How can I dilate? - I can't dilate!

[NekoRightsActivist]

How can I even dilate? Seriously, none of those tutorials on reddit and quora ever worked, neither does any of these so called "dilation kit". I'm just not dilating no matter how I tried, please tell me how to dilate like Prisident Putin and Buggy Bunny!

 

[TroonsDid911]

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/article/believing-is-seeing-how-to-dilate-your-pupils-using-just-your-thoughts/

 

[SandyCat]

Just get one of your homies to fist the hole

 

[Figger Naggot]

You have to seethe first, followed by coping. It should be straightforward from there.

 

[Manul Otocolobus]

You stick a dragon dildo in your neo-stink ditch as far as it will go. Then you ask a big, strong guy to kick it as hard as he can while wearing steel toed boots. Congrats, you dilated. If you survive, keep doing it until the desired result is achieved.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

If you go close enough to light speed or a black hole*, there should be significant time dilation.

*(this may not be such a good idea - especially if the black hole is only a few solar masses because spaghettification)