💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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Muscle Bra said:
There's one thing you need to keep in mind: Glo-Glo (and/or her family) wants to be famous. That's it. She will pursue any activity she possibly can that the Team Tesch publicity machine can spin to meet that goal:
  • She gets photographed for something and that picture is used in a promotion? She's a model.
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Well, I do know that's how she thinks. But quite a few people in this thread seem to believe she's really a model now, because she posts so many pictures, so I figured there's no harm in making a slightly spergy industry post.

If you guys are sad about not seeing Maradonia, you can always watch "A place for Lily", a moving short film with Gloria in a supporting role of Shiny Vengeance Ghost. Can't link on my phone, but it's on youtube.
 
Vicious.ink3 said:
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Guys! Guys! GUYS!!!!

Florida Kiwis, please take one for the team here! I need to live vicariously through anyone who has the opportunity to see this film.
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Here's the cinema's homepage: http://www.britton8.com/

Also, someone considers it one of the "10 most haunted spots in Tampa".

For unknown reasons, random spirits have allegedly been seen in this theater. Ladies’ room doors have opened and closed randomly, voices have been heard throughout the halls, and some have been reportedly seen on the balcony and in auditorium 3.

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But anyway:

Shout JULLLAAAAYYYYY every time:
  • you see obvious stock video mass scenes.
  • the word "prophecy" is mentioned.
  • someone speaks in a ridiculously over-dramatic tone.
  • crappy stock CGI dragons are to be seen.
  • ditto for mega-cheap stock CGI special effects.
  • when the "MAAARAAAAADOOONIAAAA MAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAADOOOOOOONIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAA" chant is to be heard.
  • actors appear that look like crack addicted Jersey Shore rejects.
  • someone utters some incredibly trite "wisdom" such as "The failure to prepare is the preparation to fail".
  • Gloria's mermaid tail appears.
  • ravens are mentioned.
  • dat albino snake appears.
  • leopard print clothing is seen.
  • the Mall Goth Witches appear.
  • Joey's mouth stands open.
  • Gloria/Maya slaps/chastises Joey.
  • Rasta Wizard appears.
  • Gloya quotes the bible or proselytizes.
  • Pathetic attempts at pyrotechnics.
  • Birdemic-style birds appear.
  • Gloya pants with excitement.
  • Jack T. Chick-style hell is shown.
  • "I declare our council as inaugurated" and similar semantic/grammatical/stylistic disasters.
  • Ghetto Witch makes an appearance.
  • Snakes are put in mouths.
  • Pathetic attempts at space art (lame looking stars/planets/galaxies etc.)

 
DrJonesHat said:
Young adults are just having these thoughts for the first time, so they erroneously conclude that no one has ever had these thoughts before. I did the same thing when I was 21. Lots of people did. Her particular strain is an example of the Just World Fallacy. Teenagers often feel invulnerable, but by early adulthood, most people wake up to the fact that they too, are mortal and at some point, they will die. This is terrifying to some, and the idea that nothing bad will happen to you if you don't deserve it is a comforting lie to cling to. The "everything happens for a reason" is one of the more obnoxious bits of magical thinking that floats around, and I shouldn't have to point out that, no, sometimes, shit just happens. She'll figure it out probably. She's 21-22. Getting out of her hugbox will help, but eventually, the real world will get through her bubble and punch her in the face (I'm being metaphorical here, but given her ego, it's possible she pisses someone off to the point they actually punch her in the face literally).
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I'll just add that while re-watching Maradonia's book launch hype video (still lulzy since the day it dropped), the line "Everything happens for a reason" is said by one of the characters, so it seems like she's been holding on to that magical thinking since 15. Make of that what you will.
 
Dammit out of all the times they could have done this, they choose to do it when I'm out of the country.

Had I known about this I would have put our plans on hold for a few days at least and done a stopover in Floriduh just to see this monstrosity.

If any Kiwis are going, find out if they're selling any DVDs. If they are, and they're like $20.00 or something get me one and we'll figure out a way to ship it to me.
 
I'll wait for someone to rip it and post it to youtube. It may take some time, but it will happen, I'm sure.
 
One more example of the cognitive dissonance of Team Tesch: the advertisement for the screening mentions the "Directors Version." Ignoring the lack of apostrophe, "director's cut" implies an edit different from the one originally released that the director would have preferred be shown instead. There was no previous release! Why was this phrase added? Without any regard for, or understanding of, context or meaning, they just seem to vomit up and toss in any words they think sound good or impressive or desirable. I'd like to propose the phrase "Tesch Salad" for this general practice. Also, for anyone who cares to know more details, very easy to call the Britton 8 and ask the cost to rent a theater to screen your own film. Florida area code may seem less suspicious for this. In the aftermath of this screening, I'm fully expecting to see phrases like "Standing Room Only" and "Box Office Smash," so it also might be informative to call the theater minutes before the screening and, desperation in your voice, say you're running late and are any seats still available?
 
Tom B Jobe said:
One more example of the cognitive dissonance of Team Tesch: the advertisement for the screening mentions the "Directors Version." Ignoring the lack of apostrophe, "director's cut" implies an edit different from the one originally released that the director would have preferred be shown instead. There was no previous release!
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Technically there was. It was a couple months ago and I think they screened it in a church or something insignificant like that.

My guess is they got some feedback from, possibly before they actually found a distributor, and now armed with all this they've got a new version of the movie that may or may not be different than the original. Not that it really matters. You can polish a turd until it's all bright and shiny but doesn't change the fact that it's still a lump of shit.
 
I'm a Florida kiwi, but I'm a solid five and a half hours away from Tampa.
Can one of the Florida fam come through?

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Gloria, I'm gonna need you to put some more effort into stealing photos.
 
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