Hey guys, how has everyone been?

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Having a bad time, been thinking about offing myself. I've been waking up the last couple of mornings and feeling like I am worth nothing, and so therefore me being gone would be the best idea. I think this has to do with me having a flashback and having a vivid reminder of what happened, then remembering what I have done with my life so far achieving nothing.

I feel like I am not intelligent enough to be anywhere, even on this board, like I am a waste of space by being here. Both on the board and in real life. I wish I could just be someone else, or not born at all right now. I wish I was more like everyone else, instead of being an outsider.

All I want is to be normal.
 
silentprincess said:
Having a bad time, been thinking about offing myself. I've been waking up the last couple of mornings and feeling like I am worth nothing, and so therefore me being gone would be the best idea. I think this has to do with me having a flashback and having a vivid reminder of what happened, then remembering what I have done with my life so far achieving nothing.

I feel like I am not intelligent enough to be anywhere, even on this board, like I am a waste of space by being here. Both on the board and in real life. I wish I could just be someone else, or not born at all right now. I wish I was more like everyone else, instead of being an outsider.

All I want is to be normal.
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You are a great person here from what I've seen. The fact that you've survived your life is a triumph, seriously. Sometimes your head can really fuck with itself and you just got to ride it out.
If your feeling that bad theres always good people to talk to here, and believe me , you are accepted.
 
silentprincess said:
Having a bad time, been thinking about offing myself. I've been waking up the last couple of mornings and feeling like I am worth nothing, and so therefore me being gone would be the best idea. I think this has to do with me having a flashback and having a vivid reminder of what happened, then remembering what I have done with my life so far achieving nothing.

I feel like I am not intelligent enough to be anywhere, even on this board, like I am a waste of space by being here. Both on the board and in real life. I wish I could just be someone else, or not born at all right now. I wish I was more like everyone else, instead of being an outsider.

All I want is to be normal.
Click to expand...

 
I'm moving out of state in a few days. First stop is Illinois for a month to relax and help my parents with some things and then it's on to Pennsylvania to see what living there's like. I'm in the process of packing and happily discovered I don't have as much stuff as I thought and can merge two boxes into just one box.

silentprincess said:
Having a bad time, been thinking about offing myself. I've been waking up the last couple of mornings and feeling like I am worth nothing, and so therefore me being gone would be the best idea. I think this has to do with me having a flashback and having a vivid reminder of what happened, then remembering what I have done with my life so far achieving nothing.

I feel like I am not intelligent enough to be anywhere, even on this board, like I am a waste of space by being here. Both on the board and in real life. I wish I could just be someone else, or not born at all right now. I wish I was more like everyone else, instead of being an outsider.

All I want is to be normal.
Click to expand...

There are a lot of people who feel the same way. It's hard but don't dwell on the negative. When you find something that you don't like about yourself or the situation you're in focus on thinking about how to improve these things. Happiness is about finding solutions and embracing the challenge of personal growth and change. :) As they say, when you end up in a rut pick up a god damned shovel and start digging.

I think you're pretty well liked here also so don't worry about fitting in. If you think about it we're mostly just a bunch of strangers here so just be yourself. If you want to talk feel free to PM me.
 
silentprincess said:
Having a bad time, been thinking about offing myself. I've been waking up the last couple of mornings and feeling like I am worth nothing, and so therefore me being gone would be the best idea. I think this has to do with me having a flashback and having a vivid reminder of what happened, then remembering what I have done with my life so far achieving nothing.

I feel like I am not intelligent enough to be anywhere, even on this board, like I am a waste of space by being here. Both on the board and in real life. I wish I could just be someone else, or not born at all right now. I wish I was more like everyone else, instead of being an outsider.

All I want is to be normal.
Click to expand...

The way I see it, no one is "normal" and the people who you think are are just good at masking their problems and quirks. I'm in my mid-twenties and I still feel like I'm weird and out of place, but you know what? Fuck it. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to feel sad a lot. And it doesn't make you any less human. So stay around a while. :heart-full:
 
Finally starting to recover from a seizure I had late Wednesday night/early Thursday morning - I've been so sore from the convulsions that getting out of bed has been an ordeal of its own.
 
Zeorus said:
Finally starting to recover from a seizure I had late Wednesday night/early Thursday morning - I've been so sore from the convulsions that getting out of bed has been an ordeal of its own.
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I'm so sorry to hear that, and I'm glad you are slowly recovering, I hope you continue to get better.
 
silentprincess said:
I'm so sorry to hear that, and I'm glad you are slowly recovering, I hope you continue to get better.
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I'm all right. I normally take a day or two to loosen up after an episode as big as this one (I was convulsing for six minutes).
 
Haven't done much for today since I pretty much slept in until 10:00 due to having some kind of irritating sickness. Hopefully it doesn't come up again tomorrow or the week after tomorrow.
 
Pretty damn good. My backs on the mend an I have another three days off work so I can't complain.
I am also drinking whisky.
 
Crazy past few days.

I've had a brutal calculus take-home test taking up most of my time, and work taking up the rest. One of our weekend hosts quit without any warning, and another one requested this weekend off, leaving us badly shorthanded. I've been raking in some good money picking up the slack, but it's wearing on me.

I now prepare to work Easter Sunday evening. Alone. Sunday evening is a shift that usually gets two to three hosts.

Also, I found out I'm training a new hire this Tuesday. According to my co-host, she's very slow. Not looking forward to this one.
 
I had a Corona because fuck the police. Only got three things during the hunt; I don't have asthma, but for some reason my throat got really constricted and hurt like a bitch, so I pretty much had to drop out early. I then randomly started crying. My mom blamed it on the beer.
 
Starting to get over the seizure (finally), spent most of my Easter watching my favorite musical (Notre-Dame de Paris). I love this music so much.
 
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