💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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For The Internet said:
Trust me, I have both kindle versions and an authentic Maradonia hardcover tome. Not worth it. You can see the pictures for free and the books are in the biggest print imaginable with the most obnoxious bolding and italicising possible. Unless it's purely as a lolcow trophy I wouldn't spend the cash. Although, I will say it's fun to open random pages and find a typo. There's always a typo. I have The Law of Blood btw, and bought it secondhand.
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A while back, I was browsing at one of my local used bookstores and I found a copy of "Maradonia and the Seven Bridges" for some nominal price (like, 5 bucks). Since it was signed, and since it was my only lolcowian artifact, I kind of had to buy it. And (there goes the neighborhood) when I put it on my fantasy bookshelf, it sits right between Rothfuss and Tolkien.

But, yeah, it's pretty terrible. 800 pages, printed in at least a 20 or 24-point font, with big ol' margins, strange page breaks/paragraph breaks and the oddest grammar and syntax. As an experiment , I just opened to a random page and read a paragraph:
Joey looked at the two disgruntled fishermen having a bad feeling in his stomach. "Are you the fishermen from the swamp?"
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Ummm, were the fishermen having a bad feeling in Joey's stomach? And didn't the omniscient narrator just say they were fishermen?

Classic.
 
Maradontia said:
Can you give a quick rundown of what happens after the events of the movie/the first book? I heard they get the child army to bathe in the invincible water and the Evil Empire runs away, then they go on a tour where everyone circlejerks about how great they are, then they return home and only a day has passed, then they go to school and Gloria/Maya gets beat down by Alana and her friends, but I never heard anything after that.
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That pretty much is the rundown to perfection. There's dumb shit where Maya and Joey have to do the seven bridges of temptations and tests but they include shit like running through fire while being told it was fake.

The two later books got transcribed here. I tried to do my best with the Dragon Riders but Joey becoming king of Tyronia and Maya becoming Aragorn + Eragorn in a week made my brain leak. There is a dumb romance with Joey and some hot princess and some jealous mermaid. Maya kisses some captain but goes off him later. Also she gains the ability to literally slaughter over 40 people while totally cloaked. Dragon Rider and the Law of Blood are fucking insane.
 
For The Internet said:
That pretty much is the rundown to perfection. There's dumb shit where Maya and Joey have to do the seven bridges of temptations and tests but they include shit like running through fire while being told it was fake.

The two later books got transcribed here. I tried to do my best with the Dragon Riders but Joey becoming king of Tyronia and Maya becoming Aragorn + Eragorn in a week made my brain leak. There is a dumb romance with Joey and some hot princess and some jealous mermaid. Maya kisses some captain but goes off him later. Also she gains the ability to literally slaughter over 40 people while totally cloaked. Dragon Rider and the Law of Blood are fucking insane.
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Remember what page the transcriptions are on? Otherwise I'll have to slog through 200 pages. I did save the audio book that a girl made of the first few chapters of 7 Bridges.
 
Maradontia said:
Remember what page the transcriptions are on? Otherwise I'll have to slog through 200 pages. I did save the audio book that a girl made of the first few chapters of 7 Bridges.
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I'm truly sorry, I can't right now. it's 2:30 and my sleeping tablets don't want to make my fingers co-operate. If I can find any synopses of any kind for you tomorrow I shall deliver, with perhaps a curt one of Dragon Fuckers myself. Too off my face with ambien right now if you'll forgive me.
 
For The Internet said:
Trust me, I have both kindle versions and an authentic Maradonia hardcover tome. Not worth it. You can see the pictures for free and the books are in the biggest print imaginable with the most obnoxious bolding and italicising possible. Unless it's purely as a lolcow trophy I wouldn't spend the cash. Although, I will say it's fun to open random pages and find a typo. There's always a typo. I have The Law of Blood btw, and bought it secondhand.
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Would you be able to convert the book into a PDF and send it to me? I need to see it to believe it.
 
Venus said:
Would you be able to convert the book into a PDF and send it to me? I need to see it to believe it.
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Don't have a scanner. I could maybe take phone photos of some of the better parts and send them, though. Right now it's sitting amidst Tolkien and A Song of Ice and Fire.
 
Maradontia said:
Also, what's with this cryptic tweet? Gloria is friends with anon? She likes Iron Maiden?
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There's no way anyone who could create that terrible "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" rap could be a Maiden fan. No freakin' way.

If Glo-Glo was going to claim to be a fan of any metal band, it would most likely be Metallica, since it's such a pop culture thing for celebs to be photographed wearing Metallica t-shirts.
 
Maradontia said:
As soon as Gerry gets enough investors. For only $500 you can get in on the ground floor of this project...

Also, what's with this cryptic tweet? Gloria is friends with anon? She likes Iron Maiden?

https://twitter.com/misfitopia/status/903116664757252096

http://archive.fo/jiryv
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This memes twisting my head. The lyrics aren't even the same genre as Iron Maiden, its La Roux. I think its some nobody Gloria orbiter tho? Who just tagged her in some nonsensical meme because he thought the girl in it looked like her?
 
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