- Joined
- Feb 24, 2015
History wasn't my best subject in school admittedly, so yeah I do kinda get things mixed up sometimes.
Both of them were quite batshit nonetheless.
Historical Lolcow General
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Both of them were quite batshit nonetheless.
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2015
I don't think anyone has mentioned George Metesky yet.
He was a worker for ConEdison who, in 1931, was injured in a workplace accident. He waited too long to file a workman's compensation claim for his resulting injuries (alleging it gave him tuberculosis) and despite legal challenges, lost his final appeal in 1936, whereupon he decided the sane and reasonable thing to do was.... start blowing people up.
From 1940 to 1956 (Excepting the war years, during which he showed OPL-level-empathy by taking a charitable hiatus) he planted 33 pipe bombs around New York City, about 2/3rds of which managed to go off (some of the duds were only found MONTHS after they'd been planted, he wasn't very good at building them), and though he caused 22 injuries, he miraculously killed no one.
Most of the bombs were almost always planted in places that had nothing to do with ConEd, such as Grand Central Station, the Port Authority bus terminal, libraries, movie theaters, and Radio City Music Hall.
He was finally apprehended in 1957, he was judged mentally unfit for trial and handed over to the mental health system, which due to some quirks in sentencing in New York state, had to release him in 1973 as he hadn't ever been convicted by a jury. He returned to his home and lived until 1994, content he had succeeded in his revenge. He was 90 when he died, quite a long-lived existence for someone allegedly disabled and dying of tuberculosis contracted at work....
Notably, his was one of the first cases where police used a criminal profiler, though most modern psychologists downplay how effective it was, if at all.
He was a worker for ConEdison who, in 1931, was injured in a workplace accident. He waited too long to file a workman's compensation claim for his resulting injuries (alleging it gave him tuberculosis) and despite legal challenges, lost his final appeal in 1936, whereupon he decided the sane and reasonable thing to do was.... start blowing people up.
From 1940 to 1956 (Excepting the war years, during which he showed OPL-level-empathy by taking a charitable hiatus) he planted 33 pipe bombs around New York City, about 2/3rds of which managed to go off (some of the duds were only found MONTHS after they'd been planted, he wasn't very good at building them), and though he caused 22 injuries, he miraculously killed no one.
Most of the bombs were almost always planted in places that had nothing to do with ConEd, such as Grand Central Station, the Port Authority bus terminal, libraries, movie theaters, and Radio City Music Hall.
He was finally apprehended in 1957, he was judged mentally unfit for trial and handed over to the mental health system, which due to some quirks in sentencing in New York state, had to release him in 1973 as he hadn't ever been convicted by a jury. He returned to his home and lived until 1994, content he had succeeded in his revenge. He was 90 when he died, quite a long-lived existence for someone allegedly disabled and dying of tuberculosis contracted at work....
Notably, his was one of the first cases where police used a criminal profiler, though most modern psychologists downplay how effective it was, if at all.
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2016
William Jennings Bryan was a laughable politician from the 1890s who couldn't help but making a fool of himself. He was fervently passionate for the Populist Party, who are comparable to neosocialists now in both their ideology and their ineptitude. He ran for president 4 times, failing in all of them.
His last action in life was being the prosecutor in the infamous Scopes Monkey Trial, where he attempted to sue a high school teacher for teaching evolution. He had vehemently believed that Darwinism was the cause of all bad in the world, including the evils of big business and World War One. The defendants saw that they could easily win the case and heavily promoted it until it became national news, turning Bryan into a laughingstock for his antiquated beliefs. He was so brought down by his loss of the case that he died a few days after it was over.
His last action in life was being the prosecutor in the infamous Scopes Monkey Trial, where he attempted to sue a high school teacher for teaching evolution. He had vehemently believed that Darwinism was the cause of all bad in the world, including the evils of big business and World War One. The defendants saw that they could easily win the case and heavily promoted it until it became national news, turning Bryan into a laughingstock for his antiquated beliefs. He was so brought down by his loss of the case that he died a few days after it was over.
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2016
John Wayne Todd / "Lance Collins"
http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/John_Todd
http://archive.is/WmEDl
Full on horrorcow alert. As this article from RationalWiki has a bit of interesting story on him. He claimed to have been born to a group of satanic witches (and his "witch name" was Lance Collins) who put him on the druid council of the fucking Illuminati. That Phillip Rothschild ordered Ayn Rand to write "Atlus Shrugged" as an instruction manual for the witches to take over the world, thought that Fundamentalist Christian Ministries that weren't his branch were the Illuminati, inspired several tracts written by Jack Chick (who completely agreed with him on many things), and was arrested for being a Nick Bate-tier child molesting Pedophile. He died in prison.
http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/John_Todd
http://archive.is/WmEDl
Full on horrorcow alert. As this article from RationalWiki has a bit of interesting story on him. He claimed to have been born to a group of satanic witches (and his "witch name" was Lance Collins) who put him on the druid council of the fucking Illuminati. That Phillip Rothschild ordered Ayn Rand to write "Atlus Shrugged" as an instruction manual for the witches to take over the world, thought that Fundamentalist Christian Ministries that weren't his branch were the Illuminati, inspired several tracts written by Jack Chick (who completely agreed with him on many things), and was arrested for being a Nick Bate-tier child molesting Pedophile. He died in prison.
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2016
James J Strang.
After Joseph Smith was killed by an angry mob in Illinois on June 27, 1844, a succession crisis ensued in the Mormon Church over who was the rightful heir to lead the growing religion. Most of the candidates were well known within the sect, and were either close advisers to Smith or high ranking members of the church. These men included famous names such as Brigham Young and Oliver Cowdery, as well as Smith's sons.
As these men were debating over who was the rightful successor to the Prophet, out of the blue comes James J. Strang, a relatively unknown church elder who was working to establish Mormonism in the upper Midwest. He possessed a letter (which later came to be known as the "Letter of Appointment"), purported to be written by Smith a week before his death, the contents of which included that Smith knew he was going to be murdered, and that Strang should head the church once he was.
Despite the fact that it's highly questionable that Smith would anoint Strang as his successor instead of one of his right hand men or sons, contemporary and modern analyses of the letter have basically proven that it was a forgery.
But the fake letter, along with stories he told that angels visited him and told him the church was now under his rule, apparently convinced a large number of Mormons to follow Strang. Coincidentally, during this time Strang also claimed to find a new set of golden plates in Wisconsin, similar to the ones that Smith had "translated" into the Book of Mormon years earlier. Of course, these too were fake, fabricated out of a tea kettle, but nonetheless, it added validity to Strang's claims as successor in the eyes of stupid and gullible Mormons.
Eventually he was told to fuck off after being called on his bullshit by some of the higher ups, and when Mormons are calling you on your bullshit, that automatically anoints you as a historically significant, massive bullshitter. After being expelled from Illinois, he started to make his way north, tailed by a large number of followers who bought his story.
All of this power eventually went to his head, and he started to make claims that he was "king" of his people. He and his sect eventually settled on Beaver Island, a fairly sizable chunk of land off the coast of Lake Michigan. Like a good Mormon, he was married to 5 women and had 14 children. He also was a staunch supporter of practicing baptism for the dead and animal sacrifice.
To cement his self-appointed title of king, a coronation celebration was held on Beaver Island, where Strang was presented with a wool robe, a tin crown, a breastplate, and a wooden sword. He wore these in public regularly.
Then the problems began. You see, Beaver Island already had a fairly decent population of people before he got there. And they didn't take too kindly to this insane "prophet" coming in and claiming he was king. He stole land and tax revenue, and in general was a total dick to his non-followers. Strang's followers eventually bullied their way into all of the top governmental positions on the island as well, which just further pissed off everyone else.
The non-Mormons ("gentiles") started rebelling, beating up Strang's followers in broad daylight, robbing Mormon's homes, and rioting in the streets. During one of these riots, King Strang fired a canon into a group of protesters. Strang was also making enemies within his sect. He routinely had some of his people rounded up and punished for petty grievances, leading to tension among his followers.
One of these followers eventually left the colony and began going town to town telling stories of Strang's bullshit. Eventually, the government caught wind and King Strang was arrested and taken to Detroit on charges of treason, counterfeiting, and unlawful seizing of government lands. Somehow, he beat all of the charges, and parlayed all of the press he received into winning a seat in the state House of Representatives. I'm not joking.
Eventually, people had had enough, and rumors began swirling on Beaver Island that there were a group of excommunicated followers who were plotting an assassination. Strang laughed these rumors off.
On June 16, 1865, a US Navy vessel landed on Beaver Island. Two assassins stepped off and greeted Strang on the dock. They started firing rounds, hitting him in the head and spine multiple times. For good measure, they pistol whipped him to a bloody pulp. As this was going on, Navy officers and sailors stood on the deck of the ship and watched, doing nothing to help the dying King. The two assassins were "arrested", given a mock trial, fined $1.25 each, and let go.
Somehow, Strang survived, but he was in rough shape. As he lay on his death bed paralyzed from the bullets in his spine, citizens of neighboring Mackinac Island saw an opening. They rushed onto Beaver Island, forcibly expelling every Mormon onto shitty, rickety ships, and robbed them of all possessions for good measure.
Strang eventually died, and most of his followers joined other Mormon sects. Believe it or not, Strang's church still exists today in Wisconsin, composed of 6 congregations made up of 300 members.
And that, my friends, is perhaps the lulziest moment in the history of the world's lulziest religion.
After Joseph Smith was killed by an angry mob in Illinois on June 27, 1844, a succession crisis ensued in the Mormon Church over who was the rightful heir to lead the growing religion. Most of the candidates were well known within the sect, and were either close advisers to Smith or high ranking members of the church. These men included famous names such as Brigham Young and Oliver Cowdery, as well as Smith's sons.
As these men were debating over who was the rightful successor to the Prophet, out of the blue comes James J. Strang, a relatively unknown church elder who was working to establish Mormonism in the upper Midwest. He possessed a letter (which later came to be known as the "Letter of Appointment"), purported to be written by Smith a week before his death, the contents of which included that Smith knew he was going to be murdered, and that Strang should head the church once he was.
Despite the fact that it's highly questionable that Smith would anoint Strang as his successor instead of one of his right hand men or sons, contemporary and modern analyses of the letter have basically proven that it was a forgery.
But the fake letter, along with stories he told that angels visited him and told him the church was now under his rule, apparently convinced a large number of Mormons to follow Strang. Coincidentally, during this time Strang also claimed to find a new set of golden plates in Wisconsin, similar to the ones that Smith had "translated" into the Book of Mormon years earlier. Of course, these too were fake, fabricated out of a tea kettle, but nonetheless, it added validity to Strang's claims as successor in the eyes of stupid and gullible Mormons.
Eventually he was told to fuck off after being called on his bullshit by some of the higher ups, and when Mormons are calling you on your bullshit, that automatically anoints you as a historically significant, massive bullshitter. After being expelled from Illinois, he started to make his way north, tailed by a large number of followers who bought his story.
All of this power eventually went to his head, and he started to make claims that he was "king" of his people. He and his sect eventually settled on Beaver Island, a fairly sizable chunk of land off the coast of Lake Michigan. Like a good Mormon, he was married to 5 women and had 14 children. He also was a staunch supporter of practicing baptism for the dead and animal sacrifice.
To cement his self-appointed title of king, a coronation celebration was held on Beaver Island, where Strang was presented with a wool robe, a tin crown, a breastplate, and a wooden sword. He wore these in public regularly.
Then the problems began. You see, Beaver Island already had a fairly decent population of people before he got there. And they didn't take too kindly to this insane "prophet" coming in and claiming he was king. He stole land and tax revenue, and in general was a total dick to his non-followers. Strang's followers eventually bullied their way into all of the top governmental positions on the island as well, which just further pissed off everyone else.
The non-Mormons ("gentiles") started rebelling, beating up Strang's followers in broad daylight, robbing Mormon's homes, and rioting in the streets. During one of these riots, King Strang fired a canon into a group of protesters. Strang was also making enemies within his sect. He routinely had some of his people rounded up and punished for petty grievances, leading to tension among his followers.
One of these followers eventually left the colony and began going town to town telling stories of Strang's bullshit. Eventually, the government caught wind and King Strang was arrested and taken to Detroit on charges of treason, counterfeiting, and unlawful seizing of government lands. Somehow, he beat all of the charges, and parlayed all of the press he received into winning a seat in the state House of Representatives. I'm not joking.
Eventually, people had had enough, and rumors began swirling on Beaver Island that there were a group of excommunicated followers who were plotting an assassination. Strang laughed these rumors off.
On June 16, 1865, a US Navy vessel landed on Beaver Island. Two assassins stepped off and greeted Strang on the dock. They started firing rounds, hitting him in the head and spine multiple times. For good measure, they pistol whipped him to a bloody pulp. As this was going on, Navy officers and sailors stood on the deck of the ship and watched, doing nothing to help the dying King. The two assassins were "arrested", given a mock trial, fined $1.25 each, and let go.
Somehow, Strang survived, but he was in rough shape. As he lay on his death bed paralyzed from the bullets in his spine, citizens of neighboring Mackinac Island saw an opening. They rushed onto Beaver Island, forcibly expelling every Mormon onto shitty, rickety ships, and robbed them of all possessions for good measure.
Strang eventually died, and most of his followers joined other Mormon sects. Believe it or not, Strang's church still exists today in Wisconsin, composed of 6 congregations made up of 300 members.
And that, my friends, is perhaps the lulziest moment in the history of the world's lulziest religion.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2016
James J Strang.
After Joseph Smith was killed by an angry mob in Illinois on June 27, 1844, a succession crisis ensued in the Mormon Church over who was the rightful heir to lead the growing religion. Most of the candidates were well known within the sect, and were either close advisers to Smith or high ranking members of the church. These men included famous names such as Brigham Young and Oliver Cowdery, as well as Smith's sons.
As these men were debating over who was the rightful successor to the Prophet, out of the blue comes James J. Strang, a relatively unknown church elder who was working to establish Mormonism in the upper Midwest. He possessed a letter (which later came to be known as the "Letter of Appointment"), purported to be written by Smith a week before his death, the contents of which included that Smith knew he was going to be murdered, and that Strang should head the church once he was.
Despite the fact that it's highly questionable that Smith would anoint Strang as his successor instead of one of his right hand men or sons, contemporary and modern analyses of the letter have basically proven that it was a forgery.
But the fake letter, along with stories he told that angels visited him and told him the church was now under his rule, apparently convinced a large number of Mormons to follow Strang. Coincidentally, during this time Strang also claimed to find a new set of golden plates in Wisconsin, similar to the ones that Smith had "translated" into the Book of Mormon years earlier. Of course, these too were fake, fabricated out of a tea kettle, but nonetheless, it added validity to Strang's claims as successor in the eyes of stupid and gullible Mormons.
Eventually he was told to fuck off after being called on his bullshit by some of the higher ups, and when Mormons are calling you on your bullshit, that automatically anoints you as a historically significant, massive bullshitter. After being expelled from Illinois, he started to make his way north, tailed by a large number of followers who bought his story.
All of this power eventually went to his head, and he started to make claims that he was "king" of his people. He and his sect eventually settled on Beaver Island, a fairly sizable chunk of land off the coast of Lake Michigan. Like a good Mormon, he was married to 5 women and had 14 children. He also was a staunch supporter of practicing baptism for the dead and animal sacrifice.
To cement his self-appointed title of king, a coronation celebration was held on Beaver Island, where Strang was presented with a wool robe, a tin crown, a breastplate, and a wooden sword. He wore these in public regularly.
Then the problems began. You see, Beaver Island already had a fairly decent population of people before he got there. And they didn't take too kindly to this insane "prophet" coming in and claiming he was king. He stole land and tax revenue, and in general was a total dick to his non-followers. Strang's followers eventually bullied their way into all of the top governmental positions on the island as well, which just further pissed off everyone else.
The non-Mormons ("gentiles") started rebelling, beating up Strang's followers in broad daylight, robbing Mormon's homes, and rioting in the streets. During one of these riots, King Strang fired a canon into a group of protesters. Strang was also making enemies within his sect. He routinely had some of his people rounded up and punished for petty grievances, leading to tension among his followers.
One of these followers eventually left the colony and began going town to town telling stories of Strang's bullshit. Eventually, the government caught wind and King Strang was arrested and taken to Detroit on charges of treason, counterfeiting, and unlawful seizing of government lands. Somehow, he beat all of the charges, and parlayed all of the press he received into winning a seat in the state House of Representatives. I'm not joking.
Eventually, people had had enough, and rumors began swirling on Beaver Island that there were a group of excommunicated followers who were plotting an assassination. Strang laughed these rumors off.
On June 16, 1865, a US Navy vessel landed on Beaver Island. Two assassins stepped off and greeted Strang on the dock. They started firing rounds, hitting him in the head and spine multiple times. For good measure, they pistol whipped him to a bloody pulp. As this was going on, Navy officers and sailors stood on the deck of the ship and watched, doing nothing to help the dying King. The two assassins were "arrested", given a mock trial, fined $1.25 each, and let go.
Somehow, Strang survived, but he was in rough shape. As he lay on his death bed paralyzed from the bullets in his spine, citizens of neighboring Mackinac Island saw an opening. They rushed onto Beaver Island, forcibly expelling every Mormon onto shitty, rickety ships, and robbed them of all possessions for good measure.
Strang eventually died, and most of his followers joined other Mormon sects. Believe it or not, Strang's church still exists today in Wisconsin, composed of 6 congregations made up of 300 members.
And that, my friends, is perhaps the lulziest moment in the history of the world's lulziest religion.
tl;dr: Mormon Rasputin
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
He was right about the gold standard being nonsense, though. (Cf. Cross of Gold speech.)
It's sad he's almost solely remembered for his humiliating defeat in the Scopes Trial. Clarence Darrow eviscerated him brutally, to the point most people forget Scopes actually lost. He won on appeal but on a technicality the state Supreme Court seized on to duck the issue. The prosecution didn't seek a retrial, even though the statute had been upheld as constitutional, because apparently, another victory like their first would have made the state an even bigger laughingstock.
johnnyoffal
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2015
people actually liked emperor norton though
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2016
Yeah, I mean, sure, by a strict definition he would be considered a lolcow but unlike others whose strong, bizarre viewpoints makes them dislikeable, he was very well-liked. It helps that he really didn't try to offend anyone aside from taking advantage of free restaurant food, which the owners were happy to oblige.
Plus if the stories are true, he stepped between a race riot and stopped it. So, yeah, he was weird as all get-out, but ultimately a likeable person.
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2017
Just off the top of my head of historical lolcows, and I'm pretty sure most of them have already been mentioned countless times, here's my list....
Caligula
Emperor Norton I
William McGonagall
Florence Foster Jenkins
John Todd
Jack Chick
Elagabalus
George B. McClellan
The Spanish Habsburgs
Caligula
Emperor Norton I
William McGonagall
Florence Foster Jenkins
John Todd
Jack Chick
Elagabalus
George B. McClellan
The Spanish Habsburgs
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2016
Speaking of Caligula, I remember one of my college profs saying that there has been some discussion on whether he was THAT much of an horrorcow or his fame as such came from posterior sources. It's also believed that his craziest stunts came after he almost died of an illness early in his reign, so it's also been wondered if he was brain damaged ON TOP of being quite the lolcow.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caligula#Historiography This may be a good starting point, hm.
I'm also pretty sure that with his cult of personality, the utter crap he pulled on Romania during the Soviet years and how his life ended, Nicolae Ceaucescu is perfect for this "historical lolcow" cathegory. I mean, if my memory serves me right, he made one hell of a crazy speech few hours before he and his wife were executed at the end of the Romanian Revolution, and didn't seem to get that the crowds wanted him to GTFO.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caligula#Historiography This may be a good starting point, hm.
I'm also pretty sure that with his cult of personality, the utter crap he pulled on Romania during the Soviet years and how his life ended, Nicolae Ceaucescu is perfect for this "historical lolcow" cathegory. I mean, if my memory serves me right, he made one hell of a crazy speech few hours before he and his wife were executed at the end of the Romanian Revolution, and didn't seem to get that the crowds wanted him to GTFO.
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2014
Actually I do not think he qualifies for a lolcow status. He did have a lot of issues, was mentally disturbed, paranoid, and most likely depressed, but that does not make one a lolcow, nor does racism or like 20% of all people on the world would be considered cows. He did not do anything stupid or funny, at least by the modern standards we would hold cows up to. Being a depressed racist is not being a cow unless you do some funny shit.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
Fanny Cradock.
Not originally a lolcow, she was one of the first celebrity chefs. However later in life she went into lolcowdom in a big way. In the 1950s she got a contract with the BBC to do cooking programmes and was very popular mainly because in austere post-war Britain she specialised in making tasty and exotic looking food at a low cost.
Unfortunately the fame bug got to her and in the 1960s and 1970s she became increasingly eccentric and insufferable. Esther Rantzen once described her as "hell on wheels" to work with and she routinely bullied the crew. She also had a husband, Johnnie, the love of her life, who played up the alcoholic Sir Bufton Tufton act (think the Major from Fawlty Towers) and probably was that in reality because he was married (bigamously - he never divorced his first wife) to her.
Oh yes. When his former wife died she put herself down as 55 on her marriage certificate. She was 68 at the time.
She used to appear on cooking shows wearing huge dresses in dayglo colours, dripping with chunky gold jewelry and affecting an aristocratic accent while patronising and belittling her audience while producing increasingly weirded out dishes and techniques. Innuendo was thrown in as well all over the place, probably deliberately - the classic one being "Follow these steps and your fairy cakes will look just like Fanny's" but also when she stuffed an icing bag up a turkey's arse and explained "this is how you lubricate a dry bird." Mincemeat omelettes were produced. Dayglo vegetable colours were also deployed liberally.
There were various assistants she had on her programmes, none of which were allowed to speak.
It all came apart, though, in 1976 when she appeared on a cookery programme with the winner of "Cook of the Realm" (sort of a predecessor to Masterchef) who gloried in the name of Gwen Troake, and patronised her, pretended to vom at her cuisine, and generally bullied her and the rest of the staff. Career over in milliseconds. She spent the rest of her life reeeeing at the damn dirty trolls (or equivalents thereof) who had ruined her career.
The problem was that she'd generated this character of the snooty, sneery, domineering domestic goddess and then become that character.
Here's an example. This is Fanny Cradock in 1963 when she was still fairly sensible:
And here's her in 1975 when the fame had got to her head:
Not originally a lolcow, she was one of the first celebrity chefs. However later in life she went into lolcowdom in a big way. In the 1950s she got a contract with the BBC to do cooking programmes and was very popular mainly because in austere post-war Britain she specialised in making tasty and exotic looking food at a low cost.
Unfortunately the fame bug got to her and in the 1960s and 1970s she became increasingly eccentric and insufferable. Esther Rantzen once described her as "hell on wheels" to work with and she routinely bullied the crew. She also had a husband, Johnnie, the love of her life, who played up the alcoholic Sir Bufton Tufton act (think the Major from Fawlty Towers) and probably was that in reality because he was married (bigamously - he never divorced his first wife) to her.
Oh yes. When his former wife died she put herself down as 55 on her marriage certificate. She was 68 at the time.
She used to appear on cooking shows wearing huge dresses in dayglo colours, dripping with chunky gold jewelry and affecting an aristocratic accent while patronising and belittling her audience while producing increasingly weirded out dishes and techniques. Innuendo was thrown in as well all over the place, probably deliberately - the classic one being "Follow these steps and your fairy cakes will look just like Fanny's" but also when she stuffed an icing bag up a turkey's arse and explained "this is how you lubricate a dry bird." Mincemeat omelettes were produced. Dayglo vegetable colours were also deployed liberally.
There were various assistants she had on her programmes, none of which were allowed to speak.
It all came apart, though, in 1976 when she appeared on a cookery programme with the winner of "Cook of the Realm" (sort of a predecessor to Masterchef) who gloried in the name of Gwen Troake, and patronised her, pretended to vom at her cuisine, and generally bullied her and the rest of the staff. Career over in milliseconds. She spent the rest of her life reeeeing at the damn dirty trolls (or equivalents thereof) who had ruined her career.
The problem was that she'd generated this character of the snooty, sneery, domineering domestic goddess and then become that character.
Here's an example. This is Fanny Cradock in 1963 when she was still fairly sensible:
And here's her in 1975 when the fame had got to her head:
discount cockroaches
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2017
Here's a whopper that I haven't seen posted so far: the Chevalier d'Eon, aka 18th century Chelsea Manning.
D'Eon was born into the bottom rung of French nobility with no great prospects, so he went into the civil service and became a spy for the crown. France really wanted an agent in the Russian court, but their rival England was interdicting travel to Russia and only allowing women and children through. France's solution was to find some expendable girlyboi to send across the border in drag, and d'Eon fit the bill. Somehow this worked and d'Eon spent several years masquerading as a woman in the Russian court. When relations were normalized he returned home and was given a nice payoff, fought in the Seven Years' War as a French officer, and returned to the foreign service (still a spy, but not in disguise) where he rose after the war to become second-in-command of the cushy embassy to England.
Then the wheels started to come off. France sent a new ambassador to England from an opposing political faction, who promptly demoted d'Eon and got him stripped of his government pension. d'Eon realized he was about to lose everything and started leaking diplomatic papers to make his boss look bad, with the implied threat that there was worse to come if he didn't get his way (such as a bunch of ill-advised correspondence from Louis XV regarding plans to invade England, which would have been a diplomatic A-bomb if they were got out.) The ambassador got fired and d'Eon was issued an even larger pension but he had too many political enemies to return to France.
d'Eon solved this the same way he did the last time he tried to get into a country he wasn't allowed into: he dressed up as a woman and demanded the French government recognized him as one, claiming he was born female and had been masquerading as a man in order to keep the estate in the family (because daughters couldn't inherit.) Because of his soft features and known exploits in Russia this account was widely accepted, so Louis XVI eventually caved and invited d'Eon back to France in the guise of a woman. But he kept d'Eon at arm's length and refused to let him (now officially her) have anything to do with the government or military anymore. The ugly "woman" who still cavorted around like a soldier was considered untouchable by French society (surprise!), so finding himself shut out he eventually moved back to England. When the French Revolution rolled around he was conveniently outside the country and safe, but his government allowance was not. He kept himself afloat for a while by fighting in dueling tournaments as a freakshow gimmick, which worked for a few years until he got stabbed because he was a 60-year-old trying to swordfight in a petticoat. He hung on for another decade or so before death, somehow having spent 30 years passing well enough that people were shocked to discover that his corpse had a penis.
It comes as no surprise that d'Eon's life--a nobleman who lived a comfy lifestyle by blackmailing the government and hiding behind his gender identity when the blowback became too severe--is celebrated by transgender advocates.
D'Eon was born into the bottom rung of French nobility with no great prospects, so he went into the civil service and became a spy for the crown. France really wanted an agent in the Russian court, but their rival England was interdicting travel to Russia and only allowing women and children through. France's solution was to find some expendable girlyboi to send across the border in drag, and d'Eon fit the bill. Somehow this worked and d'Eon spent several years masquerading as a woman in the Russian court. When relations were normalized he returned home and was given a nice payoff, fought in the Seven Years' War as a French officer, and returned to the foreign service (still a spy, but not in disguise) where he rose after the war to become second-in-command of the cushy embassy to England.
Then the wheels started to come off. France sent a new ambassador to England from an opposing political faction, who promptly demoted d'Eon and got him stripped of his government pension. d'Eon realized he was about to lose everything and started leaking diplomatic papers to make his boss look bad, with the implied threat that there was worse to come if he didn't get his way (such as a bunch of ill-advised correspondence from Louis XV regarding plans to invade England, which would have been a diplomatic A-bomb if they were got out.) The ambassador got fired and d'Eon was issued an even larger pension but he had too many political enemies to return to France.
d'Eon solved this the same way he did the last time he tried to get into a country he wasn't allowed into: he dressed up as a woman and demanded the French government recognized him as one, claiming he was born female and had been masquerading as a man in order to keep the estate in the family (because daughters couldn't inherit.) Because of his soft features and known exploits in Russia this account was widely accepted, so Louis XVI eventually caved and invited d'Eon back to France in the guise of a woman. But he kept d'Eon at arm's length and refused to let him (now officially her) have anything to do with the government or military anymore. The ugly "woman" who still cavorted around like a soldier was considered untouchable by French society (surprise!), so finding himself shut out he eventually moved back to England. When the French Revolution rolled around he was conveniently outside the country and safe, but his government allowance was not. He kept himself afloat for a while by fighting in dueling tournaments as a freakshow gimmick, which worked for a few years until he got stabbed because he was a 60-year-old trying to swordfight in a petticoat. He hung on for another decade or so before death, somehow having spent 30 years passing well enough that people were shocked to discover that his corpse had a penis.
It comes as no surprise that d'Eon's life--a nobleman who lived a comfy lifestyle by blackmailing the government and hiding behind his gender identity when the blowback became too severe--is celebrated by transgender advocates.
discount cockroaches
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2017
Not really. He just wanted to change it to the "gold AND silver standard", which would not be much of an improvement.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Manning was just a low level nobody who shouldn't have ever had access to anything important, and mostly didn't. This guy sounds pretty successful at his own ruse.
Asa_Spades60
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2016
Wait, Prince was a lolcow? Give several examples how and why.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
He was a Jehovah's Witness who dressed like a complete faggot and yet was a homophobe.
He was also a musical genius who was so prolific a songwriter that even if he'd never recorded a single song himself, he'd still be remembered for the dozens of hits he wrote for other artists, sometimes just giving them away and not even taking credit.
Successful geniuses aren't lolcows, though, so no, Prince wasn't a lolcow.
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2016
Can we say Isaac Newton?
Off the top of my head the dude lived in his mother's attic. He was autistic as shit and people hated him. He died a virgin and his woman skills were horrible. His hygiene was questionable. He was literally a historical "nice guy" that believed women should be honored by his presence.
Minus the board, he was a Chris of his time. Instead of crayolas, he did math about nothing and wrote letters harassing women.
Off the top of my head the dude lived in his mother's attic. He was autistic as shit and people hated him. He died a virgin and his woman skills were horrible. His hygiene was questionable. He was literally a historical "nice guy" that believed women should be honored by his presence.
Minus the board, he was a Chris of his time. Instead of crayolas, he did math about nothing and wrote letters harassing women.