💼 Careercow Hayden Black - Untalented comedian with a string of failures including the infamous Gen Zed; suspended from Twitter

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Dr. Meme said:
Since Hayden Black is too much of a unfunny sperglord to finish his 2 minute animation, I thought I would take time to actually finish up mine.
Part 1: https://kiwifarms.net/posts/983738/
Part 2: https://kiwifarms.net/posts/985319/
Part 3: https://kiwifarms.net/posts/989045/

and now, I present to you:

EPISODE 4: DAMN SHONA, BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE WHITE COUCH

View attachment 77323
Cameron: Shona, no one is helping me find my couch.
Shona: So?
Cameron: And I understand that you aren't going to help me without payment.
Shona: Oh sweetheart, I would help you out if I could, Scout's honour!
Cameron: Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts?
Shona: First of all, fuck you.
Shona: Second, Its just that I have a lot more pressing matters at hand then finding your tacky, frankly disease ridden pile of garbage.
Shona: No offense, honey. It's just uber tacky.
Cameron: I understand, which is why I'm willing to offer you $200 to help me find it.
Shona: Holy shit.
Shona: Where did you get this much money?
Shona: Was it prostitution? Because honey, you can do SOOOoooo much better than that.
Cameron: No, actually. Not this time.
Cameron: Betsy gave it to me so I could hire someone to help me look for it.
Shona: Wait wait wait wait wait.
Shona: Betsy's giving out free cash again?
Cameron: That's not the point, the point is I need you to help me find this couch.
Shona: Fuck that noise, if she's cranking out the dough again then mama needs to get in on that action.
Cameron: Shona, wait!

View attachment 77324
Shona: OPEN THE DOOR BETSY.
Shona: ITS ONLY FAIR THAT I GET SOME OF THAT MONEY.
Cameron: *stress sigh*
Cameron: I'm gonna go outside.
Betsy: MMMNNEFUCK OFFFffff you stupid BITCH. I'm trying to get some of FUCKING SLEEP.
Cameron: Take a walk. Get some oxygen in my system.
Cameron: That will be nice.
Shona: OPEN THIS DOOR NOW.

OUTSIDE THE APARTMENT
View attachment 77325
Sam: Eyy yo, asshole
Cameron: Hello?
Sam: Yeah, you.
Sam: You live here?
Cameron: Yes?
Sam: Do you know the guy that lives here who smells like grape jello and dresses like an irish prostitute?
Cameron: Do you mean Shona?
Sam: Yeah, him. That faglord.
Sam: The asshole, total faggot by the way, gave me this couch a day or 2 ago and I'm bringing it back.
Cameron: My couch!
Cameron: Where did you find this?
Sam: Are you retarded? I just told you he sold it to me.
Sam: And I'm sick of thinking about it so I'm bringing it back here.
Cameron: Thank you so much.
Sam: Do you know what was in that couch?
Sam: There was a folder of like, porn of costumed mascots of sports teams and women in spandex doing the do hidden under the pillows.
Sam: Fucking disgusting shit. I felt like a choir boy after the priest's "special time".
Sam: The whole couch stank so bad. I had to febreeze it like a hundred times to get the dead watermelon and axe smell out of my living room.
Cameron: So, can I have my couch back.
Sam: Hold up, this is your couch?
Cameron: Yes?
View attachment 77331
Sam: Jesus christ, man.
Sam: All that porn of with the animals and shit?
Cameron: Well, not animals because technically they're anthropomorphic, so its different than bestiality.
Cameron: It's like when a pedophile looks at drawn lolita artwork, so they don't try looking at real child porn,
Cameron: or stuff like actually, like, um you know...
Sam: ...
Sam: Jesus Fucking Christ.
Cameron: So, can I have my couch back now?
View attachment 77332
Shona: HOLD THE FUCK UP.
Shona: YOU. LEAVE. GO.
Sam: YO. I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING MASTURBATION COUCH ANYMORE.
Shona: ALL SALES ARE FINAL. TAKE IT AND LEAVE.
Cameron: Shona?
Sam: I DON'T WANT MY MONEY BACK ANYMORE. I JUST WANT YOU TO TAKE THIS RANCID ASS COUCH.
Cameron: Shona, what's going on.
Shona: FUCK OFF SAM, YOU WHITE ASS CISSY BOI.
Shona: IF YOU FUCKING READ THE EMAILS I SENT YOU, THEY SAID IT CLEARLY IN BLACK AND WHITE.
Shona: YOU TAKE IT YOU KEEP IT END OF STORY.
Shona: OR WAS IT TOO HARD FOR YOU TO READ ON ACCOUNT OF YOUR 4TH GRADE EDUCATION?
Sam: YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT?
Cameron: So, am I getting my couch back or...
Sam: SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH SHONA. YOUR COMEDY ACT SUCKED ASS, YOUR CRAIGSLIST ARTICLE WAS BARELY LEGIBLE, AND YOU SUCK SO MUCH DICK, YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE THE REFRIGERATORS AT A SPERM BANK.
Shona: UGGGGGHHHHHH WHY DO YOU GIVE SO MUCH OF A SHIT?! BURN THE COUCH FOR ALL I CARE.
Sam: OH NO WAY KING FAGGOT OF THE ANAL DIVERS.
Sam: I'M LEAVING THIS RIGHT HERE AND DRIVING OFF. THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM NOW.
Shona: OH NO YOU DON'T
View attachment 77333
Cameron: Well...
Shona: Ugh, total asshole right? Like I'm not crazy.
Cameron: Did you sell that guy my couch?
Shona: Sell is a strong word, more like I let him borrow it indefinitely for a profit.
Cameron: Shona! That's my couch!
Shona: Hold up, I know that but hear me out for a second.
Shona: You know that Comedy Club down off of the 9th?
Shona: So they had this thing going on where anyone could go up and perform stand up comedy.
Shona: And they do this every thursday night, and I was really stoked to do this because, you know, it could jump-start my career.
Shona: the only problem is that it costs a lot of money, like $10 up front at the door.
Shona: So I pawned off your couch to pay for the entrance fee.
Cameron: Shona, how could you?
Shona: No ok, so heres the funny part.
Shona: So, no pawn shop in town would take it, because its super nasty. Sorry sweety, but it is.
Cameron: I liked it!
Shona: Not finished yet, don't interrupt me.
Shona: So no one would take it, right. So I put it on craigslist and I said "hey, free couch. just pay my entrance fee for comedy and its yours"
Shona: Which is a smart idea, because then I'm getting a date and money and rid of that reclining petri dish.
Cameron: You could have at least told me.
Shona: So Sam picked it up and we went on a date, and he was super rude the whole time and kept saying things like 'you betrayed me' and 'i can't believe you have a penis' and 'oh my god please put your penis away you're still on stage.'
Shona: Rude guy, total asshole.
Shona: So I guess this is his petty revenge for me spray painting his car.
Cameron: You spray painted his car?
Shona: Oh yeah, I forgot. I followed him home and then I spray painted his windshield while it was sitting in his garage.
Cameron: What a jerk move.
Shona: I know right? Total manchild left me high and dry at the club.
Cameron: Not him, You. You've been a jerk to everyone today Shona, and I don't really appreciate it.
Shona: Sorry for trying to do you a favor and help you clean out your shit. Looks like I'm the bad guy yet again.
Cameron: Can you at least help me carry this back up to our apartment?
Shona: Hmmmm
Shona: Nah.

fin
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Oh man, I was looking for these! I love how you made Cameron both totally fucking adorable & the most likeable character.
trombonista said:
Wow, Eddie is better at the Autocorrect jokes than Hayden!
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You know, I'm really glad I wasn't the only one who thought that.
 
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Since Wu and Julie started talking, I gave Julie's Twitter a glance after such a long amount of silence from her in the thread.

I wish I had kept ignoring it.
 
Mr Pizza said:
Wait, whats this shit about no reality TV? Doesn't Wu have an upcoming episode of, "The internet ruined my life"?

Looks a bit like what they call "Reality TV" these days.
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In terms of being a highly fictionalized version of "reality" featuring manufactured drama, it certainly is.
 
"Yes Julie? If like to have you in one of my upcoming projects."
"Really? That's great what's the project?"
"A little game called Revolution 60 PC. It launches next year and is gonna be big...."
 
sassyma seed said:
"Yes Julie? If like to have you in one of my upcoming projects."
"Really? That's great what's the project?"
"A little game called Revolution 60 PC. It launches next year and is gonna be big...."
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I'd laugh my ass off if she played Wu in that SyFy Internet show that's suppose to feature Wu's story soon.
 
SteelPlatedHeart said:
I'd laugh my ass off if she played Wu in that SyFy Internet show that's suppose to feature Wu's story soon.
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Oh, but that would just be too perfect, wouldn't it? They'll get a cis woman for Wu. She'd have a huge Twitter bitchfit otherwise, and we can't have that.
 
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