💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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MysticMisty said:
Gloria doesn't care what she does as long as she's famous. Being an author wasn't working fast enough so she got bored and switched to singing/songwriting. That didn't work fast enough either so now she's a model. When they finish editing the Maradonia movie she'll be a director/actress too.
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Oh wow, I didn't even know about the singing. She's literally throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks. Jane of all trades, master of none.
 
Vicious.ink3 said:
One day, that delusional bubble is going to burst
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Maybe... part of gloria knows she's fake but being fake is natural to her. Making fake reviews, posing for pics next to her books in stores that don't carry them. She plays along with herself. I've bumped into circles of trust fund kids various places, they're all doing a bunch of fake shit. Coasting through easy college classes, touring with their bands in shittier vans when they could just buy a new car, or in their dad's RV, making documentaries about dood sooper deep stuff and obsessing about stupid punk bands that nobody knows about for a reason.... shit like that is their lives. Without it they have no meaning in a world where 99% of the world has to actively work to build some worth to the rest of the world.

It's like little kids playing grown up, the alternative is getting a real job that will suck worse than their playtime job... I don't blame them for that
or admitting they're trust fund kids and don't even pretend to work. I'm sure all of them know they'll instantly lose respect from lots of people, wrong or right, the second they say they're just unemployed and having fun on daddy's dime. Who would work hard to earn a seat in some dilbertesque office like a normal person just so they don't lose face when stevie-startup self made millionaire asks them what they do?

I know what I'm gonna do....
I'm gonna be the first astronaut rapper
 
She seems like one of those chicks who looks hot far away and in pictures but when you're close enough to see through the 5 pounds of makeup you realize how completely fugly she really is. And even if she was as attractive as she thinks she is, she still has an ugly ass personality. I'm sure this has all been said before, but I just caught up with the thread and dayumn.
 
dabluearmedbandit said:
She seems like one of those chicks who looks hot far away and in pictures but when you're close enough to see through the 5 pounds of makeup you realize how completely fugly she really is. And even if she was as attractive as she thinks she is, she still has an ugly ass personality. I'm sure this has all been said before, but I just caught up with the thread and dayumn.
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No No you're fine, here's half a rotten cabbage if you need something to throw.
 
nad7155 said:
Money does not equal happiness.
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If you had enough to build an awesome life simulator it would make you happy unless there was something neurologically fucked in your head. I'm sure gloria is genuinely happy I'm sure her whole family loves life and money is the reason.
Also gloria's appearance is at least good enough for a stack of one dollar bills though the only reason she's a model is just being a young woman with time and access to a gym. Also money.
 
nad7155 said:
Money does not equal happiness.
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Money doesn't buy happiness, but it can buy you a speedboat which will take you to the private jet which will take you to Happiness Island, where you can drive your BMW to Castle Awesome, where you get to swim in the liquid money pool.

Sorry, but I don't agree with the premise. Sure, money in and of itself doesn't have any emotional value, but it can get you the freedom required to lead a happier life. Gloria is a great example. She bought a cocoon of lies for herself.
 
bradsternum said:
Money doesn't buy happiness, but it can buy you a speedboat which will take you to the private jet which will take you to Happiness Island, where you can drive your BMW to Castle Awesome, where you get to swim in the liquid money pool.

Sorry, but I don't agree with the premise. Sure, money in and of itself doesn't have any emotional value, but it can get you the freedom required to lead a happier life. Gloria is a great example. She bought a cocoon of lies for herself.
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Nope, Daddy did.
 
Vicious.ink3 said:
Money can't buy happiness, but it can make sucking a hell of a lot more comfortable.

Honestly, though, I agree and disagree with you both. Sure, Glo has all these advantages and privileges because she comes from a rich family and I don't think she's ever been told no and her life is pretty damn enviable... and will continue to be for the next five years or so.

Eventually, she's going to be a thirty year old woman with no discernable life skills and fading looks. She can't keep resting on the production of a handful of shitty books as an accomplishment. The "World's Youngest Novelist" tripe wasn't even cute when she was a little kid. She has wrecked any chance she could ever have had of getting work legitimately published no matter how good it is because she's earned a reputation for Maradonia and no agent would touch that with a twenty-foot pole. She's only gonna be pretty for so much longer before age takes over and the worst combination of her parents' features (which she barely keeps at bay now) become more prominent.

She might see a little bit of success as a model before then, but a model's shelf life in the fashion industry is laughably short. She might see Tommy Weiseu's success as an actress, but she'll never be a real one. She bought herself a decal star to stick on a prop slab for Walk of Fame in Hollywood.
[MEDIA=instagram]su9q3YLpcP[/MEDIA]She'll never have a real one.

Someday, she's going to have to stand on her own two feet because there is no way her parents have the kind of money to support her for the rest of their lives. She might marry rich and continue to live a charmed life as every faceless suburbanite trophy wife in the world before her. But she won't be a star. She won't be a celebrity and she won't be successful in these big dreams she has for herself. Money can't buy the kind of happiness she wants. She wants attention and acclaim and success and her kind of money can't buy that. I don't know why Kim Kardashian's kind of money could (she is so useless), but the Tesch's don't have that kind of money. So no, money can't buy her her dreams.
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I agree, she'll coast on her looks for as long as she can, but she has no useful skills and is unlikely to develop them since she thinks she's a famous writer already. It's sad really. My parents were (and are) wonderful, and encouraged me to express myself and try new things. But they taught me to have a realistic view of myself. Also they sent me to an actual school where I had to learn how to get along with people, and I wasn't told I could do no wrong. In short, I was exposed to the real world. Gloria didn't get that, and it will prove to be a crippling deficiency when she gets older and her parents aren't around to support her.
 
Audio cover.png


[Part 1]
[Part 2]
[Part 3]

I apologize for the long wait. Life got... interesting during the past couple of weeks. Anyway, with the completion of these chapters we are now a quarter of the way done with the book! I'd be ecstatic if this "novel" didn't suck all the life out of me as I read it.

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Chapter Twelve - Imaginations?
Thoughts: this chapter is so goddamn short even Connor would go, "no, it needs to be longer". I also have no idea how the chapter illustration relates to the actual content, but WHATEVER.

Coping mechanism: imagine yourself blacked out from over-zealous alcohol consumption. Yeah, you'd probably need to go to the hospital, but alcohol poisoning is less painful than enduring more of this book.

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Chapter Thirteen - Oraculus and the Prophecy
Thoughts: how many prophecies does one fantasy plot need? I swear to god, Glo-Glo, you don't need to have the same information about the fucking bridges repeated by more than one character! We got it the first time! I mean, shit, the title of your book tells us about the seven bridges up front!

Ok, I think this book is starting to get to me. I need to relax. Hey, did you know that I was basically yawning the entire time I recorded Oraculus' dialogue? Because at first he was a frog and, you know, they have big mouths so it kind of made sense, but then two seconds later he turns into an elf so...

Coping mechanism: tequila makes everything better. I know we should ration out tequila because there's supposed to be a shortage within the next few years, but right now we need its comfort.

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Chapter Fourteen - The Eagle Has Landed
Thoughts: from here on out we're going to be coming across a number of chapters with groan-inducing titles. This is another trademark of a juvenile writer. Gloria is tacking on these common phrases in an attempt at being clever, but she lacks the subtlety needed to effectively pull it off. Instead she just hits you over the face with the title and then screams "DO YOU GET IT?" from the recliner in the private jet that daddy rented.

Coping mechanism: in commemoration of the monstrous eye-bird I suggest ordering a Seven Sees from the shadiest bartender you can find.

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Chapter Fifteen - On The Wings Of The Eagle
Thoughts: that chapter title, I can't even.

Coping mechanism: pick yourself off the floor of the dive bar and order another Seven Sees. Because reasons.

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Chapter Sixteen - At The Poseidon Rock Plateau
Thoughts: this is it. This is the point where the plot officially begins to crash. It can no longer sustain its own bullshit and implosion is imminent.

I think this e-book is some kind of Frankenstein's monster creation that the Teschs cobbled together from various drafts and didn't give enough of a shit to maintain continuity. Joey talks about Abaddon, but he's never heard the name before. They mention that Oraculus told them to gather the "flint stones", yet the elf said no such thing. This is inexcusable for a published novel, and yet it's exactly what I expect from these people.

Coping mechanism: drink the beer chaser BEFORE you chug the Bloody Mary.

chap 17.png

Chapter Seventeen - Stuck In the Jungle
Thoughts: I guess I'm giving all the snakes pseudo-Russian accents now because I actually give a damn about continuity.

Joey has the machete out for two minutes before he begins to just fucking murder everything. He's such a hero.

Coping mechanism: I'm sorry, I just can't get over the fact that Joey collected his victim's severed head as a trophy. Jesus Christ.
 
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IJustWantToSeeAttachments said:
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Joey has the machete out for two minutes before he begins to just fucking murder everything. He's such a hero.

Coping mechanism: I'm sorry, I just can't get over the fact that Joey collected his victim's severed head as a trophy. Jesus Christ.
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Just wait until Queen Glo- er, Maya starts ordering mass executions without trial.
 
I did a little experiment last night, which involved a breathalyzer, a bottle of Fireball and a bottle of dry vermouth. I got myself hammered as I listened to the recordings, and measured my blood alcohol level as I got progressively more schnockered. At .162, chapter sixteen made sense, and at .199, I wanted to buy Maradonia and the Escape from the Underworld. My point in writing this is that, at .199% blood alcohol, you'll enjoy this series. /end sperg
 
ChuckSlaughter said:
I've bumped into circles of trust fund kids various places, they're all doing a bunch of fake shit. Coasting through easy college classes, touring with their bands in shittier vans when they could just buy a new car, or in their dad's RV, making documentaries about dood sooper deep stuff and obsessing about stupid punk bands that nobody knows about for a reason.... shit like that is their lives. Without it they have no meaning in a world where 99% of the world has to actively work to build some worth to the rest of the world.
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I had the pleasure of running into a girl from my high school who was exactly like this...parents built her up to be an Olympic hopeful figure skater until she fucked her knee up at a practice. She then used that trust fund to start her own non-profit for "up and coming" young entrepreneurs in Indianapolis to spread cultural diversity and awareness and invited me to join. I went expecting networking and discussion, and got treated to Burlesque Night.

I called her out on her bullshit, and the non-profit folded after two years. Worst part is I had a HUGE crush on her in HS, and she brushed me aside like I was nothing. Looking back on it, I'm much better off now than if I hooked up with her.
 
glutenfreebooty said:
I did a little experiment last night, which involved a breathalyzer, a bottle of Fireball and a bottle of dry vermouth. I got myself hammered as I listened to the recordings, and measured my blood alcohol level as I got progressively more schnockered. At .162, chapter sixteen made sense, and at .199, I wanted to buy Maradonia and the Escape from the Underworld. My point in writing this is that, at .199% blood alcohol, you'll enjoy this series. /end sperg
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So it makes sense at twice the legal limit to drive?

Seems legit.
 
glutenfreebooty said:
I did a little experiment last night, which involved a breathalyzer, a bottle of Fireball and a bottle of dry vermouth. I got myself hammered as I listened to the recordings, and measured my blood alcohol level as I got progressively more schnockered. At .162, chapter sixteen made sense, and at .199, I wanted to buy Maradonia and the Escape from the Underworld. My point in writing this is that, at .199% blood alcohol, you'll enjoy this series. /end sperg
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I have created a monster and it is beautiful.
 
I'm no gun expert, but it looks like that AR has both a reflex sight and an offset optical sight mounted on it. If she needs that much fancy sighting hardware to accurately hit a man-sized target at 30 meters, she probably isn't a remarkably good shot.
 
millais said:
I'm no gun expert, but it looks like that AR has both a reflex sight and an offset optical sight mounted on it. If she needs that much fancy sighting hardware to accurately hit a man-sized target at 30 meters, she probably isn't a remarkably good shot.
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I think her grip is wrong,also could be staged for photos.
 
Vicious.ink3 said:
And just when you thought Glo couldn't get an scarier...
[MEDIA=instagram]54-xl0rpX1[/MEDIA]
...Some idiot hands her an automatic weapon.
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Vapid, lascivious, fundie, and blithely unaware of how the former two contradict the third, and now she's got guns.

Any Florida stereotypes Gloria hasn't hit yet?
 
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