How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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I feel really good right now, I've begun embracing my autism.

(in private at least, probably shouldn't flap my hands in public)

I finally feel like a whole person, I've stopped binge eating, and I've even stopped masturbating, I think I was using these activities as coping mechanisms for masking.
 
The man The only man said:
So, I am afraid of people knowing about it for the fact that they would perceive my sociability as a mirage to cover up my mundane life.
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I think you may be overthinking what or how much other people might think deeply about your life, and forgetting that it really doesn't matter if your coworkers like your life or not. There are people I work with whose lives seem dull or unappealing to me, but I like them (or am polite/ sociable) and so ask about them (but don't think much more about it than I'm glad if they like their lives). I'm certain my present necessary focus on mundane life things is (or would be if I shared it all) equally dull to them - and I don't really share my random hobbies; I'll share places I went or things I did that most people can relate to, but absolutely don't have a need to share specifics or esoteric niche interests - and don't think they'd care, which is fine!

The man The only man said:
I realise that all the hobbies I have left are related to work or study. There is nothing interesting going on in my life.
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If you have hobbies , how are they not interesting to you? As hobbies, why do them if they don't interest you? If you do them solely for a work purpose, they're not really hobbies, are they?

The man The only man said:
The hobbies I maybe want to try out are not fun to me nor something I would like to upkeep in the future.
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Well, that's interesting. If you generally don't find anything inspiring or interesting, you may be experiencing some level of depression. If you just mean you can't find any non-necessary/ non-work/obligation thing that lights your fire, then it might be that your expectations of hobbies are a bit high, or that you just need to keep trying things.

You also mentioned having gotten rid of most escapist time-sucks (I don't consider enjoying a website to be a "hobby"), it could be that you need a little time for your brain to recover from dulling ways of spending time and to get thirsty for something else that is more stimulating. If you've dropped certain things it might take awhile to feel inspired to find or locate good things to fill that void.
 
73_Autistic_Fuck_54 said:
and I've even stopped masturbating.
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I visited her family today. They haven't been taking her death well. I spoke with them for a while and picked up some things that held deep memories of her. Not doing very well today.
 
Everyone I love is on the verge of dying. I know it's going to come all in a series and absolutely devastate me. I'm doing okay now, but on the verge of a series of deathnukes on my personal care list. Given my luck, they will all hit at the exact time and everyone I love will die simultaneously on the exact same day.
I was born under a bad sign. Cancer.
 
I'm trying to stay optimistic but it's hard to because like... how? How do I stay optimistic? All the careers I like are going to be replaced by AI. There's a complete Player Piano situation going around the world now. I can't really huff on any more copium, all I ever think about is how I should have jumped into a stable career before AI launched. (But even in 2019 applications were asking for experience for entry level jobs.) Like, I called someone to tell that I applied, and then they said I don't have relevant experience... for a minimum wage job for wine tasting. Every day I just want to go off at how entitled these fucking employers are. If its not being replaced by AI, it's being replaced by a third world immigrant who might not even know a bit of English.

I just can't stay optimistic like... what can I even get skills in that isn't going to be replaced? I can try for groomer training but even places where they want groomers will usually treat them badly. I can try to learn programming, but I'd probably only do it as a gig.

How??? Am I supposed to be??? Happy with living???? I don't want to keep living and be miserable forever.
 
Super Mario Brothers said:
How??? Am I supposed to be??? Happy with living???? I don't want to keep living and be miserable forever.
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You'd have to be retarded to be optimistic at this point. At best you can be realistic, and even that is bullshit. Pessimism is the only outlook that presumes anything that the future can be expected to be. Everything is just getting worse and worse. Nothing is getting better. It's all getting worse.

The black pill is the only pill and while I refuse to take that pill, it's the one that makes sense now.

I currently refuse that pill, fuck you, I love you all and I want and believe the world is getting better, but I know I'm wrong, and it's just getting worse and worse. But please, let's continue to fight for the GOOD OUTCOME.
 
AnOminous said:
You'd have to be retarded to be optimistic at this point. At best you can be realistic, and even that is bullshit. Pessimism is the only outlook that presumes anything that the future can be expected to be. Everything is just getting worse and worse. Nothing is getting better. It's all getting worse.

The black pill is the only pill and while I refuse to take that pill, it's the one that makes sense now.

I currently refuse that pill, fuck you, I love you all and I want and believe the world is getting better, but I know I'm wrong, and it's just getting worse and worse. But please, let's continue to fight for the GOOD OUTCOME.
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And we all lift, and we're all adrift together,
Together.
Through the cold mist, til we're lifeless together,
Together.
 
I may have lost my mind entirely. I'm so sick of pretending to be sane. Maybe I should just give up on that and lose my mind because there's no reason at all to remain sane in this diseased crazy world.
 
Doing good, its morning but im still rather stoned from the 1000mg of edibles i have taken Yesterday. Atleast the time at work is passing fast and the customers are alot more bearable that way
 
Brett DeLawyer said:
Baby DeLawyer 2.0 is here! 3.53kg at three weeks early. Vitals all good.
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Congratulations! That’s a good weight, hope baby delawyer feeds and sleeps like a pro.
Smaug's Smokey Hole 2 said:
I really want to check in to some form of adult retard daycare and do finger painting for a couple of weeks.
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I get it. I feel like this too. I think a lot of people don’t really want to check out permanently they just want to step out of the world for a while.
You don’t recover fully from burnout. I know this from experience, so if you can step back from the brink before you do burn out, then do.
 
Laughter really is the best medicine. I've had a decent amount of time to enjoy myself trying out new recipes in the kitchen and learning/exploring a bunch of interests lately and even when things get really stressful, I'm finding that there's really no point in stressing over things you can't change. Focusing on how blessed I am and grateful for what I have is really helpful. Life is full of struggle so always enjoy the good times while the going's good.
 
Been dealing with a stomach bug and a few other health issues over the past few days; nothing major, really, more of an annoyance if anything. Work's been going fairly well, got a nice bonus recently, and I might be moving up sometime in the near future. Writing's hit another snag, trying to figure out another character's backstory and how in the world he'd get involved with the main overarching plot, but other than that I'm genuinely doing just fine.
 
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