How do you watch paint dry?

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I like to liven it up by touching the paint every 30-40 seconds to see if it's dry yet.
 
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I masturbate furiously and use the friction heat of my dick to speed up the paint drying process. I know I could just use my hands for that, but what fun would that be?
 
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Step 1: Paint object
Step 2: Face object (sitting is optional, but recommended)
Step 3: For optimal comfort, blink intermittently and breathe
Step 4: Repeat steps 2 and 3 until paint on the surface of aforementioned object is dry

Hope this helps.
 
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