How do I clean myself

[Slimy Time]

Mom screamed at me for the 5th telling me I stank and need to have a shower. I haven't had one in months and water makes me break out in hives, so how do I get around this. Front page told me this is the board for sweaty unwashed masses. Pls help.

 

[José Mourinho]

Roll around in mud

 

[Pope of Degeneracy]

With a rag on a stick

 

[Slimy Time]

With a rag on a stick

A rag is too rough on my skin, it will rip open the bedsores I got from lying down all day masturbating.

 

[Mr. Skeltal]

Washing is a boomerism and very environmentally unfriendly.

All of the funk emanating from your body is found deep inside your colon. The best way to stop the stink is to pinch it off at the spruce. Grab some bleach, regular ammonia, two turkey basters, and lube. No worries if no lube is around, Bengay or Icy Hot work fine too. Coat the basters and fill one with ammonia. Insert it up your pooper and squeeze. Repeat with the bleach. After a little while and a tingling sensation all of that nasty funk will just fall out of you. It should look like goo and coffee grounds.

No muss, no fuss, and no need for a shower!

 

[Conan O'Barbarian]

The internet told me pee is sterile. Piss on yourself to kill odor-causing bacteria.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Have someone lick you clean like you’re a baby kitten

 

[Bloitzhole]

Gasoline and a match.

 

[Product Placement]

Bleach it kills all the germs, just make sure to drink it as well to clean out your insides.

 

[️ronic]

Pay an old man to clean your foreskin with expired lube.

 

[Slimy Time]

Pay an old man to clean your foreskin with expired lube.

I'm Jewish... No foreskin to clean.

 

[Vexillology]

Steel wool.

 

[stares at error messages]

Rub soap on your wet body and then rinse. Works every time.

 

[Slimy Time]

Rub soap on your wet body and then rinse. Works every time.

Soap is irritating to my skin, makes me break out in hives and gives me a temporary case of PTSD.

 

[stares at error messages]

Soap is irritating to my skin, makes me break out in hives and gives me a temporary case of PTSD.

Buy earplugs so your mom can scream at you all day and you still don't bathe.

 

[Bad Gateway]

Soap is irritating to my skin, makes me break out in hives and gives me a temporary case of PTSD.

If you make this your fetish, you'll always want to be clean