How do I make a time machine?

[SandyCat]

I want to go back in time to convince my younger self to not be a retard so we can stop being poor

 

[doodoocaca]

Raise a child with the lessons you've learned, OP.

OTOH if you have a furry PFP you might want to stay away from kids without supervision.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

But moderate poorness is good and healthy. It gives you an excuse to struggle and rise up.

Otherwise what do you do if you're some rich silicon valley type or have wealthy parents but still want to occasionally wallow in self-pity? Exactly, you have to turn gay or get your dick cut off and start calling yourself a girl. I don't want to get my dick cut off and call myself a girl, personally.

So basically what I'm saying is if a person travels back in time they'll almost definitely become transexual.

 

[Alligator Alcatraz]

Stick banana in microwave.

 

[Dialtone]

Wait for your future self to come back in time to tell you how to build a time machine so you can go back and tell your past self how to build a time machine so they can tell their past self how to build a time machine etc.

 

[Big Stank Dick Dad]

You know the way you're moving forward through time right now? Do that, but in the other direction.

 

[Idiotron]

You already did, 23 years from now, but then I killed you and came back to rule the world.

 

[Peanut Butter in Peril]

Press a photograph of whatever point in time you plan on visiting really hard onto your forehead. With enough pressure you'll break through the time barrier travel back in time.

 

[Something Awful]

Make a submarine and submerge to the Earth's core. Time flows backwards there.

 

[Looney Troons]

 

[nym]

The first step has to be figuring out how to directly perceive other dimensions, so that you can figure out how to manipulate that 4th one, and climb back up in that opposite direction from where you've been falling your whole life. Hallucinogenics? Maybe that's the key.

 

[General Tug Boat]

Stick some tinfoil in the microwave and smoke a bowl of DMT, that probably will get you high.

 

[Looney Troons]

Honest answer (which is a question), if you could achieve time travel, do you think your younger self would be capable and willing to heed the advice of present day you?

 

[Burned CDs]

Honest answer (which is a question), if you could achieve time travel, do you think your younger self would be capable and willing to heed the advice of present day you?

In my situation, yes. My younger self might go crazy though, especially after finding it how many of his friends and family will die in the next few years.

 

[Akashic Retard]

Idk but you probably need crystals of some kind.

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

All you have to do is take the nearest clock and spin the hands backwards really, really fast. While you're at it btw, don't forget to tell that one German guy not to invade Russia during the winter.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

Sneeze, shit, and cum, all at the same time. It has the be precise, down to the millisecond. No machine needed.

 

[Pringles Can]

Well. Just get some time, and then get a machine. Why are you complicating things?

 

[Shig O'nella]

Sorry, you can't go backwards in time, only forwards.
However, there's good news. Time is cyclical so if you go forward far enough you will eventually be in your own past. And travelling forward in time is easy! Any sufficiently massive gravitational field has been shown to slow your subjective time - degree depending on the strength of the field.

Basically, go sit with your mother for a bit.

 

[Involuntary Celebrity]

Just drop so much acid that you emerge from the womb again. Then bide your time, rule your elementary school like a child emperor, and become a legendary soothsayer by predicting 9/11. And don't forget to bitcoin.