How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Damn I feel like such shit over being afraid to put in my 2 week notice. Will be doing full time night training for an electrician gig at a big company starting in April and all I gotta do is tell my current work. I know they won't let me shrink my hours down so that I could do both my current job and the training but I also don't fucking want to. I've got this nagging fear that HR will still try to fit work into my new schedule even when this night school is gonna railroad into a new job. That's unreasonable yes but the idea of having no free time from 7:30 AM to 10:30 PM for 6 weeks just fills me with absolute dread. I'm waiting for Monday where I'm gonna go to a paper signing meeting for night school to finally put in my notice. The night school thankfully is treated like a job and I will be considered full time with pay for perfect attendance so I'm not worried about pay. I'm just fucking anxious as shit about a good opportunity coming my way like the zoomer I am kek.
You're always going to imagine the worst case scenarios. Seriously look at your options and decide what is best for you.
 
You're always going to imagine the worst case scenarios. Seriously look at your options and decide what is best for you.
Yea its one of those times where I know what I'm gonna do even if I belly ache about all the chances for shit to go wrong. I really got the guts of a shaking dog sometimes but I have my plan even if it makes me nervous as fuck.
 
That's the fun part about SSRI's and shit, you sacrifice things like libido, a normal sense of hunger/satiation, being thin and being able to enjoy reading (when I was on adderall I completely lost the ability to enjoy reading for over a year after getting my ADD diagnosis changed) in exchange for being more stable moodwise and not being as suicidal, at least after the first couple of months! Yay!
Is there something wrong with me cause I never experienced these side affects. The only side affect I ever experienced was being slightly more tired, but that was mostly cause I was like more chill and happy. Stress is usually what keeps me awake. I remember when I first took prozac, I went back to enjoying books a lot. I read a whole book series in a few weeks. I've been off for a while and I'm back to having no interest in anything except doom-scrolling. I'm going to get back on though.
i got it :) it was good
I haven't had a grilled cheese in years. I kinda want one with tomato soup.

Thread tax: I feel weird, like really weird. I think I just need to get back on my meds but I'm having weird delusions again. I've only been able to pull out one actually interesting thought from them that I GOTTA share
"Shame" is a very complex emotion in our society nowadays. When I scroll this site, I often see this idea that "shame" is what keeps people in line. Maybe it comes from observing A Certain Someone ™️ and seeing the worst case scenario of actually trying to use the opinions of randos to decide your life, but I think that's very dangerous thinking. Primarily because, a strong man is a confident man. A confident man values his own opinion most, and then the considerations of others. For shame to work for deterring someone from something, they'd have to not value their own opinion most.

Let's say I want to become a cow, I am set on living the life of a cow. I will graze in the fields and I will produce milk. Obviously, that's dangerous, cause if a human goes into a cow's stall they'll probably get trampled to death. So how do you stop me from getting myself killed? Shame? Well, that could work, but the fundamental problem is if shaming me works, I am a weak man. I do not value my own opinion most, I don't even trust my own judgement, I trust the disapproval of a random stranger more than my own gut. Deciding your life based on the approval of others is a symptom of BPD, HPD, and in some cases OCD. It's the sign of a sick man. For this idea to work, society would have to be full of sick men. And they become problems in other areas.

So how do we keep society in check? I think what society chronically lacks nowadays is a strong moral compass, on both sides. How many times have you seen A&N guys say shit like "I don't care, I just wanna win" after seeing some article on the possibility of Trump raping children? A strong moral compass makes the world go round. Even the most horrifying internet circles have some sort of moral compass, albeit most of the times an incorrect one, but it's still something that can make them all stop and go "Ya, too far.". Think of the cow situation like this, morally, if you love cows so much you wanna be one, think of how they'd feel to see someone who does not look like a cow in their stall. That'd scare them! You'd scare them! You don't wanna scare them, do you? A sick man will listen to shame, a righteous man will listen to morals.
 
Met my project milestone with just one day to spare. Next two weeks will be hairy, as we race to completion, but at least I could give a status update today that didn't look like shit. Many lessons learned.

And now to shore up the rest of my life.

I need 85 drinks.
 
Is there something wrong with me cause I never experienced these side affects. The only side affect I ever experienced was being slightly more tired, but that was mostly cause I was like more chill and happy. Stress is usually what keeps me awake. I remember when I first took prozac, I went back to enjoying books a lot. I read a whole book series in a few weeks. I've been off for a while and I'm back to having no interest in anything except doom-scrolling. I'm going to get back on though.
Nah, consider yourself lucky if you don't have any side effects at all. Maybe you're like Ozzy Osbourne and you have some weird gene that makes you extra resistant to medicinal side effects.
For me, it depends on the drug. I've been on Ozempic on and off since 2024 with a couple of month long gaps because I'm lazy and cba going to see my doctor face-to-face just to say "I'm not suffering from side effects but I don't want to increase my dosage", then going back home when I have a travel time of 1.5 hours (including standing around, waiting for my bus) and it costs me a couple of dollars back and forth. I never really had any serious side effects, like hair loss or extreme loss of appetite, so I figured it's fine to stay on the same dosage and just reap the benefits without reaping any side effects.
With my anti-depressants I've had a ton of side effects, most of the really common ones, but I still figure it's a worthy sacrifice rather than being outright suicidal. I still want to try weaning off them entirely but the process would be slow and arduous due to how long I've been on them/my dosage. That's a project for when I'm more stable than I am currently.

I really want to return to enjoying my hobbies, life is just nuances of grey when you don't get any enjoyment from reading or exercising.
 
Nah, consider yourself lucky if you don't have any side effects at all. Maybe you're like Ozzy Osbourne and you have some weird gene that makes you extra resistant to medicinal side effects.
Maybe! The only time I've experienced a side affect to anything medical was the COVID vaccine, I got bad arm cramps, and the inject area felt stiff. That was it tho.
With my anti-depressants I've had a ton of side effects, most of the really common ones, but I still figure it's a worthy sacrifice rather than being outright suicidal. I still want to try weaning off them entirely but the process would be slow and arduous due to how long I've been on them/my dosage. That's a project for when I'm more stable than I am currently.
Afaik, the point of pills is to like eventually stop using them. Like, you take them so you can be cognizant enough to fix your mental, then you won't need them anymore. That can take a very very VERY long time though.
I really want to return to enjoying my hobbies, life is just nuances of grey when you don't get any enjoyment from reading or exercising.
I hope you can get back to enjoying your hobbies soon :)

Thread tax: Autism diagnoses are EXPENSIVE. DAYUM.
 
Really hating myself. Lent's gone terrible, sleep schedule is nonexistent, become more of a recluse than I usually am.
 
Soooo I may or may not have a tiny little crush on a classmate. I only have one class a week with him, so I don't even know anything about him lol. He's kinda mid but he seems smart and has long hair. I'd like to actually know more about him but I will NEVER approach a man for many different reasons. So to any kiwi moids reading this - how to get a guy to approach a chudette like myself? I'm not even ugly (debatable) but I don't have a friendly/welcoming face.

Other than that classes have been quite difficult. Womp womp.
 
i got it :) it was good
Wait till you have a croque monsieur/madame. Can't have enough of those

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I'm on cooking duty this weekend, so i'm about to make my trips to fetch fresh produce (decent celery is horribly difficult to come by here for some reason) and i'll make some kgs of bolognese for mom

Go Whoop whoop and roll him a Faygo
WHERE'S MY WICKED KLOWNS AT
 
Soooo I may or may not have a tiny little crush on a classmate. I only have one class a week with him, so I don't even know anything about him lol. He's kinda mid but he seems smart and has long hair. I'd like to actually know more about him but I will NEVER approach a man for many different reasons. So to any kiwi moids reading this - how to get a guy to approach a chudette like myself? I'm not even ugly (debatable) but I don't have a friendly/welcoming face.

Other than that classes have been quite difficult. Womp womp.

So: you want a guy who hasn't noticed you to notice you, but you're not going to talk to him, be friendly, look friendly, or stop scowling? And why'd you have to say he's mid? Most people could be considered objectively "mid" on the bell curve of beauty, but also you find him attractive, so why would you insult him? ...I'm going to assume you aren't actually meaning to be difficult, but man you set up a lot of rules here.

OK, in normal circumstances I'd say be open and friendly (which includes general body language), catch his eye, give a little smile when you do / or find some reason to say something to him then gradually strike up more of a conversation over time.

If that's too much, same thing about a semi-open expression, and get in his line of sight in a way he can't really avoid being aware of you - contrive it if you want. (The old "Oops I dropped my pencil" or just dropping a book in front of him has no modern equivalent, I guess, given a dropped phone/ laptop might be a disaster, so no to that. (Also, that OK only ever worked in comics, and only for Veronica, not Betty.)). I mean you could walk right in front him, almost run into him and apologize, fly into the room last-minute (though then everyone's noticing you :-)).

Or sit near him and say something funnyish (or banal or whatever) to him, just as an aside - in class or when leaving. Kind of keep doing it now and then over time. If smiling and making a mildly amusing comment a few times are a no, I suppose you could make the comment something more cynical, though personally I'd go for wry at darkest. At some point you'll have sat near and exchanged enough words that it will be comfortable and you won't look like a weirdo when you swing in next to him and breezily say thanks for saving me a seat!

(At which point he will be so charmed he has stars in his eyes, but unfortunately since it's 2026, this will frighten him so much he will feel deeply uncomfortable and suspicious of your motives, discover for himself the lost art of the cross-eyed shoegaze, and come immediately to this thread on kiwi farms complaining some girl is messing with him and probably going to blow a rape whistle, so should he trip her or kick her in the shins?)

No, for real, the possible outcome is that you and he gradually exchange comments, at some point continue the convo on the way out, which naturally leads to grabbing a bit or planning to study or whatever. Whether as friends or some interest - time will tell. Don't get your heart set and either will be OK.

If none of that is possible, not sure what to say.

Another thought though seems even harder: Do you ever see him elsewhere? "Hey, you're in [class], aren't you? Did you happen to catch [when whatever is due/ about x]? (Or @what did you think about/ did you understand. !" Just some pretense to chat with him. Too nerve-wracking? I think in/ around class might be easier.

Or just give him the old
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And btw, I'm fully aware this is old-school advice and I'm fully prepared to hear the same thing my kids say, which is "NO ONE DOES THAT OMG" or "I WOULD NEVER."

Fine, fine, but 2 responses: 1) yes maybe it seems weird or unusual to contrive being noticed or to start up a conversation, but we did it back in the day, and guess how our social lives were in college? Answer: strong. And 2) I actually know girls today who do wangle their ways into getting noticed by certain boys by striking up convos little by little.
 
So: you want a guy who hasn't noticed you to notice you, but you're not going to talk to him, be friendly, look friendly, or stop scowling?
Exactly ^__^
And why'd you have to say he's mid? Most people could be considered objectively "mid" on the bell curve of beauty, but also you find him attractive, so why would you insult him?
It's not an insult though. Have you ever heard women saying they like a 'medium-ugly' man? It's kind of a joke but not really, some of us like average looking guys.
or find some reason to say something to him then gradually strike up more of a conversation over time.
See this is what everyone is telling me to do! but there's nothing to tell/ask him directly. He'd just think it's weird that I'm asking him and not someone else/the class groupchat. The sitting close to him idea would be awesome if our seats weren't already "technically" assigned, and he always has a large group of friends next to him.
Another thought though seems even harder: Do you ever see him elsewhere?
Nope. Just on campus :-[

An important thing to note (does TMI count in this thread?): I fumbled this REALLY bad. I had the opportunity to do an internship in the same group he was in, I DECLINED. ALSO, we had to form groups for a project in this class, and to sum this up a lot he basically asked me if I wanted to partner up with him or with another group and I said 'I don't mind either way :-)' (important to note that in this instance I did a nice-person voice) and then he partnered up with his friends.

Like, genuinely what possessed me to do those two things. I think I got too nervous and didn't know what to do. Trying to be nonchalant will be the death of me.

But your reply was pretty helpful. I just have a debilitating fear of coming across as weird. The ironic part is that this fear makes me act really weird sometimes. Thank you kiwi

My advice for my female juggalete friend is just ask him out

Just do it. We men don't mind direct approach, it's actually refreshing

Ask him out. Most of us won't catch "subtle tells of female interest". Ask him out, there's no way for you not to do it
I'll refer back to the part where I say I'm afraid of being weird :lol: :lol: Also what if he has a girlfriend ugh that would be so embarrassing I could never show up in class again
 
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