How do I become a lolcow?

[SandyCat]

Preferably one of those lolcows that somehow make exorbitant amounts of inexplicable money

All this debt isn't gonna pay for itself

 

[Skitarii]

The curse of having paypigs is that you'll spend most of that money buying dumb shit to keep them sedated and appeased

 

[Kenya Jones]

Find Null's feet pics and you'll be raking in the cash.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

Have you tried developing some kind of absurd behavioral disorder?

 

[Autism Extraordinaire]

Lose any sense of personal privacy, get high on psychedelics, record the ensuing mental and spiritual breakdown, then upload it to youtube. The ensuing schizophrenia you acquired from your bad drug trip will help you from there.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

Which lolcows make tons of money? Most of the consistent high earners are as much internet famous as they are lolcows.

Tbh the most consistently high earning true lolcow I can think of is DSP, and nobody can teach you how to be DSP. Philburt is a perfect blend of personality and circumstance, and he makes money because of the pigroach cult. Have you tried starting a cult? With how lonely people are these days now's definitely the time if you haven't.

 

[ñññ]

Troon out and start a YouTube channel or something. Then groom retard white kids into giving you money.
Sure, Kiwifarmers will hate you, but you'll be practically untouchable, just look at Kefles.

 

[Kenya Jones]

Troon out and start a YouTube channel or something. Then groom retard white kids into giving you money.
Sure, Kiwifarmers will hate you, but you'll be practically untouchable, just look at Kefles.

I've already tried that and it doesn't work. You have to be annoying too.

 

[ñññ]

I've already tried that and it doesn't work.

Did you chopped your dick off? If not you're not doing it properly.

 

[batterybee]

i dont think ive seen a single lolcow monitise their autism...

 

[SandyCat]

i dont think ive seen a single lolcow monitise their autism...

Theres a lot of them. Wings of redemption, keffals, and dsp all come to mind

 

[Chocolate Wombat]

I think trooning out and making an annoying art reaction channel might be a good idea. Do that thing where you draw in some program while discussing whatever insipid Youtube commentator drama is unfolding, the cattier you are the better. Be sure to get into pointless Twitter slap fights with other autists and then start streaming on Twitch. Make up a few headmates. The world's your oyster!

Edited to add, don't ACTUALLY troon out, just pretend and go through the motions so that later on you can reveal it was all a grift and disappear with everyone's NEAT bucks.

 

[batterybee]

Theres a lot of them. Wings of redemption, keffals, and dsp all come to mind

true i geuss they didnt come to mind because they seem so miserable, not worth it id say

 

[TheRetardKing]

Become a furry, kill grandma and shit inside her neck while fucking Fido.

 

[Moths]

Theres a lot of them. Wings of redemption, keffals, and dsp all come to mind

Oh noo guys my depression is kicking in again give me some donos or ill talk about killing myself again
or is that boogie, tbh most of the terminally online fat retards really blend together after a while

 

[Idiotron]

You have to be entertainingly retarded.
To say and/or do stupid shit but the kind of stupid shit that is ripe for mockery and discussion.
Something that will keep people coming back to you for more.
If I can't make 5 Twitter posts and 1 Youtube video about you per week, you're not a real lolcow.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

Rape your mom and produce strange odors.

 

[Jeff_the_Thriller]

The furry avatar is a good start.

-Stop bathing.
-Wear diapers.
-Buy a fur suit.
-Identify as something other than cisgender.
-Become a MAP or zoophile.
-Become a socialist or communist (same thing).
-Draw bad artwork on deviantart involving inflation vore and/or feet.
-Alienate real life friends and family.
-The discord server is your family now.

I hope these tips and tricks aid you on your journey of becoming an Internet laughing stock.

 

[Kenya Jones]

Did you chopped your dick off? If not you're not doing it properly.

I made a video of me throwing my detached penis being thrown at a kindergartener.