boonies and considering Sweet's bad attitude, confrontational nature, and affinity for piss bottles it will be interesting to see how he handles having neighbors for the first time in decades.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

I get the impression the mold shack was isolated in the boonies and considering Sweet's bad attitude, confrontational nature, and affinity for piss bottles it will be interesting to see how he handles having neighbors for the first time in decades.

The Mold Palace is -- was?-- located in a rundown, lower-middle-class subdivision on the outskirts of Blytheville. Residents of White Trash Acres would occasionally work up the gumption to request annexation by the city, but even the impoverished shithole that is Blytheville didn't want that collection of shacks.

 

[MarineTrainedTard]

Of fucking course Sweet would prefer Little Caeser's. It may taste worse than the cardboard box it comes in, but at least it's cheap.

Shit, one of my earliest memories as a wee, untrained-tard, was that there was a Little Caeser's inside the local fucking K-Mart. Who the fuck thinks "Yeah, the pizza from K-Mart is the best"?

A poverty-stricken windowlicker, that's who.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

We’ve seen how bad the mold shack was before, but how bad is it now that they were forced to vacate?
It sounds like Jon is living alone and his mom is using his tugboat to pay for his apartment and probably giving him a food allowance.

 

[DrJonesHat]

If he's living alone, we should start a pool for how long it is before he's evicted for aggravating the other tenants.

 

[Adamska]

If he's living alone, we should start a pool for how long it is before he's evicted for aggravating the other tenants.

Hmm... I actually think he might not get evicted on behavioral issues given he's a spineless and passive-aggressive coward. If anything it'd be due to him not being told you need to keep rent money in reserve and he just blows it all on Caesar's Pizza, the Taco Bell dollar menu, and on scams that Ma can't stop him from falling into.

By the way, I'm doing a re-read of this thread, and it's a similarly fun ride as it was the first time. I almost forgot how open he was about about being a horrible little gremlin of a man; like the time he used Ma's gang-related beating (the one where he hid in the house and refused to do anything to help her after phoning the police) for pity and/or to justify why he thinks black folk are subhuman monsters. Or the time he was too stupid to find a phone in a clinic for 8 hours. Or the time where he victim blames dead chicks in shootings because he's a legit virgin with rage.

I really do advocate doing a rerun at one point for anyone who just leaps into the current pages; it's fucking amazing.

 

[The I Scream Man]

@Adamska has the right of it, this truly is one of the core underrated threads in Farms history and I try to recommend it every chance I get

Regarding Little Caesars, I used to love it once upon a time (back when it was kinda good and/or my little kid taste buds couldn't tell the difference) and now I eat it once a year. Last time I tried any was in... May? And yeah little me was tarded