💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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Peace and Harmony said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=I6DQakUk6SQ
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The random people just hanging out in the background really shows how, um, "amateurish" this entire sequence is.

Vicious.ink3 said:
Ahem...Aheheheheheheheheh... heh *cough* hucghmmmm

Just... just gonna leave this here:

http://www.gloriatesch.com/blog/convertible-goldilocks
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"The creation of this video came into vision when I sat down with my producer one night and we wrote a song called, "Convertible". The best part about it, is that it contains humor! Which is great."

You can tell that an esteemed, published author wrote this blog entry.

I want to know how Gloria is paying for the studio time. Hell, even musicians signed to a label have to pay out the ass in studio fees. Is (grand)pa Tesch somehow conning the pictured dudebros from across the country? I have so many questions, but I can at least hold out hope that this film project gets released as scheduled.
 
Peace and Harmony said:
Oh come on, you set yourself up perfectly for that one :c
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I set it up for a "lol the family is con artists" joke. The sexual angle is all on you. :P

Vicious.ink3 said:
I refer you back to DJPezz and my belief that she's romantically involved with the dude who runs the studio (and directed the music video which will accompany that poor excuse for music. Though, I guess its a marked improvement from Nevermind That).
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Seems we might have to look a bit more into this DJPezz-Dispenser.
 
Muscle Bra said:
Our published author's/valedictorian's philosophical musings on humor: "The best part about it, is that it contains humor! Which is great."
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I must say, the added assertion that humor is great borders on the unnecessary, perhaps even the redundant. Which is terrible.
 
IJustWantToSeeAttachments said:
"The creation of this video came into vision when I sat down with my producer one night and we wrote a song called, "Convertible". The best part about it, is that it contains humor! Which is great."

You can tell that an esteemed, published author wrote this blog entry.
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She sounds like a middle schooler trying to write a book report about a book she didn't actually read. It says a lot about her, considering that she was actually there for it.
 
Muscle Bra said:
Check out this video, which she hash-tagged with #convertible:
[MEDIA=instagram]675nlerpVJ[/MEDIA]
And this pic, in which she claimed this was her convertible, parked in front of her "bae's" house:
[MEDIA=instagram]58R1mLrpZE[/MEDIA]
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I think that's a Lexus SC430, aka the shit-tier of luxury convertibles.
 
Vicious.ink3 said:
Can we talk about the actual song yet? Because MY GOD!!! Every time they say "convertible" I cringe. It's so misplaced, even in the parts where Glo actually starts to have some rhythm, that clunky word just brings it back to a screaming halt. And the burgers, oh Gloria! Why do you make me so happy?
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I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think we've found the one person who raps worse than Iggy Azalea.

I also like how they used what appears to be old school video game sound effects for the music near the end. Really sells the "cheap" factor.
 
If they'll default on their house, who's to say they won't default on car payments? Either that or she's rented it just for the video.
What I find funny is that she when she posted these photos it was clearly meant to appear like she's friends with these girls. She even wrote "girlfriends" under one of the photos. But they're obviously paid (or not) actors/models for her latest video.
Honestly, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if one of these days she's livestreaming and the background behind her with all the palm trees and shit painted on will fall over to reveal they're squatting in a warehouse somewhere.
 
Vicious.ink3 said:
Those actually are friends of hers. The one on the right is in her movie (she plays Alana). The One on the left is this chick:

[MEDIA=instagram]65iclVr_kt[/MEDIA]
I honestly don't think Gloria will have any trouble maintaining the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed. People who run bankruptcy scams also have a real talent for credit cards and I doubt Glo has ever been anything but completely comfortable. Hell, I doubt she even knows she's not wealthy. Because self-pubbing six novels is not cheap, the crack-shack in those foreclosure pictures is worth over a quarter mill. Just because WE know her parents are frauds does not guarantee SHE knows her parents are frauds.
Also, say what you want about discount Hooters, but Tilted Kilt girls make $11/ hour and can walk home with upwards of a hundred bucks a night in the right locations.
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She may be aware that her parents are frauds, perhaps that's part of the motivation to move across the country? Problem is that she's been forced to play the role of the aspiring actress/screenwriter for so long she may not be aware that she can try something else. Maybe once she settles in California, away from her father's influence, she can start figuring out who she really is. I really hope she figures out she's been fed a buffet of bullshit and moves on to other things.
 
Vicious.ink3 said:
Can we talk about the actual song yet? Because MY GOD!!! Every time they say "convertible" I cringe. It's so misplaced, even in the parts where Glo actually starts to have some rhythm, that clunky word just brings it back to a screaming halt. And the burgers, oh Gloria! Why do you make me so happy?
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Well, DJPezz-Dispenser may be fucking fine (I wouldn't know) but he produces for shit. Between the AutoTune and the ProTools that thing came off as even more robotic than Glo-Glo usually is. And that "music"? Holy fuck.

And there's a reason most rappers talk about "rollin' with the top down" or the "drop-top" -- it's because the word "con-vert-a <octave drop> BULLLLLL" doesn't exactly roll trippingly from the tongue.

Thank you, @Vicious.ink3 (and Glo-Glo) for this unintentional comedy gem. Which contains humor. Which is not intended. Which is great.
 
Le Bateleur said:
Musically, Gloria reminds me of a dollar-store Uffe.

If I was producing her music I'd ... play up the Russian angle, because that's something a little bit interesting in her overall vapid persona.
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IIRC, she tried doing that in her Goldilocks and the Three Bears video. Spoiler: It wasn't that interesting...
 
IJustWantToSeeAttachments said:
For fuck's sake, guys, you people have been here for how long and you still don't know when to ignore/report the troll and carry on as usual?

I love you all, but come on. Stop engaging.
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If you want to shitpost at him, God created profile pages for a reason.
IJustWantToSeeAttachments said:
I'm pretty sure Gloria has bought the lies hook, line, and sinker. She moved across the country because, to quote another lolcow, "[she's] just beginning to shine!"

Nothing so far indicates that Gloria is pursuing any sort of self-discovery. All of her artistic endeavors are still rooted in this get-rich-quick scheme her parents dreamed up. Now, if she actually expands her horizon outside of said endeavors by, say, studying business or something, then I'd be inclined to agree with you.
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Personally, my secret theory which is almost guaranteed to be false is that she's in on it. She's secretly a black widow using this as an excuse to fish for some rich old guy she can easily marry and poison or something. But since that might actually be interesting, it's probably not going to be true.
 
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