How do I join a cow's thread without saying retarded shit?

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First step: Read the whole thing. I don't care how long it is.
Second step: Don't respond unless you have new or pertinent information.
 
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First step: Ignore the highlight system and immediately jump to the latest page (pr0-tip: do this when the cow is featured, the regulars love tourists)
Second step: write an open letter to the cow how to improve their life. They just don't know how to turn their life around until you give them a good guideline.
 
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