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[long waters]

I'd prefer PPP, and only if he brings his triangle

HE'S GOT A BAD BACK!
SHE CAN DO BETTER!
THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED!

Warski dressed as a little girl to be the ring bearer. WOOOOAAAH BUDDY!

I think this might be the only thing to make me actually ever want to get married
I loathe the idea of marriage because the whole ceremony thing seems overwhelming to me, it gives me conniptions social anxiety. But PPP for all his flaws has such overwhelming energy that it's infectious.

Bitch, no, I don't need or want a hug. I HATE physical affection.

One time I had a panic attack at work and a coworker asked me if I wanted a hug. Yes, the exact thing I need right now is to feel restrained.

i hate people i dont know touching me. its weird.

I do wonder what the root cause of this is, as I am pretty much the same. It's gotten better over many years. I still don't like it but I can just filter it or ignore it and not let it bother me much.

There are many instances on a daily basis when I see glue eaters and paint inhalers glued to instagram or hogging on slop or doing something stupid, I become as depressed as a chud, knowing how human ancestors from all over the world pushed civilization forward and we, being the culmination of almost 7000 years of human knowledge and existence with all the knowledge information and experience we could conceive of freely available and up for grabs, spend our lives on some fucking distraction. I sometimes wonder, why God even gave humanity sentience, if the vast vast vast majority of us are gonna waste it being like animals, chasing basic instincts and useless impulses instead of evolving from day to day.

And yes, sometimes I get anxiety knowing this, knowing the fact that 7000 years of everything exists on my shoulders and it's my choice to do what I want with it.

I think most people aren't capable of pushing civilization forward. Most of us can at best have support roles helping those capable enough, and that would be fine. But some can't even do that properly and are just dead weight.
Then there's the problem that the notion of pushing civilization forward is something people can't fully agree on. Different people from different parts of the world have different ideas of what that means and how to do it.
It's a complicated matter that could be sperged about for hours, but at the end of the day, as individuals, we are creatures of both instinct and reason and we have to find some sort of balance between the two.

 

[funwithshemales69]

I think most people aren't capable of pushing civilization forward. Most of us can at best have support roles helping those capable enough, and that would be fine. But some can't even do that properly and are just dead weight.
Then there's the problem that the notion of pushing civilization forward is something people can't fully agree on. Different people from different parts of the world have different ideas of what that means and how to do it.
It's a complicated matter that could be sperged about for hours, but at the end of the day, as individuals, we are creatures of both instinct and reason and we have to find some sort of balance between the two.

By forward I meant be the best artisan or scientist or historian or whatever you can be, skill acquisition and specialization is the name of the game. Civilization doesn't literally move forward, it expands from a small area to a bigger area, conquering new frontiers, powered by the collective achievements of humanity. That's what I meant or at least intended, what people are stuck in is the basic life cycle of an organism, eat fight and fuck with an additional "engage in bread and circuses". Animals do that cause they're not capable of higher intelligence, if you can comprehend free will then you have a responsibility imo to exert it for the benefit of yourself and others. Otherwise you're no different than the dog on the street.

 

[TotalNematodeDeath]

After only a few days using this fancy blood pressure wrist watch I can firmly see why, even if very rudely, the indian doctor told me the old one was shit. The tracking app is amazing as it flat out showcases all the random spikes I've been getting. This mornings was down to my base line compared to yesterday which was well into stage 2 hypertension. I've got a feeling today will be much easier on me.

 

[long waters]

By forward I meant be the best artisan or scientist or historian or whatever you can be, skill acquisition and specialization is the name of the game.

Even so, only so many people can be the best in their field. There can only be so many John Carmacks or Gabe Newells, the rest of us can at best be lucky enough to end up in a position to help such people.
When it feels like you are nowhere near doing something like this it's easy to feel down and just give up and lose yourself in self indulgence to keep the dread at bay.

if you can comprehend free will then you have a responsibility imo to exert it for the benefit of yourself and others

Definitely agree there.

Edit: Okay so even if you can't possibly be the best in your field, I agree that as individuals we should all strive for that, even if it is a Sisyphean task beyond our means. For sure.

 

[Otterly]

I do wonder what the root cause of this is, as I am pretty much the same. It's gotten better over many years. I still don't like it but I can just filter it or ignore it and not let it bother me much.

Being touched can be horrific or very nice, depending on who it is and what’s being done. Our feelings on it in general are informed by this and from personal experience your feelings in general can change as well.

By forward I meant be the best artisan or scientist or historian or whatever you can be, skill acquisition and specialization is the name of the game.

It’s a cliche but I’ve grown to appreciate the trying and the process of growth more than the end result. I too suffer from not good enough-itis and I’ve deliberately chosen to pick up a skill that’s very difficult and will take years. I am too old and untalented to ever be very good at it, and right now I am terrible at it but I do genuinely enjoy getting minutely better week by week. I also see that unless I practice a lot I stall and regress and that’s a very good reminder to keep trying.

 

[funwithshemales69]

It’s a cliche but I’ve grown to appreciate the trying and the process of growth more than the end result. I too suffer from not good enough-itis and I’ve deliberately chosen to pick up a skill that’s very difficult and will take years. I am too old and untalented to ever be very good at it, and right now I am terrible at it but I do genuinely enjoy getting minutely better week by week. I also see that unless I practice a lot I stall and regress and that’s a very good reminder to keep trying.

There's a really good quote from Quentin Tarantino about this which I really like and I will paraphrase.
"You should pit yourself against better people and in the process you will get better. It's like going for the marathons with gold medalists, even if you don't get first place any time you go against them, your time to finish the course will get better each time as they will be forcing you to run faster."
And that's really the mindset I have. You pit yourself against the people of history and hope to achieve 1% of what they did.

There can only be so many John Carmacks or Gabe Newells

I figure john carmack wouldn't be where he is without romero, american mcgee, Sandy peterson and whoever. Same with Gabe. And that doesn't mean those people are inferior, they're almost as competent as carmack and newell which is good enough. Part of it is cult of personality though so it's not as clear. In contrast, let's take physics. Just because einstein is king doesn't mean Schrodinger, bohr, rutherford, tesla, Newton and whoever else is worse off, theyre just different parts of a puzzle, highly skilled and intelligent parts. And that's ignoring the countless unnamed who are buried in that mountain, the guy who challenged relativity and who Einstein's first wife left for, the Brazilian guy einstein supposedly stole his shit from, many others. That's one of the flaws of carlyles great man theory I suppose, they have countless others whose shoulders they stand upon.

 

[Otterly]

And that's really the mindset I have. You pit yourself against the people of history and hope to achieve 1% of what they did.

I think that’s admirable. As long as you acknowledge what you did achieve and don’t just say beat yourself up for not being the best. The process of change and growth is hard but it’s maybe the point

 

[PetiteFeet]

I do wonder what the root cause of this is, as I am pretty much the same. It's gotten better over many years. I still don't like it but I can just filter it or ignore it and not let it bother me much.

For me personally, it's rooted in my extreme self-hatred and AvPD (I keep wanting to mentally read that as Alien vs Predator Disorder). I couldn't tell you exactly WHEN I started hating myself but it clearly manifested as a teenager, a time where most people would chalk up rejecting physical affection from your parents as purely a moody teenager thing.
I have to actively work on allowing myself affection from others.
-
Anyway, I made cookie dough. I've been meaning to try strawberry checkered cookies for ages because they look cute and checkered cookies are your bog-standard weebshit anime valentines gift.
I don't think it went very well. I split up the ingredients for the separate flavours rather than making the entire thing with strawberry in the sugar because I figured the cacao powder wouldn't pop enough if it had to compete with the strawberry directly in the same mixture.
We'll see. Maybe I should just shelve cooking and baking in general for a while, I feel like anything I've tried to make lately has either burnt in my instant pot or I failed to properly bake what I was making.
I hope I get my spark back eventually because cooking and baking is actually something I really, really enjoy.

Spoiler: muh mentals.

9 days until my psych ward appointment. I know I said it previously with my other in-patient thing, that I was putting everything on this one horse, but I genuinely mean it this time (and I still want to try that other in-patient program, I could learn a lot from it). I just hope that they will listen to me. It's not the ward for personality disorders, rather it's anxiety and depression, because the nurse who gave me the referral refused to refer me to personality disorders. "You don't keep your appointments, so how are you going to commit to therapy for your personality disorder," is such a harrowing statement to hear from someone who's allegedly there to help me. I digress. I don't have any alternatives when it comes to treatment outside of me directly contacting the ward's emergency line, and I don't know whether it's my neuroses or actual logic saying this, but I don't think I'm eligible for that kind of help as I'm not quite poorly enough to warrant sectioning.
I have another plan, if everything else fails and I somehow still want to keep fighting, and that's contacting a non-profit group that advocates for those who are mentally unwell and can't advocate for themselves. They have some resources and people in the know that I can ask for directions to get the correct help.

 

[Otterly]

You don't keep your appointments, so how are you going to commit to therapy for your personality disorder," is such a harrowing statement to hear from someone who's allegedly there to help me.

It is harrowing, but it’s also true, right? PD therapy is really intensive. If you strip the emotion out of the statement, and strip out any emotional response, is it a true statement?
I often tell people at work when they’re writing angry emails; write it. Don’t address it and don’t send it. Leave it u til tomorrow. Go back to it and remove all emotional words and phrases and what you’re left with is the meat of it.

I have to actively work on allowing myself affection from others.

I think a lot of us have experienced this. If you didn’t grow up with physical affection and/or you’ve had experiences that make it odd for one reason or another it can be a difficult thing to accept. You also don’t need to blanket accept it - I do NOT want people I barely know hugging me, but I’m working on allowing those closer. It’s up to you who gets to touch you and when and how.
You’re really eloquent in your writing and it’s not even in your first language. You’re clearly intelligent, you have decent insight int your condition. You ARE helpable and you should keep pushing for that specialist help. Get that charity to help?

 

[DoomsdayElite]

Pretty good. I probably have to buy a new power supply for my rig soon (sucks, at least it isn't something more expensive that I have to replace) but I was cheered up by noticing that a guy I work with (and hate because he's a contemptible dimwit, just a loudmouthed moron) has substantially more grey in his beard than I have in mine, and he's nearly a decade my junior.

 

[California Newt]

I figure john carmack wouldn't be where he is without romero, american mcgee, Sandy peterson and whoever. Same with Gabe. And that doesn't mean those people are inferior, they're almost as competent as carmack and newell which is good enough. Part of it is cult of personality though so it's not as clear. In contrast, let's take physics. Just because einstein is king doesn't mean Schrodinger, bohr, rutherford, tesla, Newton and whoever else is worse off, theyre just different parts of a puzzle, highly skilled and intelligent parts. And that's ignoring the countless unnamed who are buried in that mountain, the guy who challenged relativity and who Einstein's first wife left for, the Brazilian guy einstein supposedly stole his shit from, many others. That's one of the flaws of carlyles great man theory I suppose, they have countless others whose shoulders they stand upon.

It’s a cliche but I’ve grown to appreciate the trying and the process of growth more than the end result. I too suffer from not good enough-itis and I’ve deliberately chosen to pick up a skill that’s very difficult and will take years. I am too old and untalented to ever be very good at it, and right now I am terrible at it but I do genuinely enjoy getting minutely better week by week. I also see that unless I practice a lot I stall and regress and that’s a very good reminder to keep trying.

Everything is bottomlessly complex. You try your hardest to understand your subject or craft, fail, and the next day a fragment slides snugly into your head—and at the same time, you see the horizon sink a little further (and farther) back. Learning works by reaching up and milking epiphanies out of some kinda pendulous cosmic udder.

There's a real pleasure in feeling an idea that's just a little bigger than you're used to slip in through the crown of your skull. It's gluttony. What we call "geniuses" are, in truth, fatsos of the mind: that "expanding horizon" is the waistline. They're the guys in diners with their photos on the wall for eating thirty pancakes in one sitting: they compel the same flavor of reverence.

Some of the luminaries on that wall are inspired by the other fat men who went up before them; others are just hungry—but they're all fat. It's impressive (and learning is as necessary and important as eating), but at the end of the day it's just a natural pleasure. What we really admire in these pantheons of scholars and fatties is the dedication it takes to get where they are, as well as the discernment to see beauty worth falling for in the things around them—but these are spiritual virtues attainable in all spheres, and not region-locked behind conspicuous psychic or physical self-cultivation (hot-dog-eating contests of the mind and body).

Am I saying it's bad to want to learn, or take inspiration from great men? No: I'm just saying that's their only purpose; they whet the appetite. Once you're hungry you don't need to measure yourself against them—you're already in their millieu (with a pump, even a 100lb weakling feels like Arnold); besides, there's something beyond them.

 

[Bothriolepis]

I loathe the idea of marriage because the whole ceremony thing seems overwhelming to me, it gives me conniptions social anxiety. But PPP for all his flaws has such overwhelming energy that it's infectious.

Honestly, I and my wife ended up deciding just to do a legal wedding at the courthouse in our county. We'd been living together for long enough that everyone just kind of assumed we were married already unless told otherwise, I can't stand large groups of people, and we were able to do a small ceremony later for our family members and a few close friends. To me, making a huge thing out of it seems more like a way to prop up certain industries than anything else.

 

[Not A Bunny]

To me, making a huge thing out of it seems more like a way to prop up certain industries than anything else.

There is the argument that it's not just for you, it's for everyone in both families.

That's not to say you need to support the wedding industry. You can do just fine with a backyard barbecue if that's your jam.

Mine was eloping, because my parents were assholes that would either spend a whole year undermining me and nitpicking everything, so I gave them exactly one thing to be angry over that they couldn't do a thing about.

My two cousins had the big white wedding, the family didn't need one from me.

 

[Bixby Snyder]

Kinda a shitty day. Had a language test and I did much worse than I expected. A friend didn't even study and he did fine.

 

[Dean Pentel]

I think that’s admirable. As long as you acknowledge what you did achieve and don’t just say beat yourself up for not being the best. The process of change and growth is hard but it’s maybe the point

Nothing worth having or doing has ever been easy. Human beings are the type of creature that grow best through struggle, adversity, and pain.

I do NOT want people I barely know hugging me

Not even me?

Thread tax: I'm studying vascular surgery text books on my off time because I want to learn more about what's used during the different procedures in the OR and why. I'm doing this because I despise having to wait to be told what supplies to go get only after the surgeon says something. It's damn inefficient and I'm a big advocate of the perspective "Nobody's coming to save you".

I'm also doing this primarily for myself. I love the feeling of being capable. That is true wealth. A positive byproduct of learning these things is that becoming a known quantity to the surgeons enables one to be more successful in achieving requests (time off, pay raise, extra shifts, etc.). Then if anything goes wrong and everyone else is freaking out it's damn easy to remain cool because you have everything you need to fix a problem immediately available.

I bring any of this up because I thought long gone were the days of reading text books and taking notes. Technically I don't have to do this but fuck leaving it the way it is.

 

[Motherf*cker]

I used to have this bad aversion to people touching my shoulders, and giving me hugs, I really had to work on it because I hated it. Body aches every time.

 

[Banquet Meal]

oh my god.
so my daughter let me know about some neopets/gross tea place collaboration where they were selling adorable neopet plushies...but they were like 60 miles away..my husband who is amazing drove all the way there and back to get all of them for me

to be fair, i also bought him a bunch of books he wanted, so its not entirely one sided...most of the time
i LOVED to play neopets back in the day, when my older kids were little..we were so poor, and i couldnt afford anything in the game, but i still loved to play it, and this was so nice. (i still love neopets, idc)

 

[Gregis]

I’ve deliberately chosen to pick up a skill that’s very difficult and will take years.

Let me guess: playing the glass harp?

 

[Otterly]

Let me guess: playing the glass harp?

That would be fun. I can imagine how long such a thing would last in a house full of kids and cats …

 

[Squanto Airi]

>car brakes acting up
>earliest a mechanic can get to it is this afternoon
>pay hasn't hit my account despite hitting on Tuesdays every other time prior
>boss is on vacation so I can't really ask him for a ride.
>text coworkers to see if I could get a ride
>none of them have responded to me

I already know if I dont make it in that they'll just talk behind my back, but at this point what am I to do?