How fucked am I?

[Agent Abe Caprine]

I was dueling with the boys when a suspicious white van pulled up. It looked like the legendary candy van. A strange man with a funny mustache asked if we wanted free candy. I said yes. Now I have free candy and a sore butthole.

 

[School Shooter]

Fucked

 

[Blouie]

Probably fucked pretty good

 

[Ben Affleck]

its over my fren.

 

[Neo-Nazi Rich Evans]

are you a teen girl? wa sit dan schnieder in the van? if os, i hear you can get 300K in hush money out of this.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

are you a teen girl? wa sit dan schnieder in the van? if os, i hear you can get 300K in hush money out of this.

Nope. He had a mustache similar to this guy's. I'm gigafucked.

 

[Neo-Nazi Rich Evans]

Nope. He had a mustache similar to this guy's. I'm gigafucked.
View attachment 3664548

have you considered going on twitter and blaming rich evans? not a single soul on earth would question the narrative, not even rich evan himself.

 

[Jason Wynn]

You were dueling with the boys all right. They gave you a good old flesh sword duel while doing their impression of a horny Musketeer

THRUST! PARRY! RIPOSTE! …….THRUST THRUST THRUST THRUST!!!!!

the mustachioed man saved you from being gang rapiered by your homies and this is how you thank him? By accusing him of sword sodomy?

You monster.

 

[Fungible penis]

6 ways from Sunday, are you fucked.

 

[Soycast Guy]

You were fucked.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

Sounds like at least 50/50 to me.

 

[Chocolate Wombat]

Proper fucked?

 

[UncleFezziesPantsPuppet]

All your asshole virginity are belong to us.

 

[Red Hood]

Can I have your Yugioh cards?

 

[.iota.]

let us know when the rash and flu-like symptoms appear.