💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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Ginger Piglet said:
Maradonia also has the music wanking over everything and the infamous "TASTE, OUR, POOOWWWWWAAAARRRRRSSSS??"
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Shittiest audio mix in the universe, and that's before we even get the terrible acting and terrible writing.

Meanwhile, the makers of Manos suddenly realised "oh, holy shit, this camera of ours doesn't record any audio whatsoever, so we need to actually re-record everything in studio." ...but at least they had competent actors plus Springtime-for-Hitler-bookkeeping plus director who, despite of slight financial setbacks, actually saw this thing through.
 
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Ashley Greene called. She wants her hair back.
 
Ginger Piglet said:
Maradonia also has the music wanking over everything and the infamous "TASTE, OUR, POOOWWWWWAAAARRRRRSSSS??"
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Nail on the head...The constant music is the worst thing about it IMO, there's music playing through like 95% of the movie, no exaggeration. It's so annoying that it lessens the joy of watching the movie for its lameness and that's saying something. Imagine if The Room had music playing over all of the "best" parts.

And yeah, the "Taste our powers!" part is probably the cringiest thing I've seen in any movie.

You're not supposed to feel bad for the actors when trying to watch a movie ironically and you're not supposed to be driven to insanity by the music. Maradonia fails not only as a legit movie (obviously) but also as a sobaditsgood movie.
 
Yawning Asperchu said:
Nail on the head...The constant music is the worst thing about it IMO, there's music playing through like 95% of the movie, no exaggeration. It's so annoying that it lessens the joy of watching the movie for its lameness and that's saying something. Imagine if The Room had music playing over all of the "best" parts.

And yeah, the "Taste our powers!" part is probably the cringiest thing I've seen in any movie.

You're not supposed to feel bad for the actors when trying to watch a movie ironically and you're not supposed to be driven to insanity by the music. Maradonia fails not only as a legit movie (obviously) but also as a sobaditsgood movie.
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I actually had to sit through the movie with my brother because otherwise, it's insufferable. Hell even Duck!Carbine Massacre was more watchable even though that film had similar camerawork done
 
I have spent the past week reading this thread, laughing, chasing links, reading sporkings, and was delighted to discover the movie as well.

Even after being pretty immersed in this story, I could only make it through 12 minutes before giving up. My hat is off to those who could watch it all.

I should try again with friends and alcohol but without the backstory for them, I'm guessing something would be missing, and I would get death stares for the screening.

I'm truly amazed that Gloria has still not learned to write one coherent sentence. That alone shows how self-centered she is-she's ignored all criticism over the years. You would think she could take an online grammar class or something, but no. She's right, everybody else is wrong.

Does anybody know what Gerry is doing now, or how he supported himself in the past? What type of "Dr." is he? (Or is he?). Somehow, I missed that part of the tale.
 
Barbarella said:
I have spent the past week reading this thread, laughing, chasing links, reading sporkings, and was delighted to discover the movie as well.

Even after being pretty immersed in this story, I could only make it through 12 minutes before giving up. My hat is off to those who could watch it all.

I should try again with friends and alcohol but without the backstory for them, I'm guessing something would be missing, and I would get death stares for the screening.

I'm truly amazed that Gloria has still not learned to write one coherent sentence. That alone shows how self-centered she is-she's ignored all criticism over the years. You would think she could take an online grammar class or something, but no. She's right, everybody else is wrong.

Does anybody know what Gerry is doing now, or how he supported himself in the past? What type of "Dr." is he? (Or is he?). Somehow, I missed that part of the tale.
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Let's look as some recent quotes from her Twitter.

https://twitter.com/GloriaTesch

"Some women are lost in the fire, some women are built from it"

Sounds like she's trying to make a "badass" motivational quote. I'm sure what she meant was something like "wood burns in the fire, steel is forged by it" to make herself sound as tough as steel, but she fucked it up since nothing is built by fire, especially not women.

Unless she's saying she's literally made of fire, but then why mix the analogy by comparing herself to women being immolated? Is she the one doing the metaphorical burning? Is the metaphor saying mean things, like some women are bullied, some women are the bullies? Is she calling herself the "hater" that she complains about so much? This quote just doesn't work.

Let's look at another.

"Before you play with fire, do think twice..."

Looks like she's on a fire kick. Now she IS the fire, again trying to make herself sound tough like she'll burn you. So I guess that clarifies that she is the "hater" here. Like if you mess with her she'll totally "own" you.

Look out, we got a badass here. Look what she did to SwankIvy. She fucks up "haters" by calling them "ratchet" in music videos.

Anyway, she took an old quote "play with fire and you get burned" and made it sound worse. The "do think twice" part makes her sound like she's British from the 18th century.
 
I can't put my finger on it, but I think there must be something really wrong with her when it comes to human interaction in real life.

Even fat ugly chicks get plenty of likes from thirsty lonely dudes. I could link thousands of examples but I really don't think I have to.

Gloria has her flaws, but she's nowhere near ugly, she's decent looking I think. What kind of cunt do you have to be to receive zero likes with a body like that? She also has 10k followers and some of them must be legit.

That's just crazy, how is it even possible? On a fucking twitter, where you get bombarded with compliments as long as you have 2 holes between your legs.
 
Buzzkill said:
Gloria has her flaws, but she's nowhere near ugly, she's decent looking I think. What kind of cunt do you have to be to receive zero likes with a body like that?
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It's her face. It has a constant expression of superciliousness on it. "Sorry guys, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am," it is saying.
 
Buzzkill said:
I can't put my finger on it, but I think there must be something really wrong with her when it comes to human interaction in real life.

Even fat ugly chicks get plenty of likes from thirsty lonely dudes. I could link thousands of examples but I really don't think I have to.

Gloria has her flaws, but she's nowhere near ugly, she's decent looking I think. What kind of cunt do you have to be to receive zero likes with a body like that? She also has 10k followers and some of them must be legit.

That's just crazy, how is it even possible? On a fucking twitter, where you get bombarded with compliments as long as you have 2 holes between your legs.
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You're right of course. Gloria is much hotter than women like Alison Rapp or Zoe Quinn who have tons of thirsty neckbeard followers. I guess it comes down to attention getting tactics. Most lolcows got their initial attention and subsequent following from being involved in controversies related to video games or other forms of pop culture that are popular on the internet, and choosing a side in controversial issues. Being a girl while talking about things like sexism, homophobia, or transphobia and being remotely associated with video games puts you on a side with feminists and SJWs and gets you a bunch of followers who agree with you and neckbeards who want to bang you.

Ms. Tesch here is only famous for writing a self published book that few people have heard of, and that was about a decade ago, so she's left with the niche of a few people making fun of it. Books usually don't generate much online controversy except for a few big name books that involve shipping anyway. Since the book never took off, the movie never took off. It hasn't even been released officially so it's even more niche than the book. Maybe if it became available and a popular online reviewer found it and ridiculed it she could get a Birdemic or Troll 2 level fandom (The Room is a bridge too far). Similarly, her music never took off since she didn't have enough fame or talent to get attention no matter how much she shook her ass in a bikini in that music video.

She's also conservative and not too vocal about it besides some general Trump support. She would need to say some extreme things on Twitter to Trump or another prominent politician to get conservative fans.

That leaves her with just being a mediocre model in a sea of online models, and the only work she's done is as obscure or shady as her book and movie. In short, she's just a nothingcheeseburger in a convertibuh.
 
Maradontia said:
Let's look as some recent quotes from her Twitter.

https://twitter.com/GloriaTesch

"Some women are lost in the fire, some women are built from it"

Sounds like she's trying to make a "badass" motivational quote. I'm sure what she meant was something like "wood burns in the fire, steel is forged by it" to make herself sound as tough as steel, but she fucked it up since nothing is built by fire, especially not women.

Unless she's saying she's literally made of fire, but then why mix the analogy by comparing herself to women being immolated? Is she the one doing the metaphorical burning? Is the metaphor saying mean things, like some women are bullied, some women are the bullies? Is she calling herself the "hater" that she complains about so much? This quote just doesn't work.

Let's look at another.

"Before you play with fire, do think twice..."

Looks like she's on a fire kick. Now she IS the fire, again trying to make herself sound tough like she'll burn you. So I guess that clarifies that she is the "hater" here. Like if you mess with her she'll totally "own" you.

Look out, we got a badass here. Look what she did to SwankIvy. She fucks up "haters" by calling them "ratchet" in music videos.

Anyway, she took an old quote "play with fire and you get burned" and made it sound worse. The "do think twice" part makes her sound like she's British from the 18th century.
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She has all these "me strong woman fire" quotes because she took photos in a skimpy dress in front of a fireplace. She's been posting photos of her in that dress for over a week. She needs an excuse to say "Don't I look hot with the fire in the background" and these quotes are the best she can do. She'd have done better to take established quotes with the word fire in them (like the one you pointed out) because everything off her fingertips is nonsensical mush.

Even when she does a picture of salsa and chips, she can't be clear, " When I drink Margaritas and eat Tacos, it reminds me of that one time I went to Cancun for spring break"

Tacos capitalized, "that one time" ...even a simple sentence is twisted up, rather than "Margaritas and tacos remind me of Cancun. "

I'd hate to be in tortured brain.

And yeah, not a lot of thirsty comments which does seem odd. She has her charms.
 
Gook Choy said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=BFZTTEBuC34
I cut out all the needless self-aggrandizing exceptionalism and pointless storytelling (if you can call it that) down to the core of the story which is...15 minutes long. Should tell you a lot why the books and the movie are a lot like listening to a rambling schizophrenic. Enjoy.
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Nice work, but it still makes little sense. I would cut the beginning with Maya and Joey being chased and move it to when it chronologically takes place (after the dwarf part I believe). You need to put back in the beach part to show the transition from the real world to Maradonia. You also need to put back in the dwarf and meeting Oraculus. Also the pool of blood and maybe a very short version of the banquet. The backstory of Appollyon can be cut altogether.

Love the new soundtrack, btw.
 
Gook Choy said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=BFZTTEBuC34
I cut out all the needless self-aggrandizing exceptionalism and pointless storytelling (if you can call it that) down to the core of the story which is...15 minutes long. Should tell you a lot why the books and the movie are a lot like listening to a rambling schizophrenic. Enjoy.
Click to expand...

It still doesn't make sense but the music is much better. And since I couldn't really get through the other version, at least this way I could see some of the more notable scenes and end with my mind intact.

Excellent job.
 
Maradontia said:
Nice work, but it still makes little sense. I would cut the beginning with Maya and Joey being chased and move it to when it chronologically takes place (after the dwarf part I believe). You need to put back in the beach part to show the transition from the real world to Maradonia. You also need to put back in the dwarf and meeting Oraculus. Also the pool of blood and maybe a very short version of the banquet. The backstory of Appollyon can be cut altogether.

Love the new soundtrack, btw.
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Oh, trust me. This was not cut as a Maradonia movie. As far as anyone is concerned, the story begins with some old dude reading a story to a class about two random ass kids lost in a foreign land ruled by a stroke victim, are instantly showered with praised by complete strangers, saved by supernatural forces because "reasons" and given prizes for existing. It might as well be a YouTube Poop but at least it's more coherent.
 
Gook Choy said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=BFZTTEBuC34
I cut out all the needless self-aggrandizing exceptionalism and pointless storytelling (if you can call it that) down to the core of the story which is...15 minutes long. Should tell you a lot why the books and the movie are a lot like listening to a rambling schizophrenic. Enjoy.
Click to expand...
Maradonia is a prime example as to why you NEVER publish a first draft: you should, at minimum, have three drafts before you consider publishing it at all.

Slight powerlevel but I have a novel that I've been working on since I was 17 and it's still not even ready for publishing- even though I'm on the fourth draft.
 
Yawning Asperchu said:
Maradonia fails not only as a legit movie (obviously) but also as a sobaditsgood movie.
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Respectfully disagree; it's a trashy masterpiece.

However, it is a movie best reserved for a group setting, preferably a group that's a healthy mix of so-bad-it's-good aficionados and people who still have faith in basic tenets of cinema.
 
Henry Bemis said:
Respectfully disagree; it's a trashy masterpiece.

However, it is a movie best reserved for a group setting, preferably a group that's a healthy mix of so-bad-it's-good aficionados and people who still have faith in basic tenets of cinema.
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I must half-agree. I think it could be fun watching it with some sobaditsgood aficionados, or seeing something like a 20 minute Cinema Snob review of it.
 
Barbarella said:
Does anybody know what Gerry is doing now, or how he supported himself in the past? What type of "Dr." is he? (Or is he?). Somehow, I missed that part of the tale.
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As a young man, Gunter/Gerry started off in West Germany as a youth preacher, spreading the gospel via guitar and song, making bank by selling records of his Christian music and religious pamphlets. Some of his old songs can still be found on Youtube.
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After immigrating to the US, he attended a Christian diploma mill university where he got an unaccredited doctorate in some kind of theology thing. Before marrying Marina, the mail order Russian bride, he opened a few Christian publishing companies and bookstores in Florida, which was his main scam for a long time, soliciting donations and investors while producing little but missionary pamphlets/videos and self-published junk from him and his group of cronies. After the Christian publishing circles in Florida figured out his scam, he was ostracized from the business, losing much of his revenue, and it was either during or after that period that he started a more dangerous scam: real estate fraud. To delay foreclosure of their properties, Gunter and Marina kept flipping ownership of their properties back and forth between the two of them to stay one step ahead of the bank, and this got them into big legal trouble around the time of their divorce (which I believe was due to Gunter's domestic abuse of Marina, though money/legal trouble certainly could have been a part of it).

Simultaneous to the legal trouble with the the fraud and the collapse of his Christian publishing company scams, Gunter sunk much of his remaining money into the production of Gloria's music videos and especially the Maradonia film, which was why Gunter was so desperate to find distributors at the trade show in California where the screener of the film was obtained and finally shared here. Right now Gunter is no longer living with Marina and Gloria. I think the real estate case is still in the court system, but the divorce is for sure done.
 
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