How do you help a suicidal/depressed friend?

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Aug 11, 2022
My best friend is depressed, attempted suicide, failed, and is in the hospital. (No, different guy from friend with the girlfriend who's nonbinary) How do I help him?

I've told him to stop watching pornography, playing too much videogames and indudlging in these distractions. Should I call him weekly? What would you depressedkiwis want from a friend?

Help me redditbros!!11
 
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ive never been much good at helping others, but i have been very depressed throughout my adult life. i cant say for certain, since i dont know this guy's situation, but regular contact from a friend to me is a good thing. regularly talk to him and be a supportive friend. i know i didnt get that but would be very helpful to just have someone who honestly does care and would be there to talk with.

i also personally can vouch that turning off the porn, and vidya(and social media if he is on it) are good for depression. replace those with working out and a hobby or activity that keeps you engaged or doing something rather than passive dopamine consumption.problem is, i have found, is getting people to follow that adivce.
 
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Start a routine for evening walks with them. Just make it a thing, get them out into nature or just a bit of fresh air and light exercise with a friend. Make it out like you need someone to exercise with if he's the proud or stubborn type. Chat shit about what you see on the way. Never underestimate the power of seeing a bit of unexpected wildlife or cool landscapes with your bros. The trick here is getting him out of his head space and nothing does that better than wandering through nature, it taps into the hunter gatherer we all suppress to be modern.

There's not much you can say or do to reason with it, but you can demonstrate care and attentiveness through the effort made with him and how much bigger the world is than the depression bubble through exposure to the world beyond our dogshit societies.
 
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Tell him that God loves him, that these dark days will pass if he only holds on, that you're praying for him and others are too.

The stigma around depression, even those who make attempts on their own lives, is rightly easing, they have nothing to be ashamed of, they need to learn from this mistake and open up to those who can support them to reduce the risks.

I agree they need more nature and less screen time, you probably could too (as could most of us). If you can, offer more of your time to them, spending as much as possible outdoors doing practical things to help build him up in strength, knowledge, and help promote good sleep, a key factor in good health.
 
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JethroTullamore said:
I'd also want you to call me more than weekly, sheesh, must not be that good of a friend. Is your friend a troon by chance?
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Nope. He's just a big fat nerd who was about to graduate.
Foghotten said:
"Your first attempt was lame, make it cooler next time."
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I asked him why a knife? Because he couldn't get a gun. He's a big fat, also extremely tall motherfucker so I recommended him to do a somersault and break his spine instead. He laughed.
 
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i volunteered for a suicide hotline for quite some time. in my experience, those who are depressed to the point of considering or attempting suicide simply don't live in the present. they ruminate; about the past and all of the things that they regret, or about the future and all of the things that they fear.

that expression about suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem is meaningless to someone who believes that there is no redemption for the past and no hope for the future. ironically, though, no matter how long-considered or well-planned it may be, the actual act of suicide is almost always impulsive, which is why all intervention is focused on the immediate moment.

you cannot help a person who does not want to be helped, but you can try to communicate with them. does this person know that you consider him to be your best friend? and what does that mean, to you, and to him? are you willing to be there with whatever he needs, whenever he needs it? have you asked him what that is? have you asked yourself if that's something that you can do?

if you know that your friendship doesn't extend beyond certain boundaries, be honest about it. above all else, do not offer what you don't have to give. you don't need to be his therapist, but you can be someone who encourages him to seek and continue therapy, if that's what he needs. you don't need to be his dietician or his fitness trainer, but you can be someone who shares a healthy meal or joins him for a hike a couple of times a week. allow him the opportunity to enjoy living in the moment, to decide that it's worth it to continue to do so, and confirm that decision for him with your genuine friendship.
 
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.iota. said:
i volunteered for a suicide hotline for quite some time. in my experience, those who are depressed to the point of considering or attempting suicide simply don't live in the present. they ruminate; about the past and all of the things that they regret, or about the future and all of the things that they fear.

that expression about suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem is meaningless to someone who believes that there is no redemption for the past and no hope for the future. ironically, though, no matter how long-considered or well-planned it may be, the actual act of suicide is almost always impulsive, which is why all intervention is focused on the immediate moment.
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So I visited him in the hospital today. He seems to be doing okay. He's allowed to go outside for a few hours in which I accompanied him during visiting hours. Everything you're saying in regards to his mindset during his depressive episode is damn accurate.

.iota. said:
you cannot help a person who does not want to be helped, but you can try to communicate with them. does this person know that you consider him to be your best friend? and what does that mean, to you, and to him? are you willing to be there with whatever he needs, whenever he needs it? have you asked him what that is? have you asked yourself if that's something that you can do?

if you know that your friendship doesn't extend beyond certain boundaries, be honest about it. above all else, do not offer what you don't have to give. you don't need to be his therapist, but you can be someone who encourages him to seek and continue therapy, if that's what he needs. you don't need to be his dietician or his fitness trainer, but you can be someone who shares a healthy meal or joins him for a hike a couple of times a week. allow him the opportunity to enjoy living in the moment, to decide that it's worth it to continue to do so, and confirm that decision for him with your genuine friendship.
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He's going to therapy eventually, from what I can tell.. which is great. Thanks for the high quality reply. I'll do my best.
 
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Serious answer:

Help him do it. Push it on him, almost force him as aggressively as you can, to kill himself. "YOU WANNA DIE?! COME ON THEN, LET'S DO IT YOU FAGGOT. HERE'S SOME FUCKING PILLS, SWALLOW ALL OF THEM!"

Those who are doing it for attention will soon disappear up their own arsehole and realise what cunts they've been.

Those who are genuinely going to kill themselves are going to kill themselves no matter what you do. As selfish as it sounds, their death frees up your life. When they're gone, they're no longer a burden.

We all know someone who was happy, successful and popular who killed themselves, so it's not always the people you expect and you can't stop it.
 
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Just A Fat Round Bird said:
I don't. I don't know people.
Besides that, pushing people towards irreversible things is retarded.
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I've known a few people. From school friends offing themselves to work colleagues with wives and kids stringing themselves up at home. it really is the ones you least suspect.

The problem is, there are two types of people who commit suicide;those who want to do it and just do it without saying anything and those who do it by mistake while trying to make a cry for help.

One needs to find out which category this friend falls into. If it's just a cry for help, forcing the situation on him, making him face his choice while explaining that this isn't how to get help, should slap reality back into him. If it doesn't and he does off himself, there is nothing that could have been done anyway.

The worst situations are those who draw out the suicide and instead of ending their own life, ruin those around them who just want to help. By the time they kill themselves, their friends and loved ones are so spent emotionally, and are so broken as people because they believed they didn't help enough, that their lives are also over. They may physically be alive, but they are dead people inside. It's a sad situation all around.

Those who want to live should never waste their time on those who don't. We all die eventually and, in my opinion, it is better to push them off the ledge, than let them jump and drag you down with them.
 
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