💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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Stress Sigh said:
She has some fugly legs and feet just saying.
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At the risk of being a total bitch, that whole picture of Glo has very horsey vibe to it.

Jesus christ, Gloria. Watch some America's Next Top Model and pick up some tips or something if you insist on pushing this whole model thing.
 
For The Internet said:
At the risk of being a total bitch, that whole picture of Glo has very horsey vibe to it.

Jesus christ, Gloria. Watch some America's Next Top Model and pick up some tips or something if you insist on pushing this whole model thing.
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I believe if she stopped smiling with her teeth she could lower the horse vibe from an 8 to a 6 and if she wore more conservative pants and shoes she could luckily be a 4 on the horse meter. Also something about her arms seem warped.
 
For The Internet said:
Jesus christ, Gloria. Watch some America's Next Top Model and pick up some tips or something if you insist on pushing this whole model thing.
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Well, Glo-Glo's belief that everything she does is perfect and doesn't need improved upon is kind of what makes her a lolcow, isn't it? (Which, come to think of it, kind of reminds me of another famous lolcow...)

If she took some modeling classes that taught her posture and how to hold her hands, her photos wouldn't be so awkward. If she had a real drama coach, her onscreen deliveries wouldn't be so stiff and robotic. If she took a creative writing class or studied English composition, her writing would be better (or, at least, less worse).

Once again, Glo-Glo not only expects to be famous but expects the fame to come to her without her needing to put in the time or effort to prepare for it. (Which *also* reminds me of another famous lolcow...)
 
Damocles_Sword said:
looks like a couple of sleazy porn producers or strip club owners to me.
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I'm pretty sure the guy on the right (complete with the bad hairpiece) is Daddy Tesch so ... you're not far off.

I'm guessing the guy on the left is either a last-chance film distributor or some sort of investor/agent. As I previously mentioned (before the French took the site down) Dr. Gerry had better be careful -- while he may have had some success as a grifter, those Hollywood types (and even the wannabes) make a living screwing people over on a whole different level.

And -- while I still think Glo-Glo is going to end up doing porn in a last-ditch effort to become famous -- it's far too early. She still has her delusions of success with Maradonia and, if that doesn't work out, she has her modeling and rapping careers to fall back on. Wishful-thinking neckbeard I may be, but Glo-Glo is going to need to suffer a few more big rejections before that becomes an option.
 
If she ever manages to move to California she might have better luck scraping up something in Hollywood, and I do mean scraping up. If she has no real marketable skills or talent she won't exactly have people lining up to hire her.
If all else fails, I still think she could fall back on moving to Turlock and becoming an onion farmer.
 
MerriedxReldnahc said:
If she ever manages to move to California she might have better luck scraping up something in Hollywood, and I do mean scraping up. If she has no real marketable skills or talent she won't exactly have people lining up to hire her.
If all else fails, I still think she could fall back on moving to Turlock and becoming an onion farmer.
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If she can get in with The Asylum, she'll be Just fine.
 
Muscle Bra said:
Well, Glo-Glo's belief that everything she does is perfect and doesn't need improved upon is kind of what makes her a lolcow, isn't it? (Which, come to think of it, kind of reminds me of another famous lolcow...)

If she took some modeling classes that taught her posture and how to hold her hands, her photos wouldn't be so awkward. If she had a real drama coach, her onscreen deliveries wouldn't be so stiff and robotic. If she took a creative writing class or studied English composition, her writing would be better (or, at least, less worse).

Once again, Glo-Glo not only expects to be famous but expects the fame to come to her without her needing to put in the time or effort to prepare for it. (Which *also* reminds me of another famous lolcow...)
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Gloria is one of those unfortunate people who can't be helped by acting classes.

Part of being 'good' at acting is instinctively knowing how to deliver a line. It's hard to explain, but it's like you read a line in a script and you instantly hear in your head how it should be delivered and you're able to give that delivery.

Gloria's deliveries tell me she has no understanding of how to read lines in a natural way. That's not something that can be taught, it's innate. Either you can do it, or you can't act. Acting seems simple, but like singing or drawing, it's not something everyone can do.

I saw a lot of Glorias when I was in the industry. That is to say, pretty girls who knew they were pretty and aspired to be actors because they wanted to be famous. Not a single one ever got actual work. Sometimes they'd get hired as extras (like girls in music videos or background in film/tv) but none of them ever got a single real job. She's also high maintenance with stage parents, and that sends industry people running for the hills.
 
Agree with Jesus on every single point, but what makes Gloria's prospects even worse is that at many Hollywood parties, the most beautiful girl you ever saw growing up in your city would be the least attractive girl there. The town is full of elevens, so if like Gloria you're not close to that and you're a lousy actress to boot, you won't ever get hired for anything.
 
For The Internet said:
I saw a lot of Glorias when I was in the industry. That is to say, pretty girls who knew they were pretty and aspired to be actors because they wanted to be famous.
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As you can see in any of those "celebrities without makeup" tabloid covers, appearance is not that important, outside of a few shockingly gorgeous humans, and Gloria isn't one of those. She's prostitute hot, not celebrity hot.
 
Trying to recreate another post that was lost during our French friends' recent purge...

These may have already been posted, but here are two more interesting websites designed to stroke Glo-Glo's ego:

First off, is Glo-Glo's IMDB page, which lists her as having appeared in two different short films, but not Maradonia. The bio (which was written by Glo-Glo and contains numerous grammatical/syntactical errors) starts off with a nice sentence fragment "Gloria Tesch is a young aspiring writer. But has also worked in the field of directing, producing, modeling and acting" and ends with "Earning a title in the film industry..." Ummm, exactly what title would that be, Glo-Glo?
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm5338566/

The other website is the (now expired and failed) Indiegogo page for Maradonia. The best part of this are the various donor perks offered by the Family Tesch, which include paying $2000 for a speaking part in the movie (Artistic integrity? What artistic integrity?) and paying $5000 to "build your credits as Executive Producer of the movie on iMDb". (Which, grammatically speaking, implies that there is a movie on IMDB.) I just can't believe people weren't lining up for these opportunities...
 
This special event was so special that I don't even know what it was, tee hee!

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So she is tentatively trying out the dangerhair look, I see.
 
Muscle Bra said:
Trying to recreate another post that was lost during our French friends' recent purge...

These may have already been posted, but here are two more interesting websites designed to stroke Glo-Glo's ego:

First off, is Glo-Glo's IMDB page, which lists her as having appeared in two different short films, but not Maradonia. The bio (which was written by Glo-Glo and contains numerous grammatical/syntactical errors) starts off with a nice sentence fragment "Gloria Tesch is a young aspiring writer. But has also worked in the field of directing, producing, modeling and acting" and ends with "Earning a title in the film industry..." Ummm, exactly what title would that be, Glo-Glo?
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm5338566/
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The Best part ??
Gloria directed parts of the film- "Maradonia and the Seven Bridges" (2013), as well as acted as the main role "Maya".
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that right it was to be released in 2013 so it only 2 years and bit over due... As for Glo-Glo title daddy likely said "You are my Princess" which she took to mean she is the Princess of movie just like she is a Best Selling Author.

also her Goodread author page
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2880005.Gloria_Tesch
one of the better lines
One of Gloria's friends wrote, "Gloria's novels captivated me from the first page and did not let go until the last. Gloria is so talented that the reader believes everything is possible in the Land of Maradonia. I wonder what kind of literature this 15 year old author will produce in the coming years."
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Long Sun said:
also her Goodread author page
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2880005.Gloria_Tesch
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I don't think I've seen this one before -- more Maradonia awesomeness! And another borderline incoherent quote from our little valedictorian. Seriously, how can you make this many mistakes in less than two sentences?
With such a young age, Gloria is able to straddle between the world of surreal adventure and the world of page-turning mainstream adventure and connects the ordinary, natural world with the supernatural world with unexpected twists and absolutely surprising results. Gloria is currently writing her next Trilogy of three novels...
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  1. With such a young age?
  2. Straddling between two worlds?
  3. What is the difference between a world of surreal adventure and a supernatural world?
  4. Aren't the mainstream world and the ordinary, natural world the same world?
  5. Unexpected twists and surprising results are pretty much the same.
  6. Umm, by definition, a "trilogy" is a set of three.
Redundant much, Glo-Glo?
 
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