How do I become a Catholic?

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Don't we have a Catholic here? A really famous one? Can she recruit us into worshipping the almighty Jesus the wine maker who pooped his pants on the cross?

The Romans did at least let Jesus use the bathroom before they nailed him up didn't they?
 
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Suicide is a sin but try pissing off a person of socioeconomic status enough for them to cap you. If you meet a fellow named Peter, you're in the clear. If you wind up locked up with 71 other virgins, better luck in the next life.
 
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You are now in the first step of conversion to Catholicism, the Period of Evangelization and Precatechumenate. Right now you have been exposed to God's one true Church and are seeking answers to questions you may have.
The next step is the Period of the Catechumenate. During the this period you will begin your formal education as you read, learn and explore the scriptures. This can last months or years as you examine the doctrine, dogma, and mysteries of the Catholic Church.
The third step is the Rite of Election. The Rite of Election comes after you have studied the scripture, explored the faith, and believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ as handed down through his disciples and the apostolic chain of succession. During the Rite of Election you begin your formal entrance into the Catholic Church, traditionally beginning on the first day of lent and involving a 40 day fast of absence and reflection.
The final step is Mystagogy. It occurs at the conclusion of the 40 days of lent wherein you devoted yourself to abstinence, prayer, reflection, and self deprivation contemplating the inner mysteries of the faith and The Christ's status as the Trinity. Traditionally on Easter day the mystagogy is complete and you may or may not to choose to accept Christ as the One True God, the Son of the Almighty, the Keeper of Heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen. The result of that decision and the Baptism that follows is what decides if you are a Catholic or not.

There is the Sacrament of Confirmation, but that comes after Baptism and involves a much more rigorous study of doctrine to confirm your faith and deepen your involvement in the Church. Being a member of the Catholic faith is a life long commitment and the rites leading up to taking the sacrament of Baptism in the previous paragraph are just the start.
 
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Send a stamped self-addressed envelope to the Vatican including the correct coupons and a note addressed to the Pope.

Admittedly I did it differently: when the Catholics came to my village at midnight and massacred all my family besides myself as I was a baby at the time, they took me away to their mountain citadel and raised me as one of their own. It's not such a bad life once you get used to it. Easiest way to get there is to get your folks to move to a floodplain next to some craggy rocks.
 
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CognitiveDeficiency said:
You are now in the first step of conversion to Catholicism, the Period of Evangelization and Precatechumenate. Right now you have been exposed to God's one true Church and are seeking answers to questions you may have.
The next step is the Period of the Catechumenate. During the this period you will begin your formal education as you read, learn and explore the scriptures. This can last months or years as you examine the doctrine, dogma, and mysteries of the Catholic Church.
The third step is the Rite of Election. The Rite of Election comes after you have studied the scripture, explored the faith, and believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ as handed down through his disciples and the apostolic chain of succession. During the Rite of Election you begin your formal entrance into the Catholic Church, traditionally beginning on the first day of lent and involving a 40 day fast of absence and reflection.
The final step is Mystagogy. It occurs at the conclusion of the 40 days of lent wherein you devoted yourself to abstinence, prayer, reflection, and self deprivation contemplating the inner mysteries of the faith and The Christ's status as the Trinity. Traditionally on Easter day the mystagogy is complete and you may or may not to choose to accept Christ as the One True God, the Son of the Almighty, the Keeper of Heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen. The result of that decision and the Baptism that follows is what decides if you are a Catholic or not.

There is the Sacrament of Confirmation, but that comes after Baptism and involves a much more rigorous study of doctrine to confirm your faith and deepen your involvement in the Church. Being a member of the Catholic faith is a life long commitment and the rites leading up to taking the sacrament of Baptism in the previous paragraph are just the start.
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Well thank you. I was trying to talk to a Catechumen about the Rite of Election, but my dumb ass couldn't remember the name. I was like that time where like you go to the Cathedral and like meet the Archbishop and that is the Rite of...fuckinggoddamnitwat. I completely forgot that I forgot, but I will tell this person tomorrow when I see them.

If you want to become Catlick, lick a cat. just that easy.
 
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