How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Otterly]

This physical reaction has been constant for 8 days.

Yeah you need to see the doc. Something a bit not right there. Hopefully it’s not physical, and sometimes you can have a bit of a breakdown and your body knocks you on your arse because your brain isnt listening to it.
Your ‘self’ or whatever you call it is telling you there’s something wrong and has made you stop and take note. Get all the physical checks, hopefully they’re ok, and then have a think about what’s going on and what you can change?

 

[Pat Niggerson]

Yeah you need to see the doc. Something a bit not right there. Hopefully it’s not physical, and sometimes you can have a bit of a breakdown and your body knocks you on your arse because your brain isnt listening to it.
Your ‘self’ or whatever you call it is telling you there’s something wrong and has made you stop and take note. Get all the physical checks, hopefully they’re ok, and then have a think about what’s going on and what you can change?

That is the current course of action, yeah. It's also caused crying spells, but that only really happens when I reflect on interpersonal regrets. Between you and me I'm hoping it is physical so I can address it that way. Regardless of the outcome, this has terrified me into trying to change. When what was a mundane day turns into finding out the best way to max out cards into assets to leave my siblings, it gets scary.

 

[Getmeout]

I had a thought last night. I thought about what @PetiteFeet said about doing whatever you want and whatever makes you happy, and I kinda realized... Ya, that just makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, self-sacrifice is always a good thing, sacrificing what makes you happy to make others happy is virtuous... But what's the point when it DOESN'T make others happy? What's the point when, in fact, it makes the people around you unhappy cause you're grumpy and pissy all the time worrying about conforming to what you think a 20 yr old woman should be.

I feel like us humans innately want what's best for us, whilst we crave what's bad for us. Want is different than crave, to crave is when you don't actually want it but you have this weird compulsive need for it. I think I want happiness, but crave social validation. My want contradicts with the craving, cause my happiness consists of a lot of things looked down on by society. Nothing immoral, just things considered "Childish", "Cringey", and/or "Autistic".

But life is so short, and that short amount of time could be spent happy if I just pursued my wants without shame. The fear comes in again, that if I do so, I'll have no one to be near and no one will like me. But it's like Petite said, "Any friend willing to break it off with you cause you like MLP or whatever is not a friend worth keeping".

I think... Today... I'm gonna bake a cake, mess with my Littlest Pet Shops, and ramble about object shows with friends. It makes me happy and I think a happy Getmeout is a lot easier to be around than a repressed pissy one.

Aside from this long screed, I woke up with a headache today. I suspect it's from me eating near nothing yesterday, so I'll eat a bit more today.