I masturbate furiously and use the friction heat of my dick to speed up the paint drying process. I know I could just use my hands for that, but what fun would that be?
Step 1: Paint object
Step 2: Face object (sitting is optional, but recommended)
Step 3: For optimal comfort, blink intermittently and breathe
Step 4: Repeat steps 2 and 3 until paint on the surface of aforementioned object is dry