Has Self-Care Gone Too Far?

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Athena Save Us!

Athena Save Us!

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 7, 2024
Just as the title says, has the idea of self-care gone too far? Is it breeding narcissists?

Every day, I get retarded news articles recommended to me about things that absolutely shouldn't be worth publishing, but they are because everyone needs a soapbox to stand on. These articles cover everything from articles about how some mom's parents want to bring their dog over with them for Christmas, but she hates the dog, and her kid is afraid of animals, so she has to stand her ground and disconnect from her toxic folks to stories about dads trying to figure out how to tell their kids they never wanted to have them in the first place, to how to tell the hurting friends in your life that you no longer have the emotional bandwidth to deal with any problems other than your own, which aren't that bad to begin with.

Then there's a relative of mine who has a troon son. As part of her self-help care routine, she'd embraced all of her spoony goodness, which involves not caring that she's become a land whale whom doctors are fearful for, to having her fibromyalgia, some weird condition that affects her sensitivity, to decided that she no longer likes bright colors and therefore can't decorate for Christmas, throwing out the gifts she'd gotten from her in-laws because she no longer feels obliged to pretend to like them for her husband's sake, and now tossing out scrapbook pages and journal entries that 'misgender' her troon son.

And these people seem to be all over. Under the umbrella of self-care, we seem to be becoming more self-centered as a society, despite everyone's protests that self-care is essential.

Yeah, self-care is great. It means bothering to exercise; thinking about whether or not someone your younger self can look up to, and whether or not you're turning into the person you want your future self to be. It's about taking the time to touch grass; lose yourself in a video game, movie, or book; and make sure you aren't becoming an insufferable work-a-holic who neglects both yourself and everyone else in your life.

But that's not what this new, Internet-fueled brand of self-care is. Like so many modern niches, it has its own weird vocabulary (pretty sure the phrase "personal truth" - which I hate with a passion - is common in this subculture) and quirks, and most of them are enabling people to be as selfish as possible in the name of avoiding unnecessary burdens and stress.

Is it just me? Am I crazy, or do you kiwis see this trend, too?
 
Athena Save Us! said:
Yeah, self-care is great. It means bothering to exercise; thinking about whether or not someone your younger self can look up to, and whether or not you're turning into the person you want your future self to be. It's about taking the time to touch grass; lose yourself in a video game, movie, or book; and make sure you aren't becoming an insufferable work-a-holic who neglects both yourself and everyone else in your life.
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I definitely agree with this! I define acts of self-care as taking time to go for a walk or exercise on a regular basis, maybe spending a little extra on the nicer face wash or bath bombs so caring for yourself feels like a treat, making sure the amount of water you drink is higher than the amount of whisky. I sometimes have a hard time letting myself do things that aren't immediately productive, but reading is fabulous self care for a lot of reasons.

Though on the note about what your younger self would want I think young-me would tell current-me that I should spend my adult money on a box of HoHo's to eat in a single sitting, and that's the trap people fall into with "Self-Care". They conflate taking time to unwind and recover with straight up hedonism. I've had friends (keyword is "had") who boldly announced that they were going to focus on themselves and no one else and proceeded to turn into 30 year old toddlers, neglecting sick parents in favor of buying toys and videogames. I think it's very, very important that you place family, work, and adult responsibilities on the top of your list before you take time to reward yourself.
 
Self-care is just a polite excuse to be a hedonistic degenerate: "It's not that I'm ordering takeout every single day/doomscrolling/playing videogames/blowing money on pointless bullshit, it's self-care".

As usual, it's therapy-speak highjacked to justify/victimize themselves, like "Mental abuse", "Grooming", "Gaslighting" and many other terms.
 
you said it perfectly. seriously, ive seen so much of this in people i know too, and its ridiculous. this mollycoddling of adults to the level that they have to have all this stupid shit to merely exist, and its so tiresome. that said, i have my own hangups, and i have a lot of ridiculous interests myself, but i also pay my bills, take care of my family, and i dont expect society to carry me through life because of "lack of spoons"
 
most of the time, when people talk about "self care" it's just a buzzword they use as an excuse or justification for indulging in their vices

maybe the idea of consciously thinking about and focusing on self-care is reasonable if you are an obsessive workaholic who does 80 hour weeks on the regular, but that's very few people. the overwhelming majority of us don't push ourselves anywhere near hard enough for these ideas to concern us.
 
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True self care is drinking so much liquor you become psychotic and bringing a gun into your workplace and threaten to kill your boss until you get that promotion hes been dangling over your head for the past 6 months.
 
tee hee daydrinkin is not that bad amirite? at least if you weigh beautiful 600 pounds you can take a lot of booze.
 
I think self care is important, and I think most of what the media promotes as self care isn’t self care at all, it’s self indulgence and an excuse/refusal to stop negative behaviours.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking care of yourself - I don’t do enough of it and I found I was utterly burned out. I’ve tried to eat better, get more fresh air, get to bed earlier , started hobby I have wanted to for a long time which is very challenging, and recently I went on a short trip to do something I really enjoyed. All those things were things I have to expend effort to do, and they don’t impact anyone else negatively. I think a lot of people would benefit from taking better care of themselves.
But most of what the media pushes as self care isn’t that. It’s either just consumerism or indulgence. And again there’s nothing wrong with buying a book you will enjoy reading or some nice small thing now amd again, but if it’s constant and wrecking your finances it’s not self care.
Acts that are ‘fuck you all I’m worth it’ are encouraged as self care when it’s just an excuse to behave poorly. It’s very like how rhe words ‘be kind’ got changed from actual kindness to meaning ‘I’m about to do something really shitty and if you object I’ll chuck a tantrum and call you a bigot.’
 
My biggest issue with the whole "self care" thing is that, like many other therapeutic ideas, the internet has taken it and twisted it into this thing that has no resemblance to the original idea. Self care is about making time and effort to prioritize your own well-being, like getting some rest, taking a day off, making some time for a pleasant hobby, etc. It's supposed to be done in conjunction with maintaining your regular responsibilities.

Like self-care with in-laws that you don't like could be staying at a hotel when you visit them, instead of at their place, so you have some space to yourself and a bit of distance to help with the obligation. But now it's "tell the in-laws to fuck off forever; you suspect they thought about voting for Trump at some point, and you can't be expected to be around people who are evil and toxic".

People just can't understand the idea of balancing priorities, instead of overindulgence in selfishness.
 
Its good to take care of yourself to some degree, but in the end self care get you nowhere because "the truth" is not inside "yourself".

This might be a Christian perspective, but if you just keep looking and looking and looking for something inside yourself you will be disappointed. You wont find anything. Its empty.

The point of ones life is to serve others. Ideally your own family. Thats where the good feeling of being rewarded comes from. And if not your own, at least whomever you consider "your people".
 
Butterschmalz said:
if you just keep looking and looking and looking for something inside yourself you will be disappointed. You wont find anything. Its empty.
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I think I’d disagree with this to some extent, although maybe it’s more just a different way of looking at it. I think there IS something inside us we have to reconcile with, i do think a lot of morality must come from within. Although there’s probably a counterpoint you can make to that that it’s dependent on your external culture too…
I think it is dangerous to completely rely on externalities and I think there’s something within us, some would say a personality or a soul which needs to be explored.
I will also say that I agree that serving others is a key source of happiness. But I think that the know thyself stuff is true too.
 
Athena Save Us! said:
has the idea of self-care gone too far?
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It's lost all meaning. Kendal Kay, a ''stay at home girlfriend'', accidentally exposed her personal diary where she wrote about being depressed, lacking drive/ambition, being unsatisfied with her life; her whole existence revolved around classic 'social media self care'- lattes, yoga, face masks, getting her nails done, 'living her feminine life', yet she was deeply unhappy. Her solution, which she wrote in her diary, was to 'do more self care'.
Real self care is doing the things that make you happy, but imho no one knows what they like anymore, they are just fed products; or doing things that are necessary, cleaning, cooking a full meal, going for a walk, prioritising your wellbeing as MadDisaster says.
Some really toxic behaviours are also promoted as 'self care'- ghosting, cutting off friends or family for the slightest mistakes, being a 'main character', its all very shallow and the people who are most into social media self care are guaranteed to be neurotic.
 
Otterly said:
I think there IS something inside us we have to reconcile with, i do think a lot of morality must come from within.
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In the Christian faith the "reconciliation" is with Christ. And all morality comes from God, not from man. The ten commandments are not man made, they were send from above.

Its easier to explain by using child birth as an example.

Even if you are not Christian, the biological purpose of a human beings is to reproduce before they die. Which is basically the definition of "success". Its the blood you owe to the "tribe". Self care plays a very little role in this context. Very likely the opposite: self sacrifice.

If your a mom you will know that giving birth is the opposite of self care. You literally are destroying your body and health for a higher purpose. The baby arrives as a "gift". When you re looking at it for the first time you cannot literally believe it. Its a miracle.
And even after that: you kinda "lease" your kids. They are not your property. You just take care of them temporarily, till they leave the house.

Speaking as a dad, once you had kids, you dont care about yourself, you only exist for them. You literally become a ghost, just a memory for your kids.
 
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