How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

  • 🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
I hate where I live but I'm anchored by family. Another 3 businesses I liked closed, all the nearby beaches are closed from ecoli caused by pajeets shitting in tents on the beach, and a few of the local trails were closed too.
 
There was a monkey in our backyard, it was very fun watching the fucker steal food from the other houses while fighting off crows. Very very fun, haven't had monkeys in months now.
 
Only 4 more days until knee replacement revision surgery. All of the current hardware will be yeeted and new installed, not including I hope anything weird like external fixators. How I wish for the sweet, sweet days of the early 2000s and free flowing percocet! Oxycontin too, RIP
 
I'm at the party now and I'm actually exhausted. I gotta admit I don't like parties. I don't like drunk loud people or loud people in general. It's a bunch of zoomers in a country where the legal drinking age is 16

I ordered a ride to pick me up early because I find myself rather overwhelmed. But it's someone's birthday so I wanted to say hi.

But now I'm ready to get home and relax.

Other than that I feel okay. Talking to the shrink the other day was nice. Enduring a long ride with drunk loud people in public transit midday was not nice.

I've had my share of drunk loud people. Also I question the friendships of women who grab each other's tits and asses and lick each other's ears and back but I digress

Edit: going home. Felt weird because it's a giant minibus and everyone's staring.

And the driver is a sand njgger arguing over the phone.
 
Last edited:
Watched a sleep documentary the other day about how bedtime restriction therapy fixed insomnia of decades. Basically, lay down 8 hours, sleep 5? Only go to bed those 5 hours for a week or two until you sleep during those hours, then add 30 mins on either end. Repeat until you sleep a consistent 7:30ish hours.

So of course, I'm sat here considering getting booze out of sheer boredom. Itll fuck up my sleep entirely and I won't enjoy it remotely, but I'm so god damn bored. And now I'm trying to avoid watching telly in bed, so ain't even got that to look forward to. Fuck.
 
A strong fever beat the fuck out of me today, I barely can go out of the bed, and started even hallucinating due to how horrible it is, first time in three years, weirdly enough. I'm not gonna write anything else for today unless is something short.

Also, that girl I've mentioned in my other entries, I started dating her. I couldn't help it but to ask her, she's a sweetheart.
 
I have a super morbidly obese family member that openly seethes and constantly makes comments about my weight and my eating habits but can't take what she dishes out, at all.

I was up at 5AM taking care of family, and ate breakfast then- and then I was outside doing yard work before it gets too hot. I got hot anyways, and so I was sat in my room eating an ice cream bar around 9AM. My family member arrived, I came out of my room ice cream bar in hand, and she went, "Well THAT's a healthy breakfast!" and BOOM! Instantly, a big one-sided argument about how "Some people are naturally skinny like you, but you know, you're probably secretly really UNhealthy, while I, I eat NATURAL foods- I'm VEGAN now, did you know I'm VEGAN now? And yet- I'm CURSED to stay obese! You should really count your blessings, you know- the way you ABUSE your body with ICE CREAM- don't you know DAIRY is inflammatory? All you're eating is ice cream for breakfast- where's the PLANT-POWERED PROTEIN? And you clearly just woke up- All you do is SLEEP and eat ICE CREAM????"

I didn't have any sort of Reddit-"and then everyone clapped" comeback. I just left. I realized long ago that it's not even a real argument, it's not a real conversation when people act that way- it's just her own mental issues being expressed and I'm not a therapist.

So that is how I got into following the deathfat lolcows. Because sometimes I do wish I could just laugh in her face.
 
I think my job interview went well, it is slightly unfamilliar work but it would be a lot more stable and consistent then what I've done before. If I get it I'll start on the 8th, which is a little ways away. Still putting out job applications but there's maybe one job listing a day.
 
Extremely burnt out from work, some major changes have been happening lately and in some aspects I'm being treated like an authority figure on things when I'm not at all. Its very bizarre to me. I think about leaving every day but the only things holding me back are I'm able to make my own hours, not really having to answer to anyone or explain myself for any decision I make and not wanting to go through the process to get to that point again. A recent fantasy is just burning all the money I saved up travelling or moving somewhere far away and ignoring every obligation in life.
 
Took Kid to the Ghibli symphonic concert I mentioned in a previous post. It was a homage to the legendary 2008 Budokan Ghibli concert, and it was great.

She was so happy, man. Makes me tear up.
 
I am having weird sleep schedule for some reason. I don't know what's going on but it's making me crazy. I'm able to work and the like, but as soon as I'm done, I want to sleep - and this just makes it worse.
 
I just don't get people's compulsion to be a cunt sometimes. It's entirely possible to be unhappy and not be an asshole. Being a fucking prick doesn't benefit anyone anyways so why do it?
All I hope is to not be a fucking shithead, that's it.
 
Slight powerlevel I guess but I don't really care.

Horrible, not gonna lie. I'm depressed. Mainly because I'm going to be moving in a couple months and I have some sentimental attachment to my current house because I've lived in it for 10+ years, but I'm also really sad over the fact that my mom is turning 65 this November and acknowledging that your parents are getting older fucking blows. I've done an insane amount of crying the past couple days and am currently drunk because it's the only way to keep me relatively calm. I've got a support group and everything so I'm sure this'll all pass in time but god, at the moment... I hope it gets better asap, fellow Kiwis. (:_(
 
You ever stop drinking at the worst possible time and then realize a little bit later
"It's not the worst possible time. This is just how fucking exhausting life usually is?"
Yeah. Still chugging along though.

Job is draining me. It's very weird to see a workplace environment almost implode in real time. Seems like there's new fights/drama horseshit every day and I'm just wanting to keep to myself and avoid it. It really sucks because I want to be friends with some people at work and I feel isolated but also the majority of people there are primarily interested in gossiping about eachother, being high all the time, TikTok and shitty rap music. They're not all bad but there's a lot of toxicity there. I'm chill with everyone but there are people that definitely keep to themselves more and that's probably for the best.

There's this girl at work who CONSTANTLY talks about how depressed/fucked up/suicidal she is in that millennial comedic way most do. Talks about being so unhinged and ready to flip out at anyone. Overly manic, constantly doing that lol-so-random/postmodern ironic comedy and laughing at everything.
So in short she's a white woman in her 20s.
But she's so much so that it grates on me in a way most don't.
Keep in mind, she's going to law school, seemingly has a lot of friends, has that valleygirl aura and has a supportive mom.
It shouldn't bother me but sometimes I want to ask if her life is that bad that she needs to constantly draw attention to how "unhinged" she is in a public place. I know it's nothing and I shouldn't care. But seeing the type of white woman who constantly has to draw herself as the underdog victim who's "totally lost it" and brings up how many pills she's on when in reality she's a basic bitch that the entire town would show up to the funeral for kind of just ruffles my feathers a bit.

On one hand I know that I can be very awkward and have my own shitty tendencies and want to feel like "part of the group" but on the other I know it's kind of a good thing not to be "in" with some of the dumpster fire lifestyles around here. Just trying to save up some and get ready for the move. Biggest fear I'll still be the same guy wherever I go and never find a tribe I can belong to. But I think there's more of a chance to find some peace or at the very least distractions where I'm heading. We'll see.
 
Last edited:
One more thing: I think the shittiest thing is not knowing where I stand. I feel everyday like I'm the guy people "appreciate". People always say how good of a job I do, they say I'm great and I'm not some incel in a corner not talking to anyone. I'm sociable, people compliment me a lot. But I just always ask myself if I was really that valuable why I'm not apart of anyone's life. Makes me feel like I'm just a retard people value because my work.
Ain't it great how years of abuse can make you a walking contradiction?
You become the most reliable, kind guy that people don't have any actual ill will towards and avoid all the drama around you. But you only do that as a defense mechanism so people don't dislike you and you never have to be reminded of "that" feeling ever again.
You get people singing your praises constantly but you can't believe almost any of it.
You're always around people but you're rarely ever actually IN anyone's life and the only people who let you in probably are going through the same thing too.
 
(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
You ever stop drinking at the worst possible time and then realize a little bit later
"It's not the worst possible time. This is just how fucking exhausting life usually is?"
Yeah. Still chugging along though.
Click to expand...
Reminds me of a post I saw the other day. Basically along the lines "you look forward to the end of the week to reward yourself with pizza, but then you also start preparing yourself with a reward of pizza for the new week", and suddenly you're in this loop of realizing no " normal week" longer exists.
(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
One more thing: I think the shittiest thing is not knowing where I stand. I feel everyday like I'm the guy people "appreciate". People always say how good of a job I do, they say I'm great and I'm not some incel in a corner not talking to anyone. I'm sociable, people compliment me a lot. But I just always ask myself if I was really that valuable why I'm not apart of anyone's life. Makes me feel like I'm just a retard people value because my work.
Click to expand...
Pretty much how I feel. My job is easy as fuck, hence why there's so much drama cause people get uppity about minor things. I'm introverted but not asocial and we have these get-togethers every now and then, but why go if I'm just "nice to have around"? I've no real personality or quirk I bring, which is why I generally favor time investment over quality. "Oh he does the hard work without a sound, that's admirable". Probably why I've wanted to be that cool kid healer officer in a WoW guild since the start; not the charismatic raid leader but the one doing the boring work others appreciate.

I still hate how much this job shit affects me on a daily basis. I'm "forced" to undergo this 2 year certification thing after working here for 2 years, but even those who WANTED it had to wait 3-4 years, so there's no deadline but there kinda is. Marketing slop seems up my alley and been to a few interviews, but so few 'factories' exist that it's always just "we need one man who can do it all with no learning". Most other gigs you're one of eight and plenty of room to train someone with the right attitude.

I'm pretty stable in my mood but over the course of 12 hours I can go from "I'm only one year into this job, I can find another" and "holy shit I'm gonna dry up here, I'll never escape and my degree is wasted". But the new normal is jumping jobs every 2 years, so at least decent gigs should keep popping up, though a drought of 2 weeks is pretty depressing.
 
Last edited:
It's been a while since my last post here.
Still making projects that will look nice in my portfolio, and at the same time, I am looking for a better job. My LinkedIn is looking superb.
Hopefully, I can get a remote one. I miss spending more time with my cats and I am tired too often because of the commute and annoying coworkers. I work so much better at home.
My immune system is also taking a toll. Got really sick 3 weeks ago and I'm still somewhat recovering.
But in overall things are going well. Could be better but also it has been worse. Cat #1 is fast asleep by my side and it's one of the things in this world that makes me genuinely happy.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom