💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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WWWWolf said:
A brief reminder of Sturgeon's Law: 90% of fantasy/scifi/horror is crap, because 90% of all media is crap. :)
Personally, as a speculative fiction fan and as someone who tries to write this stuff too, I think it's always necessary for the authors to strive to look for interesting new ideas. The danger of ending up writing boring derivative crud is not a new threat by any means.
(Straying a little bit offtopic, I guess, but hey.)
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I am a big fan of so-called 'genre' fiction, just not high fantasy. Personally, I enjoy reading/writing horror fantasy in the vein of Clive Barker (not to say I'm as good as Barker, but he's got the horror fantasy niche cornered, so he's the best comparison.)

The problem is that the publishing companies LOOK for crap that will fit into pre-existing markets. "Divergent" (perfect name) is a great example. "Hm. Hunger Games is still making bank. Bone Season is making bank. Harry Potter still has weight. Twilight and Fifty Shades still sell. Why not make a combination of all of these, and, as a bonus, the author is 25, making people cry 'we found a prodigy!'"

When Harry Potter was top dog, we had "Charlie Bone," "Secrets of Droon," and a number of other Harry Potter knock-offs. Nature of the beast.

OH GOD THIS IS GOOD:
http://www.gloriatesch.com

Check out the photoshopped picture of her singing in front of a crowd.
 
Personally, I can't wait until Gloria takes the inevitable stab at urban fantasy or paranormal romance. Both of those genres still have legs (although UF is getting pretty stale too, at least in the vampire area), and she can emphasize how grown-up she now is by penning her first graphic sex scene.
 
Henry Bemis said:
Recent work:

[Barely legal boobs]
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One I would like ask is this: Does anyone think they might be fake? Some part of me says that the model in Tesch probably used surgery or something like that.
 
Ahah, yeah, I thought I wanted to be a fantasy author once. I realized it was derivative LotR shit (except godawful) and nuked it all. I was also twelve. Now I don't know what I want to write except it's got a very definite sci fi flavor. It's probably godawful too though.
 
Gloria’s latest endeavors has been creating music. Her rap name GOLDILOCKS is becoming well known in the music industry.
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First GOLDILOCKS tried a writing career but it was too hard.
Then GOLDILOCKS tried the music industry but she was too small.
Third GOLDILOCKS tried to model but she was too dull.
Then GOLDILOCKS tried the film industry but she was too stupid.

Finally GOLDILOCKS tried spending her parents money on the rave scene and it was juuuuust right!!!!~!!
 
littlebiscuits said:
GloTesh said said:
Gloria’s latest endeavors has been creating music. Her rap name GOLDILOCKS is becoming well known in the music industry.
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As demonstrated by the large number of glamor shots on the page, which outnumber the videos on the page 14/4. Because music is a medium comprised mostly of still images.

"The main goal is to inspire others to follow their dreams."

Up until they stop working. Then you change 'em.
 
God said:
Ahah, yeah, I thought I wanted to be a fantasy author once. I realized it was derivative LotR shit (except godawful) and nuked it all. I was also twelve. Now I don't know what I want to write except it's got a very definite sci fi flavor. It's probably godawful too though.
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WROTE A NOVEL WHEN YOU WERE TWELVE? SHIT! CALL RANDOM HOUSE! WE HAVE A PRODIGY. MARKET! MARKET! MARKET! MARKETTTTT!
 
littlebiscuits said:
First GOLDILOCKS tried a writing career but it was too hard.
Then GOLDILOCKS tried the music industry but she was too small.
Third GOLDILOCKS tried to model but she was too dull.
Then GOLDILOCKS tried the film industry but she was too stupid.

Finally GOLDILOCKS tried spending her parents money on the rave scene and it was juuuuust right!!!!~!!
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You win >9000 Intarwebz.

BTW how comes everything that is more or less able to breathe wants to be a rapper nowadays?
 
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What intrigues me about Gloria is how she's one of the few lolcows who seem to have ample financial means at their disposal.

Imagine Borb throwing huge sums at their offspring in order to turn Sonichu into a feature-length film. It' so weird and disproportionate how Mr. and Mrs. Tesch literally drain their savings account to turn their daughter into a superstar. Sadly, they only turn her into a spoiled, greedy, deluded brat :(

This just cracks me up:

good-16.jpg
 
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bradsternum said:
WROTE A NOVEL WHEN YOU WERE TWELVE? SHIT! CALL RANDOM HOUSE! WE HAVE A PRODIGY. MARKET! MARKET! MARKET! MARKETTTTT!
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I COULDA MADE LIKE MILLIONS.

I only got a few chapters in before deleting that shit.
 
Another 12 year old prodigy here. Mine didn't even have the dignity of a Tolkien rip off. I Mary Sue'd myself into a popular '80s science fiction TV miniseries. It had an interesting twist in character development, in that all of the women wanted me and all of the men wanted to be my friend, particularly after I saved each one of their lives.
 
Saney said:
I just wrote Super Mario Bros...in space.

Throw money at me.
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Whatever the currency of Australia is, I throw it right at you, plus Shrek will come to you tonight for you are ogre just like him.
 
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