How do you successfully steal a midget?

[Starslop's Adoring Fan]

They're pretty small, how hard could it be?

 

[CowPox]

Scoop one up off the sidewalk using a panel van.

 

[Uncle Phil]

Hire a dwarf tosser to launch one into another jurisdiction

 

[Cloaca Rimjob]

Kill them first so there's no witnesses

 

[Adolf Hepburn]

Midgets aren't real.

 

[Larkin N Likin]

Easily. wtf? What, do you want us to WikiHow it for you, step by step? Just pick them up and put them in the fucking sack you dunce. goddamn

 

[Dick Mason]

Let me fetch my dwarf exfiltration trenchcoat.

 

[Gangstalker #32194]

They're pretty wary people by force of habit, you'll need the element of surprise if you don't have a trap prepared. Putting one at ease would take too much time and involve witnesses. Do you need the midget in one piece?

Two words: Bear trap.

 

[Piccolo]

Box and stick trap, baited with a pot of gold.

 

[the rat]

Do be able to run faster than them in case they start running away, shouldn't be too hard really their legs are tiny.

Get a van maybe?

 

[Uncle Sid]

Just slap it on Ludacris' neck and walk on out the place like nothin' up.

 

[Gilgamesh!]

With the help of the Harlem Globetrotters, you can easily use the little guy as a basketball, and convince onlookers this is nothing more than a whimsical game of "B-Ball". Once the game is over you can simply leave with the midget and no-one will be the wiser.....

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

According to 90 Day Fiance, I meet a midget online. Spend 10+ years getting to know her and befriending her and finally meet on 90 Day Fiance. Then I refuse to have sex with her the entire time. Despite her midget hissy fit, I already stole her heart, and then I finally give in to my sick urges and when done, I can simply carry her wherever I go. She won't resist.

 

[DankSmoker]

Use a large net.

 

[eatler]

Kill them first so there's no witnesses

But how will I use a dead midget to work in a coal mine!?

 

[Cloaca Rimjob]

But how will I use a dead midget to work in a coal mine!?

A flashlight could be inserted into the anus to illuminate your surroundings.

 

[eatler]

A flashlight could be inserted into the anus to illuminate your surroundings.

Horrifying and informative

 

[Cloaca Rimjob]

Horrifying and informative

And yet you give me the horrifying rating instead of informative