How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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I finally went to my doctor to address my biggest concern which are tremors that I started experiencing in my head and my hands about a year ago. I’ve 100% convinced myself that they’re caused by a brain tumor and I’ll be dead before long.
Doc says this is unlikely and he’s never seen that being the case
I think about it 24/7 and it’s ruining my life at this point because I can’t think or focus on anything else
My doctor prescribed me an anticonvulsant and asked if I wanted to have a CT scan just to clear my mind and of course I said yes, so now I’m just waiting for the call to schedule it
In the mean time the shaking has now moved to my legs and they feel jittery when I walk but not enough to make it difficult to do so

I plan on finding a pastor that I can talk to and have pray for me in the mean time to find a strength that I’m lacking everywhere else

But I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not so much scared of dying…I’m terrified of leaving my kids behind.
 
It’s been a real shitty year for me both personally and in general. From my relationship imploding months ago, work being absolutely fucking overwhelming for the past 5 months,Fishtank getting canceled for the foreseeable future, the death of KingCobraJFS and the absolute dog shit political climate in the US I am OVER 2025. But 2025 isn’t over me yet. Or any of us. We got 3 more months of madness to go in this godforsaken year.

Take the good with the bad. I’ve been trying to branch out and do more hobbies and while I never meet anyone, it’s nice to get out and do stuff more. Not too worried about dating either and I’ve gotten really good at detecting psycho women in the talking stage and bailing the moment the mask slips.
 
Been pretty bad so far. Doctors are refusing to really help a friend when he got diagnosed with costochondritis (except it doesn't seem to be going away, ever) and despite him having that and trying to get for disability, it was like people were turning him down the minute they see him. Dude had a job he actually loved, he was making great money for himself, then this happens, and now he's got nothing. Can't even take care of the dog he loves now.
I just wish I could find some sort of real help for him. Pretty much all of the options involve temporary pain numbing that pretty much either have a chance of not working, making it worse, or just flat-out death. Only other option is, allegedly anyway, surgery for his pain nerves to just make them stop feeling pain, but that sounds so risky that I don't even know where to begin.
Sometimes I wonder if it's a misdiagnosis, because costochondritis shouldn't be lasting for this long.
 
This morning I threw my back out after just slightly bending over to pick up some socks. It felt like a sledge hammer fell on my lower spine even if what I did was so casual. I spent most of the time laying on the floor unable to move without going into serious pain. It took me hours to get up and make an attempt to reach my bed. Trips to the bathroom end up being an Olympic task. Today has been one of the most physically painful days in my life.
 
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BABANGUIDE64 said:
Don't you ever say that gay people are bad by their nature, if you're among women.
It's rude and they'll start trowing shit at you for that from every corner
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Next time tell them the same about women. Women love bad boys.

WASR96 said:
Made it through the high dose chemo and two recovery days. My transplant of my own white blood cells back to me is today and then 11-14 days of waiting around until I'm good. Already feel like dogshit so I plan to sleep through all this.
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Stay strong, brother. Don't forget to tell us how it is going.

Rome's rightful successor said:
This morning I threw my back out after just slightly bending over to pick up some socks. It felt like a sledge hammer fell on my lower spine even if what I did was so casual. I spent most of the time laying on the floor unable to move without going into serious pain. It took me hours to get up and make an attempt to reach my bead. Trips to the bathroom end up being an Olympic task. Today has been one of the most physically painful days in my life.
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When I was a child, I thought you become adult and then one day you are suddenly old with all the back pain and stuff. Silly me! It is actually "one day you realize you are not young anymore".
 
If the exhaustion couldn’t get bad enough, had to spend a night in hospital recently. Not for myself thankfully, the eldest Gotchi kid had to have her appendix out. She’s on the mend though.

On the plus side though, I’ve realised how much of a breeze this pregnancy has been compared to the last one-carrying twins was no joke and I’m eternally grateful that my fourth and final kid is a singleton. Roll on February.
 
WASR96 said:
Made it through the high dose chemo and two recovery days. My transplant of my own white blood cells back to me is today and then 11-14 days of waiting around until I'm good. Already feel like dogshit so I plan to sleep through all this.
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wegotyou - Copy.webp
 
Juan But Not Forgotten said:
When I was a child, I thought you become adult and then one day you are suddenly old with all the back pain and stuff. Silly me! It is actually "one day you realize you are not young anymore".
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I'm getting better today, My back is less painful but still incredibly sore. I can start walking and sit up right but need the assistance of holding onto walls. It's going to be a rough few days. Even though I'm still in my mid twenties I do feel like I've aged a few decades within the past day.
 
Rome's rightful successor said:
I'm getting better today, My back is less painful but still incredibly sore. I can start walking and sit up right but need the assistance of holding onto walls. It's going to be a rough few days. Even though I'm still in my mid twenties I do feel like I've aged a few decades within the past day.
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Have you been able to get a scan or an appointment to see someone at all? Or is this an ongoing thing?
 
Rome's rightful successor said:
It's just my back for right now.
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That's good. I'm wanted to see if it might have been caused by something like flat feet (which can have a surprising impact on your back). Stuff like shoe inserts or knee braces can sometimes help if that had been the case, hence my question. Fingers crossed it gets better.
 
Hellblazer said:
That's good. I'm wanted to see if it might have been caused by something like flat feet (which can have a surprising impact on your back). Stuff like shoe inserts or knee braces can sometimes help if that had been the case, hence my question. Fingers crossed it gets better.
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My feet are arched, I hope it gets better.
 
Mother Gooseberry said:
I finally went to my doctor to address my biggest concern which are tremors that I started experiencing in my head and my hands about a year ago. I’ve 100% convinced myself that they’re caused by a brain tumor and I’ll be dead before long.
Doc says this is unlikely and he’s never seen that being the case
I think about it 24/7 and it’s ruining my life at this point because I can’t think or focus on anything else
My doctor prescribed me an anticonvulsant and asked if I wanted to have a CT scan just to clear my mind and of course I said yes, so now I’m just waiting for the call to schedule it
In the mean time the shaking has now moved to my legs and they feel jittery when I walk but not enough to make it difficult to do so

I plan on finding a pastor that I can talk to and have pray for me in the mean time to find a strength that I’m lacking everywhere else

But I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not so much scared of dying…I’m terrified of leaving my kids behind.
Click to expand...
Praying for you🙏

Have you had your b12 levels checked? I had some weird symptoms like you’re describing and it turned out to be low levels of b12. Regardless, I hope you are feeling better soon!!
 
So many things and people seem to have been conspiring and uniting to activate my rage points lately. Everything is going wrong. Current events (and people's reactions to same) really exacerbating the anger. It's a good thing I don't drink anymore but that doesn't keep me from veering closer and closer to other bad and destructive choices. Put me on the "pray for me or something" list I guess.
 
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