How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Friday was one of those wacky ass days where I spend all day dealing well with tons of small issues with this big one looming for hours. Eventually it gets fixed too late for anything to be done about it, but still I was told to inform our superior and I swear his only interactions with me has been net loss ones. 10 wins and 1 loss is enough to ruin my day.

I keep hearing about coworker volunteering and doing shit on their days off, even if just church choir, but it makes me realize how little I've got going on. I really should engage with something but I also want to do something I'd enjoy for once. Always feels like I'm doing shit for the sake of others.
 
BABANGUIDE64 said:
Don't you ever say that gay people are bad by their nature, if you're among women.
It's rude and they'll start trowing shit at you for that from every corner
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I've got used to bad mouth abstract groups of people either ironically or sincerely but I have no idea why I don't like bad mouthing particular people I know whether behind their back or in front of them. Maybe I'm a well-bred in some weird way person or just an aspie.
 
Just watched my dad die in front of me and get hauled off by EMTs so not particularly well. At least the last thing I told him was I loved him. And he said the same. I'm in the impervious cope phase where I can't feel anything but this is going to hurt soon.

I was the only person who could legally give the DNR if his heart stops again, but I deferred to the medical personnel in the family. The prognosis is grim.
 
AnOminous said:
Just watched my dad die in front of me and get hauled off by EMTs so not particularly well. At least the last thing I told him was I loved him. And he said the same. I'm in the impervious cope phase where I can't feel anything but this is going to hurt soon.

I was the only person who could legally give the DNR if his heart stops again, but I deferred to the medical personnel in the family. The prognosis is grim.
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I wish the best for your father, and I'm sure you're a good son to him. You have all of my condolences.
 
AnOminous said:
Just watched my dad die in front of me and get hauled off by EMTs so not particularly well. At least the last thing I told him was I loved him. And he said the same. I'm in the impervious cope phase where I can't feel anything but this is going to hurt soon.

I was the only person who could legally give the DNR if his heart stops again, but I deferred to the medical personnel in the family. The prognosis is grim.
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You aren't alone, old man.
Last week I had plural amount of brothers. This week I have singular amount of brother.
You got this. We all do.
 
AnOminous said:
Just watched my dad die in front of me and get hauled off by EMTs so not particularly well. At least the last thing I told him was I loved him. And he said the same. I'm in the impervious cope phase where I can't feel anything but this is going to hurt soon.

I was the only person who could legally give the DNR if his heart stops again, but I deferred to the medical personnel in the family. The prognosis is grim.
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Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, @AnOminous. Thinking of you and your dad.
:feels:
 
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, @AnOminous. Thinking of you and your dad.
:feels:
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I have a support system. I'll be okay, I guess. Eventually. Luckily I have a bunch of piled-up tasks to do. They got the body to have a pulse again, but the damage goes down to the brain stem. Short of a Jesus miracle he's not coming back. I was worried this was coming as we had had a few hard-hitting conversations in the past few days, as if he was aware what was coming.

Much of the extended family was in the waiting room at the ICU and we had a rollicking pre-wake in between visiting two at a time. Since much of the family is medical personnel, they were personally acquainted with everyone involved. We shared anecdotes and jokes and stories he'd told different versions of to different family members.

He was sort of the anti-me. I am a ferociously antisocial ball of hate, and he was someone who could walk into any room in the state and someone would know him and treat him like a best friend.

Technically he is still alive. In reality, we're all preparing for the funeral.
 
Been off opiates for over four months and I have a healthy workout routine established now :) I am still however perpetually broke and surrounded by Indians in my own country.
 
I think I've made much improvement over the last two days. I went to a local Oktoberfest celebration Just fine. I can walk now without the need to hold onto walls. The only real challenge is now getting in and out of chairs and cars. Leaning in a chair a certain way is still painful But much progress has been made of getting back to normal.
 
Pay is delayed by two weeks and my company treats it like a ho-hum thing. I have $1 to my name after helping my girl get settled, put a roof over her head from the previous post escaping her abusive family and my work treats me like this, only next Monday I can get what's owed to me and they still expect me to 110% my work.

On a lighter note, the airline I facilitate had the station manager of the airline extend an invite to join them personally and I'm going to hooky on my current company's paid time tomorrow to attend the interview. They can keep their 13month bonuses and the (supposedly) good welfare if they're gonna treat grunts like dirt when the job market has and always will be mercenary.

Caught up on reading books and comics while playing Titan Quest Anniversary edition but I keep falling asleep in front of the computer due to how tired my work is. Always checking up on my girl and making sure she's okay, her mental health is in a far better state ever since she's escaped and is now in a rental house, and the debts her family put on her have been wiped out by my friends who graciously fronted her the money to wipe out the interest first.
 
AnOminous said:
Just watched my dad die in front of me and get hauled off by EMTs so not particularly well. At least the last thing I told him was I loved him. And he said the same. I'm in the impervious cope phase where I can't feel anything but this is going to hurt soon.

I was the only person who could legally give the DNR if his heart stops again, but I deferred to the medical personnel in the family. The prognosis is grim.
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My condolences, dude. I recall you were afraid of something like this in the past. We are here and ready to listen if it makes it any better.
 
Just been dealing with someone close to me dying (not family). It happened suddenly and I hadn't seen them or had a solid conversation in a long time. The whole thing is so fucked and I would of loved to have a long chat with them. It's not worth putting off talking to people. I'll never get to talk shit with them again.
 
I can't even feel my own emotions because apparently my brain has shut them down in some form of self-defense. But any time I look at the dog, who doesn't understand what's going on, the dog's sorrow breaks my heart.
 
Unmarkedgrave said:
Praying for you🙏

Have you had your b12 levels checked? I had some weird symptoms like you’re describing and it turned out to be low levels of b12. Regardless, I hope you are feeling better soon!!
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Thank you so much! ❤️
I haven’t but it’s something I will address at my next appointment. For now on my new meds I’ve noticed a huge reduction in them but honestly I’m not sure if it’s the mind numbing effect it gives me so I don’t think about it and make it worse or if it’s actually treating it if that makes sense lol
I’m hoping it’s not actually an essential tremor so I don’t have to keep taking them, I think the potential for addiction could be high
 
I'm about to crash the fuck out over the lack of jobs in my area, I'm going to have to move to get any sort of meaningful employment, all I have within driving distance is fucking fast food and retail AND I HATE IT
 
Fun. When you have to wait for the call or just personally be there to sign off on the turning off the life support because all hope is gone. And you have to pick decisions that you think your dad would make. Because he can't make them any more. And you choose the family consensus because consensus is right even though you agree with it.
 
Finally got on some ADHD meds. Not stimulant so no meth. Hoping it helps me focus my mind in actually fixing my shit instead of just sitting here playing games all day long as my house literally falls apart around me.
 
I'm apparently nuts. Social workers just showed up to make sure I wasn't going to kill myself immediately. I can't blame them because that was definitely something I was considering. Thanks sister. I wasn't going to do it though.

Anyway I've calmed down a bit. Sort of.
 
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