How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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I got my hair cut really short today, my head feels so light!
I tried long hair, didn't like it, didn't suit my face, so I cut it into a fun messy bob.

Also I'm cooking a nice steak dinner for my husband and I for Valentine's day. I just put together the tiramisu, now I'm sitting with my feet up for a minute before I arrange our flowers.
 
I hate my life. A few family members I loved are now dead, and I miss them.

I had a nightmare last night that my family members were shocked that another family member died. Two of them started crying in the middle of a family reunion.
 
I hate my life. A few family members I loved are now dead, and I miss them.

I had a nightmare last night that my family members were shocked that another family member died. Two of them started crying in the middle of a family reunion.
I feel this, i got an aunt in stage 4 metastatic, theres little that can be don, but remember that they love you and want you to be happy
 
You need to get along with yourself, it's the only person you really need to tolerate in this world, the rest is optional.
Is hard as fuck, tho.
That's kind of the problem though, getting along with yourself when you know what a complete dick you are. I mean you can conceal this from other people, but then you occasionally have to look at yourself in a mirror, and you can't hide yourself from yourself. At least if you don't have serious mental illness that isn't self-serving.
 
Because of the epstein crap, medical issues and archiving I haven't been able to do half my normal scheduled stuff because of the "epstein emergency," if you want to call it that. However I managed to do about five miles today (Friday if you are reading this) and the combination of medical (same sinus garbage) and not being able to lift weights is taking a raw toll on me.
Back to autism. Hope all of you who don't have a grief with me are well in the Lord.
 
so i dont have television at home...im not saying this to imply im enlightened or anything, but the point is that i havent really seen commercials and such in almost 20 years, i guess...the commercials before the movie were weird. they were nonstop black people, white people insults, and other nonsense...it was crazy. also, everyone at the theater was some sort of tranny/faggot bullshit type, im assuming because they had a movie based on a comic book or whatever.
anyway, the movie wasnt bad. i dont think anyone who hadnt played the game would make much of it, and it was still pretty low budget, but i had fun.
 
so i dont have television at home...im not saying this to imply im enlightened or anything, but the point is that i havent really seen commercials and such in almost 20 years, i guess...the commercials before the movie were weird. they were nonstop black people, white people insults, and other nonsense...it was crazy. also, everyone at the theater was some sort of tranny/faggot bullshit type, im assuming because they had a movie based on a comic book or whatever.
anyway, the movie wasnt bad. i dont think anyone who hadnt played the game would make much of it, and it was still pretty low budget, but i had fun.
I don't even know how movie theaters are still open. Most of the time when I visit them, there is nobody there.
 
That's kind of the problem though, getting along with yourself when you know what a complete dick you are. I mean you can conceal this from other people, but then you occasionally have to look at yourself in a mirror, and you can't hide yourself from yourself. At least if you don't have serious mental illness that isn't self-serving.
Ikr. Why should I get along with the biggest asshole I know whose sole mission is to get me to self-destruct?

Ever since covid I've only been sick twice, but both times have been near death experiences. Before covid I got sick a lot more often but the colds I got then were walks in the park. I'd focus on getting a lot of sleep and after each nap I'd wake up feeling a little better. After covid it's the opposite, I always wake up feeling a thousand times worse. Whoever engineered the corona varus really wanted everybody dead. At least I'm really bored which is the first sign of recovery.
 
That's kind of the problem though, getting along with yourself when you know what a complete dick you are. I mean you can conceal this from other people, but then you occasionally have to look at yourself in a mirror, and you can't hide yourself from yourself. At least if you don't have serious mental illness that isn't self-serving.
Well, not trying to be sassy, but another option is not be be a dick, no?
 
Last night I was pissed because in the two consecutive grocery trips, my mom and husband didn't think that I needed dinner. They had a bullshit excuse that I needed to put my dinner on the list but they remembered dinners for themselves. I spent the evening in my room and mom made it about herself.
Histamines are hitting me hard and I've been having trouble sleeping .
Today husband is taking me out for a mystery date because 22 years ago he asked me out for our first date. Our date turned out to be pretty wild and we started dating the next day.
 
That's kind of the problem though, getting along with yourself when you know what a complete dick you are. I mean you can conceal this from other people, but then you occasionally have to look at yourself in a mirror, and you can't hide yourself from yourself. At least if you don't have serious mental illness that isn't self-serving.
I’m sure there are people who are never bothered by such thoughts, and think they’re amazing (I work with quite a few of them…) but maybe they’re just not thinking much, or not capable of introspection . I’m not sure if I envy that or not.
I struggle with this myself. Wherever you go, you’re there and there is nobody on earth who can make me feel as bad about myself as I can. I know being too self critical is a problem but it’s a hard thing to shake.
Maybe yourself is being a dick for making you think you’re a dick. You don’t seem like a dick from what you post on here, for whatever that’s worth. Dunno, give yourself a bit of grace maybe? Your cat likes you?
 
That's kind of the problem though, getting along with yourself when you know what a complete dick you are.
there isnt anything really wrong with being a dick. admittedly, i am guilty of this, but i dont feel like its a defect in my personality.
Today husband is taking me out for a mystery date because 22 years ago he asked me out for our first date.
that is so sweet that he remembered!!
 
Ever since covid I've only been sick twice, but both times have been near death experiences.
I haven't been sick since before COVID. A few months before COVID I had a death cough that lasted forever and a bunch of other people had and I have always been suspicious it was some kind of test run. Probably tinfoil, but it was exactly like what people have described COVID as being like.
there isnt anything really wrong with being a dick. admittedly, i am guilty of this, but i dont feel like its a defect in my personality.
The thing about personality disorders, though, is if you have them, you don't think they're an issue. Like in those goofy dark triad personality tests, I'm well below average for sociopathy and narcissism, but out the roof for Machiavellianism and don't see anything wrong with it.

The thing about knowing you're a jerk is you can at least control it, recognize when you're being a jerk, and not aim your jerkiness at people you don't want to jerk around. Save that for people who deserve it.
 
Well, not trying to be sassy, but another option is not be be a dick, no?
Easier said than done. People are human. We make mistakes constantly. Often we aren't aware of it until the damage is done. Different people have different ideas of what it means to be a dick or different tolerances. Especially if you have some kind of disorder you may act faster than you think, and once you've yelled at someone or got angry it's not as simple to undo that. Don't get me wrong in a lot of ways yes it really can be that easy to not be a dick. Sometimes you also over-analyze yourself and your mind forces you to retread all the mistakes you've ever made and how you should've been better.
 
I have been out of the house for around 50% of the day for the last three days. Now my duty to my family is over for the season and I can become a hermit until summer. Dog is extra sassy because she's been home alone. Whines and barks, and making me fetch the bones she throws off my couch (her couch).
 
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