🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Holdek]

ou were the close friend of the managing editor and he pulled strings to let you stay and he tried desperately hard to keep you in even though everyone was getting miserably sick of you and your shit. He sacrificed his credibility with the paper for you and, from the sounds of it, you seem to have ignored every single bit of advice he tried to give you in an attempt to make you less of a fuck up so that both of you could stay on the paper. By the sounds of it, you're an absolutely horrible friend for taking him for granted, since it sounds like you never tried to change or take any advice that anyone gave you. You owe him more than a "debt you can never repay." You owe him all of the time and effort he sacrificed in an attempt to make a friend happy only for the friend to squander all of it and drag both of them under.

Not only that, Sweet has publicly disparaged this same guy for supposedly selling him out to the Herald cabal in order to save his own career.

I also believe he's the same person who Sweet harassed about getting access to the university's CD-ROM burners and then when he received a pretty strong "no," published the contents of the e-mail in a "look at this asshole!" kind of move.

 

[DrJonesHat]

I had a clubhouse growing up, but I tore it down when I entered high school. Apparently, Sweet never outgrew that phase. Also, I doubt he has any idea how to trace an IP, and even if he did, he lacks the social engineering skills that would allow him to link that IP to a real name.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

Wait, what "stuff" is he now talking about the Kiwi Farms having the ability to take away from him? What "stuff" does he even have? A really old computer? A succession of containers of disgusting fluids? When he wants to be motivated by being given more "stuff," what the hell does he even expect -- a Priority Mail box full of pennies and a Pamela Anderson poster? Does he even understand why people probably gave him water bottles (rather than Frisbees, or the other free shit credit card companies were giving college students in the '90s to get them to sign up for credit cards with brutal interest rates) -- like, what habit of his this obviously refers to?

I'm just stuck on the part about how no matter what someone intends when they leave something on your doorstep, if you like it, it's a gift. So your stalker tapes a drawing to your door of themselves brutally murdering you, and you think, "How cool, I shall add this to my collection of fine guro artwork..." or they leave you a dead cat and it happens to be dissection week in your biology class, or... I mean, it's a defense mechanism, but it's a faulty one. I happen to like poetry, but if someone slid a perfectly-rhymed, exquisitely-metered Petrarchan sonnet under my door detailing their plans to use my head as a soccer ball, I hope I would have the plain old common sense to report that shit.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Does he even understand why people probably gave him water bottles (rather than Frisbees, or the other free shit credit card companies were giving college students in the '90s to get them to sign up for credit cards with brutal interest rates) -- like, what habit of his this obviously refers to?

Oh, he understands it, alright. The thing is, he actively chooses to look at those prank gifts as genuine tokens of appreciation, regardless of what we (representatives of common sense) say.

Slightly off-topic, but this caught my eye when looking over his journal about Tin Boo-Tee:

"Sadly, at the end of the semester she had to leave abruptly to return home, and I never saw her again. There are no pictures of her in The Indian, though I did ask her to sign my book. It's one of my most treasured possessions from those days."

Man, it seems Jon had hardly any friends, even back in college. I tell you, if he wasn't such hateful, perverted cretin, I'd feel sorry for him. Still, Jon is, in fact, a hateful, perverted cretin, and as such, not only do I feel no sympathy for him, I'm fairly certain (within an acceptable margin of error) that I'd find it gutbustingly funny if I saw a video of him getting an arm blown off by illegal fireworks ("Nobody told me you were supposed to let go after lighting it!").

Anyhow, has anybody ever read Jon talking about other people he hung out with? Tin Boo-Tee seems to be the one person he has any happy memories of.

 

[Sanae Kochiya]

I'm just stuck on the part about how no matter what someone intends when they leave something on your doorstep, if you like it, it's a gift. So your stalker tapes a drawing to your door of themselves brutally murdering you, and you think, "How cool, I shall add this to my collection of fine guro artwork..." or they leave you a dead cat and it happens to be dissection week in your biology class, or... I mean, it's a defense mechanism, but it's a faulty one. I happen to like poetry, but if someone slid a perfectly-rhymed, exquisitely-metered Petrarchan sonnet under my door detailing their plans to use my head as a soccer ball, I hope I would have the plain old common sense to report that shit.

This is the man that somehow thought that having pennies stuck in his door was "gifts and accolades showered upon him by his fans." I will admit, I kinda wish I could've seen Sweets back when he was in university, because he sounds... enthralling. Just this weirdo that random does stand-up comedy in the cafeteria and spends five minutes at his doorway picking up ever single penny that was wedged into the frame because it was "a gift."

 

[Le Bateleur]

I still can't get over the account of him taking a dozen trips to the salad bar to assemble a plate of salad item-by-item. Makes me laugh every time.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

spends five minutes at his doorway picking up ever single penny that was wedged into the frame because it was "a gift."

Now who else do we know who would pick up change mockingly thrown his way? Although this certain other person knows it was due to mockery.

a dozen trips to the salad bar

No one told him he could just pile everything in that salad on at once.

 

[DrJonesHat]

The salad bar story sounds like formal thought disorder, a symptom of schizophrenia. Basically, you simply can't think in a rational manner. So, for Sweet, what he did was perfectly normal, to the rest of the world, it's really weird. Sweet may in fact not realize how bizarre his behavior is, because in his mind, it makes perfect sense. He must have a tremendous amount of mental fortitude to be as functional as he is. I know that doesn't sound like Sweet, but bear with me. The reason he doesn't do much is because it takes all his mental energy just to get through the day. It doesn't excuse his racist attitudes, and his abusive behavior, but it would explain why he seems to be supernaturally unmotivated. With formal thought disorder, learning would be very difficult for him, so that may be why he's adverse to trying new things, the past frustrations would make him risk adverse. What's sad is that with the proper meds, he could very well be fully functional.

 

[wheat pasta]

Anyhow, has anybody ever read Jon talking about other people he hung out with? Tin Boo-Tee seems to be the one person he has any happy memories of.

Assumedly, if there are other people he looks back on with fondness, we can get him to divulge in another rant-journal on deviantART. All we need to do is loudly proclaim, "NUH-UH! YEW IZ NOT HAS THAT" (whatever that inane thing he says is) and he'll immediately let us know how wrong we are and talk about these people that were totally his friends and admirers.

 

[Holdek]

Hey guys, let's watch our Conservative Hero take down his opponents by whining and then demanding stuff he hasn't earned like a 2 year old. Good strategy, you're an inspiration to all right wingers Sweet.

Also, what stuff did I or the Kiwis take away from you? AJM STUDIOS?

I actually think he's alluding to his mother here.

He does so more obviously earlier, when he complains about how she tried to convince him to move on and date a different girl than the one he was obsessed about, and to stop trying to go back to ASU but rather work and live in the doll shop she was going to open, and then both of those things fell through.

Recalling that he is not allowed to control his own money, I think his mother gives him an allowance out of his tugboat and overall makes restrictions on what he can spend his money on, which he resents in a similar way.

But he doesn't like to call out his mother by name (the closest he's come was the comic where she's nagging him about forgetting about ASU and getting a job).

 

[DrChristianTroy]

So his mom wants him to act like a grown ass man. What a bitch. Surely some cartoons will fix all this!

 

[Le Bateleur]

Sweet seems to have a good relationship with his mother, all told. She was born on 14 February, and so every year SweetMom and SweetBro have a tradition he calls "Birthentines Day" where they go out for dinner - and presumably commiserate each other on their being another year older, and still single, respectively.

He also seems genuinely worried about her health, which is nice.

He has made repeated angry references to losing control of his life and having things taken away from him, but he's never been completely open or consistent about what shape this takes. In the last days of the AJM shoutbox there was a bizarre conversation where he initially blamed his lack of a cellphone on his brother not permitting him to have one. When it was pointed out that his brother has been either in jail or living somewhere else for the past two years, he backpedaled before finally confessing that he doesn't understand how to operate a cellphone.

It does seem that for some reason he's not in control of his own finances. He makes nebulous references to his brother having stolen his identity, and this resulting in him not being able to have a bank account. There's also the curious affair of Sweet Bro's ingenious fiscal security system here he would write blank cheques and keep them in a box in his room, only for his brother to burglarise them.

Sweet may be naive in many respects, but in some instances he does have a sense of what he shouldn't discuss in detail for fear of embarrassing himself. If I had to guess, I'd venture that he may well be subject to some legal stipulation that sees his tugboat controlled by his mother. With his history of falling for "work from home" scams and apparently being the victim of theft - coupled with his criminal past - this would not surprise me.

Equally, given his history of stalking and threatening his perceived enemies, I would not be shocked to find that there are some legal restrictions on his access to cellphones.

 

[Holdek]

Anyway, yeah, Sweet could just stop replying to the thread and go do other stuff. Then this thread would eventually die down (like it did before Sweet posted on the first page of the thread that got the whole drama rolling) - sinking into the sediment of old threads like the Homer thread or the Cropperb thread.

Oh shit, there's a Cropper B thread? He's a personal fave of mine.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Cropper B thread?

I just looked on the very last page of the forum for a random example.

"Birthentines Day"

Despite that certain incident where Sweet didn't intervene, at least Sweet does seem to get along with his mom like you describe - and he doesn't physically assault his mom like a certain "latinx" potato man did, as far as we know.

Also, one reason Sweet gave for preferring checks is because he has a "special check signing pen." Another reason is probably due to him being not too keen on modern technology.

It's also been speculated by other Kiwis that Mama Sweet has taken control of his tugboat because he lacked sufficient financial responsibility. For example, he's apparently fallen for some scams.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

I like to think I've read his, uh, stuff (the word "shit" becomes genuinely disturbing here) pretty exhaustively, and except for posting the pictures from the yearbook, I don't even remember other mentions of that. Did anybody besides Racist Name Here sign his yearbook? Maybe the person that got him the job on the Herald and then was comprehensively screwed over by Sweet himself for doing so? You'd think, after posting that picture of himself looking like the Don Martin character who only said "Dawk," he could favor us with a quick scan... scanner... never mind.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

Birthentine day is both sort of sweet and autistic.

More autistic since 38.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Did anybody besides Racist Name Here sign his yearbook?

There's probably another parallel between CWC and Sweet here: both treasure their yearbooks from BEST TIMES EVAR - and more or less nobody signed them.

 

[Big Nasty]

I've been poking around a bit and found out that "welfare king" conservatives exist. They see not working and accepting government handouts as a form of tax protest, that they're the ones milking the government for money and not the other way around.

 

[AnOminous]

I've been poking around a bit and found out that "welfare king" conservatives exist. They see not working and accepting government handouts as a form of tax protest, that they're the ones milking the government for money and not the other way around.

Which to normal people, is just considered being a fucking bum and a leech.

But hey, works for them, I guess.

I bet this doesn't even dampen their enthusiasm for shitting on black people on welfare.

 

[melty]

The salad bar thing seemed like Sweet trying to clown around and do another one of his "famous" cafeteria comedy routines to me. But as he hasn't addresses it as such, maybe he really was out of it.